It's not JUST about the clothes, or is it?

[SophiaRose]

I recently starting seeing a therapist to help me understand my crossdressing so I could come out to my family eventually. Her initial comment was one I've heard many times before (to paraphrase): "Society is too hung up on gender specific clothing. Women can wear men's clothes without consequences but men can't dress in a more feminine way without causing a stir". I find this initial observation very supportive and a nice ice breaker at best. If this was all that we, as crossdressers, wanted, we'd probably be satisfied wearing a dress, hose, heels, jewelry and perhaps some makeup. Many of us don't feel complete, or validated, however unless we are also wearing shape wear, panties, bra, breast forms and a wig. While these undergarments may help us to fill out the clothing properly, they also provide a much deeper connection to who we are internally IMO. Is it just about the clothes for you - or do the clothes, and everything else, satisfy a greater need? Is my therapists observation just a nice comment or do you think the well meaning in society sees us this way?

[Kris Burton]

I am in no way shape or form a therapist, but I agree with you. The remarks sounds like a good conversation starter, and maybe were designed to be exactly that. I certainly think crossdressing satisfies a greater need, obviously you do too or you wouldn't feel the need to seek a greater understanding of it. Only you can be sure, but perhaps this therapist is not as well versed in these things as you need right now...only time and a few more sessions will tell.

[Brynna M]

I will speak for myself when I say it is not just about the clothes. To grossly over simplify it is my view of the entire feminine aesthetic I?m reaching for. Hair curves scents makeup and clothing?. Women are pretty and elegant and flirty and fun in ways i just don?t see men in general or my self n particulate being. If I can look the part and fake the part I hope I can feel what I admiring about women from the outside.

[audreyinalbany]

My initial thought is that your therapist doesn't have much experience with crossdressers. There is a difference between 'wearing women's clothes' and 'dressing LIKE a woman."

[Fiona_44]

For some it is just about the clothes, for some it is different. Everyone has their own needs and wants, we are all different. For me it is not just about the clothes, it is about my living as a woman and being accepted by society as a transgender woman.

[lisa92268]

Hi Sophia! I went through the same thing with my therapist initially. It?s a great ice breaker. She used it to put me at ease and to make me feel like I?m not doing anything wrong (ie breaking laws, doing anything illegal or physically harmful). She allowed me to go deeper into the issue and examine what really makes me like and want this. I think it?s an extremely supportive statement used to build trust and help you to open up. It did for me! For some, it may be just the clothes. For others, including me, it?s so much more. Open dialogue with the therapist sure helps with trying to understand and feel better about yourself. For me, it helped relieve the shame, guilt and other things that made me feel like I was bad or doing something wrong. It?s been a tremendous help with opening up communication with my wife as well.
I?m sure if you stick with it, Sophia, youll have much more to share!

[Angela Marie]

In my soul I see myself as a woman and my personality is such. Dressing identifies us as either male or female so of course I like to dress in female clothes. But my feelings run much deeper than my wardrobe.

[docrobbysherry]

There's one huge difference, Sophia:

I've yet to hear of a woman who was turned on wearing men's things!:straightface:

And, very few, if any, men who weren't at one time or another when dressing in women's!:o

[Geena75]

A number of years ago, I started a thread on the question that if men's fashions included nylons, heels, skirts & dresses, would you still want to present as a woman. A large share of the responses indicated that what they liked was to look feminine. Now that I have accomplished going out in that mode, I would have to agree. For me, just the clothes is not enough.

[Terrihoney]

I'm greatly bothered by the notion that 'women cross dress all the time'. Just because a woman wears comfortable jeans and flannel shirt, she does not seek to use the Men's washroom, hope to pass as male, or expect to be called 'Sir'. Her clothing is cut to fit a female form. Cross dressing is more than clothing. It's taking on the persona of the gender portrayed. The clothing, undergarments, and mannerisms, add up to specific gender identity.
In past times when men wore frilly clothing and heeled shoes, they were still regarded as men.
Your therapist is making you feel good so you'll pay for more sessions. You enjoy/need to dress as a woman. Accept and embrace that. There is no 'why', it just is.

Terri

[Judy-Somthing]

When I dress fully, I get a feeling better than any other in my life. Better than sex, drinking, pot, etc.
It's sad my wife is making sure I'll never dress again.
My Dad always said (when you think things are bad, think of people whose lives are so much worse).
That helps a little but, not completely
ARRRRRRRRRRRR.

[kimdl93]

I think you should discuss this with your therapist. In my experience, a therapist will be empathetic and supportive, but will also try to help his/her patient deal with realities.

[TiffanyKisses]

I'm so sorry about that. You are beautiful en femme

[DanielleDubois]

In the beginning it was mainly about the clothes and how they felt and looked. Now it is important that I also temporarily feel and look as much like woman as possible by tucking, creating clevage etc. before going back to my perfectly content in male existence.

I do agree with others that perhaps the therapist does not have a lot of experience with crossdressing to understand what a wide range the crossdressing spectrum is.

[Lilly Diadem]

For many years I've told myself that it was just about the clothes and that was almost becoming acceptable to both me and after a while my SO and dressing freely at home was a regular occurrence.
The desire to experiment further and push boundaries caused me to retract and temporarily cease all activity as what I began to discover frightened me and shattered the illusion that was just about clothes.
At one point my SO told me that she knew I wasn't gay but thought that I wanted to be a woman and not just dress like one as it wasn't and could never be enough.
For a while we had a lot of fun living out bedroom fantasies as two girls and probably still could if I hadn't got so inside my own head, over analysed everything the stopped due to guilt.

Regardless of that it is more than just the clothes for me and ideally I'm looking for a completely immersive feminine experience and in an ideal (albeit unrealistic) World, one that I could stay in permanently.

[prene]

wow,

I think it is different for each of us.
I have a therapist also, for me I do not feel complete unless I wearing shape wear, breast forms, corset, and I am tucked well.
I can wear male clothing but I feel feminine. I am not sure how to explain it well.

My therapist is great and supportive also

[SylphDevine]

fjEHFWEU

[JesseVF]

My very first sentence to my therapist was not about clothes but body shape. Clothes are only part of the picture as most are saying. She was supportive no matter what we talked about. Yours should be also as you continue your conversations - if not find another.

[Georgina]

For me it is mostly about the clothes. I only wear skirts and dresses but I do wear all the underwear options. I wear makeup and a wig sometimes just to complete the look and if I am visiting cd friends. I don't like putting on makeup. As far as my feminine side goes I do not have a separate one. I am me all the time and act the same in both modes except for differences dictated by the clothes.

[Debbie Denier]

I agree with Judy completely. Its the full experience that makes it.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I do the Wigs, clothing, makeup, the whole bit, as I am NOT becoming a female version of myself, but an entire new being. Thats the idea, to be as much "not me" as I can be and break the connection. They I am separated from my worries, troubles and obligations, and am someone else entirely, even a different gender. This allows me to entirely de-stress and relax completely. And also enjoy the good feelings of "being pretty" and the erotic effect as a bonus.

[alwayshave]

Nominations, it is not just about the clothes. I want to feel and act girly.

[Niccar]

To me it?s the feeling of femininity that engulfs me.

[Cassie2024]

There is a lot to unpack here. I feel it all depends where you may be on your gender journey and while we are of similar experiences, each of us are different, at different times of our lives. For me in the beginning, I felt it was all about the clothes, the taboo, the naughtiness of wearing: devil: But as I continued to dress, and found I could not stop, and more importantly DID NOT WANT to STOP, I realized there was more to this dressing. i began to recognize how I felt when i dressed, and how much I was beginning to always want to feel those feelings, i.e. feelings of femininity, of connection to a more grounded me, the feeling of being special, and the rejection of the masculinity I was always trying to prove, cultivate, prove, not violate. After seeing a therapist, I recognized, solidified, the reality of my gender duality. In addition, just how strong and sometimes dominate is my feminine essence. How much I love releasing claim to my masculine side, but also how much I do value my masculine side. But knowing I my masculinity is not as other males, and I am feminine in a very basic and foundational way. The next step, what do I do with this newfound revelation... or do I do anything at all. Doing nothing, I found is not an option as becoming aware of self means you will go forward differently as you were before, you have too. ...Sandy, you must start anew, don't you know what you must do, hold your head high, take a deep breath and sigh, Goodbye to Sandra Dee....:love:

[CynthiaD]

For me, it’s not just about the clothes. To me, male clothing is a uniform that I wear to perform certain tasks. Like everyone who wears a uniform, police officers, soldiers, and such, I take off my uniform when my tasks are finished, and put on my regular clothes (female clothing). No big thrill. I consider myself to be female, and I prefer to wear gender-appropriate clothing.

[Skipper]

What a terrific question. I am on this journey -- albeit very slowly and very late -- because I know I have a feminine side and it is emerging more and more. Not sure yet if it's gender, sexuality or just fashion. Maybe a bit of each. But it's somewhat scary and very exciting at the same time.

[Stephanie47]

I have never gone to a therapist for anything cross dressing related. I always skirted the issue. However, while discussing issues of combat related PTSD over ten years the issue of sexual identity has been discussed, mainly about some friends and acquaintances who are homophobic and worse. She is of the opinion that each man and woman has some genetic material of the opposite birth sex; In some it is more than others. Sort of made sense to me. When I was going through the anxiety of discovery I was ashamed and exhibited self-loathing. With all the societal negativity about a man wearing women's clothing, why would a guy subject himself to all the potential adversity of doing it?

When my wife and I had "The Talk" in the 1980's, she asked "Why would a man wear a bra when he has nothing to pack into it?" Valid question. I told her "I do not know why I do what I do!" I did some soul searching and reflection and ran a balance scale through my head. I came to full acceptance for who I am. However, I have the problem with dealing with others, including a wife. I find relief from stress and bad recollections of combat. Escapism? Yes, breast enhancement because it fills out the form of who I believe I would want to be, if I was not a man. I do not do the butt and hip pads because not all women have that naturally unattainable form for me.

For me, "It's not just the clothes."

[Michelle1955]

A greater need.
68 years old.
First pair of pants was when a friend and I switched underwear at like age 5 more or less in her bedroom playing.
Always felt I should have been female.
Puberty was extremely hard on me.

[Karren H]

I think it started out about the clothing but then something changed and I wanted my body to fit into those clothes better. So then it became about changing the shape of my body to better fit the clothing. And the struggle continues.

[Jean O]

The thing that Stephanie47's therapist told her that each of us is born with some genetic of both female and male and each of us has a different balance. To me I was born male but dressed is just as comfortable as in guys clothes. I think my genetic balance is more equal than very prominent male.
I am not necessarily attracted to men however I enjoy being looked at by a man when dressed. I do have some thoughts that I could pleasure a man if i was dressed and the situation was right.
Living in the middle. Jean O

[BrendaPDX]

I hear what you are saying and ya there are multiple levels, I used to just wear a dress but I eventually ended up in full all out crossdressing, padding, makeup, and wig. Now I can't imagine not being fully enfemme. Do I still consider myself a crossdresser? Yes.

[DianeT]

I'm greatly bothered by the notion that 'women cross dress all the time'. Just because a woman wears comfortable jeans and flannel shirt, she does not seek to use the Men's washroom, hope to pass as male, or expect to be called 'Sir'. Her clothing is cut to fit a female form. Cross dressing is more than clothing. It's taking on the persona of the gender portrayed. The clothing, undergarments, and mannerisms, add up to specific gender identity.
In past times when men wore frilly clothing and heeled shoes, they were still regarded as men.
Your therapist is making you feel good so you'll pay for more sessions. You enjoy/need to dress as a woman. Accept and embrace that. There is no 'why', it just is.

Terri
Totally agree. Women don't "cross" dress in the sense we understand dressing in these forums. There is no double standard. If I was CDing as a woman, I'd do many things some FtM trans do, such as hiding my breast and hips the best I could, which is nothing like what non transgender GGs do. Talking about crossdressing for the latter isn't defendable.

[sometimes_miss]

Well, I had carefully written out a multiple paragraph response explaining it all as completely as I could, but suffice it to say, seeking out and wearing the clothes are the symptom, of the condition previously or commonly known as Gender Identity Dysphoria (they keep changing the terminology, so I'm not sure what the current word(s) are for it). Our subconscious mind is (for whatever is causing it, which can be different for every guy here) telling us that we should try to appear and feel as much like a female as possible, while our conscious is desperately trying to hang on to the delusion that we are just average, normal males. For most of us, that mental conflict will be with us, forever. So basically, wear whatever makes you feel good, and hope you don't live in one of those fundamentalist areas of the globe where other people want to kill you because what you're doing makes them feel uncomfortable.

[Mercedes]

That is a good question and one that really had not thought about, I have not really questioned the why. Thinking about it, when I am wearing women’s clothing I like the way I look. The dresses and skirts allow me to see myself in a different way and one that I like. Do it is not the clothes themselves, but how they make me feel.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sophia Rose :hugs:, It is alll about seeing the lovely well dressed lady in thw Mirror smiling back at me, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[candice_cain]

EXACTLY!
It's about how the clothes make us feel.
Pretty, feminine, attractive.
Good...