growing interest

[getsmeexcited]

So I started out with panties like many here and have gradually added a bra, garter and stockings. There was a little push back but a gradual acceptance. I could openly wear lingerie upstairs even in her presence but downstairs it had to be covered. I want to go further now and add ladies outerwear, wig, makeup and breast forms. This would only be indoors but she isn't aware of this level of interest on my part. I know everyone here will tell me to be honest and talk to her BUT she doesn't want to talk about anything sexual ever. As I say she's seen me in full lingerie when she's been upstairs while without issue but can't talk about it ever! I want to tell her that I desire to go further but I think I'd never get it out before she'd cut me off. She doesn't believe I'm either gay or bi but I know she doesn't understand what this means to me. I guess that I'd identify as trans feminine as I'm quite comfortable in man mode but I definitely have a feminine side that enjoys getting out. I love what would be considered "feminine" touches in our decorating and can usually interact at least as good if not better with other women which ha always been the same. I really haven't changed except now I wear women's undies. She is honestly quite good with where I am now but if I add all of the rest of this at one time ?????????

[BLUE ORCHID]

Just be Careful, Don't Over play your hand, It could blow up in your Face,

[docrobbysherry]

Was this a fruedian slip? "BUT she doesn't want to talk about anything sexual ever.":eek:

Is dressing sexual for u? In which case I can understand her reluctance!:thumbsdn:

[getsmeexcited]

Nope not sexual, at least not any longer. Did have that element when first started but I expect that's natural to many. I just mean anything in that "realm" is a no go. She just isn't comfortable with that.

- - - Updated - - -

Yes that's what I'd worry about. I'm going to keep it on the down low a couple of times to see if it's really for me. I don't have everything I need yet anyway. As it sits I want to try it but I really can't see me putting all that time in on makeup and accoutrements so probably best left for now till I'm certain.

[kimdl93]

There is this thing called the dopamine cycle that is evident in addictive behaviors. Basically, doing something pleasurable releases dopamine, and induces that familiar euphoric feeling. Then the dopamine diminishes, leaving a craving for more. The something could be gambling, smoking crack, collecting Hummel dolls, or dressing up in sexy lingerie. Some folks eventually get habituated to a certain level of high, and find that they requires a little more to get the same effect, then a bit more, and a bit more. Beware of pushing for more excitement, in this case greater involvement by your wife, as a way of seeking that dopamine bump. If it was exciting for her, you would already know that. So I would advise against testing her patience and tolerance.

[bridget thronton]

Hope you will be able to talk to her before you make changes

[Genifer Teal]

If she doesn't talk about sex, it will be hard to have a positive discussion about this. Start by explaining this does not relate to sex. That will be tough to clarify.

[Kris Burton]

Many have stated it here in one way or another - move slowly and incrementally, and increase your chances of success, even if it takes a bit longer.

[Sandi Beech]

Hmm, the fact she is unable to discuss CD topics is likely to be a problem. My wife is the same way, and the only way I know when I have crossed a red line is when she blows up at me. Then the conversation is one way, and that is not good.

The other thing you will need to be careful about is what some have referred to as the drip drip drip effect. If she lets something slide with no communication, you are likely to take it as approval hence the drip drip effect and you add something new to the mix. That is risky and has gotten me in trouble before.

So sorry if I am painting a negative picture, but for some of us, it ends up being safer to do in privacy or DADT or not at all in order to keep the peace so to speak. Only the two of you can figure out what works for you. None of us have exactly the same experiences with it. Believe me I tried the recommended honest communication method and eventually gave up and went underground with it as stopping is really difficult for some of us, me included.

Good luck to you, how ever it turns out.

Sandi

[Connie D50]

I like Blue's advice, you could go from what you have to zero, if you not careful.

[Monique65]

After fifty years of marriage, my wife is finally accepting of me wearing panties, bras, and leggings. Of course, I would like to go further with my dressing, but when I suggested painting my toenails, she refused to go along with it, so I dropped it. I’m grateful for her acceptance as it is, and I have no plans to take it any further.

[BrendaPDX]

I am with others here,be happy with what you have and don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Well just yet.