The self acceptance journey; did early sexual feelings interfere?

[JulieC]

Recently while on a long drive, my wife and I were discussing crossdressing and self acceptance. A thought occurred to me that I wanted to run past this forum. In the "How do you reconcile..." thread kimdl93 raised the notion too, but I don't want to take over that thread with this.

Most of us began crossdressing at a young age. Unsurprisingly, most of us had sexual feelings caused by the crossdressing.

In your journey of self acceptance, do you think those early times prevented self acceptance because of those feelings? Did it consciously or subconsciously make you categorize crossdressing as something you did for sexual fun, and not because it was who you are? Or, as kimdl93 suggested, something you thought you would grow out of?

For my part, thinking back about it, such reactions probably did significantly slow down my self acceptance. It wasn't until I was 23 that I finally realized it wasn't going to go away, and it wasn't just sexual.

[alwayshave]

I started dressing at about 4 years of age, so I don't think it was sexual. But in my teens and twenties, it was definitely sexual and I categorized it that way. Now, not so much.

[kimdl93]

As Jamie observed, I had a very early inclination towards expressing femininity, so I got the message early that it was not something boys could do. Then sexual awareness added to the confusion as it emerged. I struggled to reconcile my desire to be a girl with my attraction to girls. Now I understand that gender and sexuality are not the same, but it was a hard won realization.

[SaraLin]

I too started dressing at such an early age that sexual feelings weren't a part of it. And now that I'm old enough and the sex drive is fading, I still dress.

The "excitement" was always more of a side-effect for me than it was the reason for dressing.

I don't think it slowed me down a whole lot since I was moving at a snail's pace anyway. It did add some confusion into the mix, though.

[Meg]

The recent posts on and around this subject have made me do some thinking. I had posted elsewhere it was sexual early on. But thinking back, I started so early it did not have a sexual nature. It was more about dressing. It came to have some sexual connections when in my teens, as puberty had my hormones raging. But now it is mostly that I just love dressing. A simple act with a complex story. Meg

[racquelr]

My early dressing in my early teens was definitely sexual in nature and it mostly still is today even now in my 60's

[Bea_]

The extent of my dressing in my teens was finding my mom's or sister's bra hanging to dry in the bathroom. Maybe twice or three times total I used put on the bra to have something feminine to aim my excess testosterone at. It came off as soon as the release came and I never considered wearing it otherwise. I never sought it out.

I started dressing intentionally in my early to mid fifties and it's been minimally sexual.

[docrobbysherry]

But then, I seem to do everything backwards!?:doh:

I never even thot about dressing until my 50's. I got seriously into it after I separated from my wife. At the time, our problems caused me to lose all interest in women and sex.:sad:

Discovering/becoming Sherry restored both my interest in women and in sex!:o

[NancySue]

Like others, I began dressing at 5 with nylons. Couldn?t believe how wonderful they felt, but no memory of anything sexual. That came later. By my 20?s, I concluded I was a confirmed cder, which has continued to this day. My love of hose still continues.

[Jessica Secret]

I started dressing at 13 and it's been sexual for me ever since, probably in large part because of what I wear - romantic lingerie. It took me several years to really accept that this was who I was but once I did, it's felt natural ever since. And it felt so sexual for me that while I considered myself straight in my teens, I had intense bi urges by the time I was 20 and badly wanted a boyfriend, which happened. Wearing romantic lingerie to bed every night and having a boyfriend definitely changed the way I looked at girls from that point on. I wouldn't change a thing and I know this is who I am.

[Fiona_44]

Many kids used to be told that anything related to sexual feelings was considered "dirty or amoral". So when a younger male gets sexual arousal while wearing woman's things, they often associate it with being "dirty". That can lead to long periods, even years, decades long of being ashamed of their attraction towards feminine things. It interferes with one's acceptance of themselves as being a CD'er or trans woman. Thankfully though, attitudes have changed greatly in the last few decades and today people are learning to accept who they really are at an earlier age.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I started at about age 12. The first time I tried on mom's panties, I got very excited. Let's just say, "All systems are go". I usually reverted to tighty whities after I finished.

[Brynna M]

I started remember wanting to pretend to be a girl long before I had any concept of "sexual" things were definitely sexual as I hit puberty and growing up catholic boy was that a lot of self loathing. I'm not really sure when I stopped caring about any sexual component. It became much more about social stigma than self recrimination.

[Kris Burton]

I think I'm very much an outlier on this, yet my experience seems to underscore Julie's original question. I had no sisters or female relative, and my mom's stuff did not interest me, so the thought of any sort of crossdressing never even occurred to me as a child or teenager. Being fully adult by the time I had my first experiences I escaped the guilt/shame cycle that seems to have plagued so many. I accepted myself from the beginning, and thus my femme persona flourished quickly. I do not regret not having started as a younger person.Maturity allowed me to accept the CD experience - including the sexual aspect - much easier.

[Christina89]

As I said in another post the start of my dressing life it was mostly a sexual thing. But as I got older and kept dressing everything changed. It became more about feeling free when I dressed. I became less stressed and more relaxed and focused on things. I believe everyone has a different journey in their life.

[danniUK]

Absolutely, 100% this.
From my teens to my mid/late 40s my dressing was "just for a sexual thrill". It's only in recent years (I'm about to turn 50) that I realised that my dressing means so much more to me than that.
For all those years it was exciting, a thrill, because I was exploring this other side of me that I was only allowing to exist for brief periods.
When I allowed myself to buy "real" clothes and not just stockings and underwear, and to wear them regularly rather that just for that thrill, I finally realised who I was.

[Genifer Teal]

IMHO I believe early sexual feelings may have reinforce the idea of being a woman in our head. Doctor Ruth taught me that we have a memory. I don't know how to say it that when we do something that excites us. You know how I mean that it does something in our memory to say we want that again And increases our drive to Want It. It's kind of a preservation of. X is fun. I enjoyed it and wanted even more now. So if we had an experience and it was fun. We've taught ourselves to want it more.
My beginning may have been coincidental and similar. Nothing I intended, but it turned out that way at first. It had nothing to do with where I've ended up. It was just the start. Of how I got here. Those initial feelings have nothing to do with it now

[Lacey New]

I started in my early teens and it was very definitely sexual. And addicting as well. And while I never felt that I was a woman, I guess the lingerie was a substitute for actually being with a woman.

[Jane G]

The sexual part is exactly that, just a part of life that we are all programmed to enjoy. No idea why I am am the way I am, but it started long before I was sexualy active, possibly down to being surrounded by happy female sisters and cousins, I'm the only genetic male in that group. Whatever it will be with me until I am dust. So best to accept and fit being CD into life. (A lifetime time of engineering logic has its's advantages and disadvantages, you chose.)

[Celee]

I started dressing quite young as in elementary school. There was nothing sexual about it. I don?t know why I started dressing but I do remember thinking that girls would wear prettier and more fun clothes than I was allowed to. Puberty hit and then it pretty much all sexual into my twenties. After I got married it was probably 75/25 sexual to comforting. Now that Im older I like to dress and relax or do chores around the house. Occasionally the sexual excitement comes back but not very often. I don?t get to dress as often as I like but when I do it is just comfortable and feels natural.

[JesseVF]

I?m in the group that started so early there was no sexual connection. That happened a bit later and lasted a long time and then evolved away. I would say it definitely contributed to the self inflicted shame that is part of this for me, and frankly has never completely gone away.

[Jasmine23]

I was 4 or 5 when I first dressed up, so definitely wasn't sexual, it was about wanting to wear the clothes. During puberty and my early teens there was a sexual element to it, but, isn't there with everything at that age. Since then it's all about the clothes and getting to feel feminine, there's no sexual element, it's a want or a need to feel feminine.

[Erin Lafleur]

I too, was quite young,about five or six when I first started to wear Mom's panties, stocking and slips. Immediately I had an unmistakable physical response and this was long before I even knew what sex was. But I did know that whatever this response was, I really enjoyed it.
Throughout most of my later years, there was always an erotic component. My dressing was usually limited to lingerie and that always seemed to scratch the itch.
Now that I am in my mid sixties I enjoy all parts of dressing with wigs, makeup, blouses and skirts. A little more broadly based I suppose you could say.
I have fully accepted that I have a very significant feminine side that I really enjoy expressing virtually every chance I get.
That doesn't mean that I don't wonder why that's how I'm wired, I just accept that being feminine makes me happy and at peace with myself.

[BiancaEstrella]

As a kid prancing around in the shoes of my grandmother or very stylish auntie, I just wanted to feel pretty

As a young adult, high heels and bare legs and short dresses definitely carried a sexual component that moved from "women I find hot wear this kind of stuff on a night out" to "it's ME wearing it on a night in"

And then the wildest thing happened - I stopped wanting to wear heels with everything, partially out of comfort but moreso to "blend in" - I was 6'5" when I adapted the label of crossdresser (I'm 6'3" today) and I didn't want the sound of heels as I walked to draw even more attention to myself. Wedges were my compromise if I wanted the extra height but mainly I did it in pretty, albeit flat women's shoes. After knocking out some of the more taboo aspects (late at the park, going for a midnight drive, etc.) the sexual component gradually faded. More acceptance in my social circles, including having homegirls who were willing to hang out in the city/suburbs with me while dressed, contributed greatly to that - I would have been mortified to spoil a good time with *that* happening!

I came out as transgender in 2017 and by then, the notion of "clothing I own" turning me on was a complete non-factor.

[Cheryl T]

I began at age 5 or 6 and so sex was not even a thought.
Later on, after puberty, that changed and the excitement evolved from that of the forbidden to a very sexual thing. I would always become aroused when I dressed and I thought it was because it was new and I was young. It took years for that to change, but it never really went away.
Now it's different. It's not a sexual thing, it's a sensual thing. I don't become aroused as much as excited by feeling sensual and sexy depending on my mood.

[DianeT]

I started before puberty but that doesn't mean it wasn't sexual. It definitely was. But it was also much more than that. It was a mythological journey into femininity, and still is today, even more so now that I dress more adequately and with more smoke and mirrors. As for self acceptance, it was a given from day one since I never asked myself the question whether it was right or wrong to do so. I knew people would frown on it. So I hid it. But I also knew it wasn't hurting anyone and I didn't feel any guilt nor had any hesitations. I don't even remember ever asking myself whether other guys were doing it, and how common it could be among the general population. I simply didn't think about these things.

[Stephanie47]

I was a teenager in the 1960's. There was no societal acceptance of men wearing women's clothing. Transvestites (back then) were branded homosexuals, although all the terms were vulgar. It was a very confusing time for me. How could a guy, who lusted after starlets (Annette Funicello, my favorite) and neighborhood girls be a homosexual? The first times I tried on my mother's nylon full slips, it was because I like the feel of the fabric. It was unlike any boy clothes I wore. There was no sexual component to it. My parents thought masturbation was sinful and made a big deal about it. So, self gratification and wearing women's clothing led to the gateway to hell. I was screwed. The self gratification came with and without women's clothing. Playboy was a decent alternative. It actually took decades to get my head screwed on right. I started weighing on the scale of life all the traits and accomplishments society stressed and that scale dipped into the plus side of acceptance. I served in Vietnam as a combat infantryman, supported my family, paid for my wife's, son's, daughter's, granddaughter's education and fully vested me grandson's college education plan of five years. The biggest thing that made me think about my standing as a crossdresser is the fact it was not until forty years after my Vietnam service that I joined a support group of guys who were also combat veterans. Even with that I am the only one in the group who was awarded a Purple Heart and spent time in a hospital and still paying the price, physically. I punched my man-card to the fullest. Damn, it's midnight out here!

[Jean O]

This tread has allowed me to do some thinking about when the interest in dressing evolved. I know it started very early and was not sexual. As I matured there was excitement about dressing and that would manifest as sexual arousal.
I was married had a family and a career that frown on dressing. A series of buying an purging defined my life for a long time. Two years age my wife passed and my family lives in another state. This has freed me to explore dressing not as a sexual thing but as a real part of my total person. I am becoming more comfortable wearing women's clothing them men's. I want to be attractive and working to look my best when going out. I am doing the things to help me achieve this goal. I am somewhat confused about my sexual orientation because I am attracted to women but don't know what I would do if approached by a man while dressed.
Thank all of you for giving me a venue to express my thoughts.
Jean O

[missjoann49]

For me, my story is somewhat the same as some of you, but also different. Like many I started dressing very young, maybe 3 yrs of age, but it was not my doing that started me dressing. I was an only child and my mother had always wanted a girl. My dad used to work a lot of nights so she would dress me as her little girl whenever she could. When i started school I would always go in a boy mode, but when I got home she would have my clothes all picked out for me and she would do my hair like a little girl. We would have to ride the bus to go into the city as she didn't drive and I always went with her as her daughter. I was to young to know any different. As junior high school and high school came it would be the same thing changing to girls cloths when I would get home. As I got into my teen years I did notice that there was a rush that went through me every time I dressed in a female mode. At that point I would have to say it was a sexual thing. For many years later I fought this and knew that there was different about me. Married life and raising a family were had trying to hide my feelings for who I really was. After my late wife passed I decided it was time for me to be who I was made into at an early age. I am well into my journey of woman hood now and my total feeling is sexuality I am where I am supposed to be and very happy with myself. Sorry this explaination is so long. Hugs to all

[Verity]

I somewhat unconsciously, denied my desired for many many years. Blindly steering my thoughts away from acknowledging my desire to dress for far too long. I suspect that worries about the sexual desire aspect may have contributed, not wanting to be labeled as deviant or whatever. When at last it did come up in a way I allowed myself to look at and acknowledge, it was a lot of honesty and acceptance of all that it is. The truthful authenticity, the connection to femininity, and acknowledging the sensual feel and sexual kink aspects that were rolled into the whole. It just felt like another small part of the whole experience that I needed to accept and embrace. It?s an interesting question though and one I should consider as I try to figure out how and why I hid from myself for so long. I am just so very happy to not be hiding as much anymore. It?s good to just be me, and when the mood strikes, dress pretty!