Alyssahailie
10-16-2024, 12:06 PM
I've been kinda in a weird space and wanted to talk about it here!
So I feel like I didn't experiment enough in my 20s because of financial constraints - I wasn't in a place to have the freedom and means to fully explore how big my fem side really was a part of me then and I sometimes think about how different I'd be if I had done so. I was conscious of the way I looked because I could only afford cheap wigs, makeup, clothes etc so didn't really go out as much as a girl as I'd have like because I wasn't comfortable enough. The only places I went to publicly were specifically tgirl type parties where it was girls like us and a bunch of chasers and the vibe was kinda gross so I only really played sexually with girls and tgirls even though the attention felt really good. I thought I absolutely 100% not into men even in girl mode at this time.
I tried to kinda just push it away but as I got to a better place financially, I got much much better at makeup and can afford to do things like wax to the point where I can actually semi pass as conventionally pretty. It got to the point where I was comfortable just going out to malls, bars and parties as a girl. I also started getting hit on and approached by more normal guys, I definitely liked to flirt back and I think I started to realize Alyssa was open to experimenting with guys as my mind would be fully immersed as Alyssa whenever I became her the more comfortable I got with how she looked but I was still too shy to take it any further than that as the feelings were new to me. This period was way too short lived as life kinda got in the way.
I'm married now and pretty happy with my normal life. I love my wife a lot and would not want to ruin what I have so I don't think I'd ever go any further. But I still think about if the situation were different, how far would things have gone? Would I have been fully trans had I experienced more and liked it earlier on. I think if I had the means back then, Alyssa would probably would have had her own closet full of makeup, outfits and shoes and gone out regularly as Alyssa. She'd probably have been picked up by a guy at a bar or club and maybe even allowed herself to date. I definitely would have traveled with a suitcase for only Alyssa and experienced a fully fem trip in a place where nobody knew me totally immersed as Alyssa. I think I may have liked it enough to consider transitioning so idk if that makes me somewhat "trans" or not.
It's def too late to do any of that now so this part of me is kinda just in the background now and I'm wondering if anyone else has felt something similar.
So I feel like I didn't experiment enough in my 20s because of financial constraints - I wasn't in a place to have the freedom and means to fully explore how big my fem side really was a part of me then and I sometimes think about how different I'd be if I had done so. I was conscious of the way I looked because I could only afford cheap wigs, makeup, clothes etc so didn't really go out as much as a girl as I'd have like because I wasn't comfortable enough. The only places I went to publicly were specifically tgirl type parties where it was girls like us and a bunch of chasers and the vibe was kinda gross so I only really played sexually with girls and tgirls even though the attention felt really good. I thought I absolutely 100% not into men even in girl mode at this time.
I tried to kinda just push it away but as I got to a better place financially, I got much much better at makeup and can afford to do things like wax to the point where I can actually semi pass as conventionally pretty. It got to the point where I was comfortable just going out to malls, bars and parties as a girl. I also started getting hit on and approached by more normal guys, I definitely liked to flirt back and I think I started to realize Alyssa was open to experimenting with guys as my mind would be fully immersed as Alyssa whenever I became her the more comfortable I got with how she looked but I was still too shy to take it any further than that as the feelings were new to me. This period was way too short lived as life kinda got in the way.
I'm married now and pretty happy with my normal life. I love my wife a lot and would not want to ruin what I have so I don't think I'd ever go any further. But I still think about if the situation were different, how far would things have gone? Would I have been fully trans had I experienced more and liked it earlier on. I think if I had the means back then, Alyssa would probably would have had her own closet full of makeup, outfits and shoes and gone out regularly as Alyssa. She'd probably have been picked up by a guy at a bar or club and maybe even allowed herself to date. I definitely would have traveled with a suitcase for only Alyssa and experienced a fully fem trip in a place where nobody knew me totally immersed as Alyssa. I think I may have liked it enough to consider transitioning so idk if that makes me somewhat "trans" or not.
It's def too late to do any of that now so this part of me is kinda just in the background now and I'm wondering if anyone else has felt something similar.