self conscience

[Jodi79]

When I get the chance to venture out dressed I am always MIAD(S) (I use S because I'm usually in a skirt) I find that I am more self conscience around men. I don't get too worried if I'll be around women. I love going shopping dressed and usually in smaller stores that are store front like most Maurices or Catos. I don't mind if women are in there but there are husbands- I almost don't go in. I also don't like to be in stores with young kids - I just don't want parents to have to deal with stuff like this with young kiddos.

[Bea_]

I'm a MIAD type dresser at home but I've only been out to therapy sessions in a dress or skirt. I have been out a very few times in leggings, women's jeans, femme tops, etc, I do most of my shopping at Marshalls and my confidence swings, sometimes just boldly browsing the racks and sometimes just giving up. I have run across children and teens while waiting for a therapy session and do find those encounters to be stressful for the reason you mentioned. The struggle is real.

[CarlaWestin]

Don't feel like a loner on this one. With my public adventures, I totally avoid men and groups of teens or children.
I've had many wonderful conversations with women and always there's a desire for them to just ask if I'm a man playing dress up.

[Debbie Denier]

I too avoid husbands and kids. I had a frightening experience many years ago trying clothes on in a CD friendly shop. A GG came in with her husband when i was in the changing room trying on a dress. I waited for what seemed like an eternity for them to leave before exiting the changing room. I was still shaking and nearly physically sick. The female shop owner advised me to come back early in the morning to avoid it ever happening again.I wish her shop was still open. She helped and understood my needs so much.

[Stephanie47]

I've read of an opinion that men are not supportive of men who are cross dressers or gay because that person is relinquishing his "man card" which they perceive as affecting all men's position in life. I suspect many of us are leery of being confronted by a disapproving male. Heck, women when they meet tend to hug and air-kiss while you're lucky is a guy will shale another's guy's hand.

[docrobbysherry]

Jodi, u r a MIAS!:heehee:

U explained perfecly why I never dress for daytime, vanilla venues for shopping, lunch, etc. Because I go out to accomplish things. And, whether or not folks notice me it's all a big distraction for me from my purposes for going out.:sad:

When I dress I want it to be fun! So, bars, clubs, and other LGBT friendly, mostly nitetime venues!:battingeyelashes:

[Sometimes Steffi]

I agree with you about avoiding men. I don't mind if women see me. It often leads to interesting conversations. Women are usually accepting, or at least tolerant. I think that they somewhat admire us, even if they don't agree with it.

Men are at best tolerant with it. I think that they buy into the "crossdressers are gay" theory and are scared by us. They're even more scared if we look pretty or if they are even mildly attracted to us. Most men don't want to be considered gay.

That being said, I don't mix and match. I am either all boy or all girl, but never a MIAD. Not saying that you shouldn't do what feels good for you. I have shopped for femme clothes in full femme or full homme. I usually shop in male mode because I don't get the opportunity to dress very often.

[Meg]

I have yet to go out fully dressed. I do not own a wig as of yet. My make up skills are not that good yet either. I did travel to Florida by car, while wearing a skirt. This included fuel stops, motels, restaurants and I even did some shopping. I found it very liberating and, most of all, comfortable. It did serve to increase my confidence in dressing as I had no bad experiences. I must say that as I went into a Target store in Alabama while wearing a denim skirt. I was a bit apprehensive. No issues. If I got second looks, I did not notice. I just went about my business like everyone else. As others have taught me here, people are generally too busy to notice others. I will in the near future be going out dressed, and thanks to my sisters here, I will do so confidently. Hugs, Meg

[Jasmine23]

Men in general are much more confrontational, which might even lead to a physical confrontation, so I think subconsciously we fear this, also men are less tolerant and likely to think less of us. Women generally are much more emphatic, some as Steffi said might even admire us, sort of delighted to see us literally walk a mile in her shoes, so as long as they don't perceive us as a threat, there's a kind of kinship there, a sisterhood almost!

Personally I'd hate for any of my male family, friends or work colleagues to find out, but, wouldn't be as bothered if the women in my life found out- as long as they didn't tell any of the men in my life. Around other men we still want to be seen as one of the lads, while around women we want to be one of the girls!

[NancySue]

I?m with the nix men and kids group. One never knows, especially in today?s world. It?s not worth the risk.

[CynthiaD]

When out en femme, I don’t avoid children, but I don’t interact with them either. I don’t avoid men either. I’ve had a few encounters with obnoxious men, where I try to just smile and walk away. Sometimes easier said than done. I’ve always been treated like a woman. I met one guy who was walking around with a live boa constrictor around his neck. He was very polite and even let me pet his snake. A nice encounter.

[Brynna M]

I think it's a simple reality that men are on average more aggressive, more likely to initiate a confrontation, and physically more dangerous. I suspect it's analogous to what woman fear with unwanted male attention (the difference being that we are in general man sized so push literally comes to shove our odds are better) I'm sorry you feel nervous when your looking to feel..... happy? Free?

[Jodi79]

I don't feel fearful of confrontation - I just feel uncomfortable as a man in women's clothing around other men.

[jjjjohanne]

Man in a dress here. I call it being "dressed pretty".
I also have a hierarchy of people to avoid. It keeps changing though. I couldn't come up with an actual hierarchy to write here. Clearly, the top of the list: blue-collar, white men.
I live in the USA, in the South East. In my experience:
* Hispanic men and women act almost as if everyone they know is a crossdresser. I have never sensed an attitude of "This is unusual/bad/surprising" from them. Totally cool with it.
* Black women are quite curious and intrigued. They are very friendly and accepting. Black men might be more reserved, but I have always found them to be kind. In fact, I think black people are more likely to talk with me when I am dressed pretty than when I am dressed in menswear.
* White women are a mix of friendly and quiet. It's hard to tell why someone is quiet. I am white. I think that there is a tendency in me to pretend that you didn't see something that makes you uncomfortable. Maybe that's it. I feel pretty safe and welcomed around women. "White-collar" white men are typically respectful, but normally are not as likely to engage with me. It might be me that is less likely to look interested in talking to them. I don't know what "blue-collar" men are like. I think I am too scared to find out. (FYI: "Blue-collar" jobs are laboring class jobs. "White-collar" jobs might require a special skill or education.)
* I avoid children, because I don't want to force the parents to have uncomfortable conversations. Teens used to whip out their phones when they saw me. Those days are mostly gone. (These days, I see more 40-50 year-old adults taking selfies that I need to be sure not to be in the background of!!) Little girls have asked awkward conversations like, "Why are you wearing a skirt?" But they also have complimented me on my shoes in the same conversation.

I have avoided eating at restaurants that had a lot of pick-up trucks in the parking lot.

[kimdl93]

I understand the reservations about being around men or families with kids. I do not present as MIAD but I go out expecting to be read, and feel the same qualms about reactions from males. A last vestige of male sensibilities, i suppose.

[Bea_]

I am more likely to avoid men in general but my take on much of it is that many/most men are afraid that they would give up their own masculinity if they didn't show outright disapproval. It's not universal but I have seen so many men making sure that everyone saw them as "not gay" that they have to show anger or at least disapproval to avoid guilt by association.

[Genifer Teal]

I have found that the lower a person's social status, the more likely they are to voice their opinions out loud, often in your face. This way of thinking about it, it's better than a cultural divide. There are common behaviors among different cultures. There's also exceptions to every rule. Generally speaking this rule holds true.

[alwayshave]

JOdi - because men are more likely to be physical than women, it's a good policy to avoid men. Of course there are exceptions, such as LGBTQ+ establishments. Most women seem inquisitive, men feel threatened.

[Fiona_44]

I do not go out of my way to avoid men and kids, I just do not interact with them unless absolutely necessary. The majority of woman are okay to interact with.

[Brynna M]

I don't feel fearful of confrontation - I just feel uncomfortable as a man in women's clothing around other men.

I know sometimes we can't put a metaphorical face on a feeling but if it's not fear of somekind of confrontation what scenario is going through your head that makes you uncomfortable? That they'll say something behind your back or think terrible things about you? ....????

[Sometimes Steffi]

I suspect it's analogous to what woman fear with unwanted male attention (the difference being that we are in general man sized so push literally comes to shove our odds are better)

I haven't used this yet, because I haven't come close to a physical confrontation.

But I have a line ready in case I need one. I would say, "I really am a man under this dress. Are you willing to take a chance on getting beat up by a girl?" I would say that in my man voice. Then I would go into a stereotypical Karate stance, and try to stare him down.

A little bit of psychological warfare.

[Heather76]

@ Sometimes Steffi

My response to a physical threat is somewhat close to yours. The difference is, I would ask, "Are you going to get some kind of testosterone rush out of beating up a 79 year old man just because he wears a dress?"

[jjjjohanne]

I have never had any man do anything threatening to me. (I am also 6'3" and large framed. So, I might be tough looking... YMMV.) The worst thing that I have ever experienced from a man was: One time as I walked across the mall parking lot toward the building, a couple construction workers saw me and whistled, mockingly I assumed. That's it. Surely my avoidance of men has reduced my opportunities to be reacted to.

I have been laughed at by several women. Most were quietly. One pair of teenagers laughed loudly. One older woman gave me an evil look. Once an older woman said to me at a shoe store (I was dressed in menswear trying on heels), "I hope you are preparing for a review." One woman reported that a man was using a changing room on the women's side of the store. The manager politely asked me to use the men's dressing room next time. (If I recall correctly, an employee had sent me into the dressing rooms that I used, and I chose not to tell on her.)

I suppose I should add that I was laughed at by 10-12 year-old girls on a couple of occasions too, when they were with a peer. Solo kids are never like that.

BUT, the other ~20,000 people I have encountered over my crossdressing life either didn't notice, didn't care, reacted politely, or complimented me. The odds of a good encounter are apparently high.

[Brynna M]

I'm wondering if we got too hung up on the idea of confrontation. I don't want speak for Jodi. But my other thoughts are that It may also be the perception that men are less accepting and more likely to be very judgemental even if there is no confrontation. It may also be an unconscious desire for mens approval more than women or children. Those might be alternative explanations. (I also might be a nerd overstepping and pretending to be a psychologist)

[Jennifer_Ph]

I really don't avoid anyone. I'm super confident in my presence, people read that, and that becomes acceptance. Besides, its something like 1 out of 5 have at least tried dressing. The only confrontations I've had I swear were from other CD's afraid to step out of the closet and are jealous that I have so they project their anger on me. I take it in stride. One guy said, "You should be ashamed of yourself!" I smiled, winked, and asked quietly, "What color are your panties?" He turned bright red and stormed off. I honestly think it all has to do with confidence.

[Natalie5004]

I remember one time I was in a CVS store getting some items. Early mid day. I get in line to check out. 2 younger men in front of me and 2 younger men behind me. When I noticed that I started to sweat, no comments were made but I was sweating through my tank top and short shorts. I also was wearing full makeup and wedges for shoes. But it all was just me in my head. Not a word was said.

[Evelyn37]

Interesting to read the comments since i am always more self conscious around men than women. Which is funny because I would suspect that women would be much more apt to spot the difference than men would?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

i am always more self conscious around men than women.

Me too, even when I'm dressed drab. I hate the sense of competition, I hate their leers and jokes about women, and I hate sports. At least I love sports cars and DIY.

But I don't identify as one of them, I feel like a fish out of water. And I know that if I were an attractive woman, I'd lap up their attention, I'd flirt and I'd dress to please them.

I think I may be a little screwed up.