White flag

[Maria 60]

I don't know if it's only my environment that is showing this negative attitude towards gender issues lately. Are we pushing the issues to much and people are getting frustrated hearing it.
I went on a service call today and I was having lunch with a guy I deal with when I go to this location. I believe he is in his early thirties and he made a comment about the recent comment there are only two genders, male and female. He told me he was showing concern about the schools incouraging the pride flag and pushing the gender issues. He said he has a eight year old son who is in a class with a boy who dresses like a girl and acts like a girl and the school is encouraging this. He is thinking of changing his sons school because he doesn't want his son to see this or be manipulated or think in away that this is Ok of being gay or dressing like a girl. He then asked me the question I couldn't believe, he asked me if he sees any sign that is son is turning gay or into fem stuff should he bring him to a psychiatrist or should he get him mental illness assessment.
WOW! I stood there staring at him just studded, he looked at me and said "what" and asked why am I just sitting there not saying anything.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing and I got up and reached for a blank sheet of paper on his desk and I put it up and waved it like a white flag and I told him that I give up and as far as a answer to his question maybe he should consider getting himself a mental illness assessment and I walked out.
I couldn't believe the fear in him that his son was going to be something he didn't want. For me I always believe one day the tide will turn but I believe we will be more excepted being paedophiles or drug addicts or criminals. Sorry I feel this way but I believe you all have read my last few weeks with all of this and I put up the white flag in trying to convince people we will not harm them or anyone.

[JulieC]

Someone else in one of the threads noted we can't change their opinions. I don't think we can. This is a process that will take generations to resolve. Hatred is real. It's taught at home, and this dad is teaching his son this hate. There's no one to intercede. The school might be helping, but if the dad moves the kid to another school, then that input is gone. At eight years old, this kid might already be aware they are a crossdresser, or gay, or trans, or somewhere else on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. If so, they have to live with the reality that their dad hates their true self. We've seen/heard of it before, and it'll continue to happen.

On the plus side, we ARE making progress. It is no longer illegal for us to wear dresses and heels and hosiery and makeup and blouses and ..and ..and ..and. It used to be you could get arrested for that. It might be socially illegal still, but that is improving too. More and more people are coming around to live-and-let-live philosophies of acceptance. Progress is slow, but it is happening.

I ran into this myself with a person of my acquaintance who was criticizing MTF trans people. Little did he know that I was underdressed.

[docrobbysherry]

Maria, as you've pointed out, these r some scary times to be LGBT in some places in the USA. As they used to say on a cop TV sitcom in LA:

"Be careful out there!":doh:

[kimdl93]

Here is what I will bet. There was no kid in school wearing a dress and no school encouraging anyone to do so. This kinda falls into the same category as the neighbor who posted on social media that “they stole and ate her cat”, except it turned out the cat was still there, alive and well.

We used to call this stuff urban myths. Now it’s become an excuse for expressing outrage. Remember a couple years ago when a Nebraska legislator introduced a bill to prevent the schools from providing kids with litter boxes. There were no litter boxes in the schools. The whole thing was made up crap getting repeated on social media. Same thing. If people want to be outraged, there are algorithms that will feed them whatever nonsense is most likely to give them what they want. Lately the theme of choice has been “transgender” sex changes in schools, and trans kids in sports, etc. Of course, there are no schools promoting or providing sex changes and the number of transgender athletes in HS and college could be counted on one hand.

The sad part is that, true or false, that which is perceived to be true can have real consequences. Or as Voltaire said, “Truly, whoever can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”

[BrendaPDX]

I am kind of like what Julie and Doc said,
"On the plus side, we ARE making progress. It is no longer illegal for us to wear dresses and heels and hosiery and makeup and blouses and ..and ..and ..and. It used to be you could get arrested for that."
"Be careful out there!"
We have come so far from 40 years ago. I look forward to the future. I think we are on the right track.

[Shelly Preston]

Sadly this is happening due to some people with loud hating our community.

I think you can change the minds of some people but only on an individual basis.

[Genifer Teal]

Many father's want their kids to follow in their career footsteps, or maybe take a career path that they failed at and help their child do even better. I would have posed the question to this man. What if your son doesn't want to be a doctor or a firefighter or whatever like you?Would you still force him to be something he didn't want? You can't make someone be something if they don't have it in them. Perhaps you can force them, but it would have disastrous results.

I'd like to give people something to think about. Not necessarily saying they're wrong or kids being.However is okay. It's kind of a neutral yet thought provoking question.

[chrissy111]

I learned a long time ago that the only winning move with an idiot is not to play. Kim you were spot on.

[bridget thronton]

It is hard to hate someone you know - I think many people believe the what they are told because they have not had a chance to meet people they fear

[abby054]

Activists pushing the boundaries of age appropriate topics causes a lot of the fear that works against us. What is the right age to address certain topics? For what ages should we avoid them and let kids be kids? Alcohol is an example of a topic that we address in age appropriate ways. The appropriate age even varies widely by culture. We also discuss its safe use long before we allow its use, or we should. Some topics that are appropriate for discussing with teens are not appropriate for introducing to a four year old. Individual ideas about what should be done for protecting kids makes this whole thing more complicated as well.

CDing has its age appropriate aspects. It takes little time reading this forum to realize that children may introduce themselves to it long before their parents consider it an age appropriate thing to discuss. Fear, whether valid or not, on our part and on the part of those who encounter us, complicates things further. In fear, we can become our own worst enemies.

Those of us who crossdressed forty years ago know that attitudes about going out in public, ours and the public?s, are different now than they were then.

What is the right answer? I do not know. It varies so much with all of the above. I work a lot with kids of a wide range of ages. I tend to favor having a wealth of thoughtful answers but waiting until kids bring up the subject. That will not work for alcohol but it may work for crossdressing. Let parents be parents. It is messy and surely imperfect, but most parents in my experience, usually have more wisdom and appropriateness than the experts who advocate one size fits all ideas. Let kids be kids. If they introduce themselves, be ready, but let them enjoy their all too few years as kids. They will have plenty of time later in their lives to struggle with many age appropriate things.

[Cheryl T]

Everyone is being bombarded with all this so much more than in past years.
Pride flags in schools, young children declaring what gender they are, Pronoun usage.

Seems the mainstream is just fed up and rebelling. A friend has 2 daughters. The oldest just began Pre-K and they made sure to place her in a school that did not engage in all this. They are aiming at private school to keep them from all the influence and conflict. It's not discussed at home. They simply want their children to be children and to grow up without all the pressure that adults are applying over all this.

Someone asked me years ago how I felt about gays. I told them I prefer people who love someone rather than those who hate. That's all that matters to me.

[abby054]

I respectfully disagree, Bridget. I find it pretty easy to hate someone I know. It makes forgiveness so difficult. Depends on one?s definition of hate.

Fear of the unknown is even easier to acquire. That can be dangerous.

[Marketa]

I think you hit the nail on the head with your very second sentence, Maria.

LGBT is pushed so much past few years, that people are fed up by it. Everything must be gay and non-white everywhere and the ideology is above else. I'm honestly fed up by it too, be it in movies, games, shows or workplaces, which openly rejected straight white men or even men of colour just not dark enough. And as a CD I'm part of the LGBT group, yet I hate the push of it (not the people).

Just in 90's and 00's it was ok. You do you, just don't harm anyone. But now? The push went too far.

[ShelbyDawn]

It certainly doesn't help that all the screaming voices are sitting at the extremes demanding everyone recognize their pronouns and let them identify as whatever they want, or panicking about men in women's sports or bathrooms. Lost in all the chaos is us, gurls that just want to be us and be left alone. Well, that and maybe go potty without being bothered every now and then.

[Traci H]

I?m tired of the push as well. I don?t think it helps us, but instead makes people just tired of being told what to think. I have a family member that is gay and married to another guy. He and his friends just want to be left alone and not spotlighted. I remember when some group in our city got the go ahead to place pride flags up and down some streets. They were not happy with this minority that just keep pressing it out in front. Seems the whole trans movement is following similar tactics.

I do believe my kids are very tolerant of anyone on the LBTQ+ spectrum. Heck, they sometimes fault me for my intolerant opinions. I often wonder how they would react to knowing I am CD, or do they already suspect. My wife insists that everyone knows I wear women?s jeans. As Blue always says though, you can?t unring that bell.

Live and let live. Life is too short.

[ShelbyDawn]

Women's jeans, you're in good accompany as Billy Bob Thornton confessed on the Drew Barrymore show a few months ago.

https://people.com/billy-bob-thornton-reveals-he-wears-womens-jeans-for-tighter-fit-8748106

[Traci H]

Wonder if I should send that link to my wife. Nah, she?ll just say that?s Hollywood and regular people are not like that. Of course they are not going to write an article about John Doe in Illinois doing that. He?s right however. The fit is great and I like the lighter weight. Can?t stand men?s jeans that I have. Guessing I might find some high end $100 men?s jeans that would fit the bill. I kind of like getting them for $2.50 on half price tag day.

[alwayshave]

Maria, I have to hear this crap from my brother. Not surprisingly he thinks that vaccines don't work as well.

[Stephanie47]

Maria, it could very well be there is a boy who dresses as a girl in his son's school, because there is a girl who is a trans-boy in our local elementary school. These kids have enough angst negotiating life without hateful or uneducated adults throwing more stuff at them. Probably, most of the participants on this site did not live throw the hateful and violent 1960's civil rights period. It is rightfully said, a child has to be taught to hate. I have some acquaintances who are raving lunatics when it comes to this subject. All I can say is whenever my ears encounter this hate, I contest it and then let the chips fall where they may. I do feel people can have a valid concern and limits on acceptance. My wife is a firm believer of private spaces for women. I can understand women, especially with a young daughter in tow, not wanting to see male "junk" in the Y's locker room. Instances like that may be a rare occurrence, but they are not always an urban myth.

One of my friends, now deceased, had a grandson who came out as transgender. My friend could not accept it and felt revulsion. However, after the initial shock he because a supporter of his grandson (s/he looked terrific in a prom dress) and was constantly down at the principal's office fighting the hatred shown by the high school "jocks." Until his dying day he did not understand what made his grandson tick, but he supported his grandson right to be who he was. Unfortunately,too many people have been taught to be hateful.

All I can say is, if you see injustice and hate, say something. Being an ally does not means you have to agree with 100% of someone person's or group's agenda. As to Maria's conversation I have found too many males feel it is a direct attack on their sexuality, if they were to accept someone who is trans or gay/lesbian.

[TheHiddenMe]

There is no better time to be LGBT than today. Period.

That's why the bigots are pushing back. Because they are losing the acceptance battle. When it became politically unacceptable to attack guys, they moved on to Trans people as the whipping boys and girls.

Do you know why it became acceptable for guys to be in public and to get marriage equality? Because gays around the world didn't go silently into the night and changed public opinion.

The same can be said for Trans rights, but it would help if prominent Trans individuals--that's you Caitlyn Jenner--didn't suck up to the side attacking Trans individuals.

There is a BIG difference between schools ACCEPTING Trans kids and ENCOURAGING Trans kids. Those enlightened schools know the higher chances of suicides among Trans kids.

Trans girls in girls sports? Yes. For the handful that exist, isn't the point that sports help foster ideas like sportsmanship, friendship, and the like? If we have school sports for kids because we think it helps them become better people, doesn't the same apply to Trans kids? Plus, there are more Trans boys than Trans girls, so why doesn't anyone complain about them?

I met the head of the local Transparent chapter. They moved to my area because they knew our state was more accepting of Trans kids, in her case a Trans son (AFAB). The mom told me the child knew at seven years old they were Trans.

We Trans people in 2025 stand on the shoulders of our predecessor sisters who were willing to risk jail, embarrassment, jobs, etc., by willing to go out in public dressed.

Have things gone too far? Absolutely not. They haven't gone far enough.

[April Rose]

Charlie Baker, president of the NCAA, which has jurisdiction over 520,000 athletes, testified in congress that he was aware of fewer than 10 trans ahtletes currently competing.

[DAVIDA]

Any more political comments will get this thread DELETED!

[SophiaRose]

It's sad that your coworker thought the first thing to do was assume there was something wrong with his son if he showed signs of being gay, trans, or otherwise. I think the ultimate question for him is if he would still love and accept his son if he was somewhere on the LGBT spectrum. He might blame the school, social media, or society, but at the end of the day he's still his son and needs support and a caring and accepting environment to grow up in. At least some schools are trying to do the right thing.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

A boy dressing like a girl doesn't change how many genders there are; boy, girl, that's 2. So the comment about only 2 genders doesn't seem to me to have anything to do with a crossdressing boy. What exactly is the school teaching? From the OP there's no evidence that they're teaching more than 2 genders, only that they have relaxed the dress code so a boy can wear whatever he wants.

[Kelli_cd]

When my son (at age 19) told me he was gay, I thought my works would crash. But within 10 seconds I realized nothing had really changed. He was still the same person I've always known. Turned out it wasn't a big deal to me after all.

[BiancaEstrella]

There is no better time to be LGBT than today. Period.

That's why the bigots are pushing back. Because they are losing the acceptance battle. When it became politically unacceptable to attack guys, they moved on to Trans people as the whipping boys and girls.

Do you know why it became acceptable for guys to be in public and to get marriage equality? Because gays around the world didn't go silently into the night and changed public opinion.

The same can be said for Trans rights, but it would help if prominent Trans individuals--that's you Caitlyn Jenner--didn't suck up to the side attacking Trans individuals.

There is a BIG difference between schools ACCEPTING Trans kids and ENCOURAGING Trans kids. Those enlightened schools know the higher chances of suicides among Trans kids.

Trans girls in girls sports? Yes. For the handful that exist, isn't the point that sports help foster ideas like sportsmanship, friendship, and the like? If we have school sports for kids because we think it helps them become better people, doesn't the same apply to Trans kids? Plus, there are more Trans boys than Trans girls, so why doesn't anyone complain about them?

I met the head of the local Transparent chapter. They moved to my area because they knew our state was more accepting of Trans kids, in her case a Trans son (AFAB). The mom told me the child knew at seven years old they were Trans.

We Trans people in 2025 stand on the shoulders of our predecessor sisters who were willing to risk jail, embarrassment, jobs, etc., by willing to go out in public dressed.

Have things gone too far? Absolutely not. They haven't gone far enough.

Incredible post, thank you!

Most people, when they go from ?I know zero trans people? to ?I know a trans person,? will back off their harshest opinions about us right away, and soon before long they actually understand us and will note a change in their attitude toward us. I got to be that person in a lot of people?s lives, and still in 2025 I?m forging friendships and acquaintances (which is usually enough) with people who had not previously counted a trans person in their social circles.

It also helps that I?m vulnerable and measured when speaking both of my own and the greater trans umbrella?s issues. Being able to both point out and demonstrate that we?re just looking to live our lives, and not wanting to commandeer every single space entrusted to women to make it uncomfortable. For instance, I was asked about public restrooms: ?I relieve myself, wash my hands, check my teeth for lipstick or wayward broccoli florets, dry my hands, and leave. The only difference is I just have bigger hands to wash and dry. Either way, it?s not a place anyone wants to hang out in, right?? And with three sentences, I?ve addressed several common social fears.

For extremists, nothing will be enough. However, you can win the hearts & minds of others by being a decent human being, existing as you do. It?s never a bad time to be a good example.

[TheHiddenMe]

Thanks!

I'm a member of the St. Louis Gender Foundation and our members include those who have transitioned. I find their transition stories very interesting.

Also, we used to meet in private in hotel rooms. Now we have lunches and dinners at public restaurants, where we are expected and welcomed. Times have changed.

Also, the adult child of a long time male friend (since high school) is non-binary. Two years ago, I outed myself to the mom/wife, deciding that she might appreciate my views on being Trans. She was and is incredibly supportive, and lately her mission is to buy me red lipsticks (she's a Swifty).

I also coach at a local high school. We were required to do a CPR course. During the course, another participant asked about what should be done if the student was wearing a binder (FTM, strapping around the student's breasts). It's a school with 2,000+ students, and obviously some of them are Trans, based on the question.

I will repeat that I've been out about a thousand times in the last eight years, and I've never had an issue.

[danniUK]

We Trans people in 2025 stand on the shoulders of our predecessor sisters who were willing to risk jail, embarrassment, jobs, etc., by willing to go out in public dressed.

Have things gone too far? Absolutely not. They haven't gone far enough.

Here hear! A great post.

I agree, it's never been a better time to be trans; despite the struggle the very fact that there *is* a struggle - rather than the way we would have been treated 20, 30, 50 years ago - is amazing.

We have to keep pushing back against the bigots, as those who came before us didn't even have that chance.

[CDMargret]

We all laugh and enjoy when Robin Williams does Doubt Fire, Dustin does Tootsie and shows like Bosom Buddies. But turn off the TV and step outside and WHOLE nother story. Why, just why?

[BLUE ORCHID]

That is the kind of people that you want to stay Clear of !!

[April Rose]

You fight hate and fear with love and vulnerability.

Last spring I found out that the son of an old friend had transitioned and was now living as a female. I felt I couldn't remain silent. Looking for advice on how to proceed, I outed myself to a female neighbor I am friendly with and then on her advice to the couple who had introduced me to the trans kid's parent. With their concurrence I contacted the parent. They were very grateful for my support, especially the kid. The whole family, including some in the UK, knows about me now, with only positive repercussions.

I have been invited to several get togethers with these people since. You make allies one step at a time.

I have rung the bell, and it has the rich sweet tone of love and freedom.