The urge has gone. Will it come back?

[Verona]

Hi All.
As some may know I have come out to my wife and she is accepting and enjoying my femme side.
We have been out a couple of times to trans meetings etc and have dressed at home a lot. I have really enjoyed it, feeling free and being able to express my hidden persona.

But for the last 6 weeks I have not been interested what so ever. My wife keeps asking when Verona is coming back out but I just can?t be bothered. I am now all hairy again and I do not even underdress anymore .
It is as if the buzz has gone, the pink fog has turned into grey mist.
I have not even been following this forum, I have forced myself on here to try make sense of it all.
Crossdressing has always been a part of my life and it has come and gone before. When I came out to my wife I thought that I was going to be spending more and more time as Verona and there was no turning back.

Has anyone else experienced similar?
Thank you for listening
Verona x

[Debs]

It will come back with avengement, but it looks like you will have to extend your boundries and take it to the next level. You're not gettting the buzz out of just dressing and walking round the house. I must admit if I dress I have to go out shopping or to a pub or a club, walking round the house doesnt do it for me anymore, but being out in public does get my Adrenaline flowing and the buzz is back. Spending hours with makeup and getting dressed just to watch telly doesnt do anything for me.

[NancySue]

Have I experienced this? I don?t understand it, but Yes, the pink fog always returns. I, too have a supportive wife, who has asked the same questions during these lulls. I just am patient.

[GretchenM]

What you describe sounds like the thrill you got was from doing something forbidden. Once it is no longer forbidden then it is no longer exciting. But that is all pretty superficial and most of us may have gone through a period like that and then moved on to bigger and better activities, similar to what Debs is describing. How much we do this or need to do this varies with the person and what exactly is the driving force which, unfortunately, most of us never actually figure out because it likely to be very complex.

I suggest you just relax and don't worry about it. Sometimes that can cause a blockage in the activity. The stress builds up, the fun of the anticipation goes away, and the actions are not initiated because stress and worry about it going away blocks your ability to take the first step, whatever that is for you. Relax, it will very likely come back in time - it is likely an important part of your relationship to the world around you.

[SophiaRose]

Im beginning to identify closely with what Debs said. Ive been starting to dress completely and venturing out. I want to start experiencing more of my life presenting as a woman and dressing to stay in doesn?t have the same appeal. It?s like realizing your cage door was never locked the gained sense of freedom is intoxicating. Do you feel you still have boundaries that crossing might provide some motivation?

[ellbee]

But for the last 6 weeks...

I once went like 6 *years* -- no interest at all.


Just sayin'... :)


P.S. I'm sure there are others here who have done at least double that.

[krissy]

I see what you mean sometimes i just lose the urge .all i ever wanted to do was share this with wife but it sisnt work that way i also never thought how far would i take it i love to dress and do my makeup and oh the perfume .but i see now i have sons and grandkids and great grandkids i know i wouldnt ever show them this side of me . i always wonder where it would go how far .i guess im a chicken

[Brynna M]

There is nothing wrong with being or caring about more than one thing.

While I have never been in an accepting place crossdressing has never been the biggest part of my life when family or work pop up they always take precidence in my mind and heart not just my actions. Holidays are a classic time for other priorities to come much more to the forefront.

[Lacey New]

For me the urge seems to correlate with opportunity. When I know there is no opportunity, I simply do t worry about dressing. And my dressing is very limited these days to perhaps just a few hours in lingerie and maybe going out and about underdressed. But when I know I will have opportunity, I sometimes am quite looking forward to it, some other times, not so much. Perhaps being older has something to do with it. Who knows?

[audreyinalbany]

there are times when I have the opportunity but just don't have the desire. it's not fun to force it. Just be patient. the desire will come back

[kimdl93]

As your own experience and those you have read in the comments, cycle is a very common experience. I know it has happened to me. I went almost 18 months without dressing, but that was almost ten years ago now.

[CynthiaD]

With me, the pink fog comes and goes, but female clothing is always my correct attire.

On pink fog days I go in my closet and think, “I love all these dresses, let me find the prettiest.”

On no-pink-fog days, I just grab the first dress I see.

I wear male clothing only when absolutely necessary and never even think about otherwise.

Loss of interest is not necessarily a reason to stop dressing.

[Stephanie47]

I think you have to figure out the "Why" questions. Why do you dress in the first place. I do think part of the answer is you're now given permission to do what was once forbidden in your mind. If you're by nature a "thrill seeker," then perhaps "taking it to the ext level" is the answer to reengaging. I felt the drive to leave the confines of my home. I found once I satisfied that urge/need it was ho-hum again. When I retired my wife was still working, so I had plenty of time to satisfy my stored up wants/needs. I found I was neglecting other chores. I was losing balance. Ponder why you're cross dressing in the first place.

[Cheryl T]

I had a few purges and periods of disinterest over the decades and I understand the lack of interest at times.
I'm not in the same situation though as since coming out to my wife 20 years ago and her being accepting and helpful and supportive I have not once had that lack of interest.

[alwayshave]

Verona, During covid I got somewhat depressed and my urge to dress went away. When the depression abated, the urge came back.

[docrobbysherry]

The fact that you've posted about it means you're still thinking about it, Verona. So, it's NOT completely gone yet is it?:battingeyelashes:

[Maria 60]

Ha!Ha! That's funny. Your not that lucky to escape that easy. Don't worry it will be back and with a vengeance. It's in our blood. For myself I was to concerned once when the craving left and long and behold it came back, boy did it come back. Bigger and stronger then ever. Keep us in the loop

[Raychel]

I have found for the the desire to dress comes and goes.
There will be short times that I have no desire at all.
Then there will be times when I feel like dressing every
minute of the day. I will admit for me that is more the norm then not wanting to dress.

So yes there are times when I don't feel like it. but it usually never last for much more than a few days for me.

I am sure the time will come that it will be back for you. Just sit back and relax. Enjoy your days, however you desire to dress for that day

[Steph_CD_62]

In my opinion, the urge will come back at some point. It might be in a day or two but one doesn't know that it might last year(s) before the urge comes back.

I have purged (gave away) all my stuff a couple of times in my life. I always regrated it later, because there were somethings I loved and would never be able to find them again. The last time I purged, I packed up everything and put it all in the garage, however I still wore panties every day.

Here lately, I have had a loss of desire to get all dressed up. I haven't worn a dress for a couple of months, but I still get dressed up 3 days a week. I can't say I have the urge to dress, but it is just part of me, and I normally enjoy wearing women's clothes. Although, I have not ever lost the desire to dress in one of my nightgowns.

[Lana Mae]

This type thread has been around before! The answer then a yes, but it might be minutes, hours, days, months or years! When it came back for me it was like a tsunami! Best wishes to you on this!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Debbie Denier]

I am going through a similar dry spell Verona. 6 weeks isnt long. I stopped for nearly 10 years when children came on the scene. It came back with a vengeance . I still wonder if its more trouble than it?s worth due to wifes non acceptance. It will come back.

[Genifer Teal]

Back in the day I closed the closet door a few times. it always open back up again. Now the closet is everywhere. There is no more door to close.

[Jessica Secret]

Sounds like you are going through some emotions right now Verona - one question, what led you to dressing to begin with? Could part of it be that it was more "exciting" and "daring" for you to dress prior to your wife being accepting? I hope whatever you're feeling that you take time for yourself to deal with those inner feelings and do whatever makes you happy going forward.

In my case I have had consistent desire to dress since I started in my teens and the urge has never left me. I believe much of the reason is that dressing is very sexual for me (lingerie at bedtime, and I have a boyfriend) and knowing that I'm my boyfriend's "girlfriend" when I come to bed every night is very exciting for me and it definitely keeps our sex life going strong. I really look forward to wearing lingerie to bed every night and because of that it has kept the urge VERY strong for me.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I'm with the others who suggest much of the thrill was from doing something prohibited. Now that you have permission, the thrill is gone. Temporarily, any way. I've experienced this in other aspects of my life, not dressing perhaps because I've always kept a little bit of what I like aside from what my wife sees. Not keeping things from her, for example I asked her if I could buy heels before I did, but I've never worn them in front of her (that she noticed anyway, a couple of times she walked in on me and my heeled-feet were under my desk)

In the other areas of my life I've experienced this phenomenon it's always come back. I suspect the pink fog will return to you when it's ready.

Or, perhaps getting acceptance was just something that needed to be checked off the bucket list, and now you're free to move on to the next challenge?

[audreyinalbany]

I find it interesting that for many cd's there seems to be a tension between "I wish this would go away" and " Sure do wish the urge would come back" Like many...I miss it when its gone

[ChrisP]

This has happened to me as well. My theory in my own case was that with someone accepting me, and me standing "naked" in front of them as my true self, I was suddenly embarrassed about who I am, and a bit ashamed.

Once you get past that stage, the feelings and desires will return, and it's a firehose that is hard to turn off.

Spend some time in quiet meditation/contemplation of who you are. Your feminine desires are still there and not going away.

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm just now in the recovery period from this. I've had my ups and downs over the last 5+ decades, but even in the downs there was still some connection. This time there was none, and it went on for years. I tried pretty desperately to get it back. Still occasionally dressed when I was traveling to places that would have ordinarily been irresistible, still shaved out of habit, still shopped and bought clothes, etc. I badly wanted "it" to come back. I could not find a way to force it back, and I just didn't quite feel like me without it.

Very recently I'm feeling sort of like my old self. Bursts of "I'm back!" followed by a lull. Very strange. But, the bursts are way ahead of where I've been, so I'll take it.

I'll say this. Having done this to a very high level by any measure and feel I had little control over it, and now to have had it go away with an equal lack of control, I do not understand it. I also feel like for me, to have some balance and control would be perfect. I'm envious of those who say they can do this a few times a year, do it to a high degree, and leave it behind for months at a time. For me, when I was "on", I was on all the time, all day, every day. Had to have a part of it with me all the time. Too much. I'm hoping that this come back will be with control and common sense restraint. I don't know that I have that much control. Still, if I had to choose, I'd choose to have this be a part of me. I'll take the struggle. I don't know that I can objectively say I'm a better person for it, or because of it, but I'm a happier person. That counts for something.

[BrendaPDX]

Almost certainly. Well it did for me.

[Verona]

I?ve shaved my legs, couldn?t be bothered to do the rest of my body today as there?s a lot of hair.
Feel so much better already. Going to spend tomorrow underdressed and finish shaving on Monday and spend the day en femme.

I think you are right debs. Need to be going out exploring, need to heighten the pleasure and be more risqu?.

Thanks ladies x