It feels good to just talk about it

[Maria 60]

Yesterday my wife told me that the niebours went away for the weekend and if I wanted it would be a perfect night to fully dress and eat outside if I wanted. I was really looking for an excuse to go all out and fully dress. When I walked out of the sliding door my wife gave a "Wow! Look at you" comment and told me I've come a long way. During dinner she asked me what would I do if she loosened the leash alittle, where would I go with it? But most of all when I was younger did I assume I was going to meet an excepting wife and be where I am today? I explained it to her using a line from the movie Fast and Furious "I was living my life a quarter mile at a time". I told her there was never a tomorrow plan and not even a next minute plan. Telling her I would put on pantyhose and a slip and do the dirty deed and once finished rip everything off as fast as lightning and asking myself what made me do this and promise myself over and over never to do this again. Then days later for whatever reason something would spark the feeling and there I was again in the same situation and making that same broken promise over and over. I woke up to my reality two weeks into our marriage when I put on her pantyhose, I sat on the edge of the bed wearing them for three hours and realizing these feelings were real. That was the first time I had to think about what to do next and not make myself a broken promise again that I wasn't going to keep. That morning everything came to reality, first of all and foremost it wasn't fair I was wearing her stuff without her knowing and I knew then for the first time this is real and I didn't want to live a life of a fugitive and that's why I took the biggest risk of my life by telling her. I pointed at myself and told her I never planned this, and never thought I would have all this stuff and it was never my desire of fully dressing as a women. That is why I couldn't answer her question about if she did loosen the leash as she said what I would do. Yes I don't rip everything off like I used to and will dress now without doing the dirty deed and just enjoy being dressed but I still don't think pass that moment I undress. I told her for whatever reason her opinion may change and ask me not to dress in front of her, or I get caught by a family member and things can change fast. I try to take it all in and cherish these moments and I never look past that moment when I undress and put it all away.
I told her she was a big part of it because she bought me my first bra and started handing down clothes to me. Even though at that time my only desire was pantyhose and slips I went along with it and here we are now, but did explain joining this community was the finishing touches.
She gave me this look of satisfaction of my answer and then told me she was happy I told her about it when I did and probably would have preferred it before marriage but did understand my difficult situation and told me not to hold back if I want something and to talk to her.
I'm not going to lie it feels good to have someone to talk about this, but in the same note during dinner I kept looking down at myself and really still in disbelief and this was never my intention. The conversation brought me back to my youth and I thought to myself with all that unsurity of what was going on with me and the guilt and fear of being caught and why couldn't I stop. Im surprised I'm not in some mental ward with all the mixed mind feelings. Wow! I realized it must really mean a lot to us to go through what we do. I believe it was all worth it.

[Teri Ray]

Your story reminds me of how common most of our lives are. Thanks for sharing. I do agree with you on your main point of how good it is just to talk about this dressing desire. Even better if you can talk with someone you love.

[CarlaWestin]

I'm sure it does feel good to talk about it. In the depths of DADT, I can only safely assume that the only perception is hate and possibly a bit of jealousy.
Surely most of us know that cycle of excitement and then the questioning self deprecating guilt afterwards.

[Jillcder]

Maria you are definitely a lucky dresser having a wife that not only accepts your Crossdressing but is open to having discussions about it is truly special many of us would agree it would feel very good to talk about it with our spouse.

[Marketa]

That's exactly what I miss in my life: having someone close one to talk about my dressing. Or even better if they were willing to go out in public with me. Just shopping, coffee, lunch or dinner... I'd love to have that.

I'm happy you've got such a great wife, Maria.

[SophiaRose]

Our SOs can be so perplexed as to why we do this. No doubt she gets as much out of you opening up to her as you do talking about your why. My wife asked me what I would do if I ever lost her. Tricky question. Mine knows it started with pantyhose in private as a child and now I prefer to dress to completion, want to go out, and often have a touch of dysphoria. Wanting to know how far we might take this can be pretty scary for them and their question speaks volumes.

[bridget thronton]

You have a great wife - thanks for sharing

[Stephanie47]

It certainly be good to talk about it as long as the conversation wasn't too contentious. My wife wanted a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship on my dressing and she meant it. Not a word since the early 1980's.

[docrobbysherry]

So jealous of u, Maria. Not your dressing. I was dressing to the 9's the 1st year I began dressing in my 50's, 25+ years ago. But, the way u live in the moment!:)

Often when I'm dressed, rather than enjoying the moment I start thinking about what I'd wear different the next time!:straightface:

[JulieC]

Maria, your post shows how powerful crossdressing is within us. If it were a passing phase, a hobby, and occasional ha-ha wasn't that fun sort of thing, it just wouldn't last. We do this because we're compelled, beyond our control to prevent it, even if we have minor, short term successes at keeping it at bay. I've given up keeping it at bay, and like you, I have an understanding wife who has helped this be reality.

I have a friend who knows all about my crossdressing. We're very close (yes, my wife knows and approves), and hide nothing from each other. I could easily talk with her more and more about crossdressing. But, I don't unless she brings it up. I feel like talking with her about it is a bit selfish. It makes me feel good to have someone to talk to (in addition to my wonderful wife), but I don't think it's something she wants to talk about much, if at all. So, it feels self serving. So, I keep it largely contained with my wife.

[Traci H]

Maria, thats quite the story and conversation you and your wife had. Being able to discuss it without too much fear and disgust must be huge. Myself, I don?t know if I?m in DADT or not. I?ve gone from keeping it all hidden to allowing some of it show. Once in a rare moment my wife will say something about it. I have a section of women?s tee shirts hanging in a walk-in closet we share. A while back my
wife asked how I could wear those rayon shirts. Her?s are mostly cotton. I just replied I like them, they are soft.

Just yesterday she made some comment about me wearing woman?s jeans. Might have been a hint of nastiness in there. Not sure how much. So I walk this line of exposing some of my things yet not overwhelming her. Of course I always want more acceptance and as I age, seem less willing to wait for it. There has to be some happy medium and I always hope my wife will see how much it makes me happy.

[danniUK]

Having a wife who embraces rather than just tolerates/accepts our dressing must be amazing. I hope one day I reach the same level with mine.

[Mercedes]

Thanks for sharing Maria. For me, being Mercedes is about expressing and being who I am, but I also feel like I need to share her with others. And having a wife who tolerates and accepts (which is better than a lot of other ladies have), but is not interested in having the type of conversations you and your spouse share, can be something we desire.

Enjoy and appreciate those special moments and it sounds like you do.

[alwayshave]

Maria, That is a wonderful conversation.

[chrisfp99]

Sophia, of course our wives are perplexed. I mean so are we aren't we? I have absolutely no explanation for why I have a need to slip into a pretty dress from time to time. My wife knows nothing of this unfortunately so there is no opportunity for conversation xx.