What to wear to a wedding

[kimdl93]

Seems we are on the topic of what to wear this morning. I would like to pose a somewhat similar question to the group. Yesterday, a young former colleague invited me to her wedding next summer. She made a point of emphasizing that I was welcome, regardless of however I chose to present. Needless to say, I have enjoyed imagining the possible outfits I might wear to a summer wedding at an events venue, but I remain undecided.

How would you reach a decision about whether to present in male or female attire? If you chose the latter, what would you consider appropriate for an (ahem) mature woman?

[Natalie5004]

I would say, how do you feel? Are you a woman most of the time? If you dress tasteful, and I am pretty sure you will, go for it. You be you.

[Marketa]

If you decide to go as a woman, then my go-to would be either knee-long cocktails dress or elegant wide legged pants with a blouse. If it's going to be cold or in case the fun is outside and till the cold night, then bolero with the dress and female suit with the pants.

Depends mainly on your preferred style and weather.

[Aroara Xanthemae]

Panties panties wear panties

[Genifer Teal]

Nothing white. Don't out shine the bride.

[kimdl93]

White would definitely not be appropriate in my case ;) Still, the point is well taken. I am not worried about outshining the bride. At the same time, I do not want to distract attention for any other reason. I am hoping to blend in to the extent that a person of my stature can blend in. Another former colleague suggested pairing a light, flowing mid-length dress with cowboy boots. It sounds like fun, but I am not sure how blendy. Fun vs blendy is a choice I seldom have to make!

[Adelaide]

Will there be many former colleagues of yours at the wedding? If so, are you out to them? If not, do you want to be out to them?
I'd say go dressed as a woman, wearing an elegant feminine knee length dress to blend in and enjoy the wedding.... No cowboy boots, please...

[Genifer Teal]

Outshine could be taken a lot of different ways. You want the main focus to stay on the bride. People should be talking about her and not you after the event. It's okay if they mention you, but yeah, I think you get what I mean.

[Crissy 107]

Kim, You have plenty of time since the wedding is next summer. I know you will make the right choice where you will not overshadow the bride.

[Terrihoney]

I think that the bride emphasizing that you appear however you choose to present, was a clear invitation to attend as female. You should know the wedding couple better than we here. Is there a wedding theme? Formal dress or pantsuit? Remember, you will be dancing and likely under the influence of adult beverages.

Hugs, Terri

[Rhonda Jean]

https://www.chicos.com/store/category/pants/cat14839279/?page=1

[BLUE ORCHID]

Rule #1, Don't Up Stage the Bride !!!

[kimdl93]

Outshine could be taken a lot of different ways. You want the main focus to stay on the bride. People should be talking about her and not you after the event. It's okay if they mention you, but yeah, I think you get what I mean.

This is exactly my concern. While there may be a few former colleagues, they already know. But there are likely to be a lot of guests at the wedding that are not acquainted with me. But who knows how they might react.

As for the boots? it wouldnt be the first wedding I attended in western attire, along with a lot of the other guests. We are country folk ;)

[JohnH]

I would wear a wrap around V neck midi dress, along with heels which is one of my standard outfits for Sunday mornings.
Trousers? I haven't worn them since my mother's funeral in late September.
And my standard attire for funerals are black dresses. An example is shown on the bottom of the following URL:

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?285914-Pictures-of-JohnH

John

[Nic J]

It's wonderful that your friend has made a point of emphasising that you are welcome however you prefer to present. :thumbsup:
This sounds like a very accepting environment, so why not....
As to what to wear, as it depends on your fashion preferences as well as the weather, location etc.
Smart summer-dress, or perhaps a skirt-suit and blouse are just a few options.
Most of all, enjoy! :)

[Genifer Teal]

At my best friend's wedding, I was the maid of honor. Surprisingly enough, I wasn't the only trans woman in attendance. I think it was the uncle's date that was trans. Sure, I have lots of friends in the community and that could happen too. I mean, we could have a whole wedding that's trans. This was not that kind of friend completely cis. I'm the main connection, they have to the community. It was totally random, who the uncle brought.

[SaraLin]

Kim, I don't know the male side of you, and it's hard for me to imagine you dressed or looking line a man. That means that my opinion is going to be heavily biased towards "go as yourself (Kim)."

Now about what to wear...
I think we'd need to know what type of wedding (is there a theme?), the type of venue (beach, hall, pasture?), and the bride's preferences (dressy, casual, or <gasp> swimsuit?)

I think I'd suggest that you get in contact with the future bride and iron out these details a bit more. At the same time, maybe you can double check that it's really OK that you arrive dressed pretty and that she's not concerned about the possibility of you being a distraction from the main event.
Judging from every picture I've ever seen of you, I don't see how you'd ever be seen as anything other than another lady in the crowd.

I think it's quite an honor that she invited you to come - and - is welcoming you regardless of presentation.
You must have made quite a good impression on her when you worked together.

[SophiaRose]

If the other wedding guests are distracted it will only be for a moment. I've learned on this forum that people move on pretty quickly. The bride may actually be a little disappointed if you don't come as your authentic self. As far as what to wear? Most mature women dress modest glam (if that contradiction makes sense) to weddings and I'm sure you'll look amazing. This might be a great opportunity to have someone else do your makeup and hair.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Choice 1: Long flowing summer dress.

Choice 2: Traditional suit with a very femme ruffled shirt or blouse, from whichever side of the store you choose to by it from.

I'm leaning towards Choice 2. It's almost androgynous formal attire. Abd you could still wear panties and a cami.

[bridget thronton]

I am like the country look suggestion - boots and summer dress (clear your choice with the bride and have fun)

[Cheryl T]

As for how others who do not know might react the question is do you really care? You were invited by the bride, who already is aware and some others who will attend know also. I'm sure no one will make a scene as they would not want to be that upsetting to the bride.
As to what to wear I'm more one who will decide depending on the theme and the weather. If it's a country themed wedding then the boots would be a nice touch. My grand niece did that for her wedding and it worked well. Is this somewhere that is typically hot that time of year (you didn't mention the month) if so then I'd prefer a cocktail length dress and low heel sandals (or the boots). If it might be a little more comfortable then slacks with a nice blouse and flats or heels (your choice) would be attractive and comfortable.
Either way, she invited you and told you it was your choice. How do you want to feel that day?

Personally I'd be wearing the cocktail dress and sandals, sharing the bride's joy and having a good time, not worrying about the other guests.

[kimdl93]

Sorry, thought I had mentioned that the wedding is scheduled for August. Even in northern Minnesota, August can be pretty warm.

Honestly, I really do not expect anyone would make a scene. As much as I have been out over the past decade and half, I seldom give much thought to what strangers may be thinking. Still, I do want to be as considerate of my friend as she has been by inviting me to the wedding.

I have plenty of time to make up my mind. I am definitely leaning towards a light, mid-length dress. Sandals would be cooler that boots and would go with a greater variety of dresses.

Another question is sleeves or sleeveless. I probably run contrary to the conventional wisdom on sleeves, in that I don?t necessarily feel we need to avoid spaghetti straps. I can?t find it right now, but a couple years ago I posted a pic of myself wearing a tank top with spaghetti straps and I thought it looked good, despite my admittedly masculine arms. Yet another thing to consider.

[audreyinalbany]

seems simple enough to just ask the bride

[Jessica Secret]

I'm closeted by choice but if I was going to be out it would depend on what the event was and who would be there. If for example it's a lingerie contest and it's a somewhat dark venue, and there are a ton of girls in it to the point where I would blend in well without being recognized (and I pass well when dressed imo) I would probably do it. Depends on the circumstances. As for what you should wear if you present female, it really depends on what you have in your wardrobe that would be appropriate for a wedding and what you think looks good on you. Whatever you decide, have fun!

[Fiona_44]

I would suggest wearing a nice light summer dress with a floral pattern that is knee length or longer. Ones with pleats are nice too. And dress sandals with a block heel would be fine. If blending in is the look you want, then stick to sleeves.

[TheHiddenMe]

Wear what you want to wear.

If it's a summer wedding wear a summer dress. That includes strappy dresses. The others at the wedding won't consider you a distraction, unless you stand up and object to the marriage like in the movies.:) You might consider wedges too instead of sandals.

You have seven months to decide. A few good reason to go shopping!

[daphne g]

Doesn?t she need a bridesmaid?

[Meg]

The bride has given the go ahead for your choice. The big thing is to not overshadow her day. You seem to be a classy gurl and will look great in whatever you choose. Hugs, Meg

[abby054]

Here is what I wore as a guest to an outdoor wedding, indoor reception, last January in Phoenix, Arizona. Temps were 25C afternoon and 10C at night. This dress is still being sold as a Maggie London Illusion Yoke Dress at Macys and some of their competitors. It is apparently very popular.

344657
344658

The photos are from fashion blogs, actual blogger herself wearing and advertising the dress, where the blogger acknowledges a commission agreement with sponsoring retailers.

In the Clothing, Shopping, and Beauty section of this forum, I posted a photo of me still wearing this dress immediately after I returned to my hotel from this wedding.

[ellbee]

If you chose the latter, what would you consider appropriate for an (ahem) mature woman?

I would probably just inquire with whoever the GG is that will be at that wedding, as well as who you feel most comfortable with -- you know, regarding your femme life, shall we say. :battingeyelashes:


If that happens to be the bride, so be it.


Ask about what others may be wearing, the style & formal-ness level of the whole thing, etc.

I once wore a male outfit with sandals & a Hawaiian shirt to a wedding. Totally appropriate & even expected -- but at another wedding, probably not so much. :heehee:

[TheHiddenMe]

Here is what I wore as a guest to an outdoor wedding, indoor reception, last January in Phoenix, Arizona. Temps were 25C afternoon and 10C at night. This dress is still being sold as a Maggie London Illusion Yoke Dress at Macys and some of their competitors. It is apparently very popular.



I have that dress. Found it at Savers for $12. I wore it to see Moulin Rouge at the theater.

[JenniferR771]

Think of all the fun you will have shopping for the perfect dress. Go to a couple nice shops or big department stores.
Ask for help to get something suitable for a summer wedding.
They love to help.
And if you can form a bit of friendship at your favorite thrift store. Why not let them help you? Try on several, of course.
They may have shoes and accessories like earrings. Necklace? Purse?