How 30 years changes things

[CharlotteCD]

As is true for many I discovered cross dressing when I was about 4 or 5, which is 30 odd years ago now. It started with my sister and her friend dressing me up in my sister's clothes, giving me a girls name etc. I was also used as a model for my mum's self employed job as a seamstress in her spare time, and I would have to stand and model dresses.

Things started to be an issue for my parents when I started hiding my sister's clothes in my room and when it became clear that I was really keen to be dressed up and actively encouraging the "being a girl" game.

It was made very clear to me that it wasn't right, it wasn't acceptable and I wasn't to do it any more. When clothes were found they used to scold me and directly ask if I was wearing them. I would lie about it and say no.

All the while I was going to bed every night saying I wish I could wake up a girl.


Roll on 30 years...


I've had to sit down with my girlfriend and tell my mum that my girlfriend's daughter was born male, socially transitioned in May and I accept her for who she is.

My heart was pounding the whole way through because of my fears that my Mum may reject her, or it would lead to discussions about me and my dressing when I was a child. I felt extremely rejected and hurt when I was young and I know for sure that I would have pushed to transition had I felt accepted by my parents.

My mum has taken it in her stride so far and accepted that my girlfriend has found this extremely tough to get her head around but that she is a mum and will support her child through thick and thin because that is what a mum will do. I know my mum sees a lot of herself in my girlfriend in that regard because they are both fiercely protective of their children.



Oh how 30 years can change things.



I'm still expecting to hear something regarding my own past but for now it's all been OK


No doubt those who have seen my recent posts about my accepting girlfriend can see why she supports my gender expression and will do my makeup, go clothes shopping with me etc.

[bridget thronton]

Hope things continue to work out well for your family

[Cassie2024]

Charlotte, I would often go to sleep when i was a child dreaming and wishing when i awoke, some decree would require all boys wear girl clothes. I never dreamed the opposite, so I guess I expected everyone to wear girl clothes, lol.
I attended Catholic school, so i wanted to wear the pleated skirts and white blouses and hair bands. I still imagine all the times, how I would be wearing a skirt or dress as I go about the day. Or, I will see a woman and like her attire,, and imagine me wearing it. I'm glad all is going well with both your mom and your girlfriend. It seems you've gravitated to someone who is of liked mind as yours. All the Best!

[SaraLin]

Charlotte,
Bless you for fully supporting your girlfriend.
Bless her for supporting you.

It's nice that your mother is supportive of your girlfriend's child, but it raises questions that I think you're going to have to address in the not-to-distant future.

Does your mother know that you still dress, or are you still hiding it from her?
If she knows, has she become more supportive, or at least accepting?

I'm sure it hurts you to see her being supportive "over there", but you're left feeling like she didn't (or doesn't?) give that same support to her own child.
I can see this turning into resentment, bitterness, or anger with you, if it isn't addressed.
I really think you need to sit down and have a CALM discussion about your feelings about all this.
Maybe you and your mom can work on healing the 30+ year old wound in your heart.

[alwayshave]

Charlotte - I am glad that your girlfriends daughter has an ally.

[kimdl93]

Well, your mom may have elected to memory hole any recollections of your child hood crossdressing. If it does come up, you might as well acknowledge that this continues to be part of who you are. Perhaps your mum will be more accepting now.

[CharlotteCD]

Charlotte,
Does your mother know that you still dress, or are you still hiding it from her?
If she knows, has she become more supportive, or at least accepting?

I'm sure it hurts you to see her being supportive "over there", but you're left feeling like she didn't (or doesn't?) give that same support to her own child.
I can see this turning into resentment, bitterness, or anger with you, if it isn't addressed.
I really think you need to sit down and have a CALM discussion about your feelings about all this.
Maybe you and your mom can work on healing the 30+ year old wound in your heart.

My mum doesn't know, or at least it's not something that has ever been discussed. I was only ever caught as a child and I lied every time.

It hurts me to know that I wanted the love and support of my parents because all I wanted was to be a girl, and all I was hearing was that it was wrong, it was abnormal etc. There is no anger or bitterness about it because I am looking at it from a point of view that in the early 1990's there was no transgender except as a punchline to be mocked. Times have changed, and no doubt her opinion has changed.

End of the day I have a beautiful daughter, an incredible girlfriend, and I seemingly have a future step-daughter who is finding her way but most importantly a good kid. I was brought up well and couldn't want for anything more other than one aspect - gender and sexuality support. For my parents to fail to meet my standards on one aspect is minor in the grand scheme of things.

[Jane G]

That rings a few old bells Charlotte. Though my parents are long gone. Enjoy what your partner accepts, but don't push. She is really there for her child. You are just a beneficiary, never forget that. Support her and the decisions and discussions she needs to have along the way.

[CynthiaD]

I was in high school when I discovered Sexology magazine. It contained frank, non-judgemental discussionsof all aspects of sexuality. One issue had a discussion about "transvestites". I realized, for the first time, that there were many people like me, that presenting as female was harmless, and that it was perfectly normal for some people. There was a true-life story of a man coming out to his wife. It was a tender encouraging story that I found quite moving. I kept this issue until my mother found it in my room. She told me that there was stuff in that magazine that no one needed to know about and made me burn it in the fireplace. Apparently it was just too evil to be thrown in the trash. I still read the magazine every chance I could get, but I never brought an issue home after that. Needless to say, my mother?s attitude warped my impression of crossdressing for a long time. But fortunately I was eventually able to overcome it.

Oh, also, I believe my parents knew about my crossdressing all along, but were just too embarrassed to confront me about it.

[Glenda58]

I was the same at 6 or 7 I wanted to wake up a girl like all the other girls. Now 70 yrs later I'm starting my journey to womanhood. Don't wait to long if that's what you want.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Charlotte, I would often go to sleep when i was a child dreaming and wishing when i awoke, some decree would require all boys wear girl clothes. I never dreamed the opposite, so I guess I expected everyone to wear girl clothes, lol.

I never wanted to be a girl, but I had all kinds of fantasies about dressing like a girl.

I used to fantasize that I got locked in a department store overnight, and got to try on girl clothes all night.

I used to fantasize that that I got captured by a girl tribe, and they had a magic way to turn me into a girl.

I used to fantasize that I was an emperor in a parade and I gave wishes to my subjects. Someone got the idea of wishing me to dress like a girl, piece by piece, and I was obligated to comply.

I used to fantasize that I found a magic elevator. You would get in it, and as it went down, you would get younger and younger until you were a single cell zygote. The the XY could be flipped to XX and you would go back up the elevator as a girl.

I used to fantasize that I was falling from a high building, with clothe lines strung out between that building and the next. As I fell, I would fall through women's clothing strung out on the lines and I was fully dressed by the time I hit the ground. I got this from a Goofy cartoon.

[Diedre]

CharlotteCD, my mother also did sewing as a means of extra income. And, I too was used as the dress dummy. At first I wasn't too keen on it, but all of a sudden something clicked and I couldn't wait until the next session.
Unfortunately, it was noticed that I was enjoying my participation way too much and I got replaced with a dress form my mother found at a thrift store, But by then the seed was planted and growing.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Charlotte, this has presented you with an opportunity that you never would have anticipated, to bring up the subject with your mum. Your gf's daughter has shown that your mum is capable of accepting behaviour outside her range of experience.

It would take great bravery on your part, I understand that, but perhaps you might give your mum the benefit of the doubt?

Make it about your feelings, tell her that your heart was pounding when you told her about your gf's daughter, because you had never dared admit to her that you yourself had, and still have, similar instincts. It's taking a risk, but you've told us how fiercely protective of you your mum is, and however she feels privately about gender norms, that protectiveness isn't going to evaporate. She might need some time to process - but then again she might smile and say, you silly thing- I've always known that about you. I think her next question will be, how does your gf feel about that?

Yes it's a risk, but think of the emotional rewards if she says it's ok.

[Debbie Denier]

Its great that you have accepted your girlfriend?s daughter for who she is Charlotte. Also great that your girlfriend accepts you for who you are. Things might change with your mum. When my stash was discovered in my 20s. My mother made it very clear to me that it was not acceptable. She also warned me that my girlfriend at the time would run a mile away if she knew. Later in life aged 47 after my father passed away , I came out to my mother after my wife threatened to end our marriage after discovering my fem clothes. I was very upset at the time. My mother allowed me to keep a fem wardrobe at her home and dress there anytime I wanted. Which I did for 10 years until my mum passed away. I asked my mum why she changed her mind. She told me she feared losing me forever. Which would never have happened. Times change and opinions change so you never know. Good luck, I hope you gain your mums acceptance too.

[@tammileetilliso]

Adorable fantasies, Steffi.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Charlotte :hugs:, I started at the same 4 or 5 years old 78 years ago,