Vocabulary

[Helen_Highwater]

There?s often comments along the lines of ?I feel more womanly? which can receive pushback as others point out that it?s difficult if not impossible for males to know what being a woman actually feels like. My personal opinion is that?s true. However, it?s also true that many feel ?different? when dressed. Behaviour changes, most noticeably in the forms of mannerisms but it goes deeper than that. I know the more fully I dress then the more I feel different. My walk alters, simple things like standing still I automatically do differently but it goes beyond that.

So, in a language of tens of thousands or words, is our problem we don?t have the vocabulary to describe exactly what it is that we feel when dressed. Feminine (having qualities or an appearance traditionally associated with women or girls) seems to be the closest as that is used more to describe an appearance in the same way as manly is (having the qualities that people think a man should have). Also, it?s not uncommon for some females to be described as ?Butch?, exhibiting male characteristics. So, does that not suggest that both genders are capable of absorbing the traits of the other?

And feeling/acting differently are we just doing what we learn to do as children. Historically boys and girls were taught to act differently from an early age. Manliness and femininity are not there naturally, not wholly instinctive. As children we copy the adults around us. ?Girls grow up learning to put on makeup? is another common comment found here. But both as children and adults we?re able to observe the other side and absorb it. We seek to join the other club, to blur boundaries.

Many of us grew up with a connection, an empathy with the other sex. We weren?t strongly attracted to stereotypical pastimes associated with boys growing up. There was less attachment to the macho elements of behaviour. We were perhaps, gentler, less aggressive souls. Not to be forgotten, the reverse can be true of girls.

And of course if we can?t know what it feels like to be a woman then surely it follows others can?t know what it feels like to be us.

[Stacy Darling]

Most wont understand this!
There are GIRLS here that do.
Stace

[GretchenM]

Wow, what a great subject, Helen. I don't have any clear answers and I don't think there really are any because shifting behaviors, especially with gender variance, is still such a mystery. But enough is known now that at least an attempt at an answer can be made.

It is true that boys and girls are taught to be different when young in our society, but that is not the case in other societies. There, the expectation is to, so to speak, follow your heart. There a few boys turn out a bit more girl-like and visa versa. Thus in Native Americans there are two spirits - people who can proficiently be both or either. This is widely accepted in the Polynesian cultures as well to produce the fa'a'fafine and ah'ah people which are fully accepted in the societies. So this boys and girls are different thinking in the Western World is a cultural standard and is not part of how humans are naturally.

Modern thinking in gender science contends that everybody has an ability to behave like the "opposite" gender. Or put another way, there is just gender and what you do with it is unique to you. And variations from the stereotypical and traditional are quite genuine simply because in the grand collection of experiences we have our brains adapted to produce a behavior that makes the most sense with respect to how that person views and experiences the world around them.

And yes, language does get in the way. In Western Culture we just don't have the words to describe something that is generally believed to never happen - cross-gender feelings and experiences. Other cultures clearly show it does happen and the folks in our culture who have those feelings show it is genuine but is difficult to describe. It is easier in other cultures where they accept these differences and do have a relevant vocabulary.

So basically, it is fully possible for a male to experience the world in many ways like a woman does, with some exceptions of course that mainly involve reproductive behavior. Is it exactly like a woman? No! The fact is nobody can feel like anyone else; you can only feel like yourself. The question becomes what does feeling like yourself feel like? It is not possible to describe that precisely because at least our language cannot deal with that kind of question that turns back onto itself and tends to create thinking that goes in circles with no definite conclusion at any point.

Language is really good for sharing information with others, but it is very poor sharing information on identity with yourself - you just are. That realm is solely the property of Feelings and feelings cannot be precisely described except in terms of how we perceive others which may or may not be accurate, but is nevertheless useful in communicating that which is so difficult to describe. So, "I feel like a woman." is valid if it is understood it is only a perception and not a fact.

[docrobbysherry]

I think we can all agree to respect that they THINK they feel like women?:battingeyelashes:

But, getting them to put "THINK" in their posts is another matter!:doh:

[Genifer Teal]

I think it can also be taken as experiencing parts of what women go through some of the things they go through.But on the whole, it would be difficult to have a full understanding and experience as how a woman would experience something. It is not each of these individual facets of womanhood, make her who she is and shape her experiences. It's all of them combined together, and that's something we can't experience. We are fortunate enough to experience some of it.

[Sandi Beech]

I cannot say I know what it feels like to be a woman, but I do feel differently when fully dressed. What is even better is that I am treated much differently to the better. I feel lucky to have experienced whatever it is that I feel. Perhaps that is why I keep coming back for more. I just cannot get enough of it.

Sandi

[Fiona_44]

Helen,

You have very eloquently expressed thoughts that have been rattling around my brain for the last 33 months, after I started dressing fully and going out in public for the first time. I agree 100% that we cannot truly know exactly how a cis woman feels inside, there are just too many sociological, cultural, psychological and physical differences between the sexes. I did not come out in public until after I was retired and had the benefit of all those many decades of watching women and their mannerisms, their dress and their interactions with other people. All that accumulated knowledge really helped me comfortably blend in rather quickly as just another woman when out.

Gretchen had a good point too when she said "...it is fully possible for a male to experience the world in many ways like a woman does, with some exceptions of course that mainly involve reproductive behavior". Living full time has allowed me to experience the world as women do countless times. It is so interesting to see how much better it feels to experience life as Fiona versus as my former male self. Much nicer!

Thanks for such a thought provoking post.

Fiona

[Lorna]

Clearly it isn't easy/possible for a male "to feel like a woman" but for those like me who just enjoy the experience of dressing in women's clothes, I think it is possible to feel similar sensations to those a woman would feel when wearing similar clothing. Those sensations are distinctly different from those we feel in men's clothing.

Having said that, I should point out that I am referring to what we might call "traditional" women's attire (bras, slips, dresses, hosiery, etc). I have my doubts whether it would apply when wearing what many/most modern women wear most of the time (jeans, tee shirts, trainers, jogging bottoms, etc).

[Traci H]

Lorna, you mentioned modern day woman?s wear. Jeans, tee shirts, trainers, jogging bottoms, etc. I must say even while those seem mundane, I find most to be vastly different than the male counterpart. I have quite a collection of woman?s tees, most with some rayon or modal in them. They are so soft and nicely fitting. Nothing like my men?s tee shirts. Jeans, lighter weight and tighter fitting. My men?s seem like loose, baggy and much heavier. And I can get women?s in colors. Love my purple ones! Workout gear. Love the leggings and yoga pants. I don?t know if I feel like a woman in those, but I sure enjoy wearing them. The sensations are different no doubt.

Some days I wish I could figure this all out. Its like trying to understand the universe it seems.
Other days, who cares.