cd partner wanted to be TS

[emma_bb]

ok i take it that alot of the GG's here have CD partners id like to ask what if one day ur partner decided he wanted to go further live fulltime and have the op etc how would u feel and would u stick with him/her .i allready know some feelings on this matter like the it would feel like that the person i loved was being taken away from me pov as thats been said to me before ..to my mind it would take someone very self sacrificing to support thier partner and stay with them ..well thats born out of experiance mainly ..id like to know your thoughts feelings on the matter

[AngGG]

For me this would be a deal breaker. I don't mind the dressing but altering the body in a permanent way would not be acceptable to me. See while I (try to) understand the fem feelings and be supportive, ultimately I married a man and that is what I am attracted to. Although I love my hubby to death, for me surgeries to permanently alter appearance/sex are not something I could live with. My 0.02

[A sage GG]

I would have to believe that is a fear in many of the SOs minds. It certainly is in mine. I cannot predict the future, but have noticed as men get older and the testosterone levels drop further the desire to CD increases three fold.

I am getting to a comfortable place with my DH's CDing, but we are still young if you consider in our 30s young. If it were to happen tomarrow or soon it would be most likely a end to our marriage, but not our friendship. In time..... who knows? I mean if he gets to an age where he can't preform as a man what am I giving up. :D

[kittypw GG]

I was faced with this senario. My husband went through a period where he thought he was a women trapped in a man's body. He wanted to try hormones and spent hours looking up SRS surgery on the internet. I made up my mind then. This is something that I would not deal with. I love him but I don't want to be married to a man with boobs or without a working penis. I do not think that it would be fair to me. I am a heterosexual and that would be a sacrifice beyond my ability. I commend women who stay but I could not. Kitty

[Tamara Croft]

At this stage of my life, I really don't know either way. A few years back, I would have said 'no way', but now, I just don't know. I love him/her unconditionally, so ask me again in a few years ;)

[emma_bb]

intresting i guess then it no longer becomes a question of love but one of ur personal sexual persuasion as much as u might love that person u couldnt bring yourself to being lesbian which is i guess the question asked from a situation like that. funny it seems quite obvious now ..im sorry if this thread has brought to the fore some fears but i appreaciate your replys ..as for ur cd husbands wanting to change sex i doubt it the reality is quite diffrent from the fantasy as doctor russel reid said hormoanes are the true real life test many guys wouldnt like the physical and mental changes they produce i know from expirence how mentaly and emotionly hard the changes are.

[purple_spider GG]

Hi

I have had this experience actually. My ex was a cross dresser and then decided to transition. Jamie had always been a cross dresser and for sometime had identified as a transvestite. It was something he did when we went out to clubs or away to the Whitby gothic weekend but not many other times. It did not bother me and I was supportive of what he needed to do. However in 2002 Jamie went to see a gender counsellor and he came back and told me that he was in fact a transsexual; he had always felt that he was really a woman and his body had not developed according to his gender identity.

It was quite a shock at first and I was really worried about it. Initially I did not want him to have the sex change because I was upset at losing my boyfriend, or at least the man I thought I was living with, so I did not take the news too well at first. But when Jamie began to transition and take hormones we both knew it was the right thing for him to do and in the end I accepted that my boyfriend was in fact a woman trapped in a mans body. This is the short version; it took me a months to come to terms with what he was doing.

As a result Jamie changed his name to Caitlin and began to live as a woman, identify as a woman and it got easier for me to refer to him as her. It was a very difficult time, her parents were scared and did not want to lose their son, I was trying to adapt to the changes in the relationship and my parents, well you can imagine how they felt, dad said I was in a sinful relationship and that I should break up with Caitlin. I still loved her no matter what she was going to do and I wanted to stay with her. Whilst I have not had a relationship with a woman before now I felt comfortable with Caitlin because it was who I had been with in one form or another for so many years.

However that decision was made for me when Caitlin met someone else, a girl she knew called Kyle and later on she met Shira. In many ways I think all I did was serve to remind Caitlin of her male past which she was desperate to get away from that. She turned round and told me that she did not love me anymore and that she wanted me to go.

My current partner Louise is actually living full time but not planning to transition, she is going to get breast implants when she can afford them, none of this bothers me. I have always said that if she did transition I would stay with her if our relationship was good and strong and our love was still mutual.

Hugs
debs
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Di]

To me...it is just loving the person......it would not matter....and I,d be as supportive as possible........as Tam said unconditional love.

[kittypw GG]

I saw the movie "NORMAL" and it just re-enforced my feelings about not staying. It made me extremly uncomfortable and angry. Like I said, I respect those who stay but it is a sacrifice beyond my ability. I would be giving up a large part of my life, (intimacy with a male partner) and it would be too great of a cost to spend the rest of my life unfullfilled sexually. The best I could do would be to remain a supportative friend. Kitty

[Missy Anne's GG]

I love my husband and it is "for better or for worse...". I feel that I would support his decision to go further, and I hope that I would be strong enough to face the outcome. He is my lifetime mate, and I can't imagine living my life without him.

Hugs,

Missy Anne's GG

[kathy gg]

I hate these questions. It is like someone asking what I would do if I only had 6 months to live....

All I can say is this. My husband and I had many long talks before marriage about many different variations of this question. He always stuck with the same answer....no srs for him, ever. Then while we were about to start concieving for a baby I brought the subject up again...sort of a last chance..have your feelings changed at all in that time...speak up now...easier to get all strange life changes without a little kid in tow. And again, not something he wants...no srs, ever.

I have to say now that we have our child and I have 7 years under my belt of being in love with him I do believe that I would stick with him no matter what happened. I love who he is and how he treats me and our daughter. BUT.....I suppose I can say that with such confidence because he still insists this {srs} is not something he wants. And it is very very easy to be in this frame of mind when the reality of the question is not part of your life.

So to answer.....I can never answer honestly until I am in that situation. And I do hope that I never have to really give an honest answer because it scares the living daylights out of me.

[emma_bb]

im really sorry to of posed this question i had no idea that it would cause such unease i posed it more from being compleatly honest a truely selfish pov as ive had this predicument twice the first time i was young and i totaly hated myself for it and tried to deny my feelings .i tried so hard to get back with my then partner and forget emma forever ..this time i will carry it through allthough the experiance pulled my emotions to the limit as i truely did love my former partner..but the strain was to much for the relationship and it snapped ..i can only say from my pov that the emotional pulling of my feelings in both directions has left me knowing i cannot have another relationship until i change ..im so in limbo and im prepared that i might well end up being alone for the rest of my life ..but better that than putting someone else through the hell i put the other 2 through and the hell i suffered to..i guess that i was looking for ppl that say they would stay with thier partner to satisfy my hope/belief that such ppl exist but its probably not a fair situation to ask of anyone
thier wasnt a right or a wrong answer everyone is so diffrent but all i can say is that women that stand by their partner at even the cd level are truely remarkable ,i do understand the fears and worries it throws up .i hope this reply dosent sound patronising i mean it sincerely xxx

[kathy gg]

Hi emma

Please dont' feel bad about asking this question. Although most of us are not fond of talking about this subject, it still is an important subject to talk about.

I also read alot of pain from your post on losing those two relationships. I am just sorry to hear that you could not go down this journey with a partner. You know what they say "what does not kill us makes us stronger". I do believe that is the case. You are a lovely person who seems to have a very good nature about you. I am sure that as you progress on your path that new doors will open for you.

Wishing you nothing but positive vibes.

sincerely






im really sorry to of posed this question i had no idea that it would cause such unease i posed it more from being compleatly honest a truely selfish pov as ive had this predicument twice the first time i was young and i totaly hated myself for it and tried to deny my feelings .i tried so hard to get back with my then partner and forget emma forever ..this time i will carry it through allthough the experiance pulled my emotions to the limit as i truely did love my former partner..but the strain was to much for the relationship and it snapped ..i can only say from my pov that the emotional pulling of my feelings in both directions has left me knowing i cannot have another relationship until i change ..im so in limbo and im prepared that i might well end up being alone for the rest of my life ..but better that than putting someone else through the hell i put the other 2 through and the hell i suffered to..i guess that i was looking for ppl that say they would stay with thier partner to satisfy my hope/belief that such ppl exist but its probably not a fair situation to ask of anyone
thier wasnt a right or a wrong answer everyone is so diffrent but all i can say is that women that stand by their partner at even the cd level are truely remarkable ,i do understand the fears and worries it throws up .i hope this reply dosent sound patronising i mean it sincerely xxx

[BrendaB GG]

My husband Tori actually never was a CD, has always known he was TS. I didn't know until about 1 1/2 years ago. If you had asked me then, I would have said that transition of any kind was a dealbreaker. But I would have been wrong. I'm still here and I have no plans to leave.

A couple people have mentioned the movie Normal. The first time i saw it, over a year ago, I picked it apart, it made me very uncomfortable. I wathced it again about a week ago, and I cried all the way thru it and I really liked it this time.

OK, stop here if you don't like sexual discusions, otherwise scroll down a bit.








One of the things I hear about that puzzles me is the sex thing. Tori and I have more sex now than we ever did before she came out to me. We rarely have intercourse, but I am far from unfulfilled. She knows where the Gspot is, (good thing to learn about gurls!) and makes sure I am satisified sexually, even though she rarely has an orgasm anymore. If only a man and a woman can have great sex, then what about all those happy gay unions out there? There are many creative ways to have great sex! Check out babeland.com.
I hope I have not offended anyone here, just trying to say that these things are workable if you really want to.

Hugs Brenda

[Bev06 GG]

I saw the movie "NORMAL" and it just re-enforced my feelings about not staying. It made me extremly uncomfortable and angry. Like I said, I respect those who stay but it is a sacrifice beyond my ability. I would be giving up a large part of my life, (intimacy with a male partner) and it would be too great of a cost to spend the rest of my life unfullfilled sexually. The best I could do would be to remain a supportative friend. Kitty
Yeah I couldn't have put that better myself Kitty. Of course I love my partner and would support him/her all that I could do, but only as a friend. I am afraid the hurt that I would feel at losing my man would cause me to back off somewhat, and like you Kitty, intimacy with a male partner is what Im cut out for and feel comfortable with.
And then of course theres the question of whether or not they'd want to remain in a relationship with you. Often times when this does happen they want to spread their wings and go and do their own thing, hanging onto you for friendship and support.
BEVxxxxx

[~Kitty GG~]

My husband is transitioning now. Which will include SRS.

She spent some time believing herself to be CD. But that wasn't really the case. I loved my husband before I knew she was CD.. I loved my husband when she came out to me as CD.. and I love my husband now that she's realized she is TS. I love the person. I can't imagine NOT having her snuggled up next to me in bed, enjoying our fav tv shows and foods together, or rocking out to our fav music. I wouldn't kick her out for being herself.

I do have a problem with people saying that makes me a lesbian.. If I was a lesbian I'd be proud of it.. but then I wouldn't have married the man I married either. Since I am obviously sexually attracted to men (enough to marry one) that rules out lesbian.. I'm still sexually attracted to her and so I'd say that makes me bi. I wonder tho why so many here who have an alternate lifestyle seem so homophobic. But I've gone off-topic... sorry.

I didn't just say "oh well" when all these changes came to my life. I had to get my head around them. I had to research and find out what it all meant.. try to find the "why"s and had terrible insecurities. But I also grew alot and our marriage grew as well.

Life does take us in unpredictable directions sometimes.

[dancinginthedark]

I worry about this. ~ It is the fear of the unknown. I don’t know what I would do ultimately. Wish I could say a definitive yes, but I can’t. :(

[Anita Mae GG]

I worry about this. ~ It is the fear of the unknown. I don’t know what I would do ultimately. Wish I could say a definitive yes, but I can’t. :(


I feel the same way as Mae