Nuances of sexuality

[Ivan_1974]

Hi everyone, this will be something that probably has been discussed so many times so I'll try to focus on mental aspects of CDs' sexuality. I have red several comments in other threads and I have seen that most of CDs do not have physical attracion or interest for men. By an aesthetic point of view attraction is base on senses: so if your sens are ignited by a female it will be difficult to feel the same sensations looking to a man, even if he could be very beautiful and attractive. If you go crazy for the scent of a woman probably you will be disgusted by the smell of a man. So what it is that determines the "attraction" of CDs for men or they tendency to share sexuality with men. I think it is something that starts definitively from a cd's mind: the man is a means which can be needed to feel complete as a "woman", to percieve ourselves as women.
From my side I have never had sexual experiences with men, I had many experiences with transexuals as I feel madly attracted by what men have between their legs by even if I could fantasize about having sexy with a man, when I am next to a man in real life I feel nothing, I'm just a man close to another man and there's no way I could feel different, wheter or not I am crossdressed at that moment.
So, attraction for penis can't be interpreted, in my opinion, as a synecdoche that is to say men are not just a penis, they are much more so may be I am bisexual but if I consider my sensation I would say that I'm not. Penis is like the symbol of strength of men's power and "domination" that is way it is often so exciting to be dominated and eventually pegged by women: the connection between woman nature, mind, body, soul and the power, the domination of a creature that we consider so superior is something that blows mind.
I am crazy for dressing myself as a woman and I would do it every day 24h, I am crazy for women too and I am crazy for what men have betwwen their legs but I'm generally totally aseptic to men.
I think that everything starts and ends in our mind: the question is to find the right equilibria for each of us without confusing fantasy and reality a risk which could be very dangerous.

[Genifer Teal]

How it starts will be debated. I will add that when you're turned on and give that release. The brain focuses in on that specific thing that caused the excitement. It sort of becomes a learned behavior that continues to reinforce itself with future releases. So once the behavior starts, it's easy to understand why it continues in that same direction, whether it be sexual attraction or perhaps some fetish, or whatever. The idea behind it is to make the man stick with his mate, to continue to want to make babies and keep the species alive.

[Ivan_1974]

Hi Genifer, I totally agree with you. Once some mind dynamics start they will not last but it often happens that they grow every day; this is at least just for me ad they go always in the same direction. It's like a sublime food that enruptures both senses and mind.

[Lacey New]

While I cannot begin to answer you post by trying to explain to you what turns you on and why, all I can say is that your post is another example of how diverse the crossdressing community is. The only thing that we share in common is our pleasure in wearing women?s clothing but our sexual preferences and individual turn ons may be vastly different.

[Ivan_1974]

Hi Lacey, I think so too: the crossdressers' world is so diversified. I even think that sometimes is meaningless trying to find a rational answer to what is so ingrained within our mind and it does not often have answers. I think if one just feels ego-syntonic with himself that's the only thing that really matters

[Jasmine23]

For me personally, when I dress up I like to see myself as a woman - obviously I know I'm not, but, I like the illusion of that and the idea of "passing" which I know a lot in here frown upon. So the idea of a man finding me attractive when dressed enfemme is the ultimate form of validation, personally I've never been with a man and not attracted to them, and don't see myself ever going there but, I have fantasised about
being with a man as the girl, being the object of desire rather than the pursuer, while it will remain a fantasy for me I can definitely understand why some girls go all the way. In that scenario they see themselves in the female role with men desiring them, I'd imagine that feeling would be very intoxicating and addictive, leading to going a step further than expected initially!

[Ivan_1974]

Hi Jasmine, I perfectly understand all those CDs who, even if not attracted by men, have sexual experiences with men just to be pleased because of feeling the female during sex. Sometimes are just circumstances whck make some parts of us emerge with all their power but I even think that is always something that belongs to us

[docrobbysherry]

Attraction and fantasy r quite different. When I first began dressing at age 50 I often imagined myself with a man. So often that I thot I had turned gay!:eek:

But, when I began dressing and going out some hunky, respectful, young men came on to me. I was very flattered at first.:o

But, when they got a bit pushy and I knew what they expected. So, I had to quit teasing them. Because parts is parts. And, unlike u, Ivan? I've never found men's parts interesting!:thumbsdn:

It dumbfounds me when I read posts here where a "straight" dresser proclaims a sudden interest in penises when dressed! I can't help thinking they r really bi and in denial.:heehee:

[Ivan_1974]

Hi Docrobbysherry, thanks for your reply. I totally understand that my attraction for penis, that is total and really strong, may seem strange without feeling attraction for the owner. However that is just what happens to me. I have no problem to define me bi or eventually gay but when a man tries to approach me sexually I just feel nothing but disgust. I don't feel any kind of attraction but his penis but I can't focus on the penis only: there's a person behind who I'm not attracted by. May be it is a mine mental block but I can't cross the line; may be I'll cross it one day may be not; I live on the moment nad for now it is just so.

[Sabine7]

I neither date with men nor I am attracted by them. However, the higher was raising the awareness of my own femininity over the years the greater became my fascination with male parts which are very attractive to me. This makes me confused when thinking about my conscious or hidden sexual preferences. Whenever having a love adventure with my wife I always fantasize about being a woman in that relationship. Apparently, I desire woman's life, body, sex and last but not least clothes.

[Ivan_1974]

Hi Sabine, it's almost the same for me, especially when I am free and alone in my home I love to live more and more as a woman under several life aspects. Sometimes I just feel as if I were two different person living in the same body and perfectly shifted: a man and a woman at the same time who alternate each other in different context of my life.

[Sabine7]

Hi Ivan, I am a closet CDer and I used to swap into female as soon as I only can. I have no warm feelings toward my male version any longer. I just tolerate it whenever I have to.

[SaraLin]

Well, Ivan - I definitely have a different perspective.

First, let me describe my point of view.
I somewhat jokingly describe myself as a non-practicing transgendered lesbian with mild hetero-curious tendencies.
That means that my inner self is female, my situation is such that I can't transition, and I'm primarily attracted to women.

Men's -um- equipment holds little to no interest for me.
The one time I ever felt any interest in being with a man wasn't for sex. It was to be cared for, held, perhaps kissed, and just be his girl.
Not sex, just love.
It'll never happen, and I know it. He's a great guy, but he's totally straight and we're definitely "friend-zone'd" with each other.

[Ivan_1974]

Hi Sabine, I think the only thing that matters is that you are just living as you feel inside you and hope you'll live more and more as you wish

- - - Updated - - -

Hi Sara, your post demonstrates that we all dffer from each other and our feelings could differ so much and they can determine so different expression of our crossdresser nature

[ReineD]

First a bit of background, because I am not a crossdresser so I cannot speak from personal sexual experience.

I'm a genetic female married to an ex-crossdresser. At one point in our lives, we went everywhere together while my SO was crossdressed and for many years the crossdressing was a priority in his life. We even took a one-week vacation where my spouse did not pack any male clothing! Some years before COVID though, my SO lost interest in the crossdressing. He had no constraints either from me, from work, or from his position in our local community, and so he did take it as far as he wanted or needed to, up to an actual physical transition. He never did want to go through a physical transition, and it was his choice years ago to stop the crossdressing and rid himself of the closets full of clothing, shoes, forms, makeup, jewelry, etc. I'm guessing he stopped getting anything out of the crossdressing.

Also for many years I participated in this forum and was even once a moderator here. In this capacity, I have read thousands upon thousands of posts, in addition to participating in local TG support groups where I met and spoke to hundreds of crossdressers and transsexuals and their spouses. We no longer attend our TG support groups and I now rarely log back into this forum. So basically, we've simply moved on from the crossdressing.

And now to address your post:


I think it is something that starts definitively from a cd's mind: the man is a means which can be needed to feel complete as a "woman", to percieve ourselves as women.

I agree.

This is what I've gleaned from the research I've read in the past, and my abundant interactions with crossdressers and their spouses over the years: the primary sexual attraction of some, if not many, genetic male crossdressers is a type of autosexuality that is directed to the self, specifically to the self as a woman, and to what a particular crossdresser is conditioned to believe are an attractive woman's traits - curvy female body parts, an attractive face, youth, a weaker or more delicate physical body, submissiveness, or any other trait in a crossdresser's personal definition of what constitutes an attractive woman.

However, in our world of predominately binary sexual attraction (males and females attracted to either females or males, or both), we are conditioned to expect to be attracted to one and/or the other binary gender. If a primarily autosexual crossdresser is also attracted to females, it makes sense that he might introduce to his fantasies a lustful male sexual partner in order to feel even more like a beautiful woman, ... even if he is not attracted to men.

So I do agree that for some crossdressers, the male in the sexual fantasy is nothing more than an enhancing prop, not unlike a sexy bra or a sexy pair of shoes. But I can understand if some primarily autosexual crossdressers who also have a secondary attraction to females might confuse this type of fantasy to an attraction to men. I can also understand why these intense sexual feelings might eventually be confused with gender identity.

I would also add that I agree with some of the other responses to this thread. Repeated sexual release to a particular fantasy will form and strengthen neural pathways in the brain to the point where it will reinforce what a person is sexually attracted to.


FYI, here are several links that describe the broader sexual attraction type autosexuality (as opposed to heterosexuality or homosexuality), although they don't specifically address the attraction to the self as the opposite gender:

https://mhcsandiego.com/blog/what-does-autosexual-mean-exploring-attraction-to-oneself

https://www.masterclass.com/articles/autosexual

https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-autosexual

[Ivan_1974]

ReineD what an enlightening post is this one of yours. It is so rewarding to read how a woman can understand is a such deep way a cd's mind as if she could feel the same sensations a cd's feels when is free to express the real essence of her/his mind