I was supposed to have been a girl.

[Paula Rogers]

Out of the blue one day while I was helping my mother in the kitchen, she said, "We were really hoping for a girl, but instead we got you." This rocked me to a core as a teenager. My mother taught me how to cook, clean, set a table, arrange flowers and do just about everything one would expect a female to be skilled in doing. I started crossdressing early and when I heard this, I wondered if this was the reason. To this day, while I look like a standard issue male on the outside, I'd say my brain is half and half, equal parts death stare/get out of my way and here, I'll put those flowers in water for you. My wife will even admit I am better than her at these things, though I usually let her get the credit. So, how many of you were told you were supposed to have been a girl and how does it impact you now?

[alwayshave]

I have a three older sisters and my mother had twins boys who did not survive prior to my birth. My parents really wanted a boy. I stopped trying to figure out why I dress a while ago, but I know it's not because my parents wanted a girl.

[JocelynJames]

I have 4 older brothers, one younger and no sisters. Who knows if they really wanted a girl in the mix, but I believe my younger brother and I were ?whoops babies.? My mother did confide in me that when they found out she was pregnant for us last two she was sincerely hoping for girls. She never got one until her first grandchild and then cared for a neighbors 2 daughters from birth until teens.

[Karren H]

My mother told me the exact same thing. Even offered to make me a dress for Halloween a few times. Was not until my sister was born that I got the urge to wear womens clothing, I was 7. That urge has not subsided in 7 decades. Thanks mom! lol! Strange but wonder how many other mothers did that to their sons?

[Debs]

My dad always told me my mum was desperate for a girl, even started buying girls baby clothes before I was born. Sometimes I think that my mums craving and desires for a girl had a chemical reaction to my dna !!, just my opinion though, theres no scientific proof unfortunatly, or is there ? maybe Im the proof !!, lol

[docrobbysherry]

Funny, I never asked about that and they never said. Can't ask them now!:sad:

[LianaT]

My mom had a long relationship with a man who I believed was my godfather until about two years ago when I was told he was my biological dad. I'm 59 now. He passed away back in 2007. He was a crossdresser and identified as female. I didn't know anything about him since he was out of my life when I was about 8. He introduced himself to me at my stepfathers wake when I was 28. I didn't know who he was. Anyway, I feel I am female in my thinking and ways. My wife accepts me and said recently that I am 70% female and 30% male. I still suffer with gender dysphoria. I tried to be more manly but mostly people see through me with just how I present myself even without wearing anything feminine. Men kind of remove themselves from me thinking I'm queer. My mom dressed me as a kid and saw my father in me. I would probably be a good candidate showing gender dysphoria is herediatry. i'm happy now being me even though I tried for years to shed my skin.

[_jenni_]

She never out and out said it and she wasn?t happy when she would catch me in or with femme attire in my room. But she did dress me as a witch in a real skirt blouse and heels. She also ensured I could cook and clean.

[mykell]

no one ever told me so ....also cant ask....through conversations with doctors and a person who ghosted me....came to a conclusion i may have been intersexed and accepted that i should have been born a girl when i was in my fifties....now i just accept that i have the spirits of both....

[Sometimes Steffi]

So, I've never seen any scientific evidence that crossdressing is hereditary, as in the DNA.

The theory I'm fond of is a hormonal imbalance in the mom during gestation.

In the first trimester, the parts (gonads) develop. Normally, if you're XY, you get male parts. However, the brain develops in the second trimester. If there is too much estrogen in the second trimester, the brain becomes feminized to a greater or lesser extent. This explains the dysphoria. Male parts, female brain. After that, nature and nurture take their course.

It's also possible that the hormonal imbalance during gestation can be repeated with multiple children. That would account for what what looks like hereditary DNA, when it's just hormonal imbalances during gestation.

[kimdl93]

Common topic. And for every anecdote supporting a cause, there is another supporting another cause. As they say, an N of 1 might explain one case, nothing more.

Birth order, hormonal exposure, various medications during gestation, and then the various presumed parental and experiential influences?.all fine hypotheses, but nothing more.

And to further complicate the matter?if you want to discuss causality, causality of what? Fetish dressers? Autogynephilia? Gender Variant, transgender?

Humans see patterns, often patterns that only exist in their imaginations. It makes us susceptible to jumping to conclusions.

[Jane G]

I was supposed to be a Hotel. My mother pointed to a Hotel one day when I was around 12 years and told me, they were planning to by it once, but then I came along and it all changed. Never quite forgave her for that one till her dieing day. Certainly zero encouragement or support from my parents with regard to my gender dysphoria at that age either. Unless you consider a father's belt encouragement.

[SaraLin]

I was never told that I was supposed to have been a girl.


I just knew it.

[cody0018]

I had a pretty similar experience in my childhood. When my Mom got pregnant with me she was really hoping for a girl. She said that when she found out I was going to be a boy, she was afraid that she wouldn't love me. Once I was born though, she said that she loved me immediately, but from what she has told me it sounds like she still really wanted a girl. When I was a baby my Mom dressed me up like a girl. She made a dress for me, did my makeup and everything. And she says that I absolutely loved it. My Dad was a Marine, when he found out she had dressed me up, he was furious. So it didn't happen again after that as far as I know. But when I was a toddler I used to sneak under the sink and get into my Mom's makeup to try it on. I don't remember any of that. But I do remember when I was about 11, suddenly one day getting the overwhelming urge to try on lipstick, and within a year or two after that I was trying on my Mom's shirts, skirts, dresses, and heels. I've tried to tell my Mom that I'm trans, unfortunately she doesn't want to believe it. Although I've been in denial about it for the last 10 years, so I haven't exactly brought it up. I'm starting to think I need to open up about it more, I'm getting past the point in my life where I'm afraid of being rejected for it. The way I'm starting to look at it is if someone doesn't want me in their life because my gender makes them uncomfortable then that's their loss.

[Cassiek]

Hi Paula I have 3 older brothers and a younger sister. My father passed when I was 10 and mother when I was 21. While I did all the boy stuff as expected I often gravitated to wanting to be with the girls. Looking back I was more interested in being friends with them instead of having a typical boy girl relationship. I dabbled in my mothers lingerie drawers when I was very young. I often wonder if I should have been a girl. When I was married I did most of the house decorating and most of the cooking and things most wives did.

[Sabine7]

We together with my wife used to share chores including cleaning and cooking. Sabine would take it over completely if only allowed and accepted to do en-femme. My mother told me many years ago that I had been expected to be born as a girl and then I grew up in a mature female dominated environment.

[Michaela Jane]

Not me, I was the eldest of 3 boys. I think Mum would have loved a girl and my youngest brother, born 4 years after the other was probably the parentals hoping for a girl.

[Stephanie47]

I believe I have mentioned on this site that my mother told me many times I was suppose to be a girl. My older brother is fourteen months older than me. Her idea of the perfect family was husband, wife, older son and younger daughter. My father's sperm did not cooperate. As a really really young boy I remember putting on one of my mother's nightgowns and crying in bed that she did not love me because I was not a girl. She consoled me and to my recollection she never said those words again. However, my brother was her favorite child. He got all the new stuff and I got the hand-me-downs. He got the new tricycle and gave me the push with feet riding fire engine. He got the new bicycle and I got the tricycle. He got the bigger bike and I got his old bike. He got a new larger baseball mitt and I had to suffer making errors with an outgrown mitt. On so it went on and on. When it came to discipline she doled it out with a belt across the back of the thighs to the extent it would now be deemed child abuse. When she passed on at age 92, I sang a chorus of "Ding-dong, the witch is dead!"

I often wonder if she tried some folk law or pseudo medical treatment to alter the sex of the child in the womb. It wasn't until puberty and the raging hormones that I became interested in women's clothing. Maybe, I should have consulted a shrink?

[Jane G]

I had a pretty similar experience in my childhood. When my Mom got pregnant with me she was really hoping for a girl. She said that when she found out I was going to be a boy, she was afraid that she wouldn't love me. Once I was born though, she said that she loved me immediately, but from what she has told me it sounds like she still really wanted a girl. When I was a baby my Mom dressed me up like a girl. She made a dress for me, did my makeup and everything. And she says that I absolutely loved it. My Dad was a Marine, when he found out she had dressed me up, he was furious. So it didn't happen again after that as far as I know. But when I was a toddler I used to sneak under the sink and get into my Mom's makeup to try it on. I don't remember any of that. But I do remember when I was about 11, suddenly one day getting the overwhelming urge to try on lipstick, and within a year or two after that I was trying on my Mom's shirts, skirts, dresses, and heels. I've tried to tell my Mom that I'm trans, unfortunately she doesn't want to believe it. Although I've been in denial about it for the last 10 years, so I haven't exactly brought it up. I'm starting to think I need to open up about it more, I'm getting past the point in my life where I'm afraid of being rejected for it. The way I'm starting to look at it is if someone doesn't want me in their life because my gender makes them uncomfortable then that's their loss.

Welcome to the forum cody. Getting passed childhood influences from important sources can take a long time. But believe me it is worth the wait and the effort when you finally realise you except who you are.

[Paula Rogers]

Hi Paula I have 3 older brothers and a younger sister. My father passed when I was 10 and mother when I was 21. While I did all the boy stuff as expected I often gravitated to wanting to be with the girls. Looking back I was more interested in being friends with them instead of having a typical boy girl relationship. I dabbled in my mothers lingerie drawers when I was very young. I often wonder if I should have been a girl. When I was married I did most of the house decorating and most of the cooking and things most wives did.

This is me exactly. I had way more girl friends than guy friends and it continues to this day. I never really related to most guys. I love woman and everything about them - completely heterosexual - we all want to be just like our sports heroes when we are young and often times try to emulate and dress like them - my hero has always been the feminine form and I wanted to know as much as possible about them.

[Cheryl T]

I wasn't told, but by accident when I went to get our marriage license I read my birth certificate.
It had a line for sex and mine had an F that was crossed out and M written next to it.

[kimdl93]

By the time I came along, my mother had many sons in a row. She actually received a sympathy card from a neighbor after the announcement of her 7ths male child. It might explain my name, and all those prior male births might?.emphaiss on might? have contributed to my gender identity.

[Robyn n TN]

Steffi, I agree and I am confident my mom took a drug during pregnancy to minimize a miscarriage. This drug was a very high dose synthetic Estrogen....

[JulieC]

Steffi/Robyn; yep, my mom had three miscarriages before me. I've never known if my mother took a drug to minimize the chance of a miscarriage, but it's possible. This was in the 60s.

Paula; I would have a hard time accepting such words from my mom :( My mom was very much hoping for a girl. I was her last hope. I don't recall her dressing me up as a girl or anything like that, but while she did say she had always wanted a daughter, she always made it crystal clear to me how much she loved me except for once. That's when she found my pantyhose stash (then the extent of my CDing wardrobe) when I was 14. She came down on me like a ton of bricks, read me the riot act, and read passages from the Bible. It's the only thing in my upbringing that I can look back and wish she had done differently. Her wrath just taught me to hide better until I got out on my own.

Liana; That is awfully sad about your biological dad :(

[Bluesman]

I was never told I was "supposed to be a girl", but I am the youngest of 3 boys, and I know my mother would have liked to have had a girl. She told me once at a very young age that my name would have been Mary had I been a girl. I also remember older relatives who would remark, "You're so 'purty' (this was the deep south...), you should have been a girl!" One adult cousin in particular always wore bright red lipstick and would kiss me on the lips, leaving my lips red and then tease me that I was wearing lipstick. Did that have any effect on my CDing? Dunno.

[Aroara Xanthemae]

I am the youngest of three boys and my mother told me that her pregnancy with me was different she carried me high in the womb and my brothers were carried low and at the doctors they told her that I was a girl cause my heart beat was that if a female so they expected a girl.
She doesn?t know about my cross dressing now.

[Di]

I was supposed to be a boy….only had a boy name picked out…..James Edward .
Surprise

[Crissy 107]

My mother wanted girls, everyone knew it, I have 3 siblings, all girls.

[Lea]

My mother wanted a girl. She even had a girl's name picked out for me but no boy's name.
When my father was dying, he would tell me things he usually would not talk about. I showed him a picture of my daughter and asked my dad if he knew who it was. He replied it was me in a dress.
He told me several times that until I reached preschool age mom would dress me and treat me as a girl. Mom told me she always wanted a girl, told me the name she picked out for a girl, said that people mistook me for a girl and that she was upset when they had to cut my hair.

[MsEva]

I am the third of four boys. Mom wanted a girl so badly. I too was told that I was supposed to be a girl. Our neighbor brought out the needle and thread to do an old wives tale of how the needle would spin. She was so hopeful. Then my kid brother came a few year later. He too was supposed to be the "chosen" one. Ooops mom another boy. She once offered to dress me as a gilr for halloween as I didn't have any other thing for the event. I went balistic saying that was so aweful. I guess she never knew why I blew up at her the way I did. I guess it hit too close to home for me and I regret not taking the opportunity to do so.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

I have an older brother nearly 11 years older than me, when i was young i walked on my tip toes and my mother often said i should have been a girl. Little did she know?

[Jennifer Soames]

All these answers make me think................... hmmm. Oh well too late to ask and to care too much. My mom was great.

[Claire M]

Similar story here. My parents were 100% sure they were having a girl. My mom said her entire pregnancy was way more like when she had my older sister than for any of my brothers (I was #5). They were so sure, they had no male names picked out for me. My mom stayed in the hospital for almost a week after I was born. A nurse finally suggested my name to could complete my birth certificate so they could take me home. I won't say that's why I crossdress but the circumstances may have contributed.

[sometimes_miss]

I was supposed to be a Hotel.
Now, there are words that have probably never been said before!
My mom also wanted a girl. Her first child was a girl, and she wanted another; she herself was the eldest of three girls, no boys, and she didn't really know what to do with a boy. Plus, she and dad had a free apartment (landlord took my father as a sort of superintendent of the small 4 family house, already knew my dad, plus dad was the custodian of the public school across the street) so having another girl would have fit with their living arrangement well.
When very young,in order to save money, mom dressed me in my older sister's hand me down clothes, too. Even sewed some nice red and blue thread into her old underpants to make them resemble my dad's Fruit of the Loom briefs, but I knew what they were. She stopped eventually, and never said a word about it again.
But I later found out more once I was older, and spoke with my aunt about a lot of the unusual things I had learned about mom over the years.
Not all mothers are good ones.