Is this a good way to come out of the closet?

[Pink Satin Sissy]

GG's,
I am close to coming out of the closet with my wife. She knows that I have the desire to dress and I think she's ok with it. I ordered 2 pairs of panties, bras, garter belts, stockings and shoes, one in her size and one my size. We are going away for a romantic night away from the kids and I was going to open the package with her and...........hopefully she will get the message and I can tell her the truth.
Q: Do you think this is a good way to bring it up and be honest at the same time?
Q: Is the matching lingerie too cheesy? Hers are in pink and mine are in baby blue.
Q: How many glasses of wine should we have before the discussion?

thanks

Pink

[Cheery GG]

ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL....i know that from personal experinece, it will only highten any emotion.....

I also think, as innocently intended, but the fact that you are spending a few days away with from the kids.....i would presume shes wanting you to herself, no interuptions....in complete boy mode.....I would.....

If my So and i had the opportunity to have a weekend without the kids and he wanted a en feem weekend, i'd be really upset, especially as out time alone is very precious.....

Just my two penneth.....i dont think talking about it would necessarily do any harm, but go by her prompts....her reaction to your start of conversation and if she dont wanna go there then accept that the conversation is over....

To summarise.....NO BOOZE....and time spent alone is precious enough to both of you.....dont spoil it !

cheery
xx

[BethGG]

My personal opinion is no, not a good way. Maybe it's just me but if Tgirl74 got us matching outfits I'd be like whaaaat? :p So, you say your wife knows of your desire? Does she just not know that you actually do it? I think the best way to tell her is to just tell her in a conversation. I dunno, any post like this were the CD wants to tell the wife by showing her in some way, I think is a bad idea. The wife is always going to want to have it talked about first, and will need time to think about it/ask questions/ect. before she's ready to see you or the clothes. Perhaps save the outfit for after you tell her, for when she says she wants to see you dressed.

[Annaliese]

GG's,
I am close to coming out of the closet with my wife. She knows that I have the desire to dress and I think she's ok with it. I ordered 2 pairs of panties, bras, garter belts, stockings and shoes, one in her size and one my size. We are going away for a romantic night away from the kids and I was going to open the package with her and...........hopefully she will get the message and I can tell her the truth.

Q: Do you think this is a good way to bring it up and be honest at the same time?
Q: Is the matching lingerie too cheesy? Hers are in pink and mine are in baby blue.

Q: How many glasses of wine should we have before the discussion?

thanks

Pink
Let us know how it goes.
Since she all ready know your desires to dress, It is a good way to start talking, and answer all her question.
I think it is a good way except the third no wine tell after.
Anna

[Pink Satin Sissy]

Thank you both for the wonderful advice, I will try to do what you replied.
No alcohol, in boy mode, tell the truth. Pretty simple instructions.
Thanks.

Pink

[kathy gg]

Just going to say ditto to what the gg's have already advised.

Also, don't be hurtor djected if she is not keen on matching outfits. Not every woman wants to have a twin-like feeling with their sexual partner. I am sure that was not your intentions, but matchy-matchy stuff always creeps me out.

[Pink Satin Sissy]

Just going to say ditto to what the gg's have already advised.

Also, don't be hurtor djected if she is not keen on matching outfits. Not every woman wants to have a twin-like feeling with their sexual partner. I am sure that was not your intentions, but matchy-matchy stuff always creeps me out.

I never realized that. I have to ask, why?

I plan on taking it slow.

[Eugenie]

Not every woman wants to have a twin-like feeling with their sexual partner. I am sure that was not your intentions, but matchy-matchy stuff always creeps me out.

Indeed, and its enough to see how two women who don't even know eachother react when they see that they each wear the same dress at a party... :o

Love.

Eugenie

[Julie Avery]

This was a great question to pose in this new section of the forum and the discussion that's followed really shows the value of having this "Ask the GG's" area.

I'm looking forward to good things here.

[rachel1985]

ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL....i know that from personal experinece, it will only highten any emotion.....

I also think, as innocently intended, but the fact that you are spending a few days away with from the kids.....i would presume shes wanting you to herself, no interuptions....in complete boy mode.....I would.....

Think i have to agree with Cheery hun.

Totally masculine weekend, yet how do you feel she knows?

Do you think she'll accept you as your chosen "sexuality" or with your fetish?
<Sorry, i don't know how your feeling about this, as we've never talked>

Its purely down to you, and do you think she's strong enough to accept you as this?

Rach.

[admirerplus GG]

Pink,

I do not have the benefit of knowing your wife to offer informed advice. I am also new to the site and have not yet had a loving relationship with a wonderful CD man.

For what it is worth, my opinion is that honesty in a relationship is very important. From my own life experience, keeping secrets from a SO can potentially harm a relationship. I agree that maybe alcohol is not a good mix with sharing something so personal. Perhaps, you would have to judge the level of confidence your wife has in her own sexuality and the level of acceptance she has to trying something new.

It sounds like a lovely and romantic idea to me. I wish you happiness and success in your relationship. Good luck!

[livy_m_b]

This may seem a little harsh, but I think it should be remembered by those of us who imagine/think/believe we are or should be women. The way of coming across by "acting out", that is, dressing up and showing ourselves "as we really are" is really a very typically male way of proceeding. Maybe it's because men aren't as verbal (statistically) as women - who knows - but men tend to want to communicate by acting something out and letting the woman articulate it. Unfortunately, that really doesn't work very well - it seems emotionally violent, confrontational, almost like an attack. Several or even most of the ggs have said "talk, talk, talk" or "keep talking" - that's the right way. "Keep talking."

[Seriosilly GG]

This may seem a little harsh, but I think it should be remembered by those of us who imagine/think/believe we are or should be women. The way of coming across by "acting out", that is, dressing up and showing ourselves "as we really are" is really a very typically male way of proceeding. Maybe it's because men aren't as verbal (statistically) as women - who knows - but men tend to want to communicate by acting something out and letting the woman articulate it. Unfortunately, that really doesn't work very well - it seems emotionally violent, confrontational, almost like an attack. Several or even most of the ggs have said "talk, talk, talk" or "keep talking" - that's the right way. "Keep talking."

I agree with this. To keep it simple- my SO came out to me by appearing from the bathroom in complete femme mode and that was more than a shock and a half. I think she may respond better if you talk about it first before showing her anything. If/when she is ok with it, then start to show her things.

The process of acceptance, at least for me was rapid but in the beginning was the hardest. I don't know how much your wife knows about CD'ing but it is likely she will have many questions, as there are many myths out there. (Ie crossdressers are all homosexual, all crossdressers are really TG etc) Its going to take some time, me thinks and just throwing it at her is kind od intimidating.

[Kerry Owens]

I'd say skip the wine, when you tell her about your bein a cd there are going to be some fairly strong emotions goin on, wine really will just mess up feelings even more.
One the twin sets...umm I don't know. My feelings are better 2 unique sets and with different designs. My SO hasn't done that so I can't say anything more than that I would be uncomfortable with identical sets.
good luck.

[emma_bb]

i have a question i guess itll seem a bit too late but why didnt u tell her before u walked up the aisle with her ? she is so going to feel duped and lied to :( i know its something u have to do ,just tread carefully and dont get upest if she reacts badly ..shes going to uve lied to her unless she has a inclining allready that ur a cd ..try and think if it was her breaking this news to u ..would u really like it if she unwrapped a pair of matching boxer shorts as a way of telling u that she liked wearing blokes clothes ??

[Pink Satin Sissy]

Everyone has been pretty consistant in telling me to talk to her (w/o any wine...bummer) and let her ask the questions. One point that you have brought up was that I should've told her before I got married. You see, when I got married, I wasn't crossdressing. I had quit a couple of years before I met her, so I was in remission, denial, whatever you want to call it. I started back a few years after we were married. I guess I should've told her then, but I didn't.
I am trying to "come out" to her and I hate that I haven't told her yet. It's not a lie, I just haven't told her because it is really difficult for some of us to show our soft side and admit that we are doing something that isn't normal. It's hard to know what to say, I mean, where do I start, what do I say?

So, is everyone against me on the matching lingerie? I thought it would've been kinda fun, not creepy.

Thank you all for the sound advice.

Pink

As for the boxers, she wears mine all of the time.

[emma_bb]

awww ok sorry chick me being presumptious i must stop doing that .no i dont think the underwear things a good idea ..its going to be well hard i know when i told my ex ..dont worry we didnt split because of that...ur just going to have to tell her from the heart its really the only way lay ur feelings bare so she knows ur being sincere .its never easy to tell ppl this especially if its someone u love ..alot of deep breaths and go real gentle i think the underwear thing would probably really freak her out to be honest ..i wish u all the best xx emma xx

[Pink Satin Sissy]

Thanks Emma, I'll lay off the matching lingerie.

Pink

You hair looks really beautiful straight, sexy!

[emma_bb]

awww thanks pink xxx hope it all goes well babes mwahhhhhhh xxxxx

[Seriosilly GG]

I think in time, if she is ok with it then go for it. I actually got my CD some matching lingerie and he loved it. But... if you're not sure how she is going to react and then the matching oi! She may also be intimidated that you will look better in it ;).

Just worry about talking it over for now.



Everyone has been pretty consistant in telling me to talk to her (w/o any wine...bummer) and let her ask the questions. One point that you have brought up was that I should've told her before I got married. You see, when I got married, I wasn't crossdressing. I had quit a couple of years before I met her, so I was in remission, denial, whatever you want to call it. I started back a few years after we were married. I guess I should've told her then, but I didn't.
I am trying to "come out" to her and I hate that I haven't told her yet. It's not a lie, I just haven't told her because it is really difficult for some of us to show our soft side and admit that we are doing something that isn't normal. It's hard to know what to say, I mean, where do I start, what do I say?

So, is everyone against me on the matching lingerie? I thought it would've been kinda fun, not creepy.

Thank you all for the sound advice.

Pink

As for the boxers, she wears mine all of the time.

[Di]

Great answers from everyone....they covered most of what I wanted to say...good luck...take a deep breath.........be prepared for anything...and talk...talk and talk some more.

[Missy Anne's GG]

I agree, too, with what the other GG's have been saying. Just make it a romantic night with you totally in male mode. Be honest and sincere and take your time. Be patient with her questions.

Best of luck to you. We'll be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way!

Hugs,

Missy Anne's GG

[BethGG]

I never realized that. I have to ask, why?

I plan on taking it slow.
I think for most women, knowing that their SO dresses in women's clothing, they still want to know that when he looks at her, he isn't thinking "I want to look like you", they want to know he's thinking "You're sexy!", you know what I mean? I know that's something important to me, I've questioned my SO about it. If I felt my SO wanted to look like ME, I'd feel very weird. I like that we have different styles(Tgirl has told me she would not wear my clothes, they're not girly enough lol). I like knowing my SO thinks I look good in what I wear, not wishing she could wear what I'm wearing.

[eileen1969]

I just decked myself out the whole nine yards and went right up too my moms place and shocked the living hellout of em! and it worked! I was nervous but I thought you know its my life and no one can tell me how to live it other than me, myself and I! hope this helps!?

[Pink Satin Sissy]

I appreciate all of the great advice, it's going to help with my confidence when I tell her.

I started to tell her this weekend because there was an opportunity when the kids were asleep, there wasn't any wine involved and we had some alone time. As I started to drop subtle hits to feel her out, she said "I don't like that (cd'ing) at all".
I retreated and decided to continue the conversation without bringing up cd'ing for the time being. A little while later, I brought it up again and she repeated her feelings on cd'ing, "I really don't like that at all!".

So, I changed the subject, got some wine for both of us and enjoyed the rest of the night. On the bright side, she did put on a teddy and heels (lol).

I need to go back to the drawing board and formulate plan B.

Pink

[Pink Satin Sissy]

I appreciate all of the great advice, it's going to help with my confidence when I tell her.

I started to tell her this weekend because there was an opportunity when the kids were asleep, there wasn't any wine involved and we had some alone time. As I started to drop subtle hits to feel her out, she said "I don't like that (cd'ing) at all".
I retreated and decided to continue the conversation without bringing up cd'ing for the time being. A little while later, I brought it up again and she repeated her feelings on cd'ing, "I really don't like that at all!".

So, I changed the subject, got some wine for both of us and enjoyed the rest of the night. On the bright side, she did put on a teddy and heels (lol).

I need to go back to the drawing board and formulate plan B.

Pink

[Kerry Owens]

I think honesty is still your best choice, and can you get her to log into the GG forum? Heaven knows, we've all been through the shock at one point or another, and at least it can help knowing she is not alone. That knowledge it's self can help in grasping acceptance.
More than anything, it's lack of understanding that causes rejection.

[~Kitty GG~]

Being subtle is NOT the way to go. Implying and hinting at this will cause lots of misunderstandings. Its best to be precise about everything so that she doesn't have to fill in the blanks. Those blanks can be pretty scarey!

You meantioned in your first post that you thought she knew you have the desire to dress. So when you bring this up subtly she may be reacting very defensively by saying she doesn't like that at all. This way maybe she can stop it. It did work afterall.. both times you dropped the subject. I know that when I was in that position and I suspected the CDing I was totally afraid of it, and so if i could make it not true by denying it to myself and saying how bad it was to him.. seemed like a good plan. Of course once I understood things and I wasn't so defensive we could discuss it openly.

One final point I'd like to bring up is the timing. If you're planning a nite away then she's probably got some ideas of how that nite will go. And if you use it as your "coming out" stage then I would be disappointed that my nite away was taken away. I think it would be best if you could get the "coming out" done before the nite away, at home where its familiar territory. Then plan together what will happen on your nite away.

As far as matching frillies.. I quite like buying matching things for ~Dee~ and myself. not happy that she wears a smaller size tho. LOL But its all a personal taste kind of thing. She may hate it.

[kathy gg]

Okay, so as Kitty said, being subtle, not a good idea.

Unless you and her always play mind-games with each other. Direct clear and concise explanations are always preferred by most people. I mean, dont' you prefer when your wife explains something and it makes sense, rather than hinting or making you guess. Seems unnecessary to pansy-foot around with a subject this big.

I am sorry your weekend did not go as planned.

Also, how do I say this without stating the obvious..have you considered that she is jsut not going to be up for this and will never be willing to be intimate with you dressed? Sounds to me like that is your goal? Am I right? Sex/play wiht both of you dressed up? If so, and she is already making a quick 'no', you might be lucky if you get to make it happen one night if ever. She might indugle you once but I think alot of women put this in "maybe I'll give it a try once". and then leave it there never to want to revisit that fantasy again.

I know this is kinda depressing to think about, but you may wind up with her just being aware you do this and she may never want to participate.

Good luck and do let us know when you finally spit it all out.





I appreciate all of the great advice, it's going to help with my confidence when I tell her.

I started to tell her this weekend because there was an opportunity when the kids were asleep, there wasn't any wine involved and we had some alone time. As I started to drop subtle hits to feel her out, she said "I don't like that (cd'ing) at all".
I retreated and decided to continue the conversation without bringing up cd'ing for the time being. A little while later, I brought it up again and she repeated her feelings on cd'ing, "I really don't like that at all!".

So, I changed the subject, got some wine for both of us and enjoyed the rest of the night. On the bright side, she did put on a teddy and heels (lol).

I need to go back to the drawing board and formulate plan B.

Pink

[Pink Satin Sissy]

Okay, so as Kitty said, being subtle, not a good idea.

Unless you and her always play mind-games with each other.

I am sorry your weekend did not go as planned.

Also, how do I say this without stating the obvious..have you considered that she is jsut not going to be up for this and will never be willing to be intimate with you dressed? Sounds to me like that is your goal? Am I right? Sex/play wiht both of you dressed up?

Good luck and do let us know when you finally spit it all out.



So subtle is out. I tried that and it didn't work. You're correct about the advice however, we have a very good relationship and we don't play mind games. I guess maybe we did a little when we first got married, but not anymore. That is why I want to tell her.
As far as being intimate w/her while dressed sounds like a great time, that isn't my intent. I guess I just want her to know without her:
- getting mad
- getting upset
- crying
- becoming disappointed

Actually, our weekend is coming up May 18 - 21 and if I haven't told her by then, I'll just wait until our weekend trip is over to tell her.

Thanks for helping me with this situation, I really needed the advice (as you can tell)

Pink