How do you reconcile sexual and emotional feelings and reactions in yourself?

[IJCCharlotte]

Like some, when I get dressed I do have a physical reaction. And while I do enjoy both sexual and emotional validation at various times, I'm not ALWAYS dressing in order to enjoy it as a sexual experience. In fact, probably 9/10 times it's just for fun or emotional validation. But almost every time I get dressed, I have the thought "This would be so much easier if I had zero physical reaction to this". It happens to a lesser degree the more I dress, but it's almost always an inconvenience to some degree. Does anyone else experience something similar? And if so, how do you deal with it? I know that not everyone (and maybe most of you) have no sexual desires when it comes to crossdressing. But if you're like me and have that nagging desire each and every time (however slight), how do you deal with it?

Thanks for any feedback!

[Jean O]

The more I dress the sexual aspect reduces. It does make it more convenient and enjoyable experience emotionally. I am feeling more feminine the more I dress and encourages me to hone my female traits.
I really enjoy dressing experience when not having any sexual feelings.
Still learning.

[Steph_CD_62]

When I first started crossdressing, it was basically just lingerie, and I did always have a sexual reaction. Sometimes it was immediate and other times it was about an hour or so after I had gotten dressed. After being caught by my ex-wife in her nightgown and she was okay with me wearing lingerie, for a while it was more sexual than anything else. After a year or two it was more of a way to relax, but occasionally the sexual part was still there.

In between marriages, I just found that I was less stressed and I felt more relaxed while wearing my lingerie.

Now being married to my second (and last) wife, there isn't any sexual reaction from me dressing up in women's clothes. But on those couple times my wife and I were being intimate while I was wearing one of my many nightgowns, things reacted faster than other times. Also, since being with my second wife, I have found that I love wearing all types of women's clothes not just lingerie. Again, while dressed I feel more relaxed and it seems that most of my stress goes away.

So, I guess it started more sexual but as I have gotten older it is emotional.

[Meg]

I think it gets easier as time goes by. When I was younger it was very exciting and quite a turn on. As I have grown, I have grown to appreciate the effects of the softness. I am more docile, relaxed and very comfortable. It still excites me, just differently. Hugs, Meg

[kimdl93]

Honestly, everything has a sexual connotation to a teenage male. I suppose that may be one reason so many of us think we might grow out of our desire to crossdress once we have a real life, physical relationship. And at first it may be hard to differentiate between the positive feelings elicited by sex and those associated with cross dressing, particularly if underlying that positive feeling is an issue of gender identity. Pretty hard to sort all that out at 15 or 25!

[Jessica Secret]

It's extremely sexual for me and has been since the start of my dressing in my teens. I wear romantic lingerie to bed every night so I have very intense sexual feelings when I dress and on top of it I have a boyfriend, which makes things even more sexual because we are happily sexually active with each other. The way I deal with it is on most nights I'm usually tired and I'm about to go to sleep anyway, and on other nights I get ready for bed before I'm actually tired and my boyfriend and I have a *very* romantic night with each other.

[Cassie2024]

Like most of those who responded, I have had sexual responses while dressed. However, as time went on, those events lessen. I will not say, i cannot become and do not become aroused any longer, I definitely can. However, my evolution with dressing corelates to my gender journey. The more I dressed, the more I became more aware of my true nature. The more self-awareness, the more I wanted to dress. The sexual aspects lessen, I think because my sexual awareness also evolved. When I was a teen, and during my twenties, I was all over the place. If you were male, and alive, I probably wanted to do something...lol. As I grew older, i took to the feminine roles during sexual encounters, but I was very frustrated. As I dressed, I realized, my sexual libido laid with a more feminine perspective. I want romance, tenderness, etc... So, for me, dressing is definitely connected to my sexuality, but in itself, is no longer a fetish or object of sexual play.

[Bea_]

Oddly, there's nothing to reconcile for me. Dressing is virtually all emotional for me with very little sexual effect. It's definitely a more peaceful state than it would be if my body reacted every time. Reactions are rare and almost always involves the fantasy of my wife finding me to be desirable as I am. Since that's not any real possibility, the fantasy has subsided greatly. It's crazy but I don't turn myself on but still feel like it "should" turn her on. Total delusion.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

The sexual arousal element will probably continue for a while, perhaps a long while- after all it's just a manifestation of the feelings of arousal you'd be having whether or not you crossdressed.

For me arousal has always been inextricably linked to lingerie- and I didn't much mind who was wearing it, as long as it was there. But since the demise of my sex life, in no way has my love of lingerie diminished, and still, it would be a very rare thing for me to climax without wearing it. I intend to be buried in it.

It isn't a nagging desire, it's a full obsession.

I was going to say a fully blown obsession, but...

[Kris Burton]

Women's clothing, for the most part, are designed to accentuate the female form. They are designed to be sexy. Is it any surprise that we respond to the stimulus? For me, the overt sexual arousal has faded but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy feeling sexy when putting on a pair of pantyhose or a lovely dress. It's a great way to feel, and it keeps me coming back .

[il.dso]

Sexual arousal has always been a profound and fundamental aspect of my crossdressing.
The phenomenal feeling I get wearing nylon panties, pantyhose and a slip are almost beyond description.
Adding heels and a dress and makeup only further enhance the excitement.
When I first joined this wonderful website, my urges were intense but have now faded significantly, as has my overall sex drive.
Now I almost exclusivley dress for pleasure and most interestingly, the pleasure continues to increase to more and more amazing levels...

[docrobbysherry]

My issue worked itself out, Charlotte! During my first 10 years of dressing in total secrecy, I was always excited at the finish!:o

But, after I began dressing for photos or to go out? I never got/get turned on.:battingeyelashes:

It's only AFTER I finish a photo shoot and have nothing else going on that I sometimes get aroused now.:)

[Christina89]

Like most when I first started dressing there was some sexual arousal, but as time went on that all changed. Do I still get aroused every now and then? Yes I do, but it all depends on what I?m doing while dressed.

[Cheryl T]

Been there done that for Years.
It always caused me guilt and shame until I accepted myself and then things changed.
Now it's not a sexual reaction but an emotional one. I feel more sensual than sexual and it's much easier to deal with.

[Ceera]

My experience was that at first, the taboo aspect of it made wearing women's undergarments, hidden beneath my male clothes, into a bit of a turn on. But I swiftly did it more just because 'it felt right', and less and less as a sexual kink. That arousal aspect was almost completely eliminated once I started going out publicly as a woman, replaced by the emotional validation of being accepted, for the most part, as a valid and attractive woman. Because once I started interacting socially as a woman, with men, women, and other transgender and crossdresser folks, I swiftly realized I wasn't doing it to 'hook up' with anyone, or for the sexual thrill. It was that validation and acceptance as a woman that I craved and enjoyed.

I was lucky. Even early on, I learned to do a feminine voice, and I was able to 'pass' pretty easily, even when speaking to strangers. I made plenty of new friends, all over the LGBT spectrum, as well as new straight friends. They all met me and knew me only as a female. And I learned I still generally preferred the companionship of women, though men were 'still on the menu', as it were. But dating remained a low priority for me. I had started my journey soon after my wife passed away from an unexpected heart attack. For the 30 years we had been married, I suppressed my bisexuality, and didn't even contemplate that my gender identity might be an issue. I was in no hurry to hook up, though I did have a few intimate encounters. I needed to embrace my true self first, and felt I needed to complete my medical transition before seeking a more meaningful relationship.

[lynn.crossdresser]

The sexual arousal element will probably continue for a while, perhaps a long while- after all it's just a manifestation of the feelings of arousal you'd be having whether or not you crossdressed.

For me arousal has always been inextricably linked to lingerie- and I didn't much mind who was wearing it, as long as it was there. But since the demise of my sex life, in no way has my love of lingerie diminished, and still, it would be a very rare thing for me to climax without wearing it. I intend to be buried in it.

It isn't a nagging desire, it's a full obsession.

I was going to say a fully blown obsession, but...

Thanks Nikki that is so true for me also, nicely put especially the last line.