I got a (Hershey's) kiss at a coffee shop

[Joanie CD]

Saturday morning, in Joanie mode (Pink sweater, bra & forms, skinny jeans, booties, makeup, jewelry), my wife and I went to a coffee shop in a smaller town in western NC. We were enjoying our coffee, when a large young man who had been sitting with a woman a few tables away came over to our table. My first thought was "is he going to make some unpleasant comment?", but no, he put a Hershey's kiss in front of each of us, gave us a big smile, and left without a word. I don't know whether he was in the LGBQT+ club or not, but I think he was just being supportive. While I'd rather 100% pass, I know that I mostly do not, and friendly support is the next best thing.

[bridget thronton]

What a nice gesture from a stranger

[Marketa]

Oh, it's a chocolate! Now it make sense even to me (European).

Like Bridget said: that's so nice gesture in general.

[danniUK]

I think (though having not ventured outside en femme yet) that it's possible to not 100% pass but be in a zone (which I'll not call a "grey area") where you're un-noticed. Like: I was out in London for the first time in ages this week and while having food with my family (in Wahaca Covent Garden, just on the off chance that the person in question is on this forum) and several tables away I noticed someone who I'm fairly certain was 'one of us'. Though her makeup was perfect and her outfit was beautiful, I wondered if she stood out to anyone else or if she caught my eye because these days, as a regular dresser, I know what I'm looking for.

(If you are on here by the way, I do apologise for repeatedly looking over at you, I'm sure after catching me a couple of times it must have made you self conscious which wasn't my intent!)

My point is that once you've gone past a certain level of effort - makeup, hair, nails etc as opposed to just some female clothing, it's almost like... a protective layer? Hmm, not the best analogy... but like it stops people looking too closely, like a subconscious thing tells people "well that must be a woman".

Contrast that person with someone else I saw in a comic book store (dragged to by my son) who was literally a Man In A Dress. Fairdoos to them for wearing what they wanted - but they obviously wouldn't have passed, and wearing just the dress suggested that they didn't really intend to.

I hope that all made some kind of sense!

[Traci H]

That is a nice gesture. While difficult to know exactly what his motive was, it certainly seems supportive in some way. And who doesn't like a chocolate Kiss? By the way Joanie, it looks like you have girl glasses. Is that the case?

[Joanie CD]

Yes, I have nice girly glasses. I think they help with the feminine look. I actually have my normal women's pair, and a pair with girly pink frames with a slightly different prescription for computer work. I get all my glasses, male and female from Zenni, where my girl glasses are less than $35 US.

[Crissy 107]

It sounds like a very nice gesture, enjoy the Hersey kisses

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Joanie:hugs:, What a Lovely Story, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[alwayshave]

Joanie, Most people are good people. I'm glad you ran into one.

[chrissy111]

I feel most people are inherently good, and you found one.

[Di]

How lovely. I need to carry Hershey kisses with me…..and borrow his sweet gesture.

[GretchenM]

Hi Joanie,

What a wonderful thing to have happen to you. Must have made your day. Might have produced tears in me.

With all the negativity going around toward folks like us, it is such a wonderful thing to have someone actually do something nice and supportive. The fact is there are still a lot of people out there that do understand and are not playing into the misinformation frenzy. In the end diversity will win.

Danni, you bring up a good point that there are two levels in the "passable" consideration. One is being completely passable even though you are not of that sex or gender. That one is really difficult to achieve because there always remain a few tells here and there that can be seen. A much more reasonable category is being PRESENTABLE as a woman. If you can check off most of the boxes of passability in your presentation but not all you can land in the world of being Presentably female. Much more doable and avoids the heartbreak of not being able to achieve complete passability. However the primary rule of going out still applies - stay away from environments where even presentability as a woman is not accepted. In other words, if the place is not reasonably accepting to gender variant people just stay away. Go where you are welcomed. As we were taught in group therapy long ago,"Do what a woman would do to remain safe and double it." As the title song of "Cheers" went, go where everybody knows your name. That is very restrictive, but you get the idea.

[Alexa502]

What a nice guy, maybe one day I'll get a Hershey kiss from a handsome stranger.