Excrement Test?

[Tricia Lee]

There's this thing called an "S" test, where 'S' is the four letter cuss word that starts with "S". Specifically, the one that is a synonym for excrement lol. Google the phrase if unfamiliar?

As a guy back out in the dating world after nearly 30 years of marriage I'm quite familiar with those tests. But I've always been on the receiving end. I've learned how to recognize them from women and pass them :)

Well Saturday night I was out looking all cute at this massive Halloween party. I kind of got pushed in to a conversation with a guy I wasn't looking to have. But pretty quickly I found myself launching an 'S' test myself! I didn't do it intentionally, and didn't realize I had done it until later. But that's what it was.

He did not pass... lol. :battingeyelashes:

[Suzie Petersen]

There is a test? No sh..!

[Christie ann]

Is this a pass/ fail exam or do you give a grade?

[kimdl93]

I have lived a sheltered life. I googled it and still have no idea.

[Geena75]

Write me off as another innocent. I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Crissy 107]

Ok, count me in with Kim and Geena

[Tricia Lee]

There is a test? No sh..!

Yes. Exactly! lol


Wow you girls are sheltered!

We can't use swear words here. We can't even just put dashes in place of some of the letters. I probably won't even get by with this...

Substitute the four letter cuss word that starts with an 'S' in for its synonym "excrement". Then google that kind of test. It's a thing that happens in the dating world. It's widely discussed and worth knowing about.

Anyway, I though it was funny when I realized I'd done that exact thing the other night. It was way more fun than being on the receiving end of that kind of test. :)

[docrobbysherry]

I'm 80. So, I've had my s tested several times. I can tell u that fishing around in the bowl and sealing the bit in a tube and mailing it to the lab is NOT a fun experience!:thumbsdn:

In fact, it's downrite s-----y!:doh:

[AmyJordan]

Hi Tricia

I'm completely baffled is this an American thing?

Amy x

[TheHiddenMe]

The GG friends I've met while being Dee have had a lot of negative experiences with guys and the dating scene (friend: "Men are a-holes". Me: "True Dat."). So I'm not surprised you might have had a negative experience from a guy while out, but it would be useful if you shared more details.

I think women are more receptive to me out dressed (I think Sandi Beech would agree) than I would from being a middle aged guy in the same environment, because women constantly need to have their guard up.

[char GG]

Seems to be some confusion as to what this thread is about. Maybe you can give some clarification.

[GaleWarning]

I, too, have no idea. And I have done a bit of online dating in my time.

[Philippa Jane]

Colour me confused as well.
I did look it up and I still have no idea where this would be useful.

[Karen Wilder]

Best explanation I can find.

Another label, without having to resort to vulgarity, is to say one is “baiting a response”.

We test the reaction of others by bring up a situation or making a comment to see if the reaction is within our tolerance of what we might expect or actually want from the other.

As this is often done within a sense of feeling insecure about a situation or relationship, we might suggest that this is done by someone who is in a position to actuallyfeel insecure. Its common in some cultures that a man might be expect to provide a sense of security in a relationship whereas a woman's position might be more in caretaker or companion. That’s not the case in all cultures, or even within any culture, but if so, the a woman might often bait the man (or a BFF) to get responses to “see where they stand” in the relationship.

A man or woman might prefer the other to be a bit jealous at time to notice the other to pay more attention to the one baiting. If so, then, if a woman, let's say, then she might try to be seen talking to another man, a waiter, staff worker, whomever, not out of interest, but to illicit a jealous response from her beau.

Or one might say something contradictory to their opinion, such as, “I don't think a man should pay for dinner on a first date”, even when she expects him to do so, and then see what the response is to test if he might agree or disagree.

To some this can be described as “a trap”or “luring”.

It's a variation of humility as well, in some circumstances, when one might suggest they don't need or want something, when in reality, they definitely want that very thing -- “Dont worry about me. You go have fun with your friends. I'll just stay home by myself” is code for “You better bring me along or I'll be mad at you!.”

It's an age-old passive -aggressive means of testing another to see how they react, so you might feel more in control or more apt to make decisions regarding the relationship. This often backfires in the long run, as you are constantly being deceptive and manipulative in order to achieve what you would like to call an “honest and open“ relationship.

[Connie D50]

Wow I can't wait to see what this means. Maybe give us a example of a small conversation. The above reply wasn't there when I did mine lol.

[Shelly Preston]

I think is could be described as a "Suitability Test"

I had never heard of this. However its seems like a way to filter out people who they don't was to date.

It not new just a new description.

[VS Fan]

https://thepowermoves.com/####-tests/ replace the #### with the actual S word, and it gives a decent explanation.

In short: A ####-test is a premeditated social challenge set up by a man or a woman, but usually a woman, to test and assess the target’s reaction to the social challenge.

Basically it's a way for women to size you up....

[BLUE ORCHID]

There is a test? No sh..!


L O L , >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[CDMargret]

Ever have that dear in the headlights feeling...

[Geena75]

OK, I'm a fan of old movies. If you've ever seen "To Have and Have Not" starring Bogart and Bacall, you've seen it done. Walter Brennan's character Eddie would ask people "Was you ever stung by a dead bee?" If they blew him off, he knew not to engage them in conversation. Only Bogart and Bacall gave the right answer, "No, have you?" which told him they were all right. That was his version of the s@#% test.

[Tricia Lee]

https://thepowermoves.com/####-tests/ replace the #### with the actual S word, and it gives a decent explanation.

In short: A ####-test is a premeditated social challenge set up by a man or a woman, but usually a woman, to test and assess the target?s reaction to the social challenge.

Basically it's a way for women to size you up....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This!


Sorry for all the confusion lol. I thought it was a more commonly known phrase. I've watched a lot of dating-related youtube content over the last few years, and this s-test thing is a common topic of discussion for men learning how to relate to women.

The basic idea is that when a man is trying to get to know a woman, she will inevitably say something negative to him. As the definition below says, it's often subconscious even. It's done to see how the man will respond to to something negative. There are good responses and bad responses, and the response allows the woman to evaluate the man's relationship potential.

[Stephanie47]

I thought a woman's intuition was able to size a guy up for potential. I suppose there is an all encompassing word that men use to size up a woman: Something akin to hair color.

[NancySue]

I?m with the group of ?what?? I asked my wife what she thought and she also had never heard of it, but we agree with Karen. It sounded like what we called ?baiting?. Her definition of baiting seems to fit Karen?s. I also look at baiting as a form of a challenging set up, a provocation kind of test. It?s fun to learn new things.

[Cheryl T]

Sorry, I searched and found a few articles, read them and am still confused as to the Test.
Glad I'm not in that realm anymore.

[Sandi Beech]

I am not sure that is the typical application of the saying. Since you already stated you had no intentions to have a conversation with him in the first place, you would not be in the position of sizing him up, right? My guess is your sub conscience was looking for a way to make him go away, rather than sizing him up. Just guessing here.

It happens to me as well. The funny thing is one time I had a GG ask me if I wanted her to make some guy go away. It?s not always as subtle as the test.

Sandi

[Genifer Teal]

I can guess the word?But I don't think it's appropriately used regarding this test. I know it's not for medical procedures. I'm wondering if you're just trying to determine if the person is genuine, or if the person is bsing you, I guess you're trying to figure out if they want to get to know you or just get laid.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

If I felt I was being played - and that's what an s-test is - I'd walk away. The whole premise is phoney.

If someone can't just ask me what my feelings are about a subject, why would I want to continue talking to them?

[GretchenM]

Thank you for the explanations, Karen and Tricia. At almost 80 and married for 55+ years, current dating lingo is mysterious to me. Although the terms change, the methods remain the same. I recall when I was a teenager girls asking such questions to test my reactions. I guess I failed because often there was no second date. Maybe not masculine enough? Hmmm.

[RoseReve]

Ah ah Gretchen same experience here!!!

And I've found some of these typical questions, with their respective underlying intents:

-Is this what you tell to every girl you meet?
->meant to judge if the boy has any imagination, is inspired by you, or is in a repetitive mode, which is a bad signal!

-Do you just wanna get l**d?
->often meant to judge the boy's ability to react positively in a situation of stress.

-What do girls generally answer when you ask them this question?
->meant to destabilize a guy who seems to be too much at ease in a flirting situation.

-You are smaller than I thought you were...
->meant to be mean! bad signal on the side of the girl this time :heehee:

-I'm already in a talk with someone else!
->meant to judge the self-confidence potential of the boy, also his potential jealousy (which can be positive or negative!!)

-Have you been single for a long time?
->meant to check if the boy is desperate, which means that he could be suffering from an hidden weakness, or if he is a guy which other girls have judged fit to have a long term relation with (which is positive!!)

-Do you often hit on girls like this?
->meant to unmask womanizers, who can be tempted to brag about their past successes.

-Did you have a lot of women in your life?
->meant to categorize the guy in a gradient going from "unfit to a relation" to "dangerous Don Juan" :battingeyelashes:

-Have you been on Tinder for a long time?
->similar to the 3 former ones

-What are you looking for?
->abrupt question meant to clarify the intentions on both sides.

Actually thanks a lot Tricia for launching this thread! I find it very interesting...Yes that can be seen as a pretty passive-agressive way of doing things, but given the diversity of men's attitudes toward women, good attitudes as well as bad ones, I fully understand that women have to try to evaluate which kind of human being they have in front of them before the relation goes any further. As we know, once things are engaged, it's more difficult for a girl to escape men's desires than the contrary...I would call it "survival strategies". :daydreaming: And it's useful, as I can already tell from my very thin experience as a girl being hit on by men!

Cheers,

Rose :rose2:

[Dutchess]

AKA : A game player.
This is very old.
I don't do that. No one should.

[Tricia Lee]

Thanks for all the replies!



...I would call it "survival strategies". :daydreaming: And it's useful, as I can already tell from my very thin experience as a girl being hit on by men!

"Survival strategies"...

The definition I posted mentions that they are usually done subconsciously by women. Some would say it's the product of evolutionary biology when picking the right mate could possibly be a life or death decision for a woman.


In my case, where I realized I kind of did this, it was not a conscious thought. So here was the scenario. Sorry in advance if I type too much! lol

It happened at that massive Halloween party I went to last weekend. My new profile picture is from that party. I was in the middle of the dance floor with at least 100 people dancing shoulder to shoulder.

There was this couple dancing next to me. They started talking to me, and the guy said "hey you need to go up there with my friend". He kind of nudged me forward a couple of times. Then he said to the friend who was dancing in front of him "hey look at this girl!". So he kind of pushes me up beside this guy and we just kept dancing while facing the stage.

So then I realize I've talked to this guy before. I recognized him from a party a year ago. A big fancy charity event. At that party I was standing in front of the building at the end of the night waiting for my friend to pull up in her car. This same guy, who I'm now dancing beside, had come up to me that night and talked to me. It lasted for several minutes. He was telling me some people were going to another place after that event and I should come. I politely declined because I rode with my friend and she was ready to go home.

So that conversation a year ago was flattering. Now we are standing there again and talking. Eventually he said "we talked at that event last year". And then I said "yes, you were dressed much nicer". LOL.

For the Halloween party he had on some kind of costume. I'm not sure what. Last year he had on almost a tuxedo. He didn't reply directly to my comment. The conversation ended with him saying he'll see me again at that same event coming up in a month.

Anyway... I wouldn't ordinarily say something like that about how someone was dressed. I only realized later that my comment has all the hallmarks of an S-test.

As for whether this guy passed that test... I had to think about that. First, I have an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality, despite my fashion choices! lol So nothing was going to happen anyway. But I guess that from my own experience, and from what I've read, a non-reaction to an S-test is a pass. Not a grade of A+, but it's not a fail. Under the circumstances a non-response was probably the best response.

I kind of felt bad about making the comment, but later he friended me on facebook! lol

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I've never heard the term either.

But...

Years ago when I was single and striking out left and right I asked a female friend what I was doing wrong. Her answer: "You're too nice and you don't play the game." I never really understood what "the game" was, but now after reading this thread I think I'm starting to figure it out.

So glad I found an amazing woman who didn't play the game either!

[Tricia Lee]

GAME....

I've been dating my current girlfriend for a year. In an early discussion she was saying the things she likes about me. One thing she said is that I have "game". It matters, even if you think it shouldn't.

Whatever 'game' I have is learned. I was the same 'nice guy' that had trouble getting anywhere with girls. I'm much better now, but not what I'd call good.

Turns out we were lied to as boys about how to be attractive to girls. Nice guys get friend zoned. Jerks get the girls. At least that's how it seems. The good thing is you can still be a nice guy, and still have success getting to know women, but only if you learn why the jerks are able to get the girls and the nice guys can't.

Spoiler alert: It's not because they are jerks.

If you want to know more here are some names you can look into that I have found useful. Sorry, some are controversial. I don't support everything they say. But they speak some ideas you won't hear many other places. They all have tons of youtube content.

Orion Taraban
Alexander Grace
Hoe-Math

Whether you are single, dating someone, or married, you still need "game". It's indispensable to a happy lasting relationship.

OK I'm off my soap box now. :)

[RoseReve]

Yes, it opened my eyes also about lots of weird moments in my flirting life...!!!

Tricia, thanks for writing the long version! I guess your question was a bit like number 4 : "-You are smaller than I thought you were..." Something a bit unpleasant to mean that you are not very pleased by the perspective of pursuing the discussion with this person... :heehee:

I was hit on by a very weird guy one night at a trans party which happens to find place quite often in my neighborhood. The man was not very attractive, but at first polite, and he invited me to a glass. He proposed to me to sit at a table which was near a wall around the dance floor, I said yes, I was curious to interact as a woman with a guy, so I followed him, and then, as soon as I sat on the bench, he sat so close to my left hip that my right hip was blocked against the wall on my right. It was very weird, disturbing, and I felt like kind of being trapped by an imperious but very nasty will...

So to get out of it I said I had changed my mind, I wanted to dance now, so he stood up, we went to the dance floor and I started to dance. He was so small that when he tried to grab my flank to dance with me, it was ridiculous, like I was dancing with a 12 years old boy...

I escaped him and said actually I wanted to dance alone. He let me go but he kept staring at me from afar all the time I stayed in the club. After a while I left, the feeling really was too weird. How a single lunatic can ruin an evening which had very well begun...At least I had learnt the hard way how some men really see girls like preys...

Cheers you all, have a nice time!!! :battingeyelashes:

Rose :rose2:

[TheHiddenMe]

After reading more of the explanation, I have a couple more comments.

1. Saying how he was dressed previously, IMO, is a big nothing burger. Obviously, he didn't care. I assume the FB friend is your female one (I am FB friends with several woman I have met as Dee, but I only have a guy ID).

2. I think if you are dealing with GGs in our age group, being nice is a very positive attribute (not that I can speak for women, because I'm not one). However, I have made female friends--no romantic intentions--because I'm perceived as a nice guy because I'm a nice guy.

3.Tricia, if the guy is interested in you, hetero or not, aren't you somewhat curious about going out on a one on one "date" with a man? I will certainly admit to that, given the right parameters. Or even a double date with me and my friend Michelle and two guys. What say you?

[Genifer Teal]

I had a guy ask for my number away from the crowd. I gave him a chance. He never called. Then one day almost a year later he finally says something when he sees me in person for the 10th time since I gave him my number and it was something effectively saying let's hook up.

I said I don't know you at all. Then he said oh, you're just like a real woman. Lol hit test done.

[Tricia Lee]

"... You are just like a real woman..." lol

I would be inclined to take that as a compliment!

A few weeks ago I was on the dance floor. A guy walked up and held out his phone. He said "I lost my phone number. Can I have yours."

[RoseReve]

Nice try!!!

[Tricia Lee]

Ha yes! :)

I did the "Thank you sorry I've been seeing someone for almost a year" thing, which is true. Regardless he was not in my league.

But good for him for shooting his shot. There is a lot of video content out there from women who lament never being approached by guys. There are too many other videos where men are being called creepy. That plus the whole "me too" thing caused many men to just check out of approaching women.