Why purging is painful

[Sandi Beech]

I am part way through my purge, and I have to say, it is pretty painful. I can always buy more fem stuff should my situation ever change, but I think the difficulty for me is the memories of the many places I have travelled while wearing them. I can look at a picture and think yes, I was having a great time at a specific club dancing while wearing this or that. It is the emotional attachment to those memories that makes it difficult. Consumables like pantyhose do not have those kind of memories connected to them.

Anyhow, in a few weeks I will have gotten rid of everything and closed down my storage unit.

Sad but true.

Sandi

[Crissy 107]

Very sad!

[Natalie5004]

I would swear here if it was allowed.

[Traci H]

Sandi, I am feeling your pain. Wishing you the best with your journey.

[Debs]

Sandi, I would hack my leg of with a blunt razor blade before I could do what you have done !!!!!

[Cheryl T]

Sorry to hear you have to do that.
I could never do that now.

[Suzie Petersen]

That is tough, Sandi, I am sorry you have to go through this.

Many of us have been through purges in our lifetime, some of us (hint hint) several times. That is often driven by an actual desire to stop this thing we do, an attempt to get away from it for one of many possible reasons, but in the moment we actually want to stop.
Of course, most of us who have done this later changed our minds and realized it was a mistake, and often a costly one, so we end up back were we were.

I understand what you are doing, and why, and I wish you the best of luck with it. You have had a fantastic run of great times out and about, much more than most of us every get to experience.
So .. save away all those mental videos of good times had, and replay them in your head whenever you want.

And wherever the road takes you, please keep coming here!

Hugs
Suzie

[Sandi Beech]

Thanks for the sympathy. Sometimes we all have to make decisions that are difficult. We just had an aging family member move in with us. That coupled with preparation for retirement sealed the deal. No more Sandi adventures, at least for the foreseeable future.

Sandi

P.S. for Suzie. Oh I have a lot more than mental videos. I have a number of clubbing videos on my phone- especially from "The Castle" in Tampa like when I went to their Taboo Masquerade Ball. Some of my most fun outings were there.

[Kris Burton]

Say it ain't so Sandi!

[Kelli_cd]

Sandi, I'm so sorry to hear this and sad you have to go through this.
Carry the memories worth you, close to your ❤️.

[Debbie Denier]

Sorry to hear that you have had to purge Sandi. I sympathise as had to do the same after my mother passed away. Emptying my old wardrobe and storage was like another bereavement. I now have a very small stash in my garden shed. The weather has ruined most of that too.

This might be a new beginning. You could maybe still dress occasionally but without the nightclubs.

All the best to you.

[audreyinalbany]

I'm still not 100% sure why you feel so compelled to purge all of your stuff.

[docrobbysherry]

I agree with Audrey. Why not just stuff Sandi's important pieces into and old suitcase, tool chest, or cardboard box? Then, stuff it in the overhead in your garage or car port?:thumbsup:

I hope u won't purge CD.com, too?:sad:

[Sandi Beech]

Ha well you know that Sandi and Sherry have one thing in common, we do not like to do things half way, I need 2 to 4 hours to get the look I want for Sandi. I will not have that much time alone very often going forward so it is just not workable. Having some limited items will not do it for me, so that is why I am throwing in the towel. My wife is zero on the acceptance scale, and I am not going to force it on her because that would end badly. I have no hard feelings toward her at all. She cannot help how she feels. It wrecks her view of who she married.

Besides I have had far more amazingly fun outings than I ever thought possible. It has been a great experience.

Sandi

[TheHiddenMe]

Well Doc, I guess Sandi won't mind me saying she did stuff some of them into a cardboard box--and then shipped them to me.

A couple of weeks ago,, Sandi generously offered to ship some of the newer stuff to me, and I accepted. The box, which I thought had rocks in it because of the weight, arrived last week on tax day. Having waited to deadline day to file my taxes (me and TurboTax), I knew I could not dare to open the box until the taxes were done, lest I be distracted.

On the scale of 1 to 10 for being bold in clothing choices, I'm probably an 8 and Sandi is a 22, so I was eager to see what surprises awaited inside.

Missing from the shoes picture (Sesame Street; which of these is not like the others?) was a pair of knee high gold cowboy (cowgirl?) boots with fringes running down the side. I immediately decided they probably weren't for me, but a friend might like them.

I was wrong.. That friend, GG Michelle LOVED them. Her eyes lit up when I she saw them and Moreno when I said she could have them. She put them on with the dress I was previously wearing (she wears my stuff from time to time, and looks far better in them) and was dancing in her hallway in the boots while I took a video.

There were some conservative dresses and tops--and more fun dresses and three corsets,, which I will need to adjust to me and figure out how to wear. I will also need to figure out how to wear the two pairs of tie-up heels (I hate clothes that require owners manuals).

There was also a pair of forms substantially bigger than the ones I own (Sandi believes in go big or go home) plus about eight bras to go with them, so I might opt for a more busy presentation from time to time.

There were three Tina Turner skirts--short and tight--that I have ideas of which of my tops to wear with each. Yes, I like short and tight, because my legs in hose and heels are to die for.

At some point I will do a photoshoot and post in the pictures forum.

I hope to make some new memories for me going forward wearing Sandi's stuff. I think she'll be very happy if I make it to a dance club one day wearing Sandi stuff.

Thanks Sandi for thinking of me. I hope to do them proud.

[Sandi Beech]

Thanks so much Dee. I know that you of all people might be able to make use of some items. Those black with silver banded shoes are really cute looking and the ones a young woman ran up to me recently wanting to know where I got them. And I had just got out of my car. I thought it was pretty funny that she wanted a picture and said I hope you don?t think it is weird or something. I guess some of my tastes are ok if someone runs up to me in a parking lot. Haha I loved it. Truly.

Sandi

[NancySue]

OMG, Sandi, I can?t imagine what you?re going through. Just the thought of it is depressing to me. 😢 I pray for your strength and mental toughness as you work through this. With the pink fog and all, I don?t think?no I flat couldn?t do it. 😫

[JoyceAnn]

So sorry, Sandi, that you are having to go through this. We'll be here for you as you process the changes. Hope you continue to check in here on the forum.

[JulieC]

Sandi, you said in reference to your wife; "She cannot help how she feels". Neither can you. I'm in no position to judge your situation. But, to me the absolute capitulation of who you are in favor of your wife... this is not going to go well. I think eventually you will come to resent your wife. You've had outlets to express yourself as Sandi. Now you won't. You can be brave and noble for only so long. Eventually, this is going to come crashing down. There will be a price. I respect your decision, but I can't imagine this ever turning out well.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sandi:hugs:, This is like a BAD Dream Come True, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Sandi Beech]

I doubt I will be leaving here in case people were wondering. I started going out to clubs 8 years ago of which the last 6 I have been here. I sort of make this site part of my daily routine to see what all is going on. I just will not have any more adventures to write about that are new. I do like to reminisce about my best outings. It has been a great ride for sure. I am still blown away at the acceptance I have gotten over the last 6 years. Every now and then I read my old posts just to try to remember it all.

Sandi

[alwayshave]

Sandi, Your making me quite sad.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Bummer. I had a fantasy that'd I'd be at the Castle (Even though I've never been, even though it's 20 minutes away) and I'd recognize you and say hi! :)

[NancyTO]

So sad to hear Sandi. But glad you aren't leaving us completely.

Hopefully your stuff will make another CD happy, as you did Doc.

[kimdl93]

I understand how an item or outfit can have associations with special moments and I feel bad that you are having to give up the tangible artifacts from so many memorable outings.

[TheHiddenMe]

Thanks so much Dee. I know that you of all people might be able to make use of some items. Those black with silver banded shoes are really cute looking and the ones a young woman ran up to me recently wanting to know where I got them. And I had just got out of my car. I thought it was pretty funny that she wanted a picture and said I hope you don?t think it is weird or something. I guess some of my tastes are ok if someone runs up to me in a parking lot. Haha I loved it. Truly.

Sandi

I will see if those work for me. I tend to have delicate feet and shoes like that with straps tend to give me blisters.

I will also need to up my nailcare game to wear all those open toe shoes. I might even know someone who owns a salon who will give me a pedicure!

[Fiona_44]

Tough move Sandi but you gotta do what's best for you in the long run. Valuing family over crossdressing may not be easy but it often is the right thing to do for all concerned.

[Sandi Beech]

Right. Fiona, I put a lot of thought into it, and I really do not like the idea of having a conflict, so I essentially put family over me. Besides, I had a good run with it. Maybe a little too good ; )

Sandi

[Stephanie47]

My wife is zero on the acceptance scale, and I am not going to force it on her because that would end badly. I have no hard feelings toward her at all. She cannot help how she feels. It wrecks her view of who she married. Sandi

I've seen this many times on this forum. I experienced it decades ago with my wife. I can understand it when the need to wear woman's attire initially is first revealed. After a long marriage, where a guy has checked off all the boxes of societal norms and expectation, my wife knows exactly who I am. My life is an open book. Yes, there is a chapter she does not want to read but to she has not torn it out the book. I tried to find a post where you discuss in some detail how your wife has addressed the issue, but did not locate one. I know from posts of others, married to non-accepting women, even after prevailing over her husband, there is constant negative references made.

My thought is, OK! the wife won. Now what? I hope it turns out well for you.

[krissy]

Its sad i have done it a few times i always regret it.i still have a pink bra and panty with garter that my wife of 45 years gave me when i was twenty two.oh no way do i fit it now but im so attached to it because it was the first thing a woman ever bought me.but ourging hurts and some of us do it to reset but i dont any more hope you feel better we feel your pain but it will be ok

[Maria 60]

It is sad because I believe reading about your outtings always fascinated me and I believe they also helped in my confidence of taking small steps.
This week we were doing some spring cleaning and my wife wanted to go through my stuff. She told me I'm over collecting and she pointed out some items and turning 62 last week how much more do I need. The first bra she first gave me and the first bra she actually bought for me that there will be no way it's going to fit. She tells me she doesn't understand the huge collection because I usally wear the same things all the time and buying more pantyhose when I have so many, and asking me how long do I plan on living. I sometimes think about it if I was to clean the slate and throw most of it out how much more my mind would be at ease knowing that if something happens to me I will not leave my children with this impression of me. It really is tuff and I respect you for this very hard decision because I didn't throw the bras out and I could only imagine throwing it all out. I believe your doing it for the right reason and putting others first and keeping the peace in the house hold. Today my wife wants to go through my stuff again to cut it down a little and I'm going to use your courage to keep an open mind.
I feel your pain but I believe if your heart is in the right place there will be a sign of satisfaction. Keep us in the loop.