Dressing, Stress and Sharing

[NatalieR]

I have found my desire to dress, shop for femme stuff and think about my "gender stuff" is heightened when I am feeling stressed, and that engaging in it is comforting to me. I have seen other people express this feeling as well.

Over the last several years, I have been pretty open with a lot of people about my dressing in a variety of ways...There is a small group of people who I have discussed my feelings about gender in depth, a larger group that I have told some version of "I am a crossdresser" and another group (including my dad and brothers) that I have showed pictures without much info like "I got 'dressed up' for this charity event, thought you would enjoy these pics". Some of those people intuited that it was more than a one-time thing and others didn't.

Anyway, another thing that I have found about when I am stressed is that I have a strong desire to share, and bring more people into the circle, and I find I get a really warm feeling and a bit of an adrenaline rush when I send someone (especially for the first time!) a picture.

Just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences?

[jessicabf]

I completely agree with the first point about stress and anxiety. I find myself naturally drawn to femininity in those moments, it?s such a comforting space for me. As for sharing? I truly wish I could share more. Beyond a small, trusted circle, I don?t know if I?ll ever really be able to. But on the rare occasions when I do, it feels so wonderful to open up.

[kimdl93]

Oddly, I am kinda the opposite. In moments of serious stress, worry or depressive moods I find that I have little interest in getting dressed. The motivation only returns when my emotional state is improved.

[SophiaRose]

I find the opposite is true for me as well. When I'm stressed I ruminate and almost everything I enjoy becomes secondary.

[Jillcder]

Like Kim in a highly stressful situations my dressing desire is low but after resolving the stress i cannot get dressed fast enough.

[JUSTME]

Interesting topic. I have never thought about it before. I know dressing for me brings a calming effect. But I am not sure if stress “triggers” the desire or not. Will have to keep that in mind.

I do know that the desire used to be stronger when I would be between girlfriends, or later when my wife would be away. I would go months or years without dressing. As time has gone on and distance in our relationship increased it has come back very strong. I under dress almost daily and when traveling I always bring something with me. Could be a stress situation, or more a longing for connection. I don’t know.

[Claire M]

I had this discussion with my therapist a few years back. She affirmed that dressing and stress relief were related. Toward the end of the discussion she posed an interesting concept: Was the stress associated with pressures of everyday life, or was it related to me repressing my inner feelings about gender and dressing? Was repressing my true inner feelings about myself compounding all the other stress in my life?

Sort of a chicken or the egg discussion but definitely made me feel better about dressing to relieve stress.

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I are in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage. She does not want to discuss anything about it. She is supportive of the LGTBQ+ community but it's NIMBY. "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman," she opined. I respect her position, so I do not do anything to poke the sleeping bear. Yes, donning women's attire is an escape from stresses. What had caused a lot of angst decades ago now brings peace. I will not do any intentional reveals to family members or friends because that may not be well received. If the objective is peace and tranquility I am not going to throw a big rock in a small pond and watch where the ripples go. Decades ago I was pestering my wife about my cross dressing, trying to get her to engage in it. I came to realize my pestering was more skin to, if she accepts it, then it must be alright and I can accept myself. I realized trying to reveal myself to her really meant I was trying to gain self-acceptance.

[NancySue]

There?s no question, it?s true. Even my wonderfully supportive wife is amazed how, when there?s stress, anxiety, etc., how slipping on hose, panties, bra, heels, etc. will calm things down. It?s worked for me. Since retiring, I?m underdressed daily. Why not? Because of back issues, I?ve had to fore go pantyhose, but HSR thigh highs have been a perfect substitute. As far as the sharing goes, not here. Only my wife. Things are very conservative here.

[April Rose]

A lot of food for thought in this, but, off the top of my head I would say, that I am generally an emotionally reserved person and sharing causes me stress. But, having shared in the long run has has made me feel freer and less stressed in my day to day life.

It is hard for me to let myself be me IRL. But I do it, and that has benefited me over all.

[JesseVF]

Yes definitely feel the urge to dress when stressed but usually cannot act on it. As far as sharing - only with my wife. Recent activities are resulting in us talking more openly about my cd in general so I?m thankful for that. As far as sharing with others I find it an intensely alluring idea and terrifying.

[Marketa]

Stress is what led me to CD in the first place. But when I'm really stressed or better said deppressed, then I usually don't have the desire to dress, because what's the point anyway. But when I push through and dress, I immediately feel better. And when it's weekend and I can do full make-up, it's literally mood-changer, when I finish, put a wig on, look into a mirror and see a cutie, the stress and depression are gone.

[DianeT]

Dressing is a stress reliever and lightens my mood for a while, but I don't particularly feel an urge to dress because of stress.
Similar to what Kim said, if I'm feeling depressed I won't dress much. In the year where my wife and I were separated, I could have dressed day in day out and bought a wardrobe as I always dreamed of. I just did a few sessions and did not buy anything. I turned my attention to other, more social activities.

[Georgina]

I don't do stress any more and I have no gender issues. I dress in skirts and dresses because I love the clothes both, how they feel and how they look. I always feel relaxed when I am dressed and when I visit friends it adds to the pleasure. Sharing is brilliant and I am lucky to have friends to share my love of dressing with.

[bridget thronton]

Dressing does help me reduce and so does shopping

[docrobbysherry]

I don't just "throw on a few things" anymore. I put together complete outfits for shoots and outings. Which is often stressful getting everything to look just the way I want them to!:daydreaming:

However, I DO Find dressing to be very distracting. When I get involved in it the 100's of other thots swirling thru my consciousness vanish for a time!:)

I get no thrill from posting photos. It's most of like satisfaction when someone sees what appears to be a photo of a woman. Because that's what I see!:battingeyelashes:

[alwayshave]

I find dressing de-stressful. It always put me in a great mood. As far as sharing, besides my wife, I keep it to myself.

[Brynna M]

Dressing and stress are a complex dynamic for me. When I'm stressed I have a mixed desire to dress. Desire yes energy and motivation to so much. Assuming I can find a window it is always restorative for me but because I'm in deep DADT relationship it creates its own stress of not getting caught. I'm not 100% sure what it is about dressing that is stress releasing. Is it a form of self care to feel pretty does it release some kind of gender pressure????? Im not sure.

[Bea_]

I think my wanting to wear feminine things is stable, whether stressed or relaxed. For me, stress is from being at the edge of the envelope, doing things I haven't done before. Once I push the envelope, that particular stressor diminishes. I think that's the whole basis of "exposure therapy", where you expose yourself to the things you fear incrementally.

I haven't allowed anyone I know, other than my wife to see a true picture of who i am. I wear women's skinnies in public. I have waist length white hair. I have a full beard and mustache. i wear 3/4 inch sterling silver hoop earrings daily. I often wear a thin sterling anklet. I have even begun wearing mascara daily and subtle eyeshadow less regularly. the envelope has been pushed to the extent that those things are fairly public, although i most around family.

The idea of sharing with those close to me is the most stressful of all.

[NatalieR]

Bea,
your response about exposure therapy is interesting to me...When I first started dressing regularly the thought of telling anyone seemed unthinkable.

Then I started coming out to people bc I wanted more than dressing. I wanted to be out in the world with it, When I would email someone or share a picture I would get this "kid at christmas" kind of feeling while waiting to see how they would respond, and I have kind of kept "upping the ante" including showing pics to my dad and brothers, and posting pics to limited audiences on Facebook. I have gotten nothing but positive feedback and it has made me more comfortable being generally open.

It's funny, most people kind of take it at face value if i say "I dressed up for this charity event", but some people (always women) know there is more going on and start asking questions. I feel like it has brought me closer to a lot of my female friends, and the few guys I have shared with it have mostly been, "Ok, cool" and don't mention it again.

[jacques]

Hello Natalie,
I agree that getting dressed up drives the stress away.
As for "openness" I don't advertise it but I would not lie about it. It is private but not secret.
luv J

[Glenda58]

For the last 10 months I have been stressed free. And everyone knows about me.