Can't control some things.

[Maria 60]

Yesterday my wife came home from shopping and I was sitting on my backyard steps dressed and having a coffee. When she came out she knew the niebours were on holiday's but she still looked around to make sure nobody was out. She sat down next to me and she told me she has to ask what makes me want to take this risk, what is so worth it that always wants to pull me outside. She said she notices I'm not as content ever since I stopped my Friday drive, I don't want her to buy anything anymore or she can't remember the last time I put on makeup or lipstick. I told her the Friday drive was for me a reason to totally dress, something to look forward to do my makeup wear something nice and in case of something I wanted to be presentable.
She told me she doesn't understand why I want to go out and take risks after all she makes me do whatever I want inside. She told me when I come home from work if we aren't doing anything I dress all night, and if we go out I'm usually underdressed with panties and a bra and sleep with a full slips or nighties. Even though I have all this freedom to do whatever I want indoors she asked me and doesn't understand what is so special about doing it and what drives me to want to be outdoors.
Her theory is whatever I do in the privacy of our own home is nobody's business, but even though my Friday drive was a low risk, it still was a risk and I was in public and she called it a weakness. She said she could tell that I'm always looking for an excuse to maybe go out dressed.
I told her I don't know what it is, it's almost like a magnet pulling me, a driving force in my head that pulls me out. I admitted I have to stop my mind at times from thinking of ways to walk outside, I guess it's just human nature to want what you can't have. I told her it just feels different outside, just walking on cement instead of hardwood floor and feeling the sun on my legs and the breeze.
I wish I had more answers for her but when I think about it I really don't know why I want go outside or take greater risk. It's just a feeling I can't control.

[Georgia_Maine]

I can't say about you but for me it is a validation of my feminine side.

[Mercedes]

I am the same Maria, not that I have the same freedom you have inside, no make-up or wigs please, but I really want to be dressed and be outside. I have struggled with the same question as to why. I do not go out dressed (except a couple of times) but have been wearing some more obvious attire and bras when out for my walks, hoping I get a notice. I think it might be that I just want someone to acknowledge me as Mercedes. I know you lovely ladies do, but to have it in person might mean more.

[docrobbysherry]

The older I get, the more I wonder if I really control anything, Maria? But, I'm only 82. So, maybe one day I'll figure everything out.:devil:

The first reason most cross dressers go out is to be seen.:daydreaming:

The second is to meet other dressers and finally, vanillas!:hugs:

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I spend a lot of time outside in skirts etc, and I understand the pull to go outside more. I'll make excuses to make extra trips between the outbuildings that I wouldn't do in men's clothes. I think maybe it stems from my frustration that I'm not "allowed" to dress as I want in public and this is my way to thumb my nose at society? There's also the thrill of the risk, if a delivery comes up the drive I'd be exposed (and I've had several close calls!)

There have also been a few times I was working out front in a skirt on days I knew there was a delivery coming at some point, and I decided I just didn't care. I made the decision I'd own it as if it was the "perfectly normal" I wish it was. Of course, those days the delivery didn't come til later or not at all. Even then, I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed :)

[char GG]

Do you think she would be willing to accompany you on your Friday night drives? Or pick a less busy night and go for a drive together.

[nvlady]

Low hanging fruit tastes good, but nowhere as sweet as the stuff that is very hard to reach.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria :hugs:, ^^^^ Nav Lady absolutely just hit the Nail on the HEAD !!!

[JocelynJames]

Like I told someone recently; it?s human nature to move forward , to want more. This is how we got to where we are instead of staying in caves. Some can absolutely stop at a point. Also, without risk , there is no reward. Just my 2cents

[bridget thronton]

I do not know what the attraction to go out is - but I feel it too

[Shelly Preston]

Maria
I understand how difficult this is for you.

I think you need a lot more communication on the issues with your wife.

What are her real fears about you going out. Is she worried that someone will take unkindly to you appearance.
Maybe just embarrassment if you happen to meet someone you both know or something worse.

You may feel like a bird that cant get out of a cage.

Is there a third option where you could both go somewhere with you as Maria (as has been suggested).

[SaraLin]

My first thought was that you're feeling restricted and want to venture out into the larger world that lies just outside your door. Sure, you could do that in your male persona, but that's just not the same thing, is it?

(Hmm. Maybe I'm just project my own feelings here.):thinking:

[Rachelakld]

Thousands of years ago, men(?) invented the wheel - now we need to know how fast it can go
Wright brothers brought us flight, so why did we need to do more, like invent passenger jets, supersonic fighters, spaceships.
I was happy with Bells land line phone system, so why has everyone got a mobile phone now?
Men (and humans) are never content - geared to push the boundaries, faster, deeper, higher, better etc
Maybe, we think, the more we practice being a normal female, the better we will get.
Men were first to wear makeup and stocking and even jeans - so why do women feel the need to wear the same?
Blame Eve and the apple, it's simpler :)

[Liz Jones]

Not to mention high heels, suspender belts, skirts .........

[Bianca Fay]

Most of us can't explain what drives us to dress in the first place. And if we can't explain that, how can we explain that it's difficult to control?

I've been going on early morning walks wearing pantyhose under my shorts. It's a risk but I find that my walks have become longer and longer after the sun rises.

[JesseVF]

Normally a person will go out on their patio if they feel like it. I want to feel normal when I?m dressed so I do it. My situation 99% chance not being seen.

[Aka_Donna]

It's not a feeling, it's a thought, but more like a fantasy thought. Interestingly you mentioned the idea that you might like being "caught" when you were out on drives. It sounds like you need to experience being out dressed in public and interacting with people, if for no other reason than to fulfill your bucket list. However, you don't want to travel and take a vacation dressed and don't want to dress out in local area because of anticipated negative reactions.

So what are you looking for from the group? "need" to go outside dressed, but not locally or on vacation. So where, how? Mars travel is not yet possible, but Elon is working on it.....

[JulieC]

For me, I don't want to be caged. That's how I feel when the only place I crossdress is at home. It's an acceptance issue, not just of my spouse but of me for me. If I only allow myself to crossdress at home, I'm not accepting myself. If I want to crossdress outside of home, but my wife won't let me, then I'm in a forced situation of lack of acceptance. Being forced to crossdress only at home means that crossdressing is embarrassing, not to be done, humiliating, dangerous, and more.

[alwayshave]

Maria, I love being out dressed more than just dressing. Just like I cannot tell you why I dress, and I certainly can't tell you my need to go out dressed.

[SophiaRose]

My wife asked the same question. She initially thought I was going out to get noticed or to "pickup" someone. Both thoughts left me feeling aghast. I told her it was more about freedom from the house (cage), and that I finally felt like I was tasting the life I always wanted. I never feel satisfied unless I'm dressed head to toe and having to stay inside after all that work...depressing.

[Kori]

I completely understand you SophiaRose

[Stephanie47]

When I was a little kid my parents told me I could not cross the street. I wanted so badly to cross the street to explore the other side. As I got older I did explore and expanded my boundaries. I could be gone all day and everything was cool. It's the same with the pull to be outside the confines of our home. My wife is not accepting of my crossdressing, so it has always been solo exploration, but with limitations because there is not universal acceptance which can lead to unwanted encounters. So, it has been evening drives and strolls, fully en femme. Those drives did take the edge off not being able to present myself to my wife.

Yes, no matter how careful a person may be, there is always a risk. One night, coming home from a short shopping trip with my wife, a woman stepped out in front of my car and she walked into the front of my car, more than the car hitting her. Yes, medics and police. Hardly more than a bump. Boy, was I glad I was not out for an evening stroll.

Your wife is so onboard with your cross dressing, it makes me envious. I would love to be totally en femme: pretty dress, hosiery and heels and spend an evening preparing dinner together. My recommendation is to find some social function that would enable you and your wife to spread your wings. Halloween always comes to mind. Rent a hotel room away from your city or town, so the possibility of any negative occurrence does not happen enroute. In my state there is an annual week long function at a hotel that is attended by husbands and wives. I would love to have the opportunity to attend, if I had my wife along.

[Natalie5004]

I really look forward to my days dressed. Sure there are some SELF IMPOSED rules that I follow.

Even if I lived alone I probably would not flaunt this side of me around town.

But I am sure I would get out when I feel the pull to do something different.

There are some real nice Therapists out there that can help us feel validated and more accepting of ourselves.

[Genifer Teal]

When I started to go out, it was not about going outside to say look at me. It was about not feeling ashamed that I had to stay in doors and hide it.

[Heather76]

I have the same desire to be out in public. I've been out maybe 10 times, but not near our home (1 exception). There are times when I let the dog out at 1 a.m. and will go out with him in our backyard. However, on those occasions I leave the outside lights off and use a flashlight. What I really would like to do is let anyone, and everyone, see Heather and not have a care in the world about it. Unfortunately, that's not possible.

[SavannahVee]

I think it's about validation. If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? If a crossdresser wears a great outfit and no one is there to see it, does it really matter what she is wearing?

[sometimes_miss]

I would just like to NOT feel like I have to change my outfit every time I go outside for any reason. It's not about 'being seen', I would feel the same way if I walked around my house naked. it's just an inconvenience to have to change clothes.
Why do I feel that I need to dress in girl clothes? Still, simple. Something in my mind got mixed up, and that part thinks I'm female. But it's only the clothing part. I don't know why. I don't think like a woman. I don't communicate like a woman. I don't walk or talk like a woman. I can go months, years, decades without any contact at all with a friend; that would drive a woman nuts. But me? Doesn't matter. I'm not relationship driven.
But most women go crazy if anything about their man isn't 100% all masculine, all the time. Most men hate that we exist, because they think, 'Gee if it happened to him, oh my god it might happen to me!!!!', because we've all experienced feelings which we are told are only acceptable for women to have.
We still live in a primitive world, where primitive emotions rule the day.

[jjjjohanne]

When I became old enough to be left alone at home, I started trying on whole outfits. It did not take long for me to want to go outside and walk all the way around the house while dressed pretty.
I don't know why, but dressing up in the house is only OK. Dressing up and working from home was kind of good, I guess. Maybe it is just an empty pleasure to dress pretty by myself. But, dressing up and going outside is somehow fulfilling. I think that a woman who dressed up pretty would not be satisfied just staying around the house. Maybe it is reasonable. Except that women don't normally dress up unless they already have plans.

(During the COVID lockdown, there was a movement where women would dress up at home just because they needed to feel pretty.)

[ilisa]

In some ways I feel blessed in this regard in that there is no way I could ever hope to pass. I'm too tall, my features are too masculine, deep voice, and big hands. (Think football player and you get the idea.) While I'd like to go out dressed, that option is simply not thee so I don't give it another thought. Now I can go out wearing a bra and panties under my male clothes, but we all do that so no big deal. Right? I agree with others its about validation and acceptance.

However, if such things were generally accepted in society and there was no basic difference between men and women's attire where anything goes, would our dressing up be as special to us as it is now? I don't know.