Crossdressing Advice

[Nathalia]

Hey ladies, I am back after a few months. Please give some advice for me as dressing has now become an obsession. I really love being feminine now but i'm still scared of telling my wife about it. I would love to tell her about me dressing in feminine clothes so i could start dressing more often even if she is at home and maybe she could even do my make.up.and dress me up. Seeking ladies' advices who's gone through these situation or maybe some opinions. Thank you

[Kris Burton]

It would be presumptuous of me to advise not knowing your marital and family situation, but I can say that full disclosure to my wife was probably the best thing I could have done in my early days of active crossdressing. The relief of stress alone made it worthwhile, eliminating the hiding and shame so many of us suffer from and allowing my feminine persona to flourish. As it turns out my wife was understanding and supportive, and eventually encouraging and even participatory up to a point which seems to be what you prefer. I wouldn't have known that unless I came out, and even if it was less so at least I would have released myself from the emotional prison that it could have been.

There is a lot of info on this forum of exactly how to proceed with having the talk, that is worthwhile to check out as you proceed. Best wishes to you!

[Verona]

Coming out to my wife was the best thing I have ever done, she is very supportive and encouraging in my dressing. We have even been to trans social evenings. It is wonderful.
I approached the subject by saying that I love the feel of lingerie and have even worn some sometimes, her reaction was good so she suggested I should wear some for bedtime, from that moment I have gently gone further and further, makeup, wigs, breast forms, etc. I am now at a stage where I dress almost daily and we go out dressed whenever possible, been shopping, drive the car, been out at a hotel.
All of this in less than 12 months.
I am now dressing more than I did when I did it in secret. When I dressed prior to my wife knowing it was always just some underwear under my guy clothes, never make up and full femme.
So for me it has been the best thing ever.
Be aware though, not all women will approve and I certainly think my softly softly approach helped, I basically let my wife lead the way with our dressing. I ask her for tips and ideas of what to wear and where to go, we enjoy shopping together and we are definitely closer as a couple since I have confided in her.
We also watched lots of crossdressing couples clips on YouTube. Lots of helpful information regarding dealing with this.

Hope you find a way, hope everything goes ok.
Softly softly.
Verona x

[abby054]

Telling my wife was the worst mistake of my life. Be careful.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nathalia:hugs:,, See Line #4 in my Signature, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[CarlaWestin]

Just because you are obsessed certainly doesn't make crossdressing any kind of relationship priority.
Since you haven't disclosed before forming a trusting partnership, the total acceptance ship, if there ever was one, has sailed. You've already violated that trust by omission.
You could maybe dip your toe in the water with, "I've always wondered what it feels like to wear a bra and panties." while helping her with the laundry or something.
A popular segway, if there's an opportunity, is attending a costumed event with her assistance at getting pretty and hinting that you sorta like it.
Just get a feel for her take on things and don't just push your own pink fog agenda. Damage control is the last thing you want to deal with.

[kimdl93]

Dressing can become an obsession. The problem arises when that obsession begins to adversely affect your relationships, your economic wellbeing or even your health. I would suggest that you consult with a therapist before taking any life-changing actions.

[Connie D50]

your going to get 50% of goods and bads. your the only one who knows if it is time for the talk in your house.

[MarinaTwelve200]

You should ALWAYS find out other people's OPINIONS about Cross Dressers BEFORE telling them. A surprising number of people, who should know better, erroneously think Cross dressers are HOMOSEXUALS. And I can see why a wife, even a "tolerant" one, would be "upset" to think she may have married a gay man. Indeed, often the first question asked to a CD who has revealed one's self, is "Are you Gay?" The sad truth is a significant number of people put Cross dressers, Gays and Transsexuals in the same "Box", so to speak, defining them all as "A man who thinks he is (or wants to be) a woman". The same answers we were given as KIDS by our own possibly uninformed parents or equally ignorant school buddies, when we asked what ANY of these 3 terms meant. Many people simply accepted that and never bothered to research it any further.
The bottom line is: FIND out a person's opinions are BEFORE you tell them. Personally, I have better sense than to ever do that outright, I usually laugh at such opinions when I hear them expressed and use it as an opportunity to use it as an educational moment. Explaining why Gay is not the same thing as a transsexual and that a cross dresser is a straight person who dresses, even though the other two groups have been known for it also, but for different reasons. At least it makes them think. But I would not trust them to be accepting until they have checked the facts for themselves.
Of course it is wrong to hate or abuse Gays, Trans people or crossdressers, but many people have adverse opinions that they often keep to themselves, until the subject comes up. IGNORANCE plays a big part in this. We should never miss a chance to educate people in these matters, especially when we observe some of us being "compromised" or hated by ignorant people, based on their prejudices they may have for another group entirely.

[Shelly Preston]

Nathalia

Please read the link in my signature on "how to tell your partner" before you do anything.

[bridget thronton]

I am glad I told my wife and adult children

[Cheryl T]

Only you know your situation and your spouse.
Only you know how you would feel if she completely reacted negatively.

When I came out to her I was tired of hiding and lying. I went to her and said "we have a problem". Then I told her about my dressing and told her to ask me anything and let's please talk about this. I was lucky that her love kept her there and when we talked it was a 2 way conversation, questions and answers and full honesty. I was prepared for any eventuality. Are you?

[Stephanie47]

If you have been married long enough you should have some idea how your wife feels about the broader community. Many wives may be supportive of the community in general terms, but NIMBY: "Not In My Backyard." First, you're going to have to get past her initial reaction. Maybe, she will honestly want to be engaged in your dreams, but she may also express outright hostility. Be prepared for the worst, hope for the best. I think if a marriage is on firm, rock solid footings, the marriage will survive, but, if the marriage is already shaky, there may be peril that plays out.

[docrobbysherry]

Nathalia, if u read the posts here often you'll see that the results of getting caught dressed by your SO r often disasterous!:doh:

With the lying and cheating considered to be worse a worse offense than the crossdressing itself!:thumbsdn:

[Snide_lobster]

Please take some time to look through the main forum and the family members part of the forum and see how people (particularly so's) react to finding out in different ways. "Discovering by accident" no matter what way it occurs, very rarely ends well, even if things work out in the long run. If she's not going to like it when you bring it up to her, she's really not going to like it if she finds out on her own.

Only you know your situation and can determine what's best for you, but there's a whole plethora of evidence on this website about all the ways the closet opens up, and the consequences of such. For your own sake, please take advantage of this resource and do your own research.

[DianeT]

Nathalia, your reasons to come out to your SO should be to respect her, to stop the lies and deception. But here your motivation is to dress more, which puts your CDing first and wife second. This is a road known to end relationships. When you come out, your wife's acceptance will depend a great deal on how you act after that. Are you going to want to restore the trust, or will you think you got a hall pass for doing everything you'd like? If you act intelligently, and past the initial shock (which may take weeks or YEARS), there is a good chance that your wife will set boundaries where she can find her place and be comfortable. For example she may never want to see you dressed (and if she lets you do it out of her sight, this is still GREAT acceptance). If you break the boundaries, all bets will be off. So if you love your wife and want to keep her, CDing must come second and your wife first. If you love her and want to keep her, you should sort out your priorities.
I'm sorry to say, and don't take it in any mean way, but your mention of "obsession" pushing you to come out is really a bad omen in my opinion. It screams "my wife will be a prop to my CDing", and this never ends well. Don't let the obsession cloud your judgment.

[Nathalia]

Oh my goodness. Thank you so much ladies for the love and support. This community is really great. Thank you for the advices I'm going to take my time reading all these.