Well that was a surprise!

[Joanne Curl]

So I haven?t been able to dress in a really long time, years really. What with my stroke and broken neck about 16 months ago, there was no way I could dress. I?ve really worked hard to recover and I still have a ways to go but I?m ready to give it a try plus my wife is going out of town for about 10 days. I?ve been planning on dressing for a long time. I have a small stash I?ve collected over the years- a really crappy wig (that I ruined trying ton trim it) a couple pairs of really nice leggings (that I got when my mother in law passed. I also had a nice bra that I could wear, a couple of blouses that I really liked. A couple of pairs of brand new panties and some costume jewelry.

However I needed makeup and didn?t want to use my wife?s makeup. It?s hers and it?s a good way to get caught. We?re in a DADT relationship. My wife knows I cross dress but we never talk about it. She?s known about it for about 20 years (we?ve been married about 25+ years). No I didn?t tell her before we married. I know it was a huge mistake not to tell her but I had some good reasons and I was afraid she wouldn?t marry me if I told her and we had a child on the way. After we?d been married for around 10 years she had suspensions and I decided I had to be honest with her. It didn?t go well. She did some research and discovered that while it?s not common, many men do it. She believed me when I told her I wasn?t gay. I liked to wear woman?s clothes and I?d been dressing since I was as about 10 years old.


We talked and cried and talked some more. It was a tough time and it was 6 to 10 months before we were intimate and never really was the same. She asked me to promise I wouldn?t cross dress anymore. I knew I couldn?t promise that and i told her so. She told me that if I told her before we married she probably wouldn?t have married me. But we had 2 children together and didn?t want to divorce (we?d both been married with children before.

That brings up to today. Like I said I really want to cross dress so I made plans to buy a new wig(my hair is white now and I?m pretty old now!). I took her to the airport yesterday and went to wig store icou d through a crossdresser site. I bought a short white/gray wig that I knew I wanted. Tried on several and picked the one that I liked best. On the way home I stopped at a Walmart to buy makeup and few blouses because they had my size and they were so cheap. I could wait to get home and try them on. I bought things that i knew would match my stash.

I got home and went to pull out my stash only to find out that it was gone! My wife must have found it and threw it all away and ever said a word to me!

What do I do? If I say anything my wife will know I?m dressing. I?m so pissed because all my plans are ruined. I don?t have a bra and all the clothes I?d planned on. I dressed yesterday but I couldn?t take any pictures because I don?t have everything I need to look semi passable.

I?m going to make the best of it and dress today but I?m so disappointed. I thought I?d order what I need from Amazon but our account is a joint account is a joint account and she?ll see everything I ordered.

I?m devastated. I have to share this. I have?s posted a new photo in over 10 years. It?s hard to type through the tears?

- - - Updated - - -

t least I got to paint my nails. I discovered that all her nail polish and her extra bras are gone too.

Sorry about all the typos but I knew I had to post it right away or I’d delete it.

[Sandi Beech]

Joanne

I am sure that is disappointing. As far as Amazon goes. Just open another account, and skip on getting another Prime. I have two accounts and it works well, the only catch is unless you have a separate credit card, she will see a lot of unexplained Amazon charges.

Sandi

[Di]

Well this post made me cry.
If you are in a DADT why in the world would she be so cruel.
She was going to be gone a few days ….and if in a DADT ….what a perfect time.
I have many suggestions but I bet our members will.
Can you do things like have a pamper day…..the dollar store sells stuff for facials….plus makeup, nail polish plus maybe tie your head in a cute scarf. Fix a meal dressed …will not be alot of money there but you can improvise.Do your nails….they have all kinds of things .

[Traci H]

I almost cried as well. Maybe because in some ways it reminded me of my wife. The ability of some wives to be a bit vindictive amazes me, when the partner is supposedly the love of their life.

I guessing your wife like mine, wants to just keep you away from any opportunity to dress or express your feminine side. Actually tossing your stuff is a very bad action however on her part in my view. My wife actually did this twice with something she found and thought she could justify its disposal. Since it was small, I just let it go.
There is plenty of other stuff that she knows of and keeps her hands off.

I sincerely hope you can gather some garments and accessories and enjoy your break. You are doing nothing wrong and deserve better. Seems like you and your wife may have to have a talk when she returns. Not something to look forward to, I know. Best of luck.

Yes start another prime account or shop locally and find a better stash spot!

[Joanne Curl]

Oh believe me, I’m dressing as much as possible. I’ve taken a couple pictures and I’m trying to decide whether or not to post them.

[Maria 60]

I feel for you and hope you can recover some form of happiness in this break. I know it's not the most honest thing but I do have a little cash stashed away in case of something that you went through. Nothing crazy, I don't want to be dishonest so let's just say enough for a wig and some small articles. It's situations like this that makes relationships rocky because I would already be planning a counter attack that usally leads to more trouble. Hopefully it all works out in the end and try to get the best out of it and hopefully your recovery is going as planned.

[Geena75]

I'll join the others in wishing you a good continued recovery. I found a way I could discretely order from Amazon (I have a solo account, but joint visa card). I got a reloadable Amazon gift card and I'd set aside a little cash when I could to save up for an order and put it on the card. I used to have a handy pick-up counter I would go to, but they don't do that anymore. I might figure something out along the way.

[kimdl93]

Like everyone else, i hope your recovery continues to go well. Sorry that your plans were disrupted. Perhaps some day you and your wife can reach some sort of arrangement to prevent such disappointments in the future.

[TheHiddenMe]

You have 10 days. Instead of remaining (justifably) mad, make a plan and execute it.

Skip Amazon. Find a thrift store and buy what you need. There is nobody in stores because everyone shops on Amazon so you can go in and buy what you need. Wal-Mart has self checkout and nobody cares. Find a Sephora or Ulta and go get a makeover. Call up Macy's or Nordstrom and see if they will set up a fitting room for you. This is what I did 8 years ago when my wife went out of town and I've never looked back.

She's not asking and you're not telling. Just do it.

[alwayshave]

Joanne, I would not say a word. Discretion is the better part of valor. I do feel for you though. Unrelated to crossdressing, my ex-wife use to throw away equipment related to one of my hobbies that she did not like. She was quite vocal about it. The first time it happened, I thought I misplaced the item. The second time I knew she had thrown it out. While not suggesting you do the same, I found an item related to one of her passions and made it disappear. When questioned, I said my items keep going missing too, yours must be in the same place. While not my proudest moment, I had no more issues.

[CarlaWestin]

Yeah, Jamie. Not your proudest moment. Tit for tat never works except to escalate derision.
Carla's stuff stays locked up when not in use. Folks our age were the original closeted pioneers and long ago crossdressing was considered just a mental disorder.
None of us even considered that an accepting partner even existed. You've survived a stroke and a broken neck. I'm sure finding your stuff missing wasn't what you needed but still not the end of the world.
DADT only has two rules and don't steal my stuff isn't one of them. Get all the new stuff you want but find a secure hiding place this time. And make the CD thing completely non-existent in your relationship.
I would show no reaction whatsoever to the missing stash.

Although, the one in the chamber would be, "Oh, that old crap. I'd forgotten where I'd hidden it so, thank you. I went out and bought all new stuff."

[bridget thronton]

Sorry it happened - I guess off to Wal-Mart or a thrift store (you still have 9 more days)

[JulieC]

Joanne, I am so sorry you've had to contend with this.

I agree with others; skip Amazon, go get some cash, and hit your local stores as soon as possible. It won't take but a few hours to work this out and move forward.

Also; I would consider a better place to keep your stash so you don't have to throw anything out. You might consider a locking cabinet or chest of some kind. If she ever confronts you about it it, you can say "I won't throw your things out".

I don't think discussing this with her in any other respect will move the needle on this. She is very unlikely to change her mind at this point, and there is nothing positive to be gained by talking about it, only negatives.

You have a RIGHT to be you. Be you. Your wife had a right to know before you got married, but there's no changing that. Respect her space in that she doesn't want this in her face. So don't. Just go deeper in the DADT.

[Joanie CD]

First off, have you lived in the same place for a long time? If so, and it's been years since you saw your stash, maybe you moved it somewhere safer and forgot. Or, your wife moved it but didn't toss it. I'd poke around a bit to make sure. Our memories are sometimes unreliable. I've had a similar thing happen, not for my stash, but for other things that had been put away a long time. As some have said, if you're in a DADT relationship, that usually means a minimal kind of acceptance. If she tossed out your stuff, that means she's not accepting your crossdressing. For 20 years your intimacy has not been great, and she's suppressed a part of you that is important to you. I have to ask, what are you getting out of the relationship? If you and she otherwise have a good relationship -- you can laugh together, you enjoy each others' company, and you're there for each other, then it's worth working with her to repair the damage. Have you accepted her warts-and-all? Is there something she does that you don't like? If so, how do you handle that? At the very least, I would have a talk with her about respecting your stuff. If it's truly DADT, you should be able to work it out. I wouldn't suffer in silence, though. Better to work through the differences.

As everyone else said, stores don't care how you dress. They don't care whether you wear women's clothes. They don't know your story and they don't care. They want to sell you stuff. Go have fun, then work on the hard stuff.

[audreyinalbany]

discussing it might not move the needle but on the other hand you are not a child and you DO have the right to own your own things and if she disapproves, so be. But she does NOT have the right to dispose of your things without your consent. Thank is not the basis for a happy marriage.Its not so much about crossdressing, its about respect for each other. Imagine the repercussions if, while she is away, you were to throw away some random stuff of hers. I suspect she would not be pleased and would din some sense feel violated.

[Stephanie47]

I am in a deep DADT with my wife. Your experience mirrors my experience up to a point.....my wife knows where some of my "hidden in plain" site stuff is located, but she does not touch it. I am going to bet your wife has monitored whether you're dressing or not by checking on the stash to see if it has been rearranged. It's one way to see whether you were still dressing without directly asking or making claims that you were. I'd make a point of it and directly ask her and let the chis fall where they may. Tell her you intended to dress in her absence. I am betting she suspected you were going to dress in her absence.