Crossdressing causing a lack of sex

[Traci H]

In a recent post, it was asked if a lack of sex increased the desire to crossdress. I would like to turn that question around and ask if crossdressing seems to reduce the sex you indulge in.

This could be you need it less as a result, or does it turn off your SO to the point that they pull back.

I want and desire regular relations with my SO, but she seems uninterested. It is a variety of things I suspect and my crossdressing plays into it to some degree. She is not accepting and thinks it is disgusting. Other factors such as her body image and menopause certainly play a role too. I have yet to figure it all out.

Does your crossdressing seem to dampen your interactions with your SO?

[docrobbysherry]

It sounds as if u meant to ask, "Has CDing reduced sex with your partner", Traci?

But, sex doesn't always involve a partner!:o

[kimdl93]

Yes, I would guess that a non-supportive SO might lose interest in sex. As my ex finally admitted, she could no longer see me in the same way.

[Maria 60]

I believe we are in the same situation and I also wrote about it a while ago. My wife has gone cold as ice in the last year. I repeatedly asked her if it has anything to do with my dressing. She always reinsures me it has to do with working and wanting as much of her grandchildren on her spare time and menopause doesn't help. She says that she has less patience and gets tired faster with age. She is not one to hold back, she will hold a grudge for months but when she has something to say she will say it. I told her if it has anything to do with my dressing I can't stop it but I can slow it down, but with her giving me the green light I am going to take advantage of it. She has my cycle down packed, she says she sees me with only pantyhose for a few days and then fully dressed and male mood to bed, then fully dressed and a nighty to bed and then fully dressed more provocative and silk nighty to bed. When she sees the only pantyhose back she will comment if I'm satisfied now. I'm not going to lie when I do show her affection in male or female mode and she doesn't show it back I try to be understanding to her feeling but I do feel a sense of rejection. All I could do is believe she is being honest with me.

[CharlotteCD]

It was a part of the physical end of my marriage. There were plenty of other things that played a role but yes, I think CD'ing caused a lack of sex.

[Dutchess]

I'm probably the only gg that's going to comment here but in my case, once I accepted it ,and I did 100% , and he could dress freely...... All he wanted was to have sex with men.
LOTS of men , very promiscuous with males . It didn't matter if they were other crossdressers, other trans women, straight guys that were chasers it did not matter.

There was absolutely nothing I could do. I tried and tried to get his attention a very long time .. I've always had a very active sex life so Im certainly am not a prude by any stretch .
I won't even talk to guys who are beginners or very straight...Im too much .

But, that's exactly what happened. By the time I left the relationship I had not been intimate with anybody in several years due to this. Asked this guy a hundred times to please stop it, stop everything , this is way too much etc etc. The only way that he was willing to have any sort of sex with me was if he was dressed everytime and I didn't want to do that. That is not me. It was either beforeced into the fetish or the lifestyle or whatever you want to call it or go without

I see so many people who would be so much better off if they would kind of calm down the dressing and put things back together with their significant others first , then reapproach dressing but they won't do that. It takes too much time and too much work and it's I guess not as fun is the cross dressing is

This is why I say some people can't handle this and some can.

I actually talk to a few here currently, just as friends , that I have pretty decent confidence that If they belonged to me, that that wouldn't happen....But it did happen and it happened to me and it makes me to where I don't want to do that again obviously.

The shoe was on the other foot I doubt you all would want to do it again too, this was severe wild promiscuity . I really cant even use the word cheat because it was that outrageous all you could do was stand back and take in the gravity of it .. He was on 40+ cd/T dating sites alone .

Alot of people here on the forum don't even have the energy to do half this but he was very pornsick and sex addicted and that [B]is[B] common in this community of people.
His sex life, his intimate life ,and finally his entire life was really based online, with other encounters he would set up offline but his whole life became just this.

There was just no room for me there.

Traci I know you don't do any of that. I'm just relating what happened because they're absolutely are people here reading this thread and watching my post who absolutely need to read it and think about it

[Jodi79]

my wife is not accepting and i do believe it plays a role. But she has been in menopause for some time and that plays a role too. A side effect of that is sex has become real painful - we have tried several things to help but none have worked. 3 big wammies that effect us.

i will say as a result i do want to dress more to offset lack of sex. Dressing is not sexual pleasure nor is it a substitute but it is something that brings pleasure to life. Some pleasure is better than no pleasure.

[char GG]

I will not comment on my personal life, but I worked with mostly women. This topic came up quite often. Lots of frustrated women. Sometimes it was due to husband’s obesity, love of alcohol, failure to be physically able to. Sometimes, they had fallen out of love. My closest friend often said. “I wonder if I can pay a guy to have sex with me”. She was in her 50’s. None of the husbands were CDers that I know of.

I know that she would have loved to have a conversation with her husband but he loved alcohol more than anything.

[Traci H]

I am so glad to have you as a group to bounce this situation around. I have no one I can speak to this about. I?d like to, but as a cder not out to anyone, it?s just not possible.

Dutchess, I am sorry for the situation your SO put you in. While my wife accuses me of narcissistic behavior, I don?t believe that is true. I try to do so much for her to make her life easy. The last act of sex I had was with my wife, and it was 13 years ago! She often seems to hold some little thing against me that I barely remember. I would hope that if she accepted my cding, I would treat her as a queen and my life partner. I know I would be grateful for sure.

I am thinking I need to push the issue of having relations again. As Jodi states, the dressing can be helpful in that it brings pleasure, but it is not a substitute for intimacy. I long for that in our relationship. I no longer want to be just roommates.

Maria, yes if I could only get some affection back, it would be good. She might blame it all on my cding, but I gave it up for several years and it made no difference. She can?t seem to comment on that, but just mentions something else I did years ago that upset her. Man, life is too short for this kind of unforgiving BS.

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[TheHiddenMe]

I'm not my wife, so I can't answer for her.

We haven't had penetrative s*X for a couple of years. Is my being a CD an issue? I don't know. The last time we did, it was kind of clear it was somewhat painful for her.

Like the majority of women (according to surveys), my wife does not orgasm from penetrative s*x. She has toys for that purpose, but I haven't noticed her using them for a while. She's never been that interested. She also knows I take care of my needs, as I will do it in front of her.

In short, I think it's less about me, and more about her.

And FWIW, dressing is a big part of my sexual identity. I can feel sexy when dressed and thinking about dressing.

[docrobbysherry]

First, I would like to thank u Mods for allowing such frank discussion here.

Second, that marriage doesn't work for most couples. 95% or more who r NOT dressers! And, in my opinion is an obsolete institution unless u have kids.:sad:

Finally, there r so many sexual aspects of ourselves and our partners we don't understand until we're old. And, crossdressing simply adds a lot more complications and combinations to the list. Sudden bi sexuality, the need to be dressed having sex, the attraction to yourself.:o

And, then there's intimacy vs sex!:eek:

[Traci H]

Sherry, I?m getting pretty old along with my partner. Should we have both figured it out at this point?

[Dutchess]

I keep getting logged out even if I click the box up there, so it's taking me a little bit to answer you back but I wished he had cared as much for me as you do for her it would have worked.

My situation is so extreme I hope , ugh , I want to say that it's extreme , he met as many married dudes doing it right back so it can't be that extreme I guess.
I know that you wouldn't do that. I've read your posts for a long time and you know if you weren't going to treat her like a queen you wouldn't be concerned enough to post this you'd be looking for another way to sneak out again. And you're not.

You won't regret trying to make things right with your wife. She'll know that you cared enough to put her first and that you've always cared enough to put her first. The getting back together after emotionally drifting after so long it's kind of awkward but once you do, I know you'll remember stuff that you all did at first that you all love to do together...
You know just start over again basically.

The dating then the non-sexual intimacy.. If you can get back to that point the more intense intimacy won't be so difficult. Takes a while to get back into the groove but you guys have known each other for a long time and you're comfortable with each other's presence so that helps a lot. I really appreciate you taking the time and willing to do the work that it takes to kind of get back together with her because in the end that's who's going to be in your corner anyway.

[Jessica Secret]

In my case I have a boyfriend and we have an incredible sex life which is definitely enhanced imo by the romantic lingerie I wear to bed almost every night.