Sometimes Confusing

[Maria 60]

There must be a lot going on in my fem life lately I've been writing and venting a lot here lately. Well as I was just finishing writing my last post about the instinct another instinct happened. I was writing here and sitting on the couch having coffee and breakfast with my wife when she asked me what time we should start preparing for tonight. We are having a few friends for dinner tonight and as I was starting to do the math of what time we should start cooking things and whatever else. But my mind was doing some other math, what time do I have to get undressed? A little sadness came over me and my wife asked "what happened to the little princess dressed in her little white lacy nightie smile", because she seen me wearing a frown now.
I didn't even realize I was frowning and now how can I complain to this women, she does everything for me and now I'm going to complain that I'll be dressed all day and at that I have to get changed later in the day. Whats wrong with me? She then asked me again what's with the frown and she can only help me if I tell her what I want.
She knows me inside out, and I was about to say nothing's wrong, but then I decided to tell her what goes on in my head when it comes to our situation.
I told her that I don't know why but when I get the thought that I have to get undressed that a sadness comes over me and I can't explain it. I told her I'm so happy that she allows me and understands for me to do what I do and couldn't ask for anything else from her. She then asked me what is it that I want? Do I want to stay dressed tonight with my engine rebuilding and smoking and drinking beer buddies are coming for dinner. Do I want to tell the children so I can stay dressed longer or do I want to lock myself in the house and just stay dressed all the time. Pretty much she asked, what is it that I want and that she feels she's doing everything she can to see me happy just as I do for her.
I put my shoulders to the air and I told her as honest as I could that's the part about this situation I can't explain. I don't know what I want, and why I get those feelings it's very confusing because I love being a man and then I don't want to get undressed from being dressed as a women.
We left it at whenever I want to talk about something to be open with her because even she was starting to realize how complicated this is and it left me with the thought of not looking into it and move on with my confusing life. It's just strange and confusing when I get those thoughts that bring on sadness, when instead I should be happy with what I have. Just can't explain it.

[JesseVF]

Yea Maria you have been having some very interesting and intense conversations and activities lately. I can totally relate to the sadness and confusing feelings. Really glad you can have those talks with your wife - very brave of both of you. Wish you the best moving forward I only see positive things. For tonight I can only suggest enjoying some serious underdressing!

[CynthiaD]

I consider myself female 100% of the time. But occasionally I like to wear male clothing and be ”Mr. Macho". For me, the woman is real and the man is an act. But I love playing roles and pretending to be someone else.

Too often we assume that we need to be the same all the time. That just isn’t true. We can be many different things at different times. Ok, today, you’re super macho Uncle Charley. Tomorrow, you’re super feminine Aunt Jane. Why? Because you are human, and humans are infinitely flexible. Be proud of yourself no matter what.

[docrobbysherry]

Maria, let me offer some advise I'm sure others here will agree with. When you're unsure of your or your SO's feelings, thots, or what to do there r professionals that can help u and it won't cost u a fortune!:thumbsup:

A therapist with experience in gender issues could be very helpfull to u both. As one was for me and so many others here.:hugs:

Before u poo poo my suggestion, see if u can find one in your area. If none r available then forget about it. But, if u find one, just arrange one meeting. It is usually very inexpensive or free. You'll chat with someone with no axe to grind that may help u answer many of the questions u post here!:thumbsup:

I'll wager your wonderful wife will support u in this.:)

[Raychel]

I can totally relate to those feeling Maria.
I have the same conflict in my mind all the time.
Whenever I am dressed and have to get back to guy mode.
I have the same feelings, Sometimes a overwhelming feeling
of not wanting to change. Hard to explain, Not wanting to change,
but certainly not wanting to be totally out to some people either
It can be super conflicting in the mind.

[abby054]

Isn?t human nature wonderful? It is perfectly normal to feel sadness when ending something we enjoy, even when we enjoy well the next thing. So enjoy your Maria time, then put her things away when the time comes, and get ready to enjoy time with your Buds. You have a good wife. You have good friends. You enjoy good things. Your life is rich and your feelings are normal.

[bridget thronton]

It is good you are able to talk to your wife - you clearly love each other

[Stephanie47]

Amen, to having a supportive and accepting wife with who you can have a conversation. My guess is you're entering the age of reflection as we get older. Has it been a life that has checked off all the boxes society has determined are necessary for males? Over the years it sounds like you fulfilled the male shoes, but those heels are still a little bit empty. If you're like me,you probably feel, having fulfilled your required male role, why cannot society freely accept all I feel I must do. I still wonder what will happen, if my secret life would no longer be secret. I know, as I sit sipping a mug of coffee, there is part of me that has not been fulfilled. Do I test the waters and risk everything else being erased because I need to emulate a woman on occasion? Do you have that feeling?