Safety rules for meeting members

[Sometimes Steffi]

I recently had the opportunity to meet a member of our group when she was in town. Unfortunately, we didn't meet. There was no restaurant in her hotel, and none within walking distance. Picking her up and going to a restaurant would have violated Safety Rule #2.

I just practice safety as a general rule. I haven't had any real problems, but I just play it safe.

My basic safety rules:

1. Meet in a public place.
2. Don't ride alone in a car with her.
3. Don't ever, ever go up to her room. Arooga, Arooga, Battle Stations. LOL.

Once I've met someone FtF, I can relax the safety rules.

I was wondering if anyone had other safety rules to add.

[BrendaPDX]

I have met three people from here. We always meet for coffee on the first meeting. But I do agree with your rules.

[Suzie Petersen]

Steffi,

I certainly respect your need for safety and your chosen safety rules. However, I am much more relaxed about this and am not nearly as concerned about people, especially from within our own community, having nefarious motives.

My choice is to look for the good in people, not the bad, and to be open, not scared.
While I am not reckless at any time, I do not believe in being scared of my own or anyone else's shadow. If I was, I would have missed so many opportunities to meet wonderful people through out my life.

Having said that, I am always aware of my surroundings in either mode, I know where the exits are, I read the room at all times, and I watch people around me. 20 years of military's service teaches you a thing or two about that, but, at least my training, also taught me to start out with being openminded and trusting, instead of being scared and defensive.

I will chose to keep my mind open. You do you.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't know about your group, Steffi but I've met well over 50 and maybe a hundred cd.comers over the years.:hugs:

I don't remember even one sketchy one!:thumbsup:
And, most r remarkable people that have brightened up my life. That's why I'm still here after so many years!:love:

Can't say that about all of the T's I've met in LGBT clubs and bars, tho. Some r a bit creepy!:eek:

[Shelly Preston]

These are guidelines from another area of the forum

Do your homework. Get to know potential real life friends as best you can before setting up a meeting. Use email, instant messaging, web-cam, read their posts, and, if comfortable, talk via voice. If you know someone that they have met before ( that you trust ) you can get more information from them on how their meeting went. Only give out your telephone number when you feel comfortable in doing so, not when you're asked.
Ask for a Recent Photo. There's nothing wrong in asking someone if their photos are recent. If they don't have a photo, request a recent one. It's important for you to get a good look at the person you may eventually meet. Plus your instincts from your communications and their photos may provide you with valuable insight into the person. Plus, if they tell you the photo is recent and you meet and see a major difference, then you'll know the person lied and can cut the date short. If a person lies about their photo or profile then that is a red flag to no longer pursue the relationship.
If the two of you hit it off on line, then by all means, set up a meeting. Only agree to meet other members when you feel comfortable in doing so. Choose a neutral, public place. It's up to you if it will be dressed or in drab.
Don't bite off more than you can chew the first time out. Perhaps coffee or a meal for a first time would be a good choice. If you can meet at a support group meeting it will be even easier. Try to make it a place you are familiar with and know the ins and outs of.
Be unmistakably clear about what the expectations for meeting are... friendship, romance, etc. There is no sense in wasting one another's time if there is no common interest.
Let someone know where you will be. Even better, have them call you on your cell phone 15-20 minutes into the meeting. If things are not going well, the call can be used as a means to end the meeting... emergency at work, home, etc. Let them know when to expect you to be home and have them call again to verify that you made it there safely.
Always trust your instincts! If you feel the least bit uncomfortable at any stage, terminate the arrangement. In almost every instance, there is good reason for your uneasiness.
Do not use alcohol or other substances that could cloud your judgment. Be alert to your surroundings. Keep your personal safety always foremost in your mind.

[kimdl93]

Not at all. Pretty much the same rules that would apply to any stranger.

[Helen_Highwater]

Over the years I've met a good few folks from the forum though offering to chaperone first timers on their out and about. It's always been of great importance to me to ensure not only my safety but to give those joining me that feeling of security

A public place for me means somewhere like a pub or restaurant, somewhere that we'll sit together and be in view of others for an amount of time. Under the station clock doesn't class as suitable for my liking.

[Cheryl T]

Your #2 reminds me of a joke.
A man picks up a hitchhiker. The rider says "aren't you worried I might be a serial killer?".
Driver says, "you know what the odds of 2 serial killers being in the same car are?"

Yes I have rules for meeting others.
Basically it's 1. meet publicly the first time preferably drab so you see who you are meeting.
2. Meet publicly the second time dressed so you see who you are meeting.

then it's all by gut feeling.

[Genifer Teal]

In the beginning, I guess I had more to learn about people and what they make of this hobby or expect from it. Now I got a pretty good sense the moment I talk to someone what their intentions are.
I'm not going to anyone's house or a room on a first date. I'm not talking about just dating, but you know what I mean. Keep it public the first time and take it from there. I am skeptical of meeting someone's male side. That's not, it's something I would do, and I wouldn't expect them to.

[alwayshave]

I don't have any safety rules per se. But your list seems pretty reasonable Steffi. I have met one girl from CD.com and we met at a bar/restaurant on 17th St NW in DC.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Let someone know where you will be. Even better, have them call you on your cell phone 15-20 minutes into the meeting. If things are not going well, the call can be used as a means to end the meeting... emergency at work, home, etc. Let them know when to expect you to be home and have them call again to verify that you made it there safely.

My daughter uses this method, with her friends as backup.

Also, she also meets at "Cheers", "Where everyone know her name." If things get dicey, she knows that the bartender or bouncer will escort her safely to her car.

[Philippa Jane]

This is all god information and a reminder to me to not be so blas? about meeting a stranger.
Recently I have been meeting strangers but this is through the Stitch forum and at some meetings I have mentioned I am trans.
All meetings have been at busy places.
I have found that this group is not meeting my needs in that most are straight women. I have yet to meet any gay ones.
I am going to join another group who are all purportedly lesbian and I shall need to be on my guard not to be exploited.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Steffi,
I certainly respect your need for safety and your chosen safety rules. However, I am much more relaxed about this and am not nearly as concerned about people, especially from within our own community, having nefarious motives.

And for me, those are the operative words, "within our own community". It's easy to purport to be "within our own community" over the Internet, but that doesn't make you one.

I used to go to an openly published event, and "chasers" (is the word, I think) were invited. Not my thing. Even in a public space, I was very guarded in a mixed group of chasers and CD girls.

As you say, "You do you".

[GaleWarning]

I have met in person a few people from this site. We first chatted via Skype/Zoom. Then we met in a public place. En-drab, not en-femme because we were more comfortable that way.
All of them have been very similar in outlook to me, not passionate about the need to appear en-femme in public.
In fact, each of them seemed like a brother! The conversation ranged far wider than cd-ing.
Crossdressing friendship doesn't/needn't HAVE to be about the clothes.

[CDMargret]

I should follow your rules for better safety. I have met another from this site. I did stalk them on here and read all their postings. They do live locally. Lot's of chatting. We met at my home. Her dressed and me mildly dressed for the first time with my wife present. All turned out great and she is a wonderful person. But for the future I will be paying more attention to the rules for safety. Thank you for posting.

[Genifer Teal]

One of my rules is no ropes, blindfolds, or handcuffs on a first date. Also, it's a good idea to meet at the venue, so you don't reveal your address. When I was hanging in the city all the time, I had a place where we would all meet up and if I was meeting someone new I would suggest meeting them there early in the night so if it went poorly, I would just continue on with whatever plans my friends had probably going to a club or something.