Two for two

[Maria 60]

After work I stopped by a bakery and was having a coffee when a old friend of mine came in. We haven't seen each other in a while and I asked how his family is doing. He asked me if I heard or knew anything about his son and I really didn't. He told me his son is gay and is getting married this summer but he hasn't seen him in five years since the day his son told him. He told me he can't face him and does talk to him occasionally on the phone and then asked me what I thought and was he doing the right thing. I told him it's better that he's honest if he can't face this and have to tell his son its OK when he doesn't think it is. I told him in my opinion I have a lot of respect for his son wanting to live his life to his own standards and be his own person. After all being gay is not something you learn in school or take a major in college or someone can convince you and if one of my sons would have been gay I would support them or whatever else they want from life. He was kind of looking down at the ground almost like he was ashamed of what he was doing but it seamed like he just can't or doesn't want to deal with it. The sad part was when he was leaving and saying goodbye he said he guesses its better his son is gay then wanting to dress like a women. Wow! That's two for two for me, first my sister in law last weekend and now my friend.
After the conversation he left and I thought to myself is it my situation that makes me so understanding of this. I know the power of having strong inner feelings that are at times uncontrollable. I thought back of that morning I put on my wife's pantyhose and realized how real this was. Then telling her that same night and going into it knowing there was a good chance she was going to leave me. I was willing to lose her for the sake of I knew that I could not control this. Just as I told my friend about nobody teaching his son to be gay, nobody taught me how to put on pantyhose and I didn't learn from school and no one convinced me or pressured me to dress like a women.
I do read here of a lot of people who do meet supportive people when they step out dressed. It just makes me wonder if the people who say they support us are truthful or are they just being polite?

[Genifer Teal]

It sounds like that guy was saying it's harder to look at someone and see that they're gay than it is to look at someone dressed as a woman and know something's wrong. They probably equate both to the same gayness, and just one comes with the unusual visual aesthetic of a man trying to look like a woman. It's kind of like gay isn't necessarily forced on you.Whereas trans, you see it all the time, it's not hidden.It's not something you can be around and forget about. I think that's part of the reason people are more able to accept gay. You can hide it in the bedroom. People that don't know seriously equate trans two wanting to cut off a limb. Yeah, that's an extreme, but they don't see it any other way. You can't describe color to a blind person.

[JulieC]

I think there are plenty of people who are quite supportive, and they're not just being polite. But even if they are just being polite, it's almost like...what's the difference? So long as they remain polite, they're not negatively impacting crossdressers.

It's often said here in relation to crossdressers going out in public..."Nobody cares" or "People don't really notice". I don't feel that's true at all. I think people do care, and they do notice. The difference is that the vast, vast majority of people aren't willing to get into a confrontation about it. So, if such people don't do anything negative, does it matter what they think? I'm not terribly brave about going out in public, but on the odd occasion that I do and someone sees me fairly up close (I don't pass, and very likely never will), I've been sort of reverse objectified on every occasion. I am noticed, and people stare. Ok so being objectified is never a fun thing, but in the long run...does it matter? So long as they don't do anything negative to me, does it matter what they think?

I had an interaction recently with a guy I know. Like me, he's a veteran. He's very anti LGBTQIA. He assumes I am as well. He was criticizing trans people and men dressing in women's clothes. Little did he know I was underdressed. There are plenty of people like him. Plenty. The difference is he would never act on it or say something towards someone who is trans or obviously crossdressed.

The general issue is a problem in so far as society's general acceptance. But, it's going to take generations to solve. We're making progress. A hundred years ago you might have been arrested for crossdressing in public.

[Sandi Beech]

I believe there are a number NIMBY types out there, but it would be hard to put percentages on it. I have met many who are truly accepting of others being themselves, however that does not necessarily translate into wanting a spouse or family member to be that way. Those who have accepting family are lucky. Way back when I was young, my mother told me and my brother that if we ever turned out gay, she would disown us. Needless to say, I never let her know I like to CD. Back then, the gay assumption would have followed for sure.

Sandi

[Maria 60]

I am more accepting to the older generation people that will never change. A while back I was helping a friend with his car and he had a couch and TV in his garage. His father was on the couch when all at once I heard him swearing at the TV in Italian that these people with this sickness and mental illness should be shot and peed on. When I looked it was a commercial for the Drag Queen Show on the Tv. When my friend told his dad to be quite the father went on relating the situation with something that went on in the past that I won't mention. But put it to a sense of there has to be a cleansing of this sickness. When my friend apologized to me for his father, the father asked him why he was apologizing to me. I told him maybe I'm transgender and if he wanted me to leave, he looked at me and told me that it's not his house and it was up to his son for me to stay or go and he went to watch TV inside. My friend apologized again and we both agreed that you just can't change that generation of people. I seem to be more excepting hearing my friends father then hearing yesterday from a friend my age and living in this generation

[alwayshave]

Maria, I am think as others have said, that they are accepting, just not of anyone they are close to.

[bridget thronton]

Thanks for supporting the son

[docrobbysherry]

From my experience, Julie nailed it! It's polite when SA's and servers call me ma'am. But, it doesn't make my day.:straightface:

And, when I see fisheyes and hear lafter it doesn't ruin my day.:sad:

Like Sandi I've met many warm, accepting women when out dressed. They'll compliment, chat, and dance with me. But, not date me!

If u remember these people r all strangers to us and vice versa? It puts everything in proper perpective!:thumbsup:

[kimdl93]

There are supportive people out there. But there are also people who cannot accept. Encountering non-accepting or conflicted people does not preclude the existence of others. It?s even more complicated. Many women are tolerant and or accepting of CD or trans until it strikes closer to home. Conversely, there are people who express generally homophobic or transphobic attitudes generally, but take a different attitude when it?s a loved one. It takes all kinds.

[TheHiddenMe]

I have been out a lot. There are people who are polite. There are people who are accepting (and I have become friendly with a number of them). And there are bigots. Fortunately, none of the latter have ever said anything to me.

As to your friend, it's his loss that he let's his feelings and the way he was TAUGHT to not have a relationship with his son. No one is TAUGHT to be gay, but people are definitely TAUGHT to be bigots.

[Geena75]

I have met people who are genuinely supportive and generally find it interesting or cute. I have also known people who act nice but laugh at or mock you when you are out of sight. I've seen people sneer when they see me or another CD. I haven't had anyone confront me, though, even though I've been out solo often as not. I do know a couple folk who claim they would confront a CD out and about, but I doubt they would really have the nerve (if they did I suspect it would be due to a certain meanness in their nature).

Acceptance is an odd thing in a way. I think there are those who think that acceptance means they would practically promote that lifestyle. I find myself in the middle, caught between the views of many on this forum and those of the more old-fashioned people I know. I can disagree with viewpoints while still being at least tolerant if not accepting.

[Jane P]

I just want you to know Maria, how much I appreciate and respect you. I don’t attend this forum as often as I used to but I always appreciate your contributions. Be well. Thank you.

[danniUK]

I really don't understand some people. I've got kids (one now adult) and could never stop loving them, no matter what.
Hell, if one of my sons turned out to be Hannibal Lecter I'd still love him. Yeah I'd probably stop going round for dinner, but...

[Claire M]

Most homophonic and/or transphobic people that I have had conversations with on the topic seem to believe that being gay or trans is simply a lifestyle choice or a mental illness. Generally"lifestyle choice" is often preceded by some deviant adjective. They generally denounce the idea that someone could be born gay or trans. Generally, you will not change their opinions on the topic ... only their opinion of you.