The big purge

[Susan Smith]

I don?t post very often, but I have no one else to tell this to - I am definitely in the closet.

After 18 months of dressing 60-70% of the time and being underdressed 98% of the time, today I had a 100% purge.

My girlfriend is moving in. I guess I love her more than I love dressing, and I really, really love dressing.

[Stephanie47]

I looked at your bio and the posts you initiated and noticed you made reference in several to having a wife. What happened? Now a girl friend is moving in and that initiated a purge of Susan's wardrobe? I'll start the obvious, "Good luck!" My own experience was outgrowing my mother's clothes and never buying my own. I was in the military for two years. I was "dressing free" for many years. I married a drop dead gorgeous woman who loved to express her femininity. With her bright blue eyes and great smile she looked sexy in cut off blue jeans and tee shirt. My suppressed desires to emulate a woman slowly grew. At first it was several nighties and some hosiery in the bedroom, then more and more, and finally into the endless "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Have you ever sounded out her opinion of the LGBTQ+ community and cross dressing men? A minefield awaits. I hope there are no trip wires in your future.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Susam, I am so happy for you! Please remember to be honest with your new partner and yourself. Wishing you all of the best! Brenda

[docrobbysherry]

Congrats, Susan! But, my question is obvious. Why can't u have both? Girlfriend and Susan?:thumbsup:

[Sometimes Steffi]

Wow! Nothing like going cold turkey.

[Susan Smith]

The wife left. Not my choosing, the grass was greener apparently.

- - - Updated - - -

That’s good advice, thank you

[Steph_CD_62]

Congratulations on your girlfriend moving in with you.

I'm not sure if all of us gurls fall into this category, but once a crossdresser always a crossdresser is how I feel. I have purged a few times in my life, only to regret with all of the clothes I gave away. I had gotten a bra, camisole, 1/2 slip and full slip set from Victorias Secret that I adored but I will never find a set like that again.

I'm not saying you will ever start back up, but it is also part of your past and maybe you should be honest with your girlfriend if you feel like this is going to be a relationship that will last a while. You can let her know that you love her so much that you want to give all this up.

Unless you are 100% sure she is against your crossdressing, why would purge all of your women's clothing. If were dressing as much as you stated, surely she must know of your desire of crossdressing.

[Keremy]

So my opinion wasn?t asked for but since it?s free I?m going to give it. Trust me after purging for my current wife of 16 years and thinking I could live without dressing I have found out I can?t live without dressing. The stress it causes is not worth it. No love sex companionship can make purging the right decision. If she doesn?t love Susan then she doesn?t love you and both of you are in for an absolutely miserable life.

If you have been underdressing 98 percent of the time she has to have seen a glimpse of something and has to know

[countrygirl]

I tried purging many years ago. It didn't help. The need to be Amanda came back stronger than ever. Now I have dresses and male clothes in the same closet. Will never do it again.

[terrinoble]

During a period in my youth when I was attending church, I purged. I remember tossing a suitcase full of nice outfits into the county landfill. Of course I would end up restocking the secret wardrobe after a while.

[CarlaWestin]

So what you're saying is her clothes are nicer and everything is your size, right?

No?

:straightface:

[Claire M]

Just because the girlfriend is moving in doesn't mean Susan is moving out. No matter how much you purge and deny, Susan is staying and the girlfriend is just becoming the 3rd roommate. Hopefully the girlfriend can accept (or at least tolerate) Susan. You should probably tell the girlfriend that Susan exists before she hauls her stuff over. In a perfect world, maybe even introduce her in person.

Like many have already said.... If the girlfriend doesn't accept Susan or if you try to hide Susan, you may be in for either for a short relationship with the girlfriend when she finds out accidentally, or a long lifetime of hiding and lying which sucks worse!!

[alwayshave]

Susan, Big mistake. Girlfriends come and go, Susan is forever.

[Crissy 107]

Too bad you did not let us know you were thinking of purging so we had a shot of talking you out of it. You will definitely be sorry and everyone I know here and other sites agree, never purge.
That all said, good luck with your girlfriend moving in.

[sometimes_miss]

Best of luck. I once stopped, and didn't CD for ten years. I truly thought that I had either outgrown it, 'beaten' it, or it was just a phase I had been going through when I was younger, before I had my life together. And then... five years into my marriage, the desire just came back with a vengeance. Turns out, while everything was going well, my mind was able to subconsciously keep the crossdressing desire suppressed. I truly had no desire to crossdress, or even think about it. But when things in life went sour (lost my job, had to go back to school full time and work full time, while taking a 60% cut in salary, and then dealing with an unhappy wife because I was having trouble in bed because I was deathly afraid of flunking out because she wanted to get pregnant RIGHT NOW and I knew I wouldn't be able to pass my classes as I would want to be involved with her and the pregnancy) Being out of money, wouldn't be able to go back to school again, leaving me in the position of having to have three jobs for the rest of my life. So my mind was so busy taking care of all the problems, it couldn't hold back the desire to crossdress anymore, which precipitated the breakup of my marriage as my wife wasn't helping me in any way.
Divorce ensued, and I lost everything. All because I thought I would be able to hold back that evil crossdressing Genie from interfering with my thoughts.
But there are some guys who apparently can do it. I just never met, or heard of, any.

[Debs]

Why dont you just tell your girlfriend ?, it will happen, so tell her now. The urge to dress will overtake you at somepoint, sort it now. The barriers are down the lights are flashing and the train is a coming !!!

[Kris Burton]

Ah, too late! I was going to say talk to your SO about it first. Never can tell - she might be accepting.

[Lilly Diadem]

Congratulations on your new relationship and hope that it will be all that you want it to be :)

Did a complete purge twenty years ago when I got into my current relationship.
I had been open about dressing and it didn't go down well but was accepted as a thing in the past. Thought I could rid myself of the urge and I did for a while then it came back as did a few items of clothing .
Then you experience discovery, arguments, another purge then it goes for a while.....

I'd stopped anything but occasional dressing up until fairly recently and luckily I'd moved on only items that were worn, didn't' fit too well or didn't feel as I expected but I almost did a complete purge.

For me, keeping items and managing my dressing discretely and as required is easier than purging then the inevitable craving along with the attendant mood swings and depression that seems to accompany the process.

Fingers crossed and hope it works for you :)

[Lacey New]

After a number of purges, mostly due to moving, I?ll bet that in the next few months, you will find a place to hide a few pairs of pretty panties.

[Jean O]

I feel your pain as this is a really tough time but all thing and times pass. Better times are coming.
Jean O

[Maria 60]

I told this one a thousand times. A week before I got married I threw out all my fem things that did just included lots of pantyhose and a few slips. I was finally going to be free of this curse and move on with my life with a beautiful women. Well, one week back from our honeymoon my wife went to work early and there were pantyhose on the dresser and next thing I know I'm putting on her pantyhose. That morning I sat on the edge of the bed for hours wearing her pantyhose and thinking how unfair it is for her that I'm wearing her things without her knowing and most of all I realized these feelings were real. That same night during dinner I rolled the dice and told her everything. From the first time I put on my sisters pantyhose till that same morning I put on hers. I thought she was going to run back to her mother, instead she wanted to see where it was going but she didn't want me wearing her stuff and we went out that night and she bought me some pantyhose, panties and bra. That was 30 plus years ago. I won't say it was the smoothies road but we made it so far. What my experience is, you can fight it as long as you want but I believe it's in our blood. I hope it all works out for you.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Alarm bells are ringing Susan, I fear this will not end well. To be as passionate about something as you clearly are, be it fishing, eating M&Ms, watching sports, or crossdressing, and to think you can live entirely without it because you've met a cute girl and decided to move in together, is not a recipe for future happiness.

'I guess I love her more than I love dressing' isn't the point. The point is that you 'really, really love dressing' and that is not going to go away. Right now you've got a shiny new novelty, you're probably having great sex, she's fun and vibrant, your self-esteem is through the roof - what could possibly go wrong?

You've got options. You can see how it goes, she might turn out not to be ideal for any number of reasons, she might even (God forbid) dump you.

You can try to live without dressing... I'm giving you 6 months, and bear in mind that her panties are going to be available in every moment of those 6 months, to a man who underdresses 98% of the time.

You can TELL her. Yikes. What if she runs for the hills?

But what if she says ok? What if it excites her?

If you don't tell her, you're basically being dishonest with her from the get go, so when she discovers - and she will, I promise you - then how will you both feel?

By not telling her you're being deceptive, you're asking her to trust someone who isn't being true.

Perhaps more importantly, you're not being true to yourself.

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So what you're saying is her clothes are nicer and everything is your size, right?

No?

:straightface:

Very funny!

[Sporco]

I've done the purge thing a couple times yet, I always end up back in to some level. It sounds like a nearly constant part of your life until now. That will be hard to break away from in the long-term. Consider coming clean to her and tell her the whole truth. Secrets never help in a relationship. She may surprise you and accept it. At least tell her you're trying to live without it, for her.

[JulieC]

Susan, I did the same thing as you. I started dating my (now) wife, and purged everything. She was spending time at my place, and I didn't want her to accidentally discover something before I talked to her. I still miss a couple of items from that purge, now more than 20 years later.

What's different though is this; I told my (now) wife about my crossdressing a month or so later. This was CRUCIAL. It took a lot for me to tell her, because I was really in love with her. But, I knew that if she couldn't accept the crossdressing that I would have to leave. I'd reached a point in my life where my own level of self acceptance had come to grips with the reality that the crossdressing wasn't going away. I didn't want to live a life with any woman where I lived in fear of discovery, or if I told her that it became a DADT situation or similar. I wanted acceptance, not just tolerance.

You risk losing your girlfriend in talking with her, but the consequence of not talking with her about it is potentially marrying this person and finding out you have to spend the rest of your life living in fear and having to hide all the time.

It is NOT a question of whether you love her more than the crossdressing or not. That's an invalid comparison. Crossdressing is very likely who you are. You can't separate it from yourself and dispense with it.

[Meg]

Susan, You need to remember the Pink Fog is a powerful force. I am willing to guess a large majority of members here purged at one time and were going to leave CD'ing for good. Myself included. But here we are, sharing tips and experiences. I would urge you have a heartfelt talk with her. We are in a different place in time and people are more accepting of alternative lifestyles today. You may be pleasantly surprised to find she does not mind. If she does, you can always purge after the talk. This is all easy for me to say, you must decide for yourself. We are always here for you. Hugs, Meg

[Sabine Janus]

You know your situation best, but if this is a fresh start, why not try to incorporate your "Other self"

Never know, might just take.

[Georgia Rose]

I've never had the urge to purge. I was a late comer to crossdressing and came out to my wife early in the journey. Strangely cross dressing for me came about because at one period in our life my wife was often away for extended period due to issues with a daughter-in-law. For some not obvious reason I started wearing some of her clothes. After confessing soon after her return she accepted the fact. I make sure I don't cause any embarrassment to her and all is ok. I understand that lots of partners/spouses are not as understanding. I would find it very difficult to purge even one item of my female attire.

[jjjjohanne]

Apparently, crossdressing and purging are two of my hobbies. I do them both often.
That is sarcasm. I don't purge very often. I have purged a few times but I never changed inside. I kept thinking about it. It was on my mind perhaps every day. I have never dressed as much as you described. I eventually lost faith in purging. It was not working, and I was losing garments that I found hard to replace. Also, I felt like I was not as good of a person when I wasn't dressing.

So... What is your takeaway from this? If you want to purge and make it stick, then you might need something more than a willingness to start the process. You may need a support group. Maybe a counselor can help guide you. Something more than a decision on one day/week of the year. That motivation will start to complete with your cravings and .... you will not stand strong with the motivation alone. I don't know what you need, but you need more.

I wish you well and hope you find success. If you do succeed, let us know what worked.
My longest purge was 2.5 years, I think.

I will add one more thing: I was on a purge when I met my wife. I think that purge lasted 9 months. When I decided I wanted to marry her, I decided to tell her before proposing. I told her, but the story was, I used to do this... Also, in those days, I mostly only wore clothes that I could hide at my parents's house, where I lived. So I didn't have outfits... Anyhow, she stuck with me. The crossdressing stuck with me too. I eventually started giving back into it. I think she eventually felt like she was presented one thing, but it isn't what she received in the end. Maybe it would have been better for me to have said, "I am a crossdresser. I have stopped. I haven't done it in X weeks. It might not stay gone."

Joey.

[Glenda58]

Don't purge tell your girlfriend that you are a cross dresser because she will find out and you will start up again. I know because that's what happen with me years ago. It will come it's better they know ahead of time, so you won't have problems later.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Susan, GOOD LUCK !!

[Sometimes Steffi]

I guess the first test if your desire to crossdress is ebbing is if you don't come back here to visit!

[Cassie2024]

Dear Susan. Congratulations on your new relationship. I cannot judge your plan to purge as I've done a few myself. I hated it when I did them, and learned not to do them other than throw out old clothing as I would do any old clothes. I am single and have been all my life, so I cannot speak to being in such a situation. Do what you deem best for yourself and your new relationship. However, I do think that purging may be a postponing of the inevitable discussion you will have with her about your dressing, I cannot see you denying Susan forever. Is there any possibility of you having the discussion before you two move in together? Of course, do not do anything you are not ready to do, that's #1 rule. Yet, do see your relationship ever being at a place where you will be able to bring Susan up in a discussion? i hope so. Good Luck. :love:

[Cheryl T]

Hope it works for you.
It didn't work the 4 times I did it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Susan, That usually doesn't workout , It will not be long before you restock,

($$$$$in the Dumpster)

[abby054]

Susan, The next time you decide to purge, and there will almost certainly be a next time, stop for a moment before beginning the purge. Gather up the money that you estimate you will need to reinstate your wardrobe after your contemplated purge. If you are like the rest of us, your wardrobe will again get reestablished and probably quite soon. Then skip the contemplated purge to avoid wasting the money. Instead, put the money to good use, such as getting yourself a nice vacation, buy your girlfriend something nice or share that vacation with her, improve your wardrobe, give the money to charity, do anything you consider good while the money lasts. That way, you will have something to show for it. If you cannot find something good, send that money to me. I will put it to good use and I will bless your generosity every time I wear what I purchase. 🙂

[Debbie Denier]

Why not sell your clothes on ebay or vinted. Then set aside the proceeds for your next purchase of clothes. I guarantee there will be a next time there always is.

[Veronica Lacey]

As so many here will express, being open with your lady about your dressing would serve you both best. However, perhaps this current purge is simply you resetting your feelings about everything so you can give this new opportunity a chance and see how essentially having a female roommate/love interest under the same roof affects your dressing desires. I felt similar when I met my wife but came out to her within a few weeks when I knew she could be The One (she was!) and it all worked out.

[Evelyn37]

I started dressing decades ago but it has been a roller coaster of dressing and purging.

[Bruce64]

Hopefully a day will come when you can tell her about your obsession of wearing things you like and you won't have to dump out all your stuff.