Why I dress and what is my future

[Yinlingyen]

Dear All.
I am so grateful of this site and all the sisters here who have supported me and given me kind advice and encouraging comments.
I have been dressing for over 10 years.
I am almost a full time dresser now.
I have recently been asking myself serious questions. Why do I dress ? What am I really after.
Those who know me and have seen my posted photos in the forum know that I dress in a more flaunting manner with very feminine style.
At first I dressed to enjoy the feel of feminine fabrics on my body. The light airy thin smooth touch of feminine fabrics on my body felt sensational.
The ability to bare my toes when going out added to the thrill.
Bare legs, shoulders , back came next.
Probably like everyone I started to dress just at home. Then I got bolder I drove around dressed but stayed in the car.
Then I took baby steps and got out of my car.
Now I go shopping dressed. I visit nightclubs dressed.
I am confused at times about who I am or what I want.
I dress to desire the attention of men and maybe hopefully get affection. I am naturally submissive and coquettish. I love to please men.
I have been with some men when dressed but it's never a lasting relationship.
I ask myself what is next for me and what should I do.
I have pondered on full surgery (I would very much like it), but the pain and process scares me.
I am not sure if I can ever do it.
I ask myself am I just a CD? Am I gay? Both? Or am I transgender (non-surgical)?
I am very confused.
What's your story and take on mine?
Love,
Yin
Yin

[Sandi Beech]

Hi Yin,

I suppose it is natural to do some self reflection. Some of us ask the same questions of ourselves. It may be of some comfort knowing you are not alone in the world. It can certainly take a toll on us at times, but I like to think my experiences have enriched my life to a degree. At least you are still relatively young so there is really no need to rush into anything. Just try to keep a positive attitude while you seek out who the real Yin truly is.

Take care

Sandi

[Misty Rae Pleasure]

Yin - I'm a long time CD that is recently divorced (nothing to do with being a CD) that dresses in private and likes to post photos of myself online. Many CD's dress for many different reasons but I believe almost all of us love the way the clothes feel and look on us. I have been through the multiple purges and trying to deny what I feel like when dressed. Don't get me wrong I love being intimate with women and I believe I try to emulate the look of the those I am sexually attracted to. I have other sides to me when I dress as Misty Rae. At first I identified with being Bi-sexual, but as time went on I realized that yes at times I am straight, bi and yes even gay. They are times when I dress as a women I want to be with just a man and experience being a female 100%. It's taken me a long time to admit and accept all that. Most of us will always carry the desire to dress even when having to suppress it. I don't believe it can ever go away (at least for me). Dressing makes me happy. Now that I am single I want to go out in public En femme mode and meet other CD's and interested men. Even though I do not desire to change my sex. I do enjoy being a CD on many levels and after all these years realize that I'll never stop doing it so I just need to embrace the lifestyle full throttle. I think if you look at being a CD as fluid it might help accepting your evolution of crossdressing. Hope some of that helps. Misty Rae - Portland Oregon

[docrobbysherry]

I tend to agree with Sandi, Yin. Why do u need to name what u do and r? Or, where you're going?

We r all a little bit like u here. But, not one is exactly like u. So, my suggestion is to stop worrying! Enjoy what u r doing and where u r now!:)

When u stop enjoying it and really want to change? U can and will!:thumbsup:

[Genifer Teal]

I will offer this advice because it's to late to tell me 18 year old self. You don't NEED therapy but it may help you get to the fun part sooner. I was so against therapy when I was younger because I really didn't need it. I did sort it out on my own. It just took a really long time. I'd say about 10 to 12 years before I really started getting to the good part about this. I share this to those that also think they can do it without therapy. Yes you can, but if there's a chance to buy yourself some time and get to the end results sooner, why not seek help? Just something to think about.

[RoseReve]

Dear Yin,
thanks for your message. I understand your situation very much.
Like Genifer, I think therapy can be a good help to you. I mean, surely not a therapy to cure you of your tendency to femininity (which is impossible by the way). More like counseling with someone who knows a bit about transgenderism.
Why do I write this? Because as a matter of fact, like Sherry said, you can also make do without having a name for what you are doing. But if you are looking for an answer, for something to think about who you are and/or what you are, counseling is a good way to come clear with your thoughts and desires and long term projections.

Personally, 15 years ago, when my CDing began to take very much importance into my life, counseling has helped me be at peace with this. And after a few years I decided to stop thinking about what I was, what was leading me to this.

But there were certain things that were annoying to me, particularly frequent headaches. I started a new therapy with a new counsellor for other reasons than my CDing, but soon this question came back into my dreams. And counseling helped to come clear with the question. In my case, I am a transgender woman, I am sure of it now. But this is my answer, and it took 15 years for me to acknowledge it. You have to look for yours, and some help can...really help!

So I'm wishing you all the best,

Cheers,

Rose :rose2:

[GretchenM]

I fully agree with you, Rose. Counseling and gender therapy in particular can be very helpful in organizing your thoughts and creating a form or shape to your identity. It can help you focus on the important things and set aside the things that seem momentarily important but really aren't in the big picture. Dealing with those kinds of things that momentarily seem important can consume a lot of time and kind of muddy the waters making it hard to see where you are really going. Talking to an expert that can read between the words and direct your thinking can be very positive and uplifting.

The problems often occur when the client expects the therapist to provide answers as to what to do. They really can't do that because they can't really feel what you are feeling - they just have an idea of what you are feeling and some theories as to why you are feeling that. They are learning and experiencing you as the discussions continue and using their expertise they can decipher places where your thinking may be producing a problem for you. As the "I need an answer now, oh wise one" is kind of a dead end path, therapists help you direct and organize your thinking about the problem and guide you to finding your own answers and solutions. It's magic.

Back in 2012 when I came out I was nothing but a tangled ball of yarn. I went to a therapist and in just a few sessions I had untangled the yarn and was moving into understanding the meaning of what I was experiencing as well as being more comfortable with what seemed natural to me. Izzy taught me how to use the tools I needed to move forward and avoid tangles as much as possible. And if I had a tangle I knew how to untangle it and make sense of the issue in the context of my total self.