Dose she know

[Jillcder]

Ok so today my wife is out of the house for approximately 6 hrs I declined going to the event with her and told her I had some work to do in the garage as she was leaving today she gave me this knowing smile and said enjoy yourself of course I had an afternoon of dressing planned. As I sit here completely dolled up I just cannot quit thinking about the way she delivered that comment. We have been married over 40 years and I have never admitted my Crossdressing desires to her she is a very smart lady so Im sure she has her suspicions. I know I need to grow a pair and have the talk but Im honestly afraid my dressing will hurt her.
Do any other ladies here get that same comment with a smirk occasionally?

[Crissy 107]

Women do not miss much and after being married 40 years and getting that smile there is a good chance yes she knows what you may be up to.
Maybe time for the talk

[Jasmine23]

It's extremely hard to know based on so little information, she could well be thinking of something completely different. You know your wife better than anyone, has she ever given any indication that she knows before?, if not, why do you think she knows now?

Women in general are very perceptive and tend to pick up on little things that men don't notice, so she may well know!

[PaulaJeanette]

Jill, I agree with the comments presented by Crissy and Jasmine, especially, Jasmine's statement of you knowing your wife better than anyone. I am certain that all of us who are married and indulge in this secret lifestyle have been on the receiving end of similar smirks and comments. My wife is aware of Paula's enjoyment of dressing in women's clothes, specifically, female lingerie. Over 25 years ago, she found my waist nipper in our bedroom and confronted me. I confessed to being a transvestite (preferred label) and confessed. However, to date, I have never dressed for her or in her presence, due to a sense of embarrassment. I'm sure she would not be pleased to see her husband dressed in lingerie; Paula is not passable in the least as I don't wear a wig nor makeup.

With all that being said, on occasion, when leaving, my wife has made similar "knowing" remarks. I take them with a grain of salt and do exactly as Jill enjoyed!

[Traci H]

My first inclination is to say she knows. All based on very limited knowledge of course. And while I can sometimes agree that women seem to pick up on little things, I don?t find that to always be true. I may have mentioned it on here before, but I shaved my mustache off after 30 plus years and after a couple months she finally noticed it when one of my kids asked about it. So much for the powers of observation.

[alwayshave]

Jill, it sounds like she knows, but only the talk can verify for sure.

[DianeT]

You may be projecting. There is no way to be sure that she knows until you talk to her. CDing is so alien to most wives' life experience that they will often imagine a million of things before it, and that smirk may have a million reasons other than what you think. I open up to my wife after 36 years and it wasn't an easy ride. Lying to your wife for a lifetime has consequences and you will have to face them. And you should probably face them when you are ready. Because not talking also has consequences, and these build up as time passes.
Thinking that "she knows" may be, I suspect, a way for some CDers to relieve the guilt of lying to their SO. If "she knows", then why bother having the Talk? Not saying that is your case, but definitely something you may want to self-scrutinize about.

[docrobbysherry]

How would she know? When my wife found a strange bra in our bedroom she thot I was having an affair!:doh:

Of course, I had to confess. She had NO IDEA!:eek:

[susan jackson]

Once. my partner of 15 years went away for the day. As she was leaving, she gave me a knowing smile and said: "I know what you are planning. Enjoy yourself"

I did enjoy myself - I was planning on spending the day, thrashing out on my guitar !!

The point is ... giving a knowing smile, and saying "enjoy yourself" can apply to anything

[Teri Ray]

Each family dynamic is different and for sure there is no one size answer fits all when it comes to the desire we all share here at this site.
With that said my personal situation got so much better after my wife found pictures of me dressed in out computer (I thought I was so smart but obviously was not) There was no way to offer an excuse other than tell the truth. For me and my wife having "the talk" has been one of the best things to have done. Sharing this passion with my wife and having clear agreed boundaries has been a blessing.
I agree with others on this post in believing that our wives have more insight to our behavior that we are likely to believe. Hiding my dressing desire was exhausting.

Hoping for the best for you and your wife. Best wishes.

[char GG]

The best way to find out if she knows is to ask her, not us.

A "knowing smile" doesn't automatically mean, I think my husband is a CDer.

She could have been happy to be going to the event. Maybe she thought you were going to "do work in the garage".

My suggestion is to stop the hiding and have "the talk", then you won't have to project your thoughts onto her actions.

[bridget thronton]

I agree that talking to your wife might better than asking us. My life has been much less stressful since I stopped hiding things from my wife and family.

[NancySue]

Char is absolutely totally correct. Heed her words of wisdom. I had ?the talk? before the nuptials. Scary, risky and tough, but it turned out to be the best thing I ever did. She respected my courage and has been supportive and helpful. No guilt, dishonesty, or fear. My bet is she knows. Women have a sixth sense?ESP. Her little quip was letting you know?she knows. Maybe it was her way of subtlety letting you know she?s open to discussion. We spent many hours talking. Good luck.

[JesseVF]

I would think the enjoy yourself remark could easily be about the actual garage work, or even just avoiding the outing which probably didn?t appeal to you. My thought is you may be kind of hoping she knows and is giving you a type of approval.
Your timeline is similar to mine. I only made the talk happen when I could not deal with the hiding anymore and felt ready to accept and deal with the possible negative outcomes. Probably the hardest thing I have ever done. It?s not perfect now but better. Hope things work out no matter what you do.

[Jillcder]

Thanks for the comments all like usual lots of good information.

[Stephanie47]

Jill, if you and your wife have been married forty years, she knows. There are always tell-tale signs or slip-ups you may have made over the years. Yes, there are many threads on this site where the unintended reveal does not go well. There are marriages that are less than a marriage and more like two cats in a barrel. I think, if a marriage is other solid, there is a very good chance the marriage will survive a husband's little quirk. My wife and I had dabbled in bedroom enhancement with lingerie for me until it developed my interests were more than a little kinkiness with benefits for both of us. When we had "The Talk" there was no internet. It was the "Dark Ages." These days I would hop a wife would do an internet search of cross dressings, maybe, even landing on this site to get some legitimate information.

If you and your wife are no talking about it, is she apprehensive about discussing it? Or, accepting the status quo because all other aspects of the marriage peg you as a good husband? I found, it does not take too much thought to know what the self imposed boundaries should be, i.e., how far should the husband go?

Of course, I could be dead wrong and your wife knows zilch, and, if and when she walks in on Julie, there may be some adverse consequences. Ah, the "Perils of Pauline," Julie and Stephanie, et al,living in the unlit closet.

[Lacey New]

I have been married for almost 40 years myself and there have been several close calls but if she suspects, she has never let on.

[kimdl93]

I am in agreement with those who advise talking to your wife. It?s possible she does not know, but unlikely. In that unlikely event, you may one slip up away from an unintended and catastrophic revelation.

[Leslie Langford]

Yes, I get that same comment from time to time, except in my case it is usually accompanied by an "up-side-down" smirk i.e. a frown.

[Liz Jones]

Hmm,-- does she know ,oh yes -- She introduced me to it ! We were at a caravan rally ( U.K. ) the organisers were looking for " volunteers" to dress for a compotation She persuaded me to volunteer, the rest as they say was/is history........
345468

[Glenda58]

She knows the wife always knows. They might not talk about it but they know. My wife knew and when she left the house to see her friend, she would ask me to do something for her knowing it would only take me an hour then tell me to have fun with a smile.

[Mariangheller]

After a few glasses of wine and having a good time at a neighbors party, my wife and I were at our house and I decided to spill it out? ?honey, I love being dressed in women?s clothes and I have been a crossdresser for the last year and a half?. Her reaction was of course surprised and asked the most basic questions like ?are you gay? Do you like men? Do you still like women? Have you been intimate with someone else?? And that night it was more of a shock. It took her a couple of months to realize that crossdressing is only a part of me, in my case does not define my whole personality but complement who I?m, a man, a father, a brother, a friend and a husband. On more than a few occasions she made me feel bad or embarrassed and I felt sad but was able to hold it until I decide it was enough, during one of her episodes of ?humiliate the husband? I left my house, went for some food and call my best friend and he told me ?I got you and count with me for anything you need?, so I went back home and we didn?t talk to each other in around two or three days, then started slowly because we have our teenager kids and we do interact while having dinner, so we started to talk basic stuff slowly and smoothly. It was took weeks after, while hanging out in the city (San Francisco) she had a very good mood and I invite her to a Drag Show next day, she accepted and then we had to plan a way for me to get dressed and ready without our children around. I got ready and meet her at the club, I didn?t showed any photographs or clothes at all, it was her first time seeing Marian and when I saw her getting in, I approached her and gave her a hug, she was smiling and immediately told me ?you look so good, gorgeous? and we had a good time that night.

We have been out only another time and it was little strange since I got ready in front of her, but she helped me to apply makeup and complimented my look, which was for clubbing with miniskirt, high heels and long hair.

I?m taking it slowly since I don?t want to overwhelm her with dressing too often for now, but I do plan on going out just myself to meet other crossdresser as friends, to share experiences that?s my plan.

This forum has helped me a lot to take the courage to be myself and open to my wife, as well as my children too, one friends and my brother, I have received more support than I could imagine

Anyway stay safe, have fun and stay in touch

XOXO Marian

[Joanne108]

My wife knows since before we were married. When she suspects I need some dressing time she?ll have an activity that doesn?t involve me. When she leaves she says ?Have fun! Wear something cute.? I?m positive she accepts then. Sometimes she doesn?t.