A Smidgen of Acceptance?

[Traci H]

The other day my wife ran into a box of my a stuff that was kind of hiding in plain sight. She was looking for a suitable box to use to pack something up in. We just sort of have this understanding that I placed some things back there in the basement.

Well, she got mad at these shoes and a skirt that were there. It never helps of course to actually see the items. This time her big concern seemed to be what if the kids found out. I told her I too was concerned about that. She wondered what they would think of me.

We let it go and ironically instead of being cold to be for hours later, things just went back to normal. No nasty comments later or anything. Usually things are much colder after such.

So I am wondering if she has just a bit of acceptance or was it she didn?t feel like getting all pissy this time. I also wondered if just coming out to my kids might alleviate this fear she has. If I ask her about coming out to them however, she will fear its repercussions and say no.

So I remain ever so hopeful that maybe, just maybe things are softening just a tiny bit. I am probably reading too much into a single incident I suspect however. Wishful thinking on my part. Time will tell.

[Crissy 107]

Traci, It could be wishful thinking on your part but of course you know your wife and since it did not go downhill from there I can understand your reasoning.
Good luck and you will have to let us know if there are any more signs.

[Suzie Petersen]

Traci,

Everybody's reaction is different, but I think little incidents like that will cause one of two outcomes:
1) The wife gets more and more upset and finally blows up, or
2) She gets a little de-sensitized every time and will react less and less to it when it happens.

If you are a gamble, you can hope for option 2 and keep "making it happen", but it can of course be risky.
It sounds like you had an understanding that some things of yours might be in that area, so one can argue that she should not have been surprised, and at least should not have gotten upset by it.

It might be beneficial to just tell her that you appreciate that the situation didn't escalate and you two could just go on with the day. That might trigger a calm conversation which you could use to maybe ask for a little more wiggle room in the DADT situation, or at a minimum it is an opportunity to let her know you appreciate how it went this time.

One thing I will warn about, it to not loose terrain! If you have an agreement that it is OK for you to keep some things in that area of the house, then do NOT offer to hide dem even more, or even get rid of the items. If you have otherwise stuck to whatever agreement you have, then you do not need to change anything.

As for telling your kids, then yes it would of course remove the risk of them finding out, but you are likely right that your wife would not want to go there. In stead of telling them, the other option is that .. they simply find out "by accident", which you of course could have some influence on!
But that could be a nuclear option if you were to manipulate that, so probably not recommendable, and it could especially go very wrong if it became clear that you in fact had caused the "accidental reveal" yourself.

Good luck!

[kimdl93]

Sounds like a serious conflict was avoided. That may not signal acceptance, but its a better outcome than might otherwise have occurred

[char GG]

My take on your description is that she may be picking her battles.

[Keremy]

One win does not win the battle.

[alwayshave]

Traci, I am praying that your wife is accepting of your femme side.

[bridget thronton]

Small steps - keep talking

[CharlotteCD]

Apathy is not acceptance.

Apathy rather could be the start of the end.

When my wife became apathetic to all elements of my life it was clear that things were over.

[Stephanie47]

I think your wife is resigned to the fact that you're a cross dresser and nothing is going to change you. I have said many times this becomes a shared secret. Adverse consequences are not limited to the husband. The unknown is shared by husband and wife. When she mistakenly found some of your stuff it was a reminder. Out of sight, out of mind did not work this time. It was a clear reminder.

[Di]

Well a few things
Does anyone talk to their spouse anymore? Why guess ? Don’t get in your head what it means talk.
Please don’t take the extreme negative replys as fact in your relationship, things not done in other relationships may or may not occur in yours ….
My advice talk to her .

[docrobbysherry]

Like Di, I wonder why u ask us instead of her?:straightface:

[April Rose]

:yt: What Di and Doc said.