QZ2
04-20-2006, 02:31 PM
Just in case my wife found my clothing stash or worse, if I was out dressed and had and accident or a problem with the police, I want to write a letter to my wife saying the things that I would need to say but not able to.
Please tell me what I have left out or what I should not have said or any other suggestions.
This is what I wrote:
My Darling,
You have just made a discovery. You have discovered a very private part of my life that no one else has ever known about. This letter is written to you in the hopes you will be able to properly understand what you have found. The fact is, I have been a secret crossdresser for all of my adult life.
Before you start jumping to conclusions let me explain a few things. First and most important is that I love you dearly, always have and always will. There are no two people as close as we are. Yet I have kept a secret from you all of these years for the main reason that I love you so much and have feared of losing your respect, or worst of all of losing you all together. I now have to face up to this fear.
Second, please try to understand what a crossdresser is and exactly what my crossdressing is and means to me. Simply put, a crossdresser is a person, male or female, that wears clothing of the opposite sex. Why is OK for a women to wear pants but not OK for a man to wear a skirt? He is ridiculed and shamed leaving him with depression and guilt feelings. Therefore most crossdressers, upwards of 10% of all men, are in the closet.
Being a crossdresser does not mean one is gay or has gay tendencies, just as being gay does not make one a crossdresser. The two are not necessarily connected. In my case I am not gay or bi-sexual. I have never had any sexual feelings toward men. I love girls, I love a woman's body and I love making love to you. That has not changed nor will it. I have never felt like a woman trapped in a man's body. I don't want to become a woman or live my life as a woman. I am like most crossdressers, just plain heterosexual.
If you asked me why I like to wear woman's clothing I would find it difficult to explain as I am not sure why I am the way I am. There have been numerous case studies and a lot more theories, but they always never seem to fit me exactly. I love the female body and all its parts and pieces, especially yours. It is a thing of beauty. I love it when a woman is attractively dressed. I cannot say the same for the male body at all. When I put on female clothing I am trying to emulate something that I love feeling, caressing and looking at. It excites me to look feminine. The closer I get to "passing" the more exciting it is.
On the Internet there is a lot of open discussion on crossdressing and much of it has been enlightening to me. (Look at crossdressers.com, an online support group) It has given me a better understanding of myself, the ability ot rid myself of the heavy guilt feelings and to become more comfortable with the reality of what I am. I have to live with myself. Haven't you always loved me for what I am, for the lover that I am? I quite feel that this side of me, a feminine side if you will, has helped me to understand your feelings more, made me a better lover for you and to be more responsive to your needs. I hope it has made me a better husband.
Can a crossdresser stop? Maybe, but most never do. They cannot for whatever reason. I have tried many times when the guilty feelings and fear have built up but it always comes back. Like an alcoholic, he is never cured, he can only suppress his need, and then usually only temporarily.
Please try to understand what I am, it is not a bad thing. You love me. I love you. I'm not asking for your approval, but now that this is out in the open between us, your patience, love and understanding is needed. It is time for open talk between us, not hate, disgust, pity. I need to know and respect your feelings about it, too. Our marriage has been extremely happy both physically and mentally, and I am the same person now that I was yesterday with the same loves and desires. Now that I have been 'caught out' it is almost a relief as I can now finally be totally honest with you. I'm glad I won't have to hide such an important part of me from you any longer. We need to openly discuss all of this and what it means to the both of us, and most importantly, figure out how we can both live with it and not let it affect our love and need for each other. With open arms and heart, I beg for your understanding.
I am yours, me
Please tell me what I have left out or what I should not have said or any other suggestions.
This is what I wrote:
My Darling,
You have just made a discovery. You have discovered a very private part of my life that no one else has ever known about. This letter is written to you in the hopes you will be able to properly understand what you have found. The fact is, I have been a secret crossdresser for all of my adult life.
Before you start jumping to conclusions let me explain a few things. First and most important is that I love you dearly, always have and always will. There are no two people as close as we are. Yet I have kept a secret from you all of these years for the main reason that I love you so much and have feared of losing your respect, or worst of all of losing you all together. I now have to face up to this fear.
Second, please try to understand what a crossdresser is and exactly what my crossdressing is and means to me. Simply put, a crossdresser is a person, male or female, that wears clothing of the opposite sex. Why is OK for a women to wear pants but not OK for a man to wear a skirt? He is ridiculed and shamed leaving him with depression and guilt feelings. Therefore most crossdressers, upwards of 10% of all men, are in the closet.
Being a crossdresser does not mean one is gay or has gay tendencies, just as being gay does not make one a crossdresser. The two are not necessarily connected. In my case I am not gay or bi-sexual. I have never had any sexual feelings toward men. I love girls, I love a woman's body and I love making love to you. That has not changed nor will it. I have never felt like a woman trapped in a man's body. I don't want to become a woman or live my life as a woman. I am like most crossdressers, just plain heterosexual.
If you asked me why I like to wear woman's clothing I would find it difficult to explain as I am not sure why I am the way I am. There have been numerous case studies and a lot more theories, but they always never seem to fit me exactly. I love the female body and all its parts and pieces, especially yours. It is a thing of beauty. I love it when a woman is attractively dressed. I cannot say the same for the male body at all. When I put on female clothing I am trying to emulate something that I love feeling, caressing and looking at. It excites me to look feminine. The closer I get to "passing" the more exciting it is.
On the Internet there is a lot of open discussion on crossdressing and much of it has been enlightening to me. (Look at crossdressers.com, an online support group) It has given me a better understanding of myself, the ability ot rid myself of the heavy guilt feelings and to become more comfortable with the reality of what I am. I have to live with myself. Haven't you always loved me for what I am, for the lover that I am? I quite feel that this side of me, a feminine side if you will, has helped me to understand your feelings more, made me a better lover for you and to be more responsive to your needs. I hope it has made me a better husband.
Can a crossdresser stop? Maybe, but most never do. They cannot for whatever reason. I have tried many times when the guilty feelings and fear have built up but it always comes back. Like an alcoholic, he is never cured, he can only suppress his need, and then usually only temporarily.
Please try to understand what I am, it is not a bad thing. You love me. I love you. I'm not asking for your approval, but now that this is out in the open between us, your patience, love and understanding is needed. It is time for open talk between us, not hate, disgust, pity. I need to know and respect your feelings about it, too. Our marriage has been extremely happy both physically and mentally, and I am the same person now that I was yesterday with the same loves and desires. Now that I have been 'caught out' it is almost a relief as I can now finally be totally honest with you. I'm glad I won't have to hide such an important part of me from you any longer. We need to openly discuss all of this and what it means to the both of us, and most importantly, figure out how we can both live with it and not let it affect our love and need for each other. With open arms and heart, I beg for your understanding.
I am yours, me