Where do folks go?

[Camille15]

I've been posting here since 2012 (13 years, yikes!). As I was looking at some of my posts from across the years, I noticed that so many of the names and profiles of people I used to see comments from have changed dramatically over that time. Every few years it feels like a new set of girls, save a few. What do people, especially those who have been on this forum for awhile, think happens in that regard? Do people transition and thus not feel the need to post here anymore? Do they give up CD'ing, purge, etc? Do they move on to other communities, either online or in-person? Would love some of your perspectices.

:<3: Camille

[CynthiaD]

One reason might be that there are just so many questions that can be asked and so many stories that can be told. Eventually, you’ve heard everything, and there’s nothing more to be said. On the other hand, I’ve been here since 2011, not counting several years of lurking. For me, it never gets old.

[Mary Loo]

Camille,

I too, wonder what happens to everyone. I have only been here just over three years, but though there are still a lot of regulars, it does seem certain folks are around for a while and then just disappear. I believe all the reasons you listed are applicable. For every reason though, there seems to be counter examples of other folks that ARE still here with the same conditions that might have made some leave.

Even with only one reply before me, Cynthia acts as an example of this. Some may get bored or feel like it is all the same stuff being discussed over and over and leave, but Cynthia is the counter example that recognizes that, and still gets enough out of here to hang around and enjoy.

I will be curious to read what others think as well of your question.

[GaleWarning]

Too many have passed on, quite a few have moved on with their lives, some have been banished. I am aware of people in each category. It's the nature of things. Nothing's quite as sure as change!

[Helen_Highwater]

Gale is spot on.

Certainly some who Transition or become full time do move away from the forum. Also none of us are getting any younger and I'd suggest that for the younger people coming through society is just a little more accepting of the LGBTQ community hence the need for support forums like this isn't as critical it was for us oldies. We were often isolated until the advent of the Internet opened up a whole new world of possibilities.

[JocelynJames]

Camille,
All of the things you mentioned are the answer . I know several people have been banned because of language and actions they use on the forum they?ve been warned about. Others are just at a point where they?ve outgrown the forum and don?t think it has anything more to offer. Some people get the ultimatum from somebody more important than dressing. Just like the reasons why we dress, so are the reasons people leave- just too many to list.

[alwayshave]

Camille, what you are going to get for answers are survivorship bias. Meaning you're asking those who are still here why others have left.

[DianeT]

I'm following the forums activity from a distance now since after a while some topics become a bit old. But I try to remember it is always new to new members, and if I really want to be honest, I think that CDing is such a complex topic in itself that you never get to the end of it and there's always something to dig, something to try to analyze and (possibly, but most probably, never) explain. So it really depends on what threads come up.

[Geena75]

I think most of the answers have been covered. There is also the element that some folks join the forum, get advice and dive into dressing up, and find it just doesn't do much for them (I can think of several examples of that). There's also the case of coming out or getting caught and the backlash means they have to keep clear (a necessary step if they want to give it up).

Also, there are a lot of different voices on the forum, and the forum imposes certain necessary restrictions. For some, certain voices and/or restrictions are annoying and they look for other venues to explore the hobby.

I've known members who fall into every category listed. Some I have kept in touch with, and I wonder what became of the others. I just hope they are healthy and happy.

[Michaela Jane]

It's probably just the way forums are. I used to be a member of a number of internet groups on the FidoNet network back in the 1980s. It wasn't odd that people joined groups and didn't stay long. In one of the crossdresser groups I am currently a member of, a new user joined, posted an introduction and then hasn't been online in the group since that one post over 2 years ago. Like a Day Lily flower, here today, gone tomorrow

[Georgia_Maine]

I for one have been on this site virtually every day since I joined in 2012. That being said, I rarely add anything. This is mainly due to someone else who has replied the same opinion that I would write. Because of this I do not waste bandwidth by repeating what someone else has written. I imagine that there are still many members that lurk but do not write.

[Stephanie47]

I believe many people have a limited amount of time that can be devoted to any topic during the day. How do you allocate that time? As a retire since joining I have a lot of time on my hands. There are a few ladies who post here that have their own sites that are a lot more informative than topics on this site.

[Philipa Jane]

I came here in 2009 and found a safe haven for information and made some friends for a while.
I moved away from the site around the end of 2010 after a struggle with my mental situation and my wife.
A case of me or the CD,ing. She won.
I still lurked occasionally.
With the advent of her passing I came back to seek new friends and their stories.
This is a nice outlet for me to read and sometimes post on things that may interest others.

[~Joanne~]

Like dressing itself, it comes and goes for Me. Being that I am NOT trans, a lot of time a lot of the posts don't pertain to Me. I am here though almost every time I dress :)

[Jane P]

I’m not sure what it is, but my desires have waned but not disappeared. I find myself here on occasion but have nothing to offer. I am pleased that this space still exists so that I can breathe.

… when I need to. ��

[Liz Jones]

When i was a member of the BEAUMONT SOCIETY ( U.K. ) i noted the same thing -- people would join & after a while disappear . True some did stay but as to why they left...... ?

[cosmolovesph]

Being there are other social media "places" I am sure some have "transitioned" over to some other platforms in addition to some that are no longer with us or have stopped posting/visiting for whatever reasons.

[Krea]

Some of the most common reasons:
transitioning and leaving the CD stage behind;
getting out of the closet and no longer requiring support & encouragement from members here;
going back into the closet, or purging and trying to deny it;
pressure from unaccepting families;
fear of being outed;
moving to other social media TG forums;
and of course, sadly, death.

Sometimes members die and nobody here knows about it, as this forum was their only contact with us.
One member (in the USA) who has been a massive inspiration to me suddenly ceased posting on this forum, and also on facebook at the same time.
:IMU: Prior to that she had been a regular presence on both and now i fear the worst. :cry:
However, as we had no mutual acquaintances, i may never know....

[docrobbysherry]

Well, maybe a dozen of them anyway? I met them here 15 or 20 years ago. I see quite a few at nearby T events and am FB Friends with others across the country!:hugs:

Nearly all have vanished from CD.com.:sad:

They're all too busy living their CD or trans lives to come here to talk! If they DO want to chat with other T's?
They do it at the many weekly announced T events. Or, they get together in small, private groups for dinners, etc.:battingeyelashes:

[Monique65]

I took a multi year break from this forum several years ago due to personal and health reasons. When those issues passed I returned and am am happy to be back.

[BiancaEstrella]

This forum was a balm when I first began figuring out why "the phase" everyone insisted I had in childhood wouldn't just up and go away. I was freshly 26 years old, both semi-newly single and recovering from an early reveal to a romantic interest that wound up not working out, and trying to figure out what the heck I'd make of anything to do with wanting to dress like a woman sometimes. My early days of posting all orbit those feelings and the itinerant social implications, and being happy to convene in a place where I could be around other people like me. I was and remain inspired by so many of you.

Here now, 15 calendar years later I've got myself all figured out - I'm a trans woman, out as such for several years now, and also pretty openly attracted to crossdressers, an emotion I don't remember feeling or accessing back when I identified as a crossdresser. I'm not using the forum as a staging ground to pick up anyone but I do like to participate on the forums as a supportive and encouraging member. I read often and my breaks mainly consist of times when I'm not using a computer recreationally as much, and I prefer to post when I feel I have something to say that honors at least most of the THINK method (true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, kind). I don't plan to outright depart this community of my own accord because I owe so much of who I've become to the time I spent here, and I think very highly of crossdressers separate from the attraction I feel.

[Heather76]

I’ve only been on this site about 4 years, but have not been here much at all the past 6 months. In my case, the reason is simple. For some reason after I’ve read about 2 posts (not threads), I have to log on again in order to make a post. Right now I am typing this on Word and will have to do a copy & paste in order to post it here. It’s a PITA for sure. Anyway, that’s why I’ve been off the site. I’m not computer savvy enough to know what the solution might be.

[Mary Loo]

Heather,

There was a thread somewhere on here a couple months ago, though I can’t remember where on here that I saw it, with a solution. This being logged off frequently was also a problem for me and evidently others. The solution was very simple. If you login via the login at the top of the screen at least, make sure to click the little box that says Remember me. Ever since I started doing that I have not been dropped, but if Inforget to, I will still get dropped at some point. I believe the regular login has a similar checkbox.

[Veronica Lacey]

From my limited experience...

As I am a "hobby crossdresser" it has always been a stretch to find others of similar mind. When I managed to connect with somebody who was very similar we began corresponding outside the forum. Both of us scaled back our forum visits as we continued correspondence for a decade until he passed away a few years ago.

Guess I was looking more to be a "pen pal" than find answers (although the info shared here has been incredible.) Since then it's been sporadic moments here and there.

[CDMargret]

Its so true that after time I have seen, and seen and oh look they are talking about that again. Questions I have had all answered but I love this community. Even seeing the same old things over and over, I mean you hasn't told the same story over and over. Helping newbie's and admiring all the adventures, fun times and cute photo's. I learn from so many of you. Such and great place. Life get's us distracted but I do love logging in and seeing all you wonderful people.

[Heather76]

Heather,

There was a thread somewhere on here a couple months ago, though I can’t remember where on here that I saw it, with a solution. This being logged off frequently was also a problem for me and evidently others. The solution was very simple. If you login via the login at the top of the screen at least, make sure to click the little box that says Remember me. Ever since I started doing that I have not been dropped, but if Inforget to, I will still get dropped at some point. I believe the regular login has a similar checkbox.
If this post actually makes it on the first try, this is the solution.
EDIT: It worked. I've never had to do this before. I guess an old dog can learn new tricks. Thanks so much.

[Melanie Sykes]

There are so many great answers in this thread already. To answer for myself, I joined around 2011 and it was such a relief to find so many people who do what I do but also having so much collective sanity and wisdom.

I still visit the site fairly regularly, but usually anonymously on my smartphone in private browsing mode. I really, really hate typing more than a few words on my smartphone and, owing to the wisdom to which I previously alluded, someone else has usually made any point I was going to make anyway, making the effort of logging in not really worthwhile. To add to this, I don't really have enough private time to type much on the real computer in the study, since it takes time to compose something worthwhile and by then someone's usually come along to take an interest in what I'm doing.

So I tend not to log in, but I logged in just to write this. In the time I've written it, my session has expired and I'm thankful I wrote it in a text document. This is another reason I don't log in much. I don't want to persist my credentials in a browser, but the sessions are so short I'd lose what I'd typed and have to log in multiple times.

I do really appreciate all that the forum maintainers, moderators and members do in keeping this place a interesting, fun and supportive place to keep returning to. But extending the session time to say an hour would be super helpful.

[StaceyJane]

I joined a long time ago and was quite active for a while. I guess after a while, I felt like I had seen everything.

[colleen ps]

I too have been around a while, and pop back every now and then to see the latest posts. I have to admit, even though I am here a fair bit, I dont usually post much. As has been said about others. I got what i needed when i first came here and since having made some friends, i keep in touch with them outside the forum. I have not lost interest or slowed down in what i do, I just dont feel the need for justification any more. My wife is comletely on board with my " Hobby " and we often go away for a week or so as two old ladies on Holiday and have a great time. Also a comment regarding new age acceptance has made a difference. I dont feel so intimidated when out dressed and i have even been in the presence of people i know and not been recognised. I have basically reached a comfortable place and am more than happy with that. For this I want to thank many people, Too many to mention, but those that have been there for me know who they are and yes. Many are no longer active here. Shout out to Krea, Im still around, and maybe we will bump into each other one day after all.