... And nobody said anything...

[char GG]

What does this mean to you?

I went out in a skirt and nobody said anything.
I went out with nail polish and nobody said anything.
I wore pantyhose under my pants and nobody said anything.
I had a bra on when someone hugged me and nobody said anything.
I hiked in the woods in a skirt and nobody said anything.
I biked with forms and nobody said anything.
TSA saw my stocking feet and forms but didn't say anything.
I had a pedicure with nail color and nobody said anything.
I went shopping in the lingerie department and nobody said anything.
I left my panties and bra on a chair in the doctor's office and nobody said anything.

So, my question to any of you that some of these statements pertain to are:

What do you think anyone would say?
Does it mean acceptance to you?
If they notice, do you think they would say something if you were a perfect stranger?
If they know you, do you think they would say something?
Are you hoping someone notices and says something?
Are you hoping someone notices and "doesn't say" anything?
If they said something positive, would you be happy that they noticed?
If they said something negative, would it bother you?
Are you just happy that "nobody says anything"?

After years of seeing this "and nobody said anything" statement, I'm curious.

[phili]

Hi Char,
What do you think anyone would say? >Some rejecting or norm enforcing punitive words.
Does it mean acceptance to you? >Not quite, but close. More like tolerance.
If they notice, do you think they would say something if you were a perfect stranger?> Plenty of people feel entitled to communicate their views.
If they know you, do you think they would say something? > Depends on their ability to process the norm transgression...and feel comfortable with their response.
Are you hoping someone notices and says something? >Glad to rip the bandaid off but not looking forward to any pain
Are you hoping someone notices and "doesn't say" anything? > Better than saying something negative - leaves better options open
If they said something positive, would you be happy that they noticed? >Yes
If they said something negative, would it bother you? >Not any more. I have realized norms are deeply embedded and it is the most likely outcome.
Are you just happy that "nobody says anything"? >Yes- it makes space to live.

Overall, it was a huge relief to find no one says things most of the time. And that makes it easier to not get set back when sometimes someone is upset or cruel.
It made space to just feel ok choosing my clothes and realizing that everyone has their own relationship to clothes and gender and life in general. So people generally behaving tolerantly is a very good thing.

THe reason we marvel at it at first is that when we were kids someone made it very clear in an unkind way that transgressing the norms was going to be responded to with severe punishments, beginning with social rejection.

[Rhonda Jean]

Add to that, "Nobody noticed" and "Nobody cared."

The fact that nobody said anything absolutely does not mean that they didn't notice or didn't care, nor is it a sign of acceptance. It might, but all it really means is that people are generally too polite to say anything, or they'd be embarrassed to, or they realize there's no point in saying anything.

I've been dressing in public since the Nixon administration with a mixture of every imaginable "male mode" thing along with full-on dressing. Off hand I can't remember 3 negative comments. Lots of looks. All of those were particularly memorable because they came from a random stranger. Positive comments from random strangers are just about as rare, but I've interacted positively with a lot of people who knew me; hairdressers, retail workers, nail techs, makeup artists, so it'd be impossible to count the positive comments.

In all that time there's no telling how many people couldn't wait to tell someone else. I'm sure I've been quite the topic for some back room snickering and some hilarity at the dinner table or cocktail party. When I started going out, I was very likely the first and only trans person anybody had ever seen. Of course they're going to talk about it! I just never heard it.

A good example (and I've got many!)... I wore a bra or a bralette every day, all day, for a year and a half without really trying to hide it. Polo shirts, dress shirts usually with an undershirt or a camisole, bralettes when I was wearing a T-shirt. Soft cups (usually), underwires, lacey, plain, you name it. Not one single person, other than my wife, ever said a word about it. I seriously thought nobody noticed (except in situations where I wanted them to). During the divorce I found out that a lot of people noticed. This falls into the category of "What the hell was I thinking!", but because "Nobody said anything", I felt emboldened. Most people would be too embarrassed or just wouldn't want to get into it by asking/commenting.

Probably from years of running through a slalom course or male/female/androgynous/acceptable/unacceptable all over the place gender presentations I've often been about to fool myself into thinking I have some control over what people perceive/notice. Ha! I've passed when I wasn't trying and not passed when I put a ridiculous amount of time, money, and effort into passing. We should never assume that because "nobody said anything" that we passed, or that people didn't notice or don't care. They just didn't say anything.

This should not stop anyone from going out.

[CynthiaD]

When I went to the emergency room for my broken hip and shoulder, they had to cut my clothes off.i was underdressed in lace trimmed panties, pantyhose and a bra. The nurse asked me if I was in transition and I said yes. Then she asked me how I wanted to be addressed, and I said, whatever makes you comfortable. This was the third time I’ve been to the emergency room underdressed, but it’s the first time anyone said anything. BTW, I was proud to show off my bra.

[JulieC]

There's a variety of things people could say, both positive and negative.
Achieving acceptance among strangers isn't something to strive for, so far as I'm concerned. They're NPCs. I don't care if they accept me.
People can and do say things to perfect strangers. I do this all the time (in drab), though it's always intended to be nice. People are quite capable of saying mean things to total strangers.
I have no intention of someone who knows me, that doesn't know about my CDing, finding out that I do without my intention.
Notices me? No, I hope people leave me alone.
So yeah, the best case is being noticed but leaving me alone.
If they say something positive, it would be nice.
If they say something negative, it wouldn't bother me in the sense of self worth, but I would be more on my toes to be defensive and try to get safe.
As above, if they say nothing at all, that's perfect. Just leave me alone.

[Sandi Beech]

People often interpret the lack of comments to mean they passed. That is probably the myth most often cited. Granted some people pass but who cares when you are treated as you are presenting. That is what happens most of the time. I try not to over think it, and just go with the flow.

Sandi

[kimdl93]

I assume that most people do not pay that much attention to strangers, certainly not enough to notice much. And I assume that most people would not say anything if they did notice something unexpected about a stranger, certainly not to the stranger.

So, I guess nobody said anything would mean nothing to me, positive or negative. I expect nothing more.

[JoyceAnn]

Experiencing silence from people is of course preferable to receiving negative comments. However, I enjoy the rare occasion when somebody takes the time to say something nice. In fact, it can make my day. I try to reciprocate.

I think it's normal when nobody says anything. There are many reasons for it. Commonly, people are busy, in a hurry, in deep thought, minding their own business, talking to a friend, etc. They just don't have the bandwidth to pause and give a reaction in the moment.

Going out en femme is the "cake" for me. Kind words (if they happen) from friends and strangers are the "icing".

[Charla]

I’ve been through many doctors visits where I had to drop my pants and my panties were in plain view.

Most recently, I’ve had to do cardiac rehabilitation after bypass surgery and every time I work out, the nurses have to hook me up with a cardio monitor. My bras are in full view as they attach the probes and no one says anything.

The only time my gender identity has come up in a medical situation was during the intake for a yearly wellness exam, where the nurse was confused by my transgender designation. I don’t present as female in public any more so she looked a little confused.

I’m about to go to a Sephora for a foundation color match, so that will be another first. I’m in a fairly conservative area, but when I lived in Houston, it wasn’t a big deal. I frequented a MAC store many times with no comments. They loved my business and even kept a customer file for Charla.

[SaraLin]

Hi Char!

Let me start by saying that my forays into the outside world are far and few between. When I do, I dress fully and I try dressing to blend in, not to catch attention. Unlike what a lot of the other girls here report, I seem to get negative feedback nearly every time.

Emergency room - the doctor overheard saying "I won't admit one of those to the hospital"
Driving down the interstate - people in car driving next to me, laughing and trying to take a picture through the window.
Mall - teenage girls giggling and pointing.
Drug store - angry glare from the cashier and "ha, ha, ha" from her lips.
I could go on, but by now, I'm sure you get my drift.

So now, on to your questions:

What do you think anyone would say?
I don't think - I know. I just wrote a few examples.

Does it mean acceptance to you?
In general, it means that maybe, just maybe, I didn't set off any alarms in their heads.

If they notice, do you think they would say something if you were a perfect stranger?
It seems to be the case, yes

If they know you, do you think they would say something?
If they know me and I'm around them, they already know.

Are you hoping someone notices and says something?
No - to both parts of the question.

Are you hoping someone notices and "doesn't say" anything?
Still no.

If they said something positive, would you be happy that they noticed?
If they noticed what?
If they noticed my male-ness underneath, then no. It means I've failed. (gay club, guy tried to hook up with a "drag queen")
If they're complimenting my outfit, or something like that, then I'm happy. (hasn't happened - ever.)

If they said something negative, would it bother you?
Yes. I've learned to not let it totally crush me like it used to, but it still hurts.

Are you just happy that "nobody says anything"?
Yes, pretty much.
My desired outcome is that I'm simply seen/treated as just an average late-middle-age to senior-age lady, and any interactions with other people are done as such. I don't want to be the center of attention, either positive or negative. When I do venture out, I just want to be me - Sara. Why does that have to be so hard?

[Andrea Renea]

I go out in supposably backwards NC.

Never had a bad comment. They may
talk about me after I leave but I don't
care.

I've always been treated with respect
addressed as "ma'am or miss"

If someone wants to talk to me I talk to them.

I'm sure they know Im a male in feminine
clothing

I've been though TSA with my forms packed
in my carry on bag, no issues. Only worn them
one time flying. It was though TSA pre-check.
I was dressed in male clothes. again no issue.

All said I do not need other people's acceptance.



.

[Charla]

I went through TSA with a wireless pull-on bra (Bali brand) on and with significant breast development and it was detected as an anomaly on my male presentation. A female TSA agent said that she would have to check me as a female. I had no problem with that and she examined by breast area quickly and discretely.

[CarlaWestin]

As I've recounted before, when I worked, one person asked if I was wearing clear nail polish. I said yes and that she was the only person who noticed. The reply was that everybody noticed, she was just the only one to say something to me about it.
I've seen from many videos of out and about adventures that more people appear to notice but do so discretely.

[Bianca Fay]

Char, this is a topic that I have often thought about. So many of us seem to confuse silence as acceptance.

People DO notice. They might not say anything at the time but you can bet they talk about us later. We are an extremely unique part of the population and they do notice.

I remember a time when my tenant walked into my kitchen while I was getting a drink. I was wearing a sheer pair of nude pantyhose under my shorts and tried to convince myself later that she couldn't have noticed. We talked for a few minutes and I realized that the reinforced toes of my nylons would have been a dead giveaway.

She has never said a word since about that incident; however, whenever she talks to me now, I see her discreetly glance down at my feet.

Her silence doesn't indicate acceptance. If anything it merely indicates politeness on her part.

[April Rose]

What do you think anyone would say? If I noticed, i wouldn't say anything.
Does it mean acceptance to you? I would think that it was none of my business.
If they notice, do you think they would say something if you were a perfect stranger? I wouldn't. Why ask for an unnecessary awkward situation?
If they know you, do you think they would say something? If I knew the person I might. It would depend on how well I knew them.
Are you hoping someone notices and says something? No.
Are you hoping someone notices and "doesn't say" anything? No.
If they said something positive, would you be happy that they noticed? Yes. I've been SHE'd when presenting adrogynously, And the feeling was positive.
If they said something negative, would it bother you? Probably, yes,
Are you just happy that "nobody says anything"? Not sure. I do know that I've found that I don't mind if people find out I'm trans, I just hate telling them.

[DianeT]

The way I understand "nobody said anything" is that the member expects some kind of reaction but observes none. It seems to be a mix of surprise and relief at the same time. I suppose that is more something that members going out for the first time will report. This is the kind of thing I would probably write if I ever went out and had an uneventful experience. Apparently we don't take absence of negative reactions for granted. Sara Lin's experience is interesting because it goes against the majority of testimonies seen here. Although 1 person doesn't make a statistic, the repeated experience of a single person becomes something worth noting. Since I can't imagine Sara Lin's experience being an isolated case, it may be the indication that there may be a bias in the reports we get on this site. Maybe the members who got bad experiences are less inclined to comment about them. Or maybe Sara Lin you are more self-conscious than the average in this audience and noticed negative cues that would have gone unnoticed by others. Or happen to live in a less inclusive neighborhood. These are all suppositions of my part. When and if other members who got some flak when going out decide to add their testimonies on this site, we will get the beginning of an answer. Wait and see.

[JesseVF]

I?m always a bit paranoid when out dressed. Especially at first and then I relax after a while. I?ve been on the receiving end of stares and double takes, and also pleasant, kind of knowing smiles, and even a couple compliments. Also in the right situation like in a crowd, not being noticed at all - I think.
To me nobody said anything means:
They truly didn?t notice - perfect.
They noticed and don?t like it but didn?t feel the need to make a negative remark.
If noticed and give a compliment that?s fine too.

[BiancaEstrella]

Silence isn't acceptance (who knows what any given person is thinking), but it does indicate that no conflict took place.

Given how ... variable society has been on gender issues lately, the absence of conflict is a win. It's why we have TDoR every November; sadly, not all of us who experience and live aloud with whichever version of gender variance we deal with makes it back home safely.

If someone has overcome their nerves to venture out in the world, and they were not met with any conflict or hostility, I'd say that's a win for them. If they receive some kind words, that's even better!

[Maid_Marion]

Nobody said anything was a common occurrence when I tried to dress as a guy. I may have been because it was hard to find clothes that fit properly, never mind being stylish.

I find folks are a lot more friendly when I wear obviously feminine clothes. I was at a golf course and a guy asked about the car I was driving. This is in Hartford, a New England city that has seen better economic times.
An older lady golfer greeted me on the course when I caught up to their foursome. I'd like to think that she did that because my play was as good as the guys she was playing with. I was hitting some pretty good shots onto the green that day. :)

The support staff at medical places will often have a short chat with me. I'll get compliments on my nail polish or shoes. Sometimes this results in better healthcare.
I'll be more wordy with my responses and they will realize they need to request some medical records. I think men and women communicate differently, so when I have a female presentation I convey a lot more information, some of which is occasionally useful.

Marion

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Some things truly aren't noticed. My best friend and I were talking and the subject went to body hair, and removal, and such, and during the conversation as we were discussing leg hair he noticed that I don't have any. And he asked. I answered "no I don't shave, that's for girls. Men rip their leg hair out by the roots." A few months later he brought it up again (he couldn't stay away from the topic!) and I told him people don't even notice. He said "I noticed!" And I responded "It took you 10 years to notice, and only then when we were talking about leg hair." He was dumbfounded.

[Maid_Marion]

I've had guy friends who noticed I shaved my legs. As well as when I first wore a skirt. A mom of a transgender kid smiled when she heard the comment wondering about the skirt. She posts pictures of her daughter on Facebook and has trouble remembering the proper pronouns.

[SaraLin]

Or maybe Sara Lin you are more self-conscious than the average in this audience and noticed negative cues that would have gone unnoticed by others.

Well Diane, I will admit that I am quite self-conscious when I'm out. I don't get the chance very often after all.
BUT the negative reactions I got weren't at all subtle.

I'm not surprised that I don't "pass" (or even blend in) all that well. I have too many "tells" and I haven't learned how to hide them all.

But I am distressed to discover that my mere presence still stirs up open hostility. The much talked about "increased acceptance" doesn't seem to have found its way to me.

So - whenever I'm out and "nobody says anything" I count that as pretty much of a win.
On the few rare occasions where I interacted with someone and I was "just" another woman, it felt so right.

[Raychel]

Thanks for starting this thought provoking thread Char,
We definitely need more threads like this.

I will chime in here

What do you think anyone would say?
If they did see something, I would guess that they would not say anything,
But if they did have a comment, I would hope it would be positive or at least
a fun joking comment

Does it mean acceptance to you?
Not necessarily, They could see something and be disgusted.
I guess it would depend on the comment they had. If they saw and had no comment,
I really would not assume anything.

If they notice, do you think they would say something if you were a perfect stranger?
that would be based on the situation and the persons acceptance. If they thought it
were appropriate they could give a good comment. But they also could have a really
negative comment. I would hope and pray that if they had a negative comment, that
they would keep that to themselves. But there are all types of personalities and people in the world.

If they know you, do you think they would say something?
If they know me, I would totally expect that they would say something.
My friends and I joke and laugh about Raychel very often.
A little funny, I had a friend (female) at my house a while back
She knows about Raychel, although has never seen.
Well this time was an unexpected visit, Raychel was not in hiding that day.
I was in the bedroom, and she came in to talk to me. I had a bra laying out,
to be worn next dressing time. She saw that bra and said
"My god Ray, your bras are bigger than mine"
We had a good laugh about that. But in hind sight, I should have told her to prove it, :heehee:

Are you hoping someone notices and says something?
In short, No. I do not go looking to expose anyone to Raychel or any of Raychel's things.
But on the flip side of that. This is my house, and if someone shows up, it is very possible they will
something of Raychel's.

Are you hoping someone notices and "doesn't say" anything?
I am totally indifferent on this, If they notice and say something, I am fine with that
if they see something and don't say anything, That is fine as well.

If they said something positive, would you be happy that they noticed?
Sure it would be great if they said something positive, It would surely show
more of a sign of acceptance. Would I be happy they noticed. Again, I am indifferent.
I am not looking to show anything off or craving the acceptance, this is who I am
just as if I had on a nice male outfit. I would not really care if they noticed or said anything
This is just how I prefer to dress.

If they said something negative, would it bother you?
Not anymore. there are people with strong opinions against how I prefer to dress.
I would try to change the subject, or if that failed. I would remove myself from the situation.
I had a group of UBER riders that were trying to get a discussion going about the LGBTQ movement
here. I could tell by the personalities and how the conversation started that it would be turning ugly
very fast. I gave an indifferent answer to the first question and quickly moved on to another topic.

Are you just happy that "nobody says anything"?
Yes, Again I am not looking fort approval or disapproval.
This is me, Like it or not. That is up to them.

[sweetdreams]

This is more complicated than just yes/no answers. For me it's contextual. This is going to be long winded. I think you might find my experiences interesting and what I hope for/got in each scenario. Without the context I don't think I can give a reasonable response. At the risk of boring you let me give you some real-world scenarios where different reactions are/were important to me:

I was involved in a serious car accident once. Broke my neck. They rushed me to the hospital where I was undressed and had my panties on. The next 3 or 4 days I was in the hospital with the hospital gown and my panties on. I'm sure there was a note on the chart and everyone was great. Really no mention about it at all. In this scenario no reaction works really well.

I've been in grocery lines and chatted with the cashiers. In gurl mode I usually start the conversation with some light talk, how's your day going, weather, whatever. Always a good experience. I enjoy the interaction. Never any bad comments or reactions. One time I was in guy mode and buying some pantyhose. The cashier guessed at what was going on and picked them up. "These are pretty" she said. My jaw hit the floor. I didn't expect her to say anything. She clued into my surprise and said "I guess you don't usually get to talk about pantyhose in a grocery lineup". Still OK but I was blown away and dumbfounded by her reaction and frankness. I love the interaction and a "the way you are dressed doesn't matter" reaction is great in this scenario.

I booked several sessions in a beauty salon to get made-up. When I contacted them and told them what I was doing the owner said I have just the right girl for you. The first time I was in guy mode. Entered into a sea of about 20 women getting pretty. I was welcomed as one of the girls. Everyone was busy. No odd looks or comments. It was surreal, an ocean of femininity. On subsequent visit (two more) I was dressed in full girl mode. Again everyone knew what was going on and no one said anything bad. This was pretty much acceptance and I felt welcomed. It was like we were all there with a common purpose, they understood I wanted the same thing they did (to get pretty), and they didn't care if I as in guy mode or gurl mode. Perfect in this scenario.

After the second make-up session I looked in a mirror and saw a girl there (me all made up pretty). I had to test it out. I headed to a busy mall (it was Saturday). In I went. First I saw two ladies give me nasty looks. Definitely UNWELCOMED. I was a scared rabbit and I think they sensed my fear. I almost headed for the exit but regained my composure, put my girl face on (confidence and I don't give a damn attitude), and in I went. No reaction from anyone. I continued to look at people to see if they were having any reaction or looking at me in any way at all. Nope. As I kept walking no one was giving me any attention at all. I was Blending In and that is exactly what I wanted. It was super. I did this a couple of other times in a different mall and both times the same thing. No reaction from anyone as I watched where they were looking. On one occasion a restaurant hostess took a close look at me as I walked by. Not sure if she really clued into who I was, but she was looking intently. Not in disgust, but like she's trying to figure out what I was. All was good and in this scenario I definitely want to blend. In this scenario no reaction is what is hoped for.

There's a small town about an hour away from where I live. They have a pretty active pride group. Occasionally they have some sort of social (i.e. often drag show) and I've been invited by one of the local gurls. These have always been great events. It seems like the audience is almost 90% female. I've never had a bad reaction from anyone at these events. The tables are arranged like in a seminar setting with 8 people to a table. Usually you sit beside someone you don't know. I generally start talking to the person next to me, usually a gg or two. I enjoy the interaction and they've never given me any indication of being uncomfortable talking to me. This is great and I want the interaction. One lady I met owns a local woman's clothing store and told me I was welcomed in her store any time I wanted. The last time we went to one of these events there was this group of three girls sitting at our table who were probably in their late 20s or early 30s. There was an empty chair between me and the closest girl in the group. The show got to an intermission she slips over into the empty chair and starts talking to me about crossdressing. She was genuinely curious. I told her about when it started and what it means to me. After the show me and my gurl buddy tell the group of three girls we are heading across the street to a bar. Sure enough they come over and we are sitting together as a group. The other two girls are curious too so I'm answering all of their questions, i.e. how often do you do this, is the wig hot to wear, etc. After a couple of hours they want to start bar hopping and I'm invited along. I had an hour drive to get home and it's midnight so I turned them down. This was a freaking great night. Yes I was accepted. I love the interaction with gg's at these events and that's what I hope for in this scenario.

I volunteered one time for the local Pride event. Went in full gurl mode. Spent the day helping out where I could. Chatted with the other volunteers (all gg's for what I was doing). Light talk about cross dressing. Some interesting (positive) interactions with people throughout the day. Great reactions in this case. A gg tried to pick me up (knew I was a cross dresser), very flattering (good reaction). Went to a beer garden afterwards, In line to get beer and this one gg is glaring at me like she can't believe what she's seeing (bad reaction), guy in front of me buys a beer for the girl (me) behind him (good reaction). Later the wife and I went to a bar close by to have a few drinks and listen to the band. Pretty much without exception all of the gg's who walked by gave me a very stern look (very bad reaction).

Halloween is a very special time of year for me. I go out in full gurl mode and mingle with the masses. No one has ever batted an eye. The wife has a rule that I can't present too well, everyone has to know I'm a guy in a dress. We usually go out for dinner and no one cares what I'm dressed like (good reaction). We go to a bar after this and fit into the crowd. Again no one cares what I'm wearing (good reaction). Once we went to a bar we frequent and are known at. Once the waitresses realized it was me they were all "look at you, nice costume" kind of stuff (good reaction). This one waitress I didn't know starts critically looking at my makeup and is giving suggestions on what to do "next time". Later in the evening the wife heads off to the bathroom leaving me all alone. These two women walk up and start chatting with me, "are you here alone", "look at you", etc. Before I know it one of them is touching me. Next thing I know she has her hand inside my dress feeling my bra. Hmmm?. Then as quickly as they came they were gone. Interesting reaction, puzzling, but generally OK.

I could go on but I need to stop somewhere. Whew? that was a lot of territory to cover. Hopefully you found this interesting.

Generally I want to be accepted and blend in. I enjoy the interaction with other people, mostly with gg's. Overall my interactions with the masses has been positive. I don't care for the negative reactions, these take the wind out of my sails. The positive reactions reinforce the idea that what I'm doing is OK.

[Dutchess]

Can confirm Sara Lins reactions out here on the West Coast where people incorrectly assume you can do anything.

My late partner and I were heckled, laughed and jeered at by younger people in Portland to the point I became afraid.

He was the one who was always out. He was very bold and brave and a really good looking bisexual guy to both sexes. So he was definitely not hiding behind me. I was so afraid sometimes id hide behind him.

We were asked to leave a bar in Seattle nicely one new years eve after a gauntlet of stare downs. That was rough I wanted to leave way earlier but partner said no we should stay.

Finally was dismissed from his long time profession as a vineyard Dr in Napa, Sonoma, Santa Rosa, Temecula, South America, Italy and France. He'd pioneered and patented a method of removing smoke taint from grapes. Saving people's entire crops from wildfire damage. But was still let go when he came into work dressed on opening day at the winery he was based out of. He always wore regular clothes. Not something from the 50s with all that pantyhose etc or anything that looked crazy but no. NO.
no one in that entire industry ever hired him back again. I heard him on the phone it was awful. I wish he hadn't done it. It really broke him finally he couldn't get hired anywhere in the Napa area doing anything and had to move in with his mom.


No one really passes, or blends in etc etc. Aunt Kelly used to say that all the time and it's true.

Someone else in the UK on the forum had a bad experience recently that was bad enough that they won't discuss it so.. it can happen.

[Maid_Marion]

People seem to be more open minded in the places that I go for recreation. The Highland Links golf course is right next to Provincetown, a longtime haven for folks on the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

[Jamie001]

Nobody says anything because it is none of their business. Think about other unusual things that people see on a daily basis. For example, people covered in tattoos on the arms, legs, and face, do they say anything? No!

People with multiple piercings and earrings that stretch their earlobes down to their shoulders. Do they say anything? No!


Why don't they say anything? The answer is because what you wear is none of their business as long as you are not doing something indecent like exposing your genitals.

[Marketa]

I started wearing obviously feminine bracelets recently. It's 3 thin chains with some element and even though people obviously noticed it, especially at work, nobody said a thing.

As a man I don't care if they say anything.
As a woman I like it when they say nice things.

[Fiona_44]

Just because people don't say anything doesn't mean they don't notice. The majority of people keep their opinions to themselves. Whether they accept me or not, all I really care about is if they're respectful in their interactions with me. And the majority have been respectful.

[Heisthebride]

What do you think anyone would say? We live in odd times, in person people are unlikely to say anything directly to you, online people have anonymity and will spew whatever bile without regard.

Does it mean acceptance to you? In a small way yes, the more we attempt to normalize it, the more it becomes accepted.

If they notice, do you think they would say something if you were a perfect stranger? Unlikely, back to my anonymity point. In today?s world of Tik Tok and Karen videos people are unlikely to confront you for fear of becoming Internet famous in a bad way.

If they know you, do you think they would say something? More likely to say something, but unlikely to say something negative.

Are you hoping someone notices and says something? I am not, I am hoping to just be as accepted as anyone else.

Are you hoping someone notices and "doesn't say" anything? Thats fine too, this is how it should be. If I?m wearing male shorts, would I hope someone said nothing?There should be no difference.

If they said something positive, would you be happy that they noticed? I would take it as the friendly gesture that it is, just like if someone comments on a funny t-shirt I?m wearing.

If they said something negative, would it bother you? Of course, it?s rude behavior.

Are you just happy that "nobody says anything"? Again, this is how it should be, go about your business

[jacques]

Hello Char,
I like your questions!
firstly a medic will have seen crossdressers before... their job is to heal people, end of!
secondly - I do think Society is becoming more accepting; though I am still not wearing a skirt in public but I have seen other MIADs doing just that. Most people do not care.
Only twice have had problems - once a shop refused to sell me a pair of fishnet tights (which I was actually buying for my daughter to wear at her dance class) and once a bigot was a bit threatening because he thought I was gay for wearing a male scarf that matched the colour of my male tee shirt.
I don't know if other people have noticed my underdressing; some must have. But I do get nice comments about my mens' hats and colourful tee shirts.
luv J

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Char :hugs:I think that most people are just so caught up on their own Little world that theu just don't Care,

[Raychel]

What do you think anyone would say?
Does it mean acceptance to you?

I would refer to my thread "Opening the door"
this interaction went exactly like I would have hoped.
they certainly did notice, There was no denying that they saw me, and they said nothing
Business as usual. There was neither acceptence or negative reactions. Just another day.
This is the best I could hope for. One more person exposed to the crossdressing community
and no bad reactions. The more we are seen, The less people will object to seeing us.

[Sallee]

Generally no one cares. I am sure I get clocked some of the time but maybe not. I remember one time when I caught a man noticing me. so I figured, read, busted. Then I thought again, hes just noticing a good looking woman. I certainly notice those all the time.

[Paulette]

I went through TSA under dressed and androgynous was was asked if I want a male or female to do the pat down. It seems that my underwire bra and taped tuck did not fit the algorithm of the scanner. I said which ever one was free first as my flight was leaving shortly. I was running late and did not want to miss my flight. The female came over was told the results of the scan and proceeded to pat me down. She felt under my breasts and felt the underwire of my bra, nothing said. She them proceeded to my waist and then up each leg and briefly touch my crotch on both sides. Nothing said except your cleared. Did I pass heck no but did I conduct myself as if I had nothing to hide yes indeed. I was on my way to a 3 full day sessions with 2 technicians of electrolysis so I had a 4 day beard on my face. I spent the next 3 days dressed pretty much the same with the exception of the tape tuck as I was having laser hair removal in that area at the end of first day of electrolysis and taping for a few days after was not recommended. Never had anything said even though I was definitely a man with woman like clothing and mannerisms. Flew back home with a clean smooth slightly swollen face some eye and lip makeup and hair styled femme and this time the scanner operator designated me female so no pat down.

[kimdl93]

Let me try to answer these statements to the extent that they pertain :

What do you think anyone would say?
That depends on who the anyone is. As I said earlier, I suspect most people simply are focused on themselves, not others.

Does it mean acceptance to you? Not hearing a comment does not connote acceptance. It could mean a dozen things that I can never know without becoming much better at mind reading.

If they notice, do you think they would say something if you were a perfect stranger? No. Most people would not.

If they know you, do you think they would say something? If they recognize me, I would expect some kind of reaction. The type of reaction would depend on who they were, and perhaps, how much they already know.

Are you hoping someone notices and says something? No. I have been pleasantly surprised by positive comments and rarely have heard anything negative.

Are you hoping someone notices and "doesn't say" anything? No. I hope to blend in.

If they said something positive, would you be happy that they noticed? Yes.

If they said something negative, would it bother you? Yes, of course.

Are you just happy that "nobody says anything"? I do not go out seeking attention.

[Maid_Marion]

The oil heat maintainance guy said he thought I was my wife when he saw me a couple days earlier! I must have been wearing a skirt in the front yard or feminine crop top with short shorts.

Sometime later he was going to my next door neighbor's party, pulling a wagon with his stuff. He chatted for a couple minutes and told me a great spot to watch the Town Fireworks show.

Marion