Why do we dress, and/or why are we the way we are?

[Annemarie Dutch]

Hello ladies,
It is talked and written about very much, but still I have a question for you, and I hope you can answer it from your own perspective.

My wife is supportive of me being Annemarie, and has been for the last six years. Even after those years sometimes the question rises why do I want to dress up like a lady.

I have been thinking about it for a few days and come this conclusion;

I have been interested in feminine clothes since my childhood. Nothing sexual, just the feeling of being pretty, the nice touch of soft clothes on my skin. Later on in life I got to dress up more and more to be just as feminine as possible. Always with the goal to be as passable as possible.
I don?t see it as dressing like a female anymore, I see it as me dressing as myself, expressing my feminine side. So the word crossdresser is not the right word for me anymore to explain what I do.

I don?t feel I want to go into transition, I like both my male side and my feminine side. I do feel less stressed when I dress up pretty. When I don?t have the opportunity to express myself feminine for a while I do feel a bit down on that. Like this part of me is neglected for to long. So I think for mental health I just need to dress up regular.

Why am I wired this way? I really don?t have the right answer.

I didn?t see myself fit in the LGBTQ community, but Maybe I am in Some sort of form?

I know Some of you have better Words to express this feelings, So I come up with this question for you girls and ladies: why do you dress and/or why are we the way we are?

Thanks, Annemarie

[Rachel05]

Hi Annemarie

I guess I can't really answer why I am this way, mine started due to a very bad situation when I was 10yo and here I am 50 plus years later still very much enjoying dressing in ladies clothes

When I went through my teens, it was difficult to accept and come to terms with, but never enough for me to give it up, I felt different, I guess because I was different, I tried to dress it up (pardon the pun) as something sexual, and that I only did it to get aroused, but truthfully that was never, and still isn't the case, never has been, just looking for excuses as a teenager, all those confusing hormones

Here I am now, in my later years and life is good, I have been fully accepting of me for a along time now, dressing still makes me feel amazing, like now, sat typing this fully dressed, that feeling never leaves me, sometimes I wish I could dress more, but I work in a very male dominated industry and it would never work for work, but I only every wear panties nowadays, never wear mens underwear, I have been that way for probably 20 plus years now

For me the dressing is also a fabulous way of dealing with stress, because it makes me feel so nice and amazing within, it makes everything else not a worry, I really do think it is good for my wellbeing, and it is as much a part of me as any other part of me, I am happy with me in either male or female mode, like you Annemarie, I have no wish to transition

There is no real answer to your question, but I long since stopped trying to find one for me, this is who I am

Rachel

[Steph_CD_62]

Annemarie,

My first memory is being about 5 years old and being caught by my mom wearing her panties and I don't remember what even made me put them on.

Foward to my teenage years, I was more excited by seeing women wearing lingerie than naked ones. Being a teenager, I would look at catalogs of lingerie to get excited then one day I wondered what it would feel like if I wore some lingerie, so I got some of my mom's and put them on. And I haven't stopped for any length of time since.

So, I started for sexual excitement but these days I do it to help me relax and it also helps any stress I might have disappear.

To me women's clothing is so much more comfortable. There are some down sides like shallow pockets on jeans, trying to find that will fit my body and look good on me. Women's clothing has a bigger selection of styles, colors and fabrics to choose from.

Why wearing women's clothing relaxes me, I am not sure why but they do.

[NancySue]

Hi Annemarie, I can identify with all your points and still, like you, continue to search for answers. I, too have a wonderful supportive wife. I so enjoy the comfort of women?s clothing and have since youth when I was mysteriously drawn to try on a pair of nylon stockings. It was like a bolt of lightning. I also enjoy both my male and female side and have no interest in transitioning. I?m now retired and am dressed to some degree daily, always lingerie, still love hose in any form, nylons, pantyhose or thigh highs, a touch of makeup, a flit of perfume, etc. Why we?re wired this way, I don?t have a clue. I just accept it as part of me. Life?s too short.

[Traci H]

Steph CD 62 's comment about liking woman in lingerie rather than naked has always made me wonder. I too loved to look at the lingerie pages as a kid/tennager. I found those much more fulfilling that a Playboy with naked women. I have always wondered, would most men rather see naked women or ones in lingerie? I don't know the answer. Never really discussed with with friends or others.

Like many of you, I have given up trying to figure it all out, but the questions about why, still creeps into my mind from time to time no matter what.

[Maria 60]

I guess the same as others it was a real sexual thing when younger, the pantyhose and slip sensation lured me in. Thinking back the only time I lived without a pair of pantyhose in my position was a week before I got married till three weeks later that I told my wife and she instantly bought me a pair and haven't been without since. The reminder of the past, buy a pair of pantyhose do the dirty deed, throw them out and promised myself never to do it again, just a few days later making that same purchase and the same promise I was about to break again and the guilt eating away at my insides.
When I told my wife and she wanted to see where this hobby was leading, she couldn't understand why I kept apologizing to her and why the guilt and why I wasn't happy that she was ok with it and to just enjoy the time I had when possible.
She would always tell me not to flatter myself there are worse things in life I could be and if we can keep to a equal agreement where we can both be happy it could work itself out.
It's been thirty plus years and I'm very fortunate to have an amazing wife who supports me and actually understands my importance for me to express my fem side but it wasn't all roses there were bumps in the road but we worked it out.
My original promise to her was I didn't want to transition and I would be fine with it not leaving the closet. The funny thing was when I told her and she didn't want me wearing her things she insisted we go shopping but for some reason I never wore my sisters or mothers bras or panties because I thought those were more personal items. But my wife started buying me bras and panties, I could have told her at that time all I needed was a slip and pantyhose but I thought why not go for it. This opened up a new can of worms and then joining here was the real confidence booster with stuff I never thought about and then came the make-up jewelry and wig and breast forms. The biggest thing this community gave me once I was more complete was the confidence to walk out the door and I started taking nightly drives. That's when I crossed my promise line that I would be happy in the closet. Now at sixty two it's far from the sexual part but don't get me wrong it still feels amazing. My wife watches from the wings and tells me this isn't something I learned, its in me, it's real because she sees how I will just be relaxed and more focused and happy and content when I have my dress time.
I would love to know what makes me do it at times because I ask myself why I'm not embarrassed to be dressed in front of my wife like that.
Well for myself I still take my wife's advice and not try to figure it out and just enjoy it when opportunity comes.

[Deborah G]

Annemarie, I have been dressing for so long, I have long since stopped asking "Why?" I have purged my women's clothes on a couple occasions, and I have even gone for long duration with no dressing. However, I keep coming back. It is a part of who I am, and I am a better person with it than without it. I know I will never completely stop enjoying that side of me. What you wrote, could have been written by me, word for word. Deborah

[Gail_veiled]

Hi Annemarie,

Really is hard to put into words isn't it? I think if this "why" could be decisively answered, it would be a revolutionary breakthrough in psychology and in the science of human brain development.

Since coming to this forum and reading stories many have shared, there does seem to be some common themes even though each has their individual path and expression. I believe many (most?) feel a release of stress when dressed pretty and a build up when repressed.

For myself, I didn't dress until fairly recently (2023) and lived most of my life and lived without any strong desire to be other than "male". Having said that, I think I have always felt an affinity for the feminine more than the stereotypical guy (whatever that is) almost to the point of jealousy both sexually and in body image. I too struggle explaining how it makes me feel. Lot's of emotions with a big positive "wow" in how much I feel so comfortable and the a release of role baggage I accumulated in my life. For a time, I struggled with the "what the hell is wrong with me" in acknowledging these feelings in opposition to everything that society teaches. While I wouldn't want to transition to female (other than as a temporary fantasy), I have become very appreciative in having my girl time and don't think I would ever choose to give it up; I've (almost) gotten to the point of full acceptance that this is just "me".

So for my own personal "why": I guess it's just because of a sense of more completeness in myself with crossdressing than without.

[kimdl93]

I suspect each of us has come up many speculations on why we are the way we are. I would take all of them with a shaker full of salt.

[Ivan_1974]

Hi Annemarie, I just share your thoughts about the feelings and the needings regarding crossdressing and I even agree with you when you say that it is just not crossdressing, it is being myself and expressing my feminine side. I love both my male and female side, even if I prefer female dresses. I started when I was eleven and the needs just grew in time and I understood that I had not to contrast this feeling because it was useless and detrimental; finally I accepted to be this way and I started feeling better. I can't say WHY but I can say that it is just as it has to be, simply myself. All we crossdresser are alone because it's just difficult for us to find a reason of our being, so it is just impossible for other people who don't feel our emotions. The only way to feel relaxed and in harmony with ourself is to let this way of being free, without limiting it.

[Lacey New]

I guess somewhere in my early teens I started to notice girls and the bumps on their chest and bras and since they all wore skirts the occasional flash of panties. I would think of what might be under there. So the underwear held a secret. I would look at the Pennys and Sears catalogs and enjoy looking at al, the pretty tings the models were wearing. Well, eventually, one day there was a pair of nylon briefs partly hanging out of the common laundry hamper. I was home alone. You know what happened. It was an instant sexual turn on and I would repeat as often as I could get away with it. So, the whole thing started as a sexual kink. But to a degree, it became addictive. Eventually, it was not just panties but the whole range of various lingerie, stockings etc and eventually outerwear as well. I even dabbled in make up. So, it became over time an obsession by progression.