First time out in public in women's clothes

[JANINE500]

I've been a M to F crossdresser for many many years, but always in private.
I've at last plucked up courage to go public in the near future.
What are some of the "golden rules" of going out in the public for the first time , dressed as a woman?

( I'm lucky in some ways , as my body shape and size look very "female". I am short (5feet 4inches), slight build, my legs are very feminine in shape, and non-muscular, as are my arms , and both my feet and hands are small and "dainty", like a woman's. My face is very feminine.
My skin is very soft ,smooth, and silky , with no body hair ).

[Natalie5004]

Everyone always says to dress to blend in.

With your frame size, hell you do not need to blend in you will automatically blend in. Dress anyway you want.

[Suzie Petersen]

I agree with Natalie, you won the crossdresser lottery there with your height and other naturally more female characteristics. One of the things most of us struggle with is that we are generally taller than the average woman, have larger hands and feet, and not very feminine facial structures, so you already checked off all those boxes as "Not to worry".

I would say for a first time out adventure, one of the biggest things is to not appear to be nervous. I know that is a lot easier said than done, but a big giveaway is when someone is constantly looking around to see if people are looking at them, seemingly a little out of place, maybe even looking a little suspicious. People will pick up on that and wonder what is going on and then they look a little more carefully at you.
The obvious thing is to try and look like most other people in that particular venue. I agree with Natalie that you can get away with a lot more than most can, but dressing to blend will help you feel more comfortable. Maybe chose an outfit that is easier for you to feel good in, like jeans and a cute top, rather than a miniskirt or a bikini!
Chose sensible shoes that are easy to walk in, bring a purse, don't fiddle with your hair too much.

Lastly, have a purpose! Pick something to go do, a "mission" of sorts, like going to the supermarket to buy milk or some food, or go put a letter in the post office mailbox. Something for you to do that you can focus on and which will help you not look out of place. Aimlessly wandering the store without a shopping cart looks odd to people.

Most of all, have fun and enjoy it and don't let yourself talk you out of it.

[NancySue]

Agree?blend in. Make a few trial runs taking mental notes of hair style, makeup or lack of, dresses, skirts, jeans, sweaters, etc. My first couple times out, I kinda overdressed. In our conservative area, one seldom sees skirts, heels, hose, makeup, etc. You?ll probably be a little nervous, I was, so don?t walk too fast, swing your arms. It?ll take 2-3 times and you?ll get the picture. My wife has been a great help. I wish you the best. Remember, Rome wasn?t built in a day. I?m sure, we?d all like to hear about your adventures.

[Claire M]

Pick an outfit appropriate to where you might go, relax, smile a lot. You might feel as if everyone is staring at you. They're not.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Having a mission is a good plan. Go shopping, take it to the dressing room and try it on.

Speaking voice is always a big tell. I try to speak a little softer, sweater and more lyrically.

Push come to shove, your body shape is a great advantage. At 5'4", you are well below the low average male height which is 5'6". If you look out of place, people are more likely to think you're a masculine female than a feminine male.

One piece of advice I got early on which has helped me a lot is to stand tall, face up, with a smile on your face. In plain language, I was advised to walk into a room "boobs first".

[Helen_Highwater]

I'd second Suzie's advice about having a mission. Day time shopping is good as it means kids are generally in school and the shops can be a little quieter. My first sortie I picked jewellery to shop for. Most larger stores have racks of costume jewellery you can browse and if you see something you like, then buy it. It'll give you the chance to chat to the SA on the checkout. And as previously said, having a mission stops you looking like a shop lifter.

You will be nervous, butterflies like vultures but they will quickly subside. Thirty minutes into my first excursion I'd been into 4 or 5 stores and was feeling so much calmer, enjoying it even. And yes, wear sensible shoes. Wearing heels might seem like a good idea but wearing them around the house and wearing them outdoors are two different ball games.

[HollyGreene]

Dress appropriately. If you're going out in the daytime to go shopping, for example, don't go dolled up as if you're going clubbing.
What do the local women wear? Dress in a similar style and nobody will notice a thing.
Get used to wearing the shoes you plan to wear. I've been out wearing a pair of shoes that I thought were fine, but once I'd walked in them a lot, I really wished that I'd worn a different pair.

[docrobbysherry]

Janine, if u pass that means people will think you're a female and treat u as such. Try not to speak and you'll have a blast!:battingeyelashes:

But, for those who aren't as lucky as u and can't pass? It helps if u go out with other dressers the first time. So, u don't attract all the attention!:hugs:

An alternative is to go out with a GG the first time. Because that's validation to certain folks that you're not some weirdo!:eek:

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Janine :hugs:, You are out there now, There's no turning back Now, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[CarlaWestin]

Yeah, what y'all said.
All I can add is to just own it and be honest.
If questioned, the great answer is, "Why, yes I am male. And, thank you for just asking. As a matter of fact, I'm having more enjoyment than anyone else here. I hope you're having a wonderful day, too!"

[JANINE500]

Thank you, Carla.
Janine500

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Thank you, Blue Orchid.
Janine500

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Thank you, Doc.
Janine500

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Thank you , Holly. Very helpful advice.
Janine500

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Thank you , Helen. Your advice is very helpful. Love your "butterflies like vultures" phrase!
Janine500.

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Thank you Claire. Your advice is very helpful.
Janine500

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Thank you , NancySue. Your advice is very helpful. I'll let you know about my adventures! ( I'm not a little nervous; I'm a lot nervous!! ).
Janine500

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Thank you for your full reply, Suzie. Your comprehensive advice is very greatly appreciated.
Janine500

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Thank you for your reply, Natalie. Your advice is very helpful.
Janine500.

[Elizabeth G]

First and foremost in my book is to be careful in your choice of locations. Choose populated and we'll lit areas. There's a reason you don't often see women walking alone in quiet. dark places.

[Rachel M]

Outfit, hair, makeup, destination all set. Finish up with some accessories earrings, simple necklace, bracelet, and maybe a ring or two. Don’t forget a purse, your hands get figity in the initial nervousness holding the purse helps calm them. Put some gum or mints in the purse to help with that dry mouth you might experience. Take deep breath’s. One step at a time you become less nervous.

[JANINE500]

Thank you , Elizabeth. Very helpful advice.
Janine500

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Thank you, Elizabeth. Very helpful advice.
Janine500.

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Thank you , Rachel. Your advice is very helpful.
Janine500

[nalasirder]

This is such great advice. Saving it for later!

[Cheryl T]

First: Ignore everyone else. You will think they are all looking at you but they aren't. They are all busy doing what they are doing. Yes, some will look, some might stare, but ignore them.
Act like you belong there and just go about your business. Nothing will make you stand out more than constantly looking to see who is looking at you. Don't be the deer in the headlights.
Second: Dress for the venue, time of day and time of year.
Wear what other women are wearing for wherever you are going. No mini skirt and 4" heels to Walmart. No cocktail dress to the mall. Of course you want to wear something feminine, something
pretty and of course you want to be noticed. Just be another woman wherever you go. Of course if you are going to a holiday party then all bets are off, but if it's the mall, a restaurant, the
movies then restrain yourself. You can still dress nice.
Third: Be aware of your surroundings. Think like a woman and don't place yourself in a situation that is questionable. No dark alleys or parking garages late at night when people are few and far between.
Safety first. after all, you are a single woman.
Fourth: Enjoy yourself. Items 1 and 2 are things to think about at home. Item 3 should always be in mind. Don't let any of that distract you from enjoying what you are doing and where you are.

[Sandi Beech]

It is very easy to over think it. Just do it and enjoy yourself as if it is a perfectly natural thing to do, and you will be fine because it is.

Sandi

[Marketa]

Janine,

1) congratulation on your courage.

2) all what girls said

3) realize, how much do you "scan & study" others in the streets. Your reply will most likely be "not at all". And that's how much other people pay attention to everyone else incl. you.

4) if you start getting nervous, that people are watching you, I can recommend some calming "mantra". I personally go through this small dialog in my head: "Do you know them? - No. - Do they know you? - Also no. - So why do you care what they think? F them in particular!". And I don't just recall it, but I go through the whole dialog and the end usually makes me even smile a little :)

5) take good shoes. Stilettos for the first run are terrible choice. Especially if you're going to be walking on cobblestones, which I guess London has many.

[ColleenA]

Clothing: Cheryl T mentioned, but did not elaborate on, dressing for the time of year. My early excursions were always around Halloween, so I exclusively wore dresses and skirts; if it was a bit chilly, I could add a sweater or jacket. About two years ago, when I finally started to go out more, I had to adjust.
One of my first outings was a rainy January evening to go shopping. No woman would wear a skirt or dress under those conditions, so I borrowed a loose fitting pair of pants from my supportive SO for my first-ever outing in pants. At the store, I saw that, yes, every other woman was wearing slacks or leggings, so I did not stand out at all.
I now have a range of jeans, slacks, leggings, and capris. From late autumn through early spring, they are pretty much all I will wear with casual tops. Come spring and summer, I enjoy adding skirts back in, say, when taking walks.
I mostly want to blend in. It will be unusual to find me wearing something flashy or dressy except at home - those clothes just don't fit with most of my outings.

Talking: Some of the gals on this site mention that their voice will def give them away. I am fortunate in that I have practiced and can now adjust my tone upward to have a serviceable female voice. It's not perfect, but at least it's not too deep nor is it breathy and lispy.
I have no idea where you fit re: talking. If you want to work on it, there are apps and sites that will help you.
When you go out, there will be moments, no matter how brief, when you will interact with others - retail clerks, servers, and the public in general. If you can achieve a decent female voice, be glad. If you can't, I agree with CarlaWestin that being upfront (when necessary) is a safe way to go. No guarantees, but there are a lot of people who won't make an issue about who you are.
When I first started going out regularly, I tried to talk as minimally as I could, but I slowly tried to increase it. I remember one milestone was when I talked with the check-out clerk at one store. It was around April 15 (tax day in the States), and we had about a two-minute conversation complaining about taxes.
Now, I feel quite comfortable with my voice. During a trip just last week, I was in line at a store for 45 minutes (long story). I had an ongoing conversation with another woman about my age while we waited. We talked about grandkids, jobs and retirement, where we lived, and on and on. I was wearing a Covid mask, in part because I am a senior, but mainly to hide masculine features on my face. Not once during that time did she give any indication that she took me as anything but another woman. Besides just being out as Colleen, those kind of moments are so gratifying.
Janine, I wish the best as you step out. :bighug:

[Sophie Yang]

Janine,

First is situational awareness of your surroundings, who and what are around you. Your first time out your senses will be super alive.

Scout out places in advance and check them out. Safe first time outings might be a book store, library, or museum. These places are full
of people who are NOT interested in what you are doing. You can sit down, relax, really enjoy the moment, and watch the world go by.
If you need a prop, get a book, your phone, or a laptop. If some catches your eye, just smile at them briefly and then look away.

As others have said, dress to blend and don't be nervous or fidgety. This only brings unwanted attention to you.

If you feel comfortable and need a little more interaction go to a coffee shop and order something to drink, find a spot where you can
sit down, enjoy your coffee, and the moment. If you go to a shopping mall, you can go window shopping. Seeing your reflection in the
windows is a rush. You can also go to one of the beauty stores, Sephor, Ultra, and MAC or Victoria's Secrets. The sales reps will
be friendly and answer any questions you have. They have seen us at there at their sites before.

Be safe, be confident, have fun. Confidence is the key. It gets esier every time you do it.

[Genifer Teal]

It's probably all been said. Whatever the reason you want to go out, whatever you feel like wearing, whatever makes it exciting and fun for you.Put that all out of your mind. Let that come later. Concentrate on having a successful outing like you're testing.The waters to see if it's too cold or too hot or whatever. Wear flats as boring as they might be. Try to wear as little makeup. As you feel is necessary, it'll probably still be too much l o l. Think of what some of the less attractive women wear when they go to the supermarket, or maybe taking the dog for a walk, or maybe going to church. Dress like that. You're probably thinking this won't be fun. Maybe not, but that shouldn't be the goal.The first time. The goal is to get over being nervous to realize you can be out and not make a big scene that you can be out and feel like you aren't doing something wrong. Then pick a safe place to go.Not a dark park in the middle of the night for a walk. You're going to be alone. So think of places where women go alone during the time you're there. Maybe the mall are some store or whatever. Nah, maybe not a store because a store someone will come over to interact and ask if you need help. If you go to the mall, just go for a walk through the mall. no one will bother you in the main open area of the mall. See how it goes and take it from there. Once you feel comfortable and are truly bored looking so mundane, figure out where you'd really like to go and how you'd really like to dress and see how to make that work next.

[JANINE500]

First and foremost in my book is to be careful in your choice of locations. Choose populated and we'll lit areas. There's a reason you don't often see women walking alone in quiet. dark places.

Thank you , Elizabeth, for you advice. Very wise words!
Janine

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Thank you , Genifer, for your very insightful reply. I learnt a lot!
Janine.

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Thank you , Sophie, for giving the wisdom of your own experience. There's a lot there I hadn't thought of before!
Janine.

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Thank you , Colleen, for your interesting and very helpful reply. I guess my voice is something I should start working on now a lot more. Crossdressing in private always in the past has meant that I've neglected my voice!
Janine.

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Thank you , Marketa, for your helpful advice. I'll make sure I'll leave those sexy, strappy , silver stilettos ( my pride and joy in showing off my shapely, slender legs and ankles!) at home!
Janine.

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Thank you, Sandi, for your encouragement. I'll try to have fun!
Janine.

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Yes, Nala, all the girls on here sound marvellously helpful, and generous with their advice.
They are all true gems!
Janine.

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Thank you , Cheryl, for all your very generous advice. Plenty to think about before I eventually step out. And I'll make sure that I leave those 4'' killer heels at home!
Janine.

[Rachelakld]

Yesterday I went shopping at the mall around 3.30 in this

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Quite a few school teen age (14-18) kids looked at me, had a little laugh / snicker under their breath. I looked them in the eyes and smiled as if to say, "I know".
Probably better if I had shaved that morning - but just seemed like too much maintenance.

Don't take crossdressing seriously as if your saying "YES I'M A WOMAN!!!", better to think, "I PREFER to be female"

[Genifer Teal]

Don't be discouraged. You look reasonably well in my book. You can still fly under the radar with that look in a little more practice. I am reminded of a time. I was out many years ago, clubbing in the city. I was helping some other girl who wanted to meet app for her first time out. Regardless of her look, I picked her out walking across the street from half a block away. How we move and walk and carry ourself, says a lot before the details even come into play. Pay attention to how men and women walk and move. It may not be so obvious. when you see something that confuses your brain, it becomes more obvious. I don't know an easy way to find it, but if you could see a man in a dress, you could better realize what i'm saying, the movement is wrong and your brain picks up on it, especially because the look says one thing and the movement another.
It's a big world out there.I hope you find what you're looking for.

[alwayshave]

Janine, Just remember to breathe. Nobody really cares how you are dressed accept you.

[Jenn A116]

Love the mall outfit. I thought you fit in well.

[jjjjohanne]

The first time? You will be scared out of your wits.
People will look at you and then they will move on with their lives.
Dressing conservatively will look more normal than wearing a mini-skirt and mega heels.

[JANINE500]

Janine, Just remember to breathe. Nobody really cares how you are dressed accept you.

Thank you , Jamie.

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Thank you , jjjjohanne.

[Amy Lynn3]

Just a comment as to why the young folks snickered. You look too much like a woman would dress.

[Ashley050]

I am what I would call a timid dresser out of the house. I love to go out, driving dressed and especially my walks in the park. I generally wear yoga pants a bra and form fitting top, wig and some kind of fleece or jacket.
I tend to stay away from people as best I can but am becoming braver.

This is what I wore to the park today, I am experimenting in wearing short skirts as well.344136