Forced to Purge!

[Judy-Somthing]

Well I had a secret. And after 35 years of marriage I felt we we getting along so well I felt it was time to tell her about my Cross-Dressing.
I told her about it 5 years ago and it went very bad. Ever since I told her she has looked very hard for my stash and keeps tags on where I'm at.
As of yesterday I've Purged 90% of my stuff, it wasn't easy to due. Stuff that took years to get.
I'm trying to find a new hobby.

Miss Judy Have Fun

[mykell]

so sorry that your passion does not please your wife.....hope that you can find a peace to comfort you....

[Geena75]

So sorry for your loss. I hope you were able to save some special items. I know it has been a while, but I'm still hoping something works out for you.

As far as new hobbies -- have you considered Living History? You get to dress in different clothes, meet new people, and act like someone else. It keeps me occupied.

[Meg]

I too am saddened with your situation. I must agree that society has dictated a rather narrow set of fashion rules for men. I wish you well with your purge. I know past purges have lost many items I can no longer replace. There is one longline bra that I would love to have back. Vintage Playtex. No longer made. Please continue to share with us and comment. We do not want to miss your input. Hugs, Meg

[kimdl93]

Sorry to hear this.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I have some suggestions for a new hobby:

1. Golf. You get out of the house for half a day each time you play. You get to hang out with like minded friends, maybe even have a few drinks with them at the 19th hole. You'll have to get a set of golf clubs, which are tres expensive. Don't get your golf clubs at the thrift shop. Go to a dedicated golf store. You need to get a rolling golf bag so you can drag your clubs from hole to hole. And you need to get a dozen balls, most of which you will probably lose in the water hazards, in the rough and in the woods. You need to get golf clothes so you look good on the course, even if you don't play well. You'll also need to buy very expensive spiked shoes. Don't forget to plan a few guys-only golfing trips to play in more exotic locals.

Golf is a socially acceptable hobby. The basic idea is to make crossdressing seem like a better alternative to golfing. Maybe she'd even be willing let you crossdress if you gave up golfing.

2. Collect snakes. Not as socially acceptable as golfing, but a lot of people do it. I don't know as much about collecting snakes as golfing, but I see how it could get very expensive. Don't forget to obtain a breeding colony of mice to feed the carnivorous snakes. Many pet stores are too politically correct to sell you mice if you're going to feed them to your snake as opposed to keeping them as pets

[DanielleDubois]

Judy, I truely sympathize with you not having any Judy time. But on a bit of a positive note if a remember correctly , 10% of Judy's wardrobe remaining would still give her a lot of choices of dresses to pick from if a surprise Judy opportunity happens in the future. Fingers crossed for you from down under.

[AmyJordan]

Hi Judy
I'm obviously not in the position of having a disapproving wife or partner, quite the other extreme in fact and as such cannot even imagine the strain this must be.
I would like to believe partners who love each other could accommodate each others passions as I have, but it seems all to common that wives find this impossible when it comes to crossdressing.
I truly hope in all other aspects you are devoted and care for each other and who knows she may soften her views.

Amy x

[SylphDevine]

Remember part of this is the secret you kept from her for 35 years. Women just don't like being lied to and it opens up the marriage to all kinds of not so nice things.

I wish you luck with this. I would also suggest that you be open and honest going forward. Your desire to crossdress probably won't stop.

Don't purge anymore. Just get a private, heated storage locker that's big enough for you to have privacy in. Like having a dresser, mirror and a place to sit and look at yourself/take pics.

It will be worth the extra $$$ you'll have to put out and will stop the purging.

[Lilly Diadem]

You have my fullest sympathy.
Been there and done it a few times over the past 3 or more decades.
Convinced myself I don't want or need feminine things.
It doesn't work.
I know it doesn't work but nonetheless I tried again a few months back where I cleared out a few items that either didn't fit or feel good.
Put a load of other clothes in bags ready for the charity shop but waited to see how I felt after a few weeks.
Decided not to proceed with a clearout and instead went through everything washing and sorting.
I've moved everything I treasure back out of storage in the garage into my bedroom and picked up a couple more replacement items too.
Some are now in storage boxes, some in easy access storage, a hosiery drawer in my chest and some items hanging up in my wardrobe.

Hopefully I can see sense from now on and take a practical and sympathetic view of this part of me.

I'd like to think that the next enforced purge will be after my mortal demise.

Sending you Love Judy and Best Wishes for a Happier outcome in the longer term even if there seems like there is no satisfactory resolution at this moment in time x

[audreyinalbany]

I'm not sure why the wife always gets to make the rules

[JohnH]

Judy, if you resume wearing women's clothing, I suggest you do it openly and not conceal that activity. I believe what hurt your wife's feelings is you hid the activity from her. I kept my dresses in the same closet with the rest of my clothes. And the only restriction my wife put on me is when I went out with her that I wear men's clothes. If I went out by myself, I was free to wear anything I wanted, including dresses, heels, and makeup. That included shopping, going to church, doctor's appointments, etc.

John

[chrissy111]

It's sad that these hurtful feelings come out. It also sad that you kept it from her for so long. One can only wonder how her reaction would have been if you were upfront with her 35 years ago. If I was in your position I would sit down with her and talk this out, before it becomes a strain on your marriage. Best of luck.

[Julie Frisky]

I am really sorry that you are having to purge, I am in a similar situation and I know one day that I am going to have to purge as well as my wife is not accepting either.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm curious why u purged 90%? If Judy is truly gone why not 100%?:straightface:

And, if Judy is not gone she's going to be pissed that u tossed so many of her things away!:doh:

[Brynna M]

I think it?s important to remember that you aren?t being forced to purge. You are making a choice to suppress a part of yourself presumably because you value your wife family etc more than Judy. It?s a crappy choice to have to make but there must be something in it worthwhile for you to make that choice. It?s not your ideal scenario but you aren?t powerless. What are you trading Judy for? Can you take comfort in that?

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm not sure why the wife always gets to make the rules

Happy wife, happy life (at least for her).

[Debbie Denier]

I feel for you Judy. I had to do the same as you when my wife discovered my stash 13 yrs ago. It was that or marriage over. I was so upset I came out to my mother. I was allowed to dress in her home for 10 yrs until she passed away in 2021.I had to purge the fem wardrobe I kept there which felt like another bereavement. Now I have a very small stash hidden in my shed. I buy thrift and charity clothes for the rare occasions and dispose of them after use. Maybe something you could do. I know if my wig , bra and panties are discovered it would be game over for me. I sincerely hope things improve for you.

[Judy-Somthing]

Thanks everyone.
I did try trying to tell my wife since day one quite a few times but, instead of coming out fully I would so called test the waters and would get a strong push back.
I felt since I was marrying a beautiful attractive woman that my need to dress would fade which did, I stopped for 20 years.
Well for some reason my dezire came back at 60.
I could be wrong but, I think it's because she stopped wearing dresses and lingerie at about 45 and I miss having the sexy dressed woman very much.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm not a doctor, but men naturally produce less testosterone as they age. I believe that a T/E hormone imbalance develops as we age. Too much E; not enough T.

[missjoann49]

So sorry for your loss

[Marketa]

I want to hug you.

[Stephanie47]

Years of following your marriage makes me sad. I do remember the "good old days" when you had that building with its basement. Also, check you cell phone for tracking devices. Car for air tags.

[Sabine Janus]

Hopefully when your wife realizes that there is no "harm" to the relationship and how unhappy you are, she will moderate her reaction.

Fingers crossed for you.

[Maria 60]

I'm so sorry for your situation and I wouldn't be lying if I didn't tell you I miss your pics with those beautiful dresses and most of all that beautiful smile you had on all of them. Im wishing you luck that maybe there will be some form of pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Till then I hope you still keep us updated here.
With Steff mentioning the phrase "Happy Wife, Happy Life", when I was on vacation in Cuba I told that line to a Cuban man and he told me a different one. "New Wife, New Life". I only could wish it was that easy.

[Philippa Jane]

I have read the replies and think that rather than hiding and lying you would be better to drag the genie out of the bottle.
Get it out in the open as to how much you are being hurt by your SO. At 60 you now have more years behind you than in front of you. Do you intend to live the rest of your life in regret?
You should not make demands but an exchange of views could be beneficial. Who know a compromise might happen.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Judy:hugs:, That is a Very Heavy CROSS to Bear,

[alwayshave]

Judy, I'm so sorry for your need to purge most of your wardrobe. I feel for you.