Struggling with this

[KymG]

Im finding i need this more and more, ive expanded the wardrobe, got better at presentation overall (I think) and i think about dressing everyday.

Part of me wants to go out, (late night drives im not counting) and i never cared about that before. Maybe do pride or something, manchester village or similiar

Just feel so damn hot and sexy when dressed, it does something to me but also in the cold light of day makes me hate myself for it

I realise that few prospective partners are going to be accepting and that depresses me aswell

I know i cant give it up, but i look in the mirror and ask myself, what is wrong with you?

I dont want it permanently just sometimes its a massive thrill for a few hours

Agggh!

[Terrihoney]

The desire to go out and be seen is powerful. Affirmation of our female self occurs only when seen by others. It doesn't have to be clubs, pubs, or bars, simply daily shopping, mall walks, or getting gas. You have to take care of yourself first, then worry about future partners.

Hugs, Terri

[docrobbysherry]

Don't feel bad, Kym. It took me over 10 years to discover I wasn't a trans. Simply a CD!:eek:

[kimdl93]

There is nothing wrong with taking pleasure from cross dressing. If you feel guilt and shame, if it impacts on your ability to maintain real life relationships (as it has for many of us, myself included) then perhaps some counseling may be in order. It’s interesting how many of human behavioral issues seem to have an addictive quality, and part of addiction is that depressive mood after the high, and the potentially repetitive, destructive cycle of seeking that dopamine high.

[Debs]

Kym , I was in the same boat for many years, , but I have now got the balance right ,I go out in the UK and travel, I only stay out for 1 night max as agrred, I dont push it, I know whe Ive done to much, with the wringles on her forehead, but talking is the key.So yes I can go out dressed, but not on my own doorstep, I dont push it at home to much either, but Ive got a balance. we have taked about going out and about in the UK on this forum, Myself Helen Highwater try we do tr to arrange help to go out for the first time and support, you can fight it, but dressing always wins.

[bridget thronton]

The ladies here are very supportive - I have done many outings I would not have dreamed of prior to joining this group

[Sandi Beech]

Kym,

That is similar to how I used to feel about my crossdressing before I started going out and meeting accepting people. It is hard to describe the self esteem lift you can get from going out in a social setting.

There are potentially accepting partners out there. Even though we have a lot of people who are successful here, many had a bumpy road getting to their current arrangements. Personally, if I were single I would want to meet a partner while I am crossdressed first. Then acceptance is not going to an issue and I would not have to worry about when to tell a prospective partner that I like to crossdress.


Sandi

[Marketa]

Kym, I'm sorry you are struggling. I think you need a real big hug.

First of all there's nothing wrong with you. Unusual? Probably. Wrong? No. You aren't doing any harm to anyone, you're only overthinking and overanalyzing it.

And outing doesn't have to be these large pompous actions. You don't have to go singing in karaoke drag show. Just as others said, do normal things. Go grocery shopping, go to the mall, go to some venue, or just stroll the city, buy coffee to go or hot cocoa, walk through parks and streets and enjoy being outside.

And mainly don't hate yourself, darling. There's more than enough hate in the world already, we don't have to add even more. Embrace that you've found there's more within you than meets the eyes and enjoy being and feeling sexy. It's a great feeling and we should cherish it when we feel that.

[Fiona_44]

There is nothing wrong with you, don't hate yourself. Just go slow and let the lady inside you come out comfortably. I did and I consider being a trans woman a gift.

[PaulaJeanette]

Kym, those of us who are in this lifestyle have gone through and very familiar with what you describe.

[CynthiaD]

…
I know i cant give it up, but i look in the mirror and ask myself, what is wrong with you?
…
Agggh!

Nothing is wrong with you. What you are doing is perfectly normal, for you. If you want to go out, go! In all likelihood, nothing bad will happen. There are plenty of women who will accept you for who you are. Don’t go-around feeling like damaged goods, because you are not. The most important thing that any crossdresser can do is accept yourself. Crossdressing is a beautiful thing, and you should love yourself for it.

Your journey is not unique. Many others have felt the way you do. (Myself included.) Learn to rise above it. Learn to embrace who you are, and love yourself for it.

I wish you the very best.
Cynthia

[KymG]

Thank you for the kind words of support
I guess its something i have to be at peace with myself on

[JenniferR771]

Kimdl has a good approach.
It takes time.
And remember women dress nice to attract a mate.
Men get a good job, have a nice car and plenty of money in their pokckts. Pockets. (purse).

[Wendy James]

Kym
I am currently experiencing the same thing. I have crossdressed on and off for most of my life. Two years ago wife left me and blamed all the problems we had on my crossdressing, after I told her. I decided at that point I was going to start over and went cold turkey. A few weeks ago I stuck my toe into the fog and realized how much I missed it. I have since then started rebuilding my wardrobe, underdressing when out and fully dressed at home. I have also added jewelry and painted nails. Although I still have a lot of questions and am considering going back to counseling I have a accepted who I am and how I want to live. I have a long way to go and at 60 I want to just be happy and I know I always feel better when dressed. Don't hate yourself it does not help, trust me, just enjoy it and have no regrets

[WandaRae2009]

I know the feeling. I don't know what it is, but the desire to go out in the world is strong. I did go out a couple of time when I was out of town on a business trip many years ago, before my wife knew about Wanda. Once she found out, she has made me promise not to go out enfemme. To keep peace at home I have kept that promise. I am hoping that some day to talk her into allowing me to attend a support organization event. She is afraid that some violence will happen to me if I go out, so I hope that she will feel better about a group event.

[Helen_Highwater]

Kym,

I remember that feeling of wanting of get out only too well.

As you're foot loose and fancy free, only you to please you could consider doing what I did many moons ago that set me on the road to outandaboutery. I've done this pretty much every year for well over a decade and rented a holiday property, mostly in a remote location. With no neighbours to see me come and go I could go out day or night, away from those who know me and in my own good time grow ever more confident in just what level of contact I made with the general population.

Even if it's just for a long weekend it gives you the chance to experiment and push your boundaries a little at a time. That said, weekdays tend to be quieter in town centres, especially the pubs and eateries so mid week has it's advantages which is why I always offer a Wednesday for my meet-ups in Manchester's gay village. If you want to go solo there PM me and I'll give you a few pubs to go to where you'll feel totally at home.

[Debs]

Kym, Im in Blackpool this weekend, If you would like to come out, I can take you socially to meet all my CD friends, just PM me and Ill let you know where which pub to meet me in.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kimy G:hugs:, The only rule is that there are NO Rules !!

[Raychel]

I have the exact same feeling, I would love to go out for an outing.
But the way I dress I highly doubt that the general public would be very accepting
I have dressed for a day of driving before. And sure did enjoy that,
Maybe someday I will build up the courage to go to a pride event or some other outing.
But for now, Raychel stays in the house dreaming of the day

[Genifer Teal]

One thing I decided early on was to never be ashamed of who I am. They don't have to like it but that doesn't make it bad.

[Suzie Petersen]

Kym,
First off, there is of course nothing wrong with you.
Like most things in life, doing something you have never done before, can be intimidating. Trust me, most of us here who go out as women, were more or less terrified the first time, or rather several times.
With time you will get past that and you will come to enjoy this side of you even more.

A few days ago, I flew dressed for the first time, twice. I was ready for it, not nervous at all, and had a great experience with lots of positive interactions with other people along the way. I will definitely do it again.

The last couple of days, I have been with some great cd/tg friends, a small group of wonderful people, on a mini vacation at a hotel in Atlanta. We go shopping, have lunches, dinners, drinks at different bars, and so on. Yes we talk about our dressing, talk about neon who we are and the associated complications of brings, but for the most part we just talk about regular stuff and do what a group of women do when they vacation together. We enjoy life and each others company.
Right now, I am at the hotel pool in a swimsuit, and I am feeling great.
Try and put your fears behind you and just go. Do something simple at first, but have a purpose. Go drop a letter in a post office mail box, or go and buy a gallon of milk.
It all gets easier after the first few times.
Hugs
Suzie

[Stephanie47]

Dressing enables me to cope with the stresses of life. When I was a lot younger there was an inner pull for me to get out and mingle. I did the full deal, including makeup, nails and wig) on Halloween as a young woman: not a cartoon character. When I was under the influence of the pink fog I would at least doll up and take evening strolls in a safe neighborhood. That satisfied the "urge." I have not desire to go to the mall and just roam around aimlessly since my goal is peace and tranquility.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Kym, you describe feeling hot and sexy when dressed, that it's a massive thrill, but then in the cold light of day you hate yourself for it.

Is it the dressing that you later feel bad about, or the hot and sexy?

I wonder if you've thought about the fact that, traditionally at least, it is men that might find you hot and sexy, rather than women?

You mention prospective partners, that few would be accepting, and in terms of straight women, that's certainly going to be true. On the other hand there are a lot of men who would definitely be attracted to a hot, sexy crossdresser.

Personally I'd find that incredibly exciting. But how would you feel about that?

[NancySue]

I join the chorus of ?there?s nothing wrong with you?. Like others, I?ve dressed most of my life thus going through all the highs and lows, pleasure, fears, anxiety, frustration, etc. Then I met my wife, took the leap of fate and told her, expecting the worst. Making a long story short, she accepted me and has been a supportive blessing. Hopefully, you?ll find that special one. In the meantime, think positively, enjoy.

[Cheryl T]

What you've said sounds so much like me when I was in my 20's.
The intense desire to dress and be in public. The risky night walks I would take. The excitement of dressing and knowing others had no clue (I hoped). Then the let down when it was over and I had to change and put all my lovely clothes away. The feeling that there was something wrong with me. Sometimes disgust leading to purging only to find myself buying more a week, a month or whatever later.
Finally I realized I'm not weird, I'm not perverted. I'm not doing anything that hurts anyone.
What I was doing was just expressing a part of me that only found expression when I presented as a woman. I was just being me.

It's difficult to get past those feelings. You have to accept yourself for who you are and understand that this is just your way of showing a part of you that needs to see the light of day.

[alwayshave]

Kym, You sound like me 40 years ago. At this point I just accept that I'm a crossdresser and I am happy with the few hours of going out dressed.

[Cassie2024]

Kym,

Like the others, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Granted crossdressing is not practiced by the majority of men. Yet, you can bet for sure, that each man has some idiosyncrasy about them. You just don't know what it may be. I am sure there are men who like to sleep with their teddy bears or blankie. We like to dress and present in feminine form. Yes, when we go out in public, we make it public, so we are exposed and we let everyone know. But as many have stated in various ways, when we venture out, no one really cares. I am not dismissing that we must always be cognizant of our surroundings and be safe, we must always be aware of our surroundings. Yet, Kym, our dressing is part of our personality, not our character or our masculinity. As many here will tell you, they have while they are in touch with their feminine side, they have no desire to transition. There is a difference. Counseling will help you resolve your feelings. A good therapist will not tell you what to think, they will help you think and sort feelings, desires, and goals. In time hopefully you will gain confidence, strength, and perspective so you can place your crossdressing where it needs to be in your mental and emotional beings. That way you become whole, one person, a man who knows himself. I think once that is achieve, you will be able to attract the partner you will need for a successful relationship. We all lean towards clam and balance in our lives. The angst you experience today will be equal the calm you will feel tomorrow when you resolve your feelings. It will happen. We are here to support, explain what we can, but also serve as an example, you are not alone. Life is never easy for anyone. We all are challenged with something, but the good news is there is the other side. Just where some flats because the path can be rocky... :love:

[candice_cain]

I'm a newbie but I think I can say...Welcome to the club !! :)
How can something that makes you feel so good also make you feel so bad (or confused)?
You are still trying to live by someone else's standards.
What is normal? What is acceptable? Why do I do this?
You know what? It doesn't matter!
Be who you are, and if wearing women's clothes is something you want to do then DO IT!
At the end of the road people don't say: I wish I would have conformed to societal rules
No! They say I wish I did more things that made me happy.
Don't wait, be happy now.

[Ashley050]

For me personally, I would much prefer the attentions of another crossdresser rather than a man. I can see how male attention can be very stimulating and the sexual side of that is very exciting but I am attracted to women. To me a CD is another woman. Attractive CD?s are a major sexual attraction for me and I think I dress partially to look like the women I am attracted to.
I must admit though, having sex with a male is also a fantasy of mine, dressed as a girl and serviced by a man would be very hot.
It gets confusing!!!

[siantv2003]

Hi Kym
You aren't alone - you have is - and as many have said already, most of us go through what you are going through. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you and when you eventually find your other half, you will navigate this together too. The outcome may not be what you want but if they truly love you and accept you, you will reach an understanding. In my own case, we agreed on a DADT aspect which is fine by me, she knows that i still dress and have a thing for heels but I do it when she is not around so its good. Like you I also long to go out - unlike you, I don't think I will pass at 6 foot and 100+kgs and I don't have the courage but, persevere if you want to. Go out to clubs or do Pride .. live in the mean time

[Traci H]

I echo others here. I have come to accept who I am. Not sure how I became what I am, but it makes no difference. I always loved the saying, Normal is just a setting on your dryer! Who should define such.

While I am biased, I believe I am a good person. Flaws yes, I have many. Being a crossdresser is probably one only through my wife?s eyes. If my wife could accept even some of my CD leanings, life would be grand.

Carry on, makeup on and chin held high.

Traci