The Voice

[Michelle_G]

Thankfully, I had a chance last week to go out shopping during the day fully dressed. However, I find that when I am in public presenting as a woman, it freaks me out to have to speak to anyone. I doubt I'm fooling anyone anyway with my appearance, but I hate to remove all doubt by speaking. I have practiced what I feel like is an ok voice, but you know, yikes. My throat gets dry by the time I have to speak and it doesn't sound the same. I find myself taking routes through the clothing racks to avoid the sales associates. One sales lady at Belk asked me if I wanted to download their app and I squeaked out a," No thank you." Maybe I should try gum, mints, or carry a water bottle. The funny thing is, I have no problem talking to people if I'm out shopping in guy mode wearing boots, skinny jeans and a ladies top. I guess there is no female presentation to mess up. I will definitely keep trying and I"m sure it will come in due time.

[JohnH]

I say don't worry about your voice. I present as a woman with my dresses and makeup all the time but I'm a bass (deeper than baritone) singer so I have a deep speaking voice. And yet people don't react at all when I talk in my normal masculine voice. As a singer I have good control of my voice so I can sound like a mature woman.
I suggest you join a choir as a tenor or bass as fits your range so you can learn to control your voice to sound like a woman better with a lot less effort.

John

[Rachelakld]

I might talk softly and slightly higher, but generally not. My voice is what it is and everyone is still nice to me (I still hold doors for ladies, still always polite) - I think showing respect returns respect. I still get called "sir" a lot, but I'm still a gentleman about it :)

[DAVIDA]

Hi Michelle!:)
To hear how you sound to other people you would need to record yourself and listen.
It used to weird me out to hear myself on videos since I don't actually sound anything like what I hear when talking.
You might be surprised at the difference too.
Davida

[Helen_Highwater]

I've posted this a few times but always worth repeating. I sat and talked to the SO of a CD'er at a support group meeting who turned out to be a speech therapist.

She told me that the biggest mistake we make is to raise the pitch of our voices so that we end up more like a BeeGee on steroids that any female.

Her advice was pick the level at how in your natural voice you sing Do, as in Do, Ray, Mi. Now go up the scale but no higher than Mi. Now try speech at that pitch. You may find that Ray is adequate as in truth the difference between the sexes is often negligible.

It's also how you phrase you sentences. Inflection plays a big part as does the desire to communicate. Male: "Excuse me, have you got the time please". Female: "Excuse me, sorry to bother you". "Do you have the right time please, I've left my watch at home and I need to meet up with friends at 2 and I don't want to be late" And having been told the time, male, "Cheers", female, "Thank you so much, I just don't want to be late"

Now I can see that might be seen as stereotyping but in my experience women are more likely to engage, communicate more when dealing with strangers.

I've always tried to converse with SA's when say paying. Just chit chat but engaging helps show us to be normal polite people. It can feel daunting at first but once you overcome those first apprehensions it does make shopping a more enjoyable experience.

[Debs]

Who cares, if they dont accept who I am, then just dont speak to me.

[alwayshave]

Michelle, my recorded voice is so different from what I hear, you'll be surprised. With time you'll become less self conscious about it.

[ColleenA]

Michelle, when I am about to enter a place where I will be interacting with others - sales clerks at the very least - I often will put a cough drop in my mouth. It helps relax my throat, so hopefully I don't feel I have to strain my voice when I talk.

[chrissy111]

I have a friend with a very deep voice and she would use sign language when out shopping.

[Marketa]

I hear you, Michelle. I had and still have the same issue, but I tell you two things. 1) practice like Helen mentioned and 2) SAs will see right through you but their job is a happy customer, so just go with the flow and be good to them and feminine and they'll treat you just like any other woman. That's at least my experience from several outings including buying make-up. And I have to point out, that Czech language differentiates between male and female versions of many words and I was always addressed as a woman. Even though one SA corrected herself once from male to female version.

[JesseVF]

Helen - I gave the Do Re Mi method a try today during my day out and think it actually helped - thank you for passing it on!

[Michelle_G]

Thank you all for the great advice. I just find it funny that I have no problem talking to sales people when I have all female clothing and light makeup on and no wig (definitely a dude head complete with bald spot.Lol.) 345139345140 The photo with the jeans, I was in Kohl's with no wig.

[*Cindy*]

For me I find that if I just keep my head up straight and don't have that look of fear on my face when I speak I do just fine. When you are all alone and no one is around try reading a book or something out loud and record yourself while doing it and then listen to it and see where you can improve on your speech. I find it harder to change what I am saying from manly words and phrases to feminine ones. Notice that I said feminine because that is what you will want to project when you speak, out with the old man and in with the girly presentation. How many times do you hear a young lady that still speaks in a whinny little girl voice and not like a lady's voice would sound. Listen to ladies speak and imitate them.

[Michelle_G]

Cindy, I agree, it is difficult to change a lifetime of male phraseology and sentence structure. I have no doubt it gets easier the more you do it, just like venturing out the first few times dressed. We are always our own worst critic.

[Traci H]

Yes, I need to do exactly that. Record my speech and see where I can modify it. Getting rid of those typical male phrases that are part of me will be part of the process. Have to develop two separate voice patterns that I can switch back and forth to. Possible? I suspect so if practiced enough.

[char GG]

Two things to watch out for:

If you speak too softly, you will likely be asked to repeat yourself.

Also, watch for phrases that usually only men say - usually related to bathroom functions.

[Ressie]

I recently heard my voice that was recorded during one of our support group meetings. It was very low! I know I have the ability to raise the pitch of my speaking voice but I don't remember to do it. If I rehearse enough I'm sure I'll have a somewhat passable female voice, but then I'd have to remember not to use it when I'm in male mode (which is about 98% of the time).

Also, most of the CDs that attend these meetings just talk in their normal male voice, even when talking to the general public. But my voice is so incongruous with my appearance that it that I should probably do something about it.

[Michelle_G]

In some of the videos I've watched, they mention a technique where you almost pinch off your throat a little. It's almost like a half swallow and makes your larynx slightly narrower for a more feminine sounding range. I have practiced that quite a bit and it seems like it works. While in that throat space, you can use a pitch closer to your normal range and don't have to be Minnie mouse. When my mouth gets dry(nervous)though, it is hard to get to that throat place. I hope I explained that so as to not be confusing.

[Philippa Jane]

It may well be different where you live but here in Australia no one seems to care.
For sometime I worried about how my voice sounded but now I just speak the way that is normal for me.
On the phone there can be little doubt about my gender and people get flustered when they ask my name.
" Hi can I speak to Philippa?" Yes speaking. "NO Philippa is she there?" When I explain things get easier.
When shopping I just chat as normal.
Give it a try and relax like you do in guy mode.

[Geena75]

I'm certainly no polished expert here, but I'll offer my personal observations. I have a deep baritone voice that seems to come from down in my chest (I've been told I have a voice for radio ... and a face to match). To try and femme up my voice, I move it up to my voice box and modulate it upward to a comfortable level. The result isn't extremely feminine, but not a dead give-away. One thing that struck me at group meetings I have gone to is how many of the gurls seem to make no attempt at feminizing their voices. Maybe it's just because we're in a group.

[Kris Burton]

I'd like to add that it requires a lot of stamina in order to raise the pitch of the voice in the way many have described here and HOLD it there. Practice is required not only to use the technique effectively but to develop the muscle control to become conversant.

[Michelle_G]

I am sure it will be easier and I will become more comfortable in due time. I felt much the same when venturing out dressed those first few times. I just have to get out and continue working on my confidence. Thank you all for the helpful comments.

[Genifer Teal]

I see the voice similar to how I see walking. They are different in that they are different activities, but both can be tricky to alter and both equally are a big tell.

My philosophy is don't go crazy about getting it perfect or if you're not getting it close enough in your mind. I focus on making it less male. If you keep doing this, eventually you might start getting more female. It also allows you to be okay and at ease with whatever the results are, which helps the results seem even better. It's never a good look when we are overly self conscious about something we are doing, regardless of how well we are doing it.

For the voice, focus on being less bassy. Don't try to be Mickey Mouse or anything. In between, just try to be less bassy and be happy with that and think about the words you choose and how you say things. Most of us aren't trying to pass on the phone, which is considered the ultimate test. A warm friendly personality goes a long way towards the other person, not caring.

[BLUE ORCHID]

When I call in to a Radio talk show that on a seven second delay and hang up and hear my Voice, I thank that don't sound like Me,

[Michelle_G]

Genifer, I like the "less male" outlook. Thank you everyone.

[Ressie]

I see the voice similar to how I see walking. They are different in that they are different activities, but both can be tricky to alter and both equally are a big tell.

My philosophy is don't go crazy about getting it perfect or if you're not getting it close enough in your mind. I focus on making it less male.


I've come to the same conclusion. Attempting to be less masculine works better than trying to be more feminine IMHO.

[Andrea Renea]

While out as Andrea I just speak a little softer and lower.

I don't try to change my voice too much. I think it would come off fake.

[April Rose]

I agree with Genifer and Ressie. Keeping it less masculine has gotten me ma'amed while in drab several times in the past year. (my version of drab, anyway....)

[Michelle_G]

I am looking forward to getting out again and making a point to engage with a few salespeople. I'm thinking that my feminine voice is not horrible, but it's just a matter of getting used to using it around people. It is so easy to chicken out and detour away from people. Thank you everyone.

[JohnH]

That's the approach I take. I will NEVER sound like a young woman, but I can sort of sound like an older woman.

John

[Ceera]

When I first started crossdressing, I personally felt I really needed to feminize my voice if I wanted to pass at all in a social setting.

As a male, I had a deep bass voice like you might expect from a classical radio station announcer. Which I used to be, at one point in my past. But I also was trained to sing as a child, long before my child voice ever changed with puberty. So my childhood singing voice had been a beautiful lyric soprano. And post puberty, that simply downshifted, to make my top end a high Irish tenor, and my low end, a full bass. I spent most of my life denying and supressing my feminine/not-straight aspects. I didn't start crossdressing and going out in public as a woman until I was in my 50's. I had been married for 30 years, and recently widowed, so I had a lot of experience observing feminine behavior and speech patterns.

When I was single again and I came to the conclusion that I needed to go out in public as a woman, I was good enough at theatrical makeup and performance that it wasn't terribly hard to appear arguably feminine. But I was certain that if I opened my mouth and spoke in that bass male voice, it would look like a man somewhere near me was playing a ventriloquism trick!

So I spent 4 months learning to use my singing skills to adjust both the pitch and timbre of my speaking voice. And my acting skills to mimic feminine speech patterns. As a result, when I started public adventures, I could order a drink or order food at a restaurant and strangers wouldn't do a double-take.

That was ten years ago. My makeup skills are much better, as is my voice. And I've fully transitioned to full time female life. How believably do I pass now? I work in retail, at a major mall store, as a manager on the sales floor. The vast majority of my customers accept me at face value as having always been female. And I can sing female parts in songs with a solid soprano range. And that makes me very happy. I don't think I would have even attempted full transition, personally, without first trying to feminize my voice.

That said... I know plenty of crossdressers and trans women who do not try at all to feminize their voice, or who don't succeed very well at perfecting a female voice. And that is fine too, if they are happy with their results!