Counseling

[JennniferMcC]

Hello Ladies. It's been a while since I've posted here. After a couple of horrible purges I've made my way back. It's time for me to work out some of the guilt issues involving crossdressing that keep tripping me up and start to try to get my dressing to be a happy and healthy part of my life. To that end (stab in ghe dark here) do any of my sisters in the PA/South Jersey area know any good counselors who specialize in this? I've been searching the web and to my surprise, haven't found very many. Thanks so much!
-Jen

Reply by private message: phone numbers or addresses are not to be mentioned.

[JulieC]

Jen, I can certainly understand the guilt issues. For me, the journey of self acceptance has been a life long journey. I've long ago accepted that crossdressing is never going away, but it's still a struggle to accept all of me as me. Some people here like to identify their femme selves as an alternate person almost (and if that works for them, great!). I can't do that. I've been trying for many years now to integrate all of me as me, and it really is part of that self acceptance journey. It's working, if slowly.

I hope you can find a competent counselor. It can be a challenge!

[CarlaWestin]

The guilt trip is a lingering shame due to early conditioning. If you're like me, you enjoy the clothes, the feel, the experience, the whatever but, there's that lingering stigma that triggers that shameful feeling.
Finally, after all these years I'll have an occasional 'what am I doing' moment' but I don't leave myself hanging in negativity, I follow through with 'I'm having more fun and enjoying more of an enhanced life than any non CD!'

[Traci H]

It took me a fair amount of time to accept myself. These past few years virtually all guilt has faded away. However having a wife that hates every aspect of CD can bring it back to the surface. Our recent battle on this front made me realize that those little bits of acceptance I perceived were really not there.

My wife stated that I should seek therapy. I am sure her assumption is they will have some program that will rid this cd issue out of me forever. I do wish to seek therapy but only to help put things in perspective. I am so saddened that my wife stated I just put myself first and wants it all gone. I see no part of a loving relationship that might work out a compromise. Thus it has caused me some depression and sadness.

I have just used the Psychology Today website to locate a therapist that deals will issues related to CDing and similar. I presently have an inquiry in to her and expect a response this week. I will certainly update here about how this all goes so others can hopefully learn from it.

I like the video that Wisdom Within in CT has posted on YouTube. The therapist there, Katie Ziskind talks about crossdressing and how normal and common it really is. I like to view that video from time to time. Makes me feel better about my wife thinking I?m a defective outlier human being. If I lived in CT I would be going to her clinic.

- - - Updated - - -

Here is the clip I especially love.

https://youtu.be/saUOv4R_lJk

[audreyinalbany]

y'know that therapy doesn't have to be localized these days. many, if not most, counselors do on line counseling now. I don't love it...I think that for such things real life is better. Human interaction, body language and such...but on line is certainly an option

[Traci H]

Audrey, you are correct and I certainly am keeping that as an option if things don?t pan out with a local therapist. I do put a high value on body language, etc as you noted

Jen, my apologies. I did not mean to hijack your thread. I hope someone is able to recommend a therapist in your area. I just fell prey to your quest as it is something I seek as well, and wanted to tell you how I just started. Fingers crossed.

[JennniferMcC]

No need to apologize Traci. I've been taking everyone's advice to heart and very gratefully. My wife and I tried speaking to a therapist but, honestly, I knew more about gender issues than the therapist did and I think my wife and I had different goals, me to gain acceptance (mine & my wife's) and she to find me a "cure." Naturally, there were only a few sessions which accomplished little. I know many therapists do telemed (some solely) but even though I'm an avowed introvert, I think in-person sessions would be more comfortable for this gal. Thank you so much to everyone who's replied.

[Traci H]

Jennifer, I can totally relate to your situation. My wife wants me to get therapy, but I know her goal is for me to also get cured. I?m sure she hopes there will be some therapy that will disperse the pink fog forever. It might be electro-shock, flashing lights, whatever it takes to cure me. I, on the other hand am hoping there will be therapist that be able to get her to eventually accept some part of me. If I get the right therapist, I think they will want my wife to attend. I?m pretty certain she does not want to, as it?s my problem. This should be fun!!! The whole process could be a waste of time. I pray for a good outcome.

Yes, I hope I find a therapist that is very well versed in crossdressing issues.

[TheHiddenMe]

I will just add that many therapists often just do online (or mostly online) therapy these days, so one is not restricted to a geographic area these days. For example, our son had an Australian therapist (my wife is Australian, and my wife's sister recommended the therapist) and we live in the Midwest US.

You can search for a qualified gender therapist online and thereby perhaps find someone better suited for each individual than is just within their geographic vicinity.

Good luck.

[SophiaRose]

@Jennifer, you will probably have luck if you consider online therapy since many are licensed to cover NJ, NY, PA and DE. For example, I live in PA and am seeing a therapist in NYC. Unfortunately, many list working with LGBT individuals on their bios but don't specialize in crossdressing and TG issues. I found a wonderful therapist that helped me with the guilt and shame but wasn't aware of some of the theories around why we do this. You really have to ask them how much experience they have with this issue. I would highly recommend spending a-lot of time thinking about, and jotting down, what your goals are before hand. It will make the experience much more productive and enriching. Just reducing the shame has made me sooo much happier. I'd also think about what age and gender you want your therapist to be to feel most comfortable. Making progress means opening up and being brutally honest with yourself. Finally, spend a little time thinking about what type of therapy you want. Is it CBT, psychoanalysis, solution focused? There can be a big difference in the therapists approach. Happy searching!!

[Genifer Teal]

I was adamant about not needing counseling. I come from a family of do it yourselfers. whatever the project is, we get it done ourself mostly, except for the really heavy stuff or if you need special equipment. I can say, I really didn't need counseling.I was able to manage this myself.

What I can say is that getting help saves you time, whatever the project is. With counseling that can mean getting to the end result sooner. Whatever that end result may be. At many of our ages, we are not getting younger. Understanding this sooner and spending the time we have left the best way possible is an advantage. If I did it again, I would probably seek help even though I would still feel I don't need it.

[Traci H]

Jen, I am giving you my update in the hope it sheds light on your situation.

I mentioned above that I had an inquiry in at a therapist close to me that held promise. Well today I got a response that she was not accepting new clients. Argh!

Starting over I have spent hours reading profiles, reviews, etc of various therapists in my area. A fairly large metro area at that. First, I see that many are only taking online appointments. I do value the actual in person experience, especially to get started. There are also lots that mention LBTQ+++?., but never crossdressing. Not sure if that moniker addresses CD or not. There is one place that specifically mentions working with crossdressers. Their reviews are mostly good, with some negative ones. I?m used to that as it is the way it is these days. Just read Amazon reviews. I think I will now contact them and hope it works out. They have quite a few therapists at this facility. Most are woman. That?s my preference anyways. Hopefully one or two is adept at working with crossdressing and their spouses.

[JennniferMcC]

In my experience, unless there are other issues to work on, a therapist without specific CD experience is almost a waste of time. I say ALMOST because communication skills are communication skills, whatever the situation. But if one is looking to help a spouse into increased acceptance (or even oneself) then knowledge of CD specific issues becomes so very important. Unfortunately, I'm finding therapists who know CD issues (rather than issues related to transitioning) a rare breed these days.

[Traci H]

Well Jennifer I just made contact with the facility that noted they handle CD issues. The intake person did say it?s a rather niche specialty but seemed confident they would be able to pair me with the appropriate counselor. I agree with your conclusion that the therapist needs to be well versed in CD issues or it will be a waste of time. I will be moving ahead in the hopes that this comes to pass and is meaningful. I hate to waste time and money for non specific therapy. I certainly will be posting to this group about my interactions.

[JennniferMcC]

Best wishes for a good fit Traci. Please keep me in the loop as to how it's going. Very interested...

[Gail_veiled]

Jen and Traci,

I hope you both find excellent matches with your counseling choices. I'll look forward to hearing whatever you choose to share in the future.

This thread has definitely struck a cord with me. I think my outlook has been similar to what Genifer stated but I am considering looking into therapy options for myself also; the "...getting to the end result sooner..." statement is very appealing.

[Traci H]

Update?.There is none actually. I fully expected a call back from the therapist or clinic to schedule an appointment of some sort. I did not call back after 24 hours, being patient and all. Now it?s been 48 hours and nothing. Makes me question their practices, etc. Maybe they don?t know what to do with a crossdresser after all. Tomorrow I will be with my wife all day and prefer to talk with them initially by myself. So I won?t be calling back until Friday. Am I expecting too much?

[Debs]

Just let go , accept enjoy, I do and love it !!! fought it for years there's no escape, so go with the flow.

[Gail_veiled]

Jen and Traci,

Both of your searches prompted me into taking action too. I did some research in my area and hopefully found a match. Time will tell if this therapist has enough knowledge specific to crossdressing but I have an initial tele-session setup for next Tuesday. I do plan in the future to go in-person as their office is only about 30 min. from my house.

Jen - Hope you've had some success in your search. Given the population in the PA/S. Jersey/Philly region, you really would think there would be someone available. I couldn't find anyone's bio with direct matches to crossdressing in my area although I did specifically ask for someone with prior CD experience to the clinic I'm going through. Guess I'm just hoping for someone professional enough to take in interest even if they are not super experienced - I can (and will) pull the plug if I feel they aren't providing what I am looking for.

Traci - It took this clinic two days to get back to me and I was questioning if they were interested also. At least once they did, it was easy to setup an initial session. I think you should re-contact the intake person to at least get a time-frame for when you might expect a scheduling callback. I can understand people may be out of the office or busy but they should at least communicate. You should also keep looking for an alternative just in case.

For me - Will "Gail" be the one attend this initial meeting? - I think so assuming I don't chicken out. I know most here have long left this stage behind but it's hard to 1st open that closet door even to a professional.

Best wishes to the both of you :hugs:

[Traci H]

Gail, thanks so much for your response. I hope your appointment is all you hope for and more. While I have participated in many threads on this forum, this one holds my attention like no other.

Jen, I hope you are able to locate a resource for yourself. It would be good for all of us to be able to share our interactions with those that visit this forum.

So Gail, are you going dressed? Sounds like you are headed in that direction. More power to you. I too have thought about such, but I?m certain my wife will have different thoughts on that. I may just carry my purse with me as a start. Or not. While I am ok, having accepted myself long ago. I do look forward to talking with someone in person about my dressing.
Hopefully in a very accepting way. First I need that appointment!!

[Gail_veiled]

Traci,

Since the initial session will be over the computer, my plan (as of today) is be fully dressed. I figure the only way to benefit from this is to be 100% transparent with her and just cross that bridge right away.

As far as when I would be comfortable enough to actually go into their office dressed? I think there's some work to put in before that happens! Never even been out of my house dressed yet.

[Genifer Teal]

It's good that you're seeking counseling. I hope you find someone that is the right fit. To further explain what I said above, mom found my stuff when I was 18, she suggested counseling back then and I refused it. overall, I really didn't need it. I'm pretty well adjusted. I t took ten years before I started getting out there. Imagine getting out there in my early twenties, instead of my early thirties? May not be your situation. i can still imagine there's some great amount of time you can save by understanding this and coming to term sooner, whatever you're looking for.

[JennniferMcC]

For me, I guess counseling would be less for coming to terms with things. (long ago realized this isn't going away) But more how to deal with the limitations and stress of the DADT with my wife. My hope is that maybe she'd also agree to come. We'll see how it works out I guess. Best of luck to all the ladies!

[JesseVF]

Jen, Traci, and Gail - good luck with your searches - it may take a bit but you should eventually find someone you like. I actually asked my previous therapist back East about NJ clients but she only can work with MA, NH, or MD residents. I started with her in drab but pretty quickly was comfortable enough to dress (this was online). Now in CA I go in person dressed and find it very helpful to have someone to talk to. Both women totally have the supportive attitude that we deserve to live our lives as fully as we want - or of course are able to within our life circumstances.
Once you get going I think you will find therapy helpful.

[Traci H]

Jennifer, your goal is the same as mine. I fear my wife will plant her feet in the ground if a therapist suggests some tolerance from her and that she should come to therapy.

Jesse, I hope to hear tomorrow if they have found someone to work with. Your history is exactly what I want to find. I have accepted myself but it would be great to talk with someone in person. The gals on this forum are great, but I hope for just a bit more, if you know what I mean. If this clinic doesn?t work out, I?ll be searching some more. Seems it would be easier if I was gay or trans at this point. These places list LBTQ?and the other letters, but crossdressing seems to fit in there a bit oddly.

[Traci H]

My update:

After not hearing from anyone at the clinic after three full days. I emailed the director last night. This morning I had a response with an update. She had a person in mind for me, but then realized that I requested a female therapist and this person was male. So she was still working on finding me a suitable therapist by the end of this coming weekend, ie, three days. I thanked her for her assistance and them told her that 1) I just thought I would be more comfortable with a female, and 2) my wife might accept any feedback from a female therapist better than a male. I did say I might be open to a male therapist, but thought perhaps an initial short meeting might be in order then. Just not what I had in my mind.

So at this point, it got me thinking. Have all or most of those that participated in therapy have seen a female? Do any of you have thoughts on which might be better? How about a spouse's thoughts on male or female. I want to give myself the best options here while trying not to be difficult. I will say the a long time ago my wife and I saw a shrink about this issue, and she was not accepting of his words. It was so long ago, that I don't remember any of it really. We have been married a long time.

Gail, it looks like you are seeing a female. How would you feel if it was a male? Make any difference?

[JesseVF]

Traci - I personally only considered female therapist. I also prefer female medical Doctors although don?t always have a choice. They just seem more empathetic than male doctors I have had. My wife got her own therapist when we both started after I came out to her - she was also female. She didn?t bother to find another one after we moved west. I?m not really sure why but I think I would feel uncomfortable and not able to open up as much to a male therapist. Plus they obviously cant have the same ability to relate to female clothing, makeup concerns etc? - I talk about everything with mine.

[Traci H]

Thanks Jesse. Makes me think I am not being unreasonable requesting a female therapist. Just not comfortable with a guy. Yea, and makeup talk would be severely limited!

[JennniferMcC]

The one therapist I have spoken to about this (years ago) was a female. Honestly, I can't imagine talking to another male about this. I guess that the evolutionary reluctance to make oneself "vulnerable" in front of a potential "competitor." Weird.
But I don't think it unreasonable to request a female. You are the patient, yes, but you're also a customer.

[Traci H]

Thanks Jennifer. Makes me think I need to stick to my guns. I just always pictured a female therapist, not a man. When looking at the population of therapists in all these practices and clinics, 85 percent are woman. Seems it would be much harder to request and find a man to handle this.

- - - Updated - - -

Jennifer, how is your search coming? Any possibilities yet?

[JennniferMcC]

I have one woman who was recommended to me but I can't seem to get a clear answer if she accepts my insurance. Arggghh!!! Why can't anything be easy? But to add, I think it best to re-open this subject with my wife first. That's something I plan to do in the next day or two. Securing a therapist is only step two I'm afraid. Oh, wish me luck please. Prayers would be welcome too. Over 30 years, these conversations are NEVER easy. (for either of us)

[Gail_veiled]

Traci,

I'm definitely of the same opinion in that I would feel more comfortable opening up to a female therapist than a male. I agree with Jesse and, while maybe this is a false stereotype, think in general women are more empathetic. As Jennifer said, you as the patient are ultimately the one in charge and have the right to select who you are most comfortable with.

Jen, Just saw your post and sending all the good luck and prayers I have your way too :Pray:

[BustyOlivia]

I?ve been having a similar thought about therapy and wondering if they?d ever address my Olivia side. Just wondering if it?s worthwhile to explore the roots or what. Ideally, I?d wish it could be a space to be Olivia and share her experiences and wishes too.

[SaraLin]

Traci,

I'll try to answer this:

So at this point, it got me thinking. Have all or most of those that participated in therapy have seen a female? Do any of you have thoughts on which might be better? How about a spouse's thoughts on male or female.

Over the years, I've been to therapy several times and with different therapists - both male and female.
For the most part they've been wonderfully helpful, regardless of their gender.

I've found that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter what their gender is. It's not about them after all.
It's more important that you and your counsellor get along. If you can't comfortably talk with them about everything, then you're wasting your money.

So - I decided to adopt a "shock and awe" approach. In the first session, I'd lay everything on the table. I'd tell them what my issue was, and what I hoped to get out of the therapy.

Then I'd see how they handled it.

If it didn't go well, if the therapist and I didn't "click" for some reason, I'd simply move on and seek someone else ("sorry, I don't think we'd be a good fit").

Now when it comes to the spouse's thoughts, all I can say is that the few times I took my SO with me, it didn't go so well. She was expecting the therapist to "cure" me, and when it became clear to her that it wasn't what was going to happen, she gave up in disgust and wouldn't go back. She cheated on me and left anyway, so I guess that in the end, it was just as well.

[SophiaRose]

If you want your wife to attend and be a continual part of the process think couples counselor IMO. Otherwise she may see your counselor as your advocate and feel a bit defensive. My wife and I see a couples therapist for this reason, and because this topic is so difficult to wrap our heads around the things we say to each-other are pretty easily misinterpreted. We chose a female therapist together.

[Dutchess]

I fear my wife will plant her feet in the ground if a therapist suggests some tolerance from her and that she should come to therapy. .

and you should because the above there would be highly unethical. If somebody tried to do that to me I would report them to the AMA. If you look at it carefully you'll see that that is hoping that the therapist you pick will cure her -from hating it- instead of her hoping you might be cured .

[Traci H]

Thanks to all. It's a complicated issue and I'm just trying to get a therapist with some experience with this issue. I do hope to make this into marriage counseling sessions if that will help. There are some issues beyond the CDing that I feel should be addressed. I'm not sure if the CDing has brought those out or contributed to them. Living in a sexless marriage for the past 15 years has not helped. Menopause, CD issues, body image/weight, who knows.

[Misty Rae Pleasure]

I think many of us have felt shame for dressing up and being a crossdresser. While over the recent years many alternative lifestyles have become accepted by society, I feel crossdressing has not. You can be gay, lesbian, gender neutral, etc. but crossdressing still is the joke of the conversation. Unless you are a crossdresser yourself one can't understand why we do what we do (maybe some counselors are able to). It has taken me many years to accept that I am a crossdresser. I can purge and put my desires on the back burner, but experience tells me I will always want to dress. For the record I have no desire to transition as I also like the guy part of me in my life. It would have been wonderful when I was married if she would have indulged in my crossdressing, but it just wasn't in the cards. We (CD's) have many common denominators in our CD lifestyle, but our unique individual situations can make navigating it a bit tricky. Crossdressing still has years to go before this lifestyle becomes accepted. Unfortunately until then we have to pick and choose to what degree we expose ourselves to friends, family and society. As the saying goes one can't always control what happens around them but one can choose their reaction to it.

[Traci H]

Misty, I too have this feeling that being gay, or gender fluid and people accept that. Few issues if any. Learn that you crossdress and you are a pariah, a freak of nature. Or so it seems to me at times. Maybe the upcoming generation will change that. Too late for me however. Just have to figure out the best path forward at this point.

[Traci H]

Another update or not.

The therapist that runs the clinic said in an email that she would get back to me by Sunday Nov 3. Well Nov 3 was today, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but nothing. Of course I can contact them again and I will, but I am starting to feel like an outcast. Maybe they are just very busy, but still ?.Not real sure I even want to go to this clinic and will continue my search elsewhere. Quite disappointing at this point.

[Philippa Jane]

Hi Traci.
I would like to offer an opinion on therapy.

When I first went back in 2009 I had no idea if the therapist knew anything about crossdressers.
From my side it was very embarrassing to tell a complete stranger that I liked to dress in women's clothes.
At the time I was there to try to find out if I had a mental problem that could be fixed.
I only had two sessions as what she was teaching me was Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Which I could not see the point of. I wanted a quick fix.
I then saw a psychiatrist who was dealing with a friend from here who was transitioning. Once again I was to be disappointed. He actually asked me to take my wife along to the last session. I only had three as he concluded I was not suffering from Gender Dysphoria. I never knew what was said to my wife but she was totally opposed to going to see a marriage councillor.
In order to keep the peace and preserve our marriage I put Philippa back in the closet. From there on it was DADT just like so many others.

Moving along to 2021/ 2022 when I again looked for a therapist it never occurred for me to enquire if they dealt with gender issues.
I think at the time I was primarily there to deal with grief over the death of my wife and to get a letter from her to say that I was Gender Dysphoric. I needed that to be able to see an endocrinologist for oestrogen. That I went along dressed as Philippa was just accepted and the more we met the more I revealed about my feelings and desires.

I do think one should be able to see a therapist without immediately out yourself as a CD. The more they hear of your life and struggles the easier it should be to get you comfortable enough to open up about what you consider you darkest secrets.

[Gail_veiled]

Had my first session today and I thought it went well overall. The therapist was a very nice young lady who I think I will be able to build a rapport with. She admitted I was her first CD client although she has LGBTQ experience.. She actually seemed enthused to learn more herself so I took that as encouraging. I realize this isn't ideal but will give it a try. My immediate goal is to "know thyself"; I told her I wasn't looking for a "cure", just to be at peace internally.

I was happy I ended up dressed for the occasion. I had a real "gulp" moment when the call started but a few minutes in I felt almost comfortable. Next session in a couple of weeks and this time will be in person (and drab).

I hope Jennifer and Traci can find someone for their needs.

[docrobbysherry]

What kind of rapport r u hoping to build, Gail? I've seen at least 5 professionally and didn't hope or try to develop rapport with any of them. All were women with whom I felt comfortable. But, none of my visits were for my dressing. Altho, I did discuss it with one for about 5 minutes.:thumbsup:

What I wanted from them was not friendship or approval, just their knowledge and help with my problems. And, every single one helped in varying degrees. In one case it only took 15 minutes!:eek:

I hope she helps u but I worry about both of your lack of experience!

[Gail_veiled]

Hi Doc,

You are 100% correct in that it's not an ideal situation with both of our lack in experience. For the rapport aspect, maybe I should re-define that to mean someone I'm comfortable speaking to as I've never been much of an extrovert. I'm looking to get some near term help with emotional malaise and sleep issues that are more to do with other life factors than my crossdressing (although that likely contributes). Also even having a "friend" (albeit paid) to listen to my personal issues has appeal since I don't have that in the real world. Specific to crossdressing, I asked that she work with me to understand where I want my end state, or at least directional goal. Do I remain private & closeted or become more open with spouse, family and the world? I honestly can't answer which of those directions has more appeal to me.

Also I figure any therapist with CD experience started with a 1st client so maybe somebody else will benefit in the future. Sure I'd like to leverage off someone's prior knowledge but, if nothing else, my 45 yrs in the tech industry taught me I'd rather work with someone eager to learn rather than with someone claiming to have all the answers already.

Thank you for your input and experience! - I always look forward to Sherry's escapades and adventures. :notworthy:

[Traci H]

Gail, thanks for the feedback on your first session. It sounds like it may be what you are looking for. Hopefully the therapists skills will handle the CD issue and related as expected from a trained professional. You could very well be right about a know it all versus an eager learner.

I just agreed to see the therapist my clinic recommended. It’s a guy which was not my first choice, but I am open to trying some things first. If it proves to be uncomfortable, I’ll just chalk it up to experience. I am now waiting for a call from the therapist to schedule something. Most likely in person.

Gail, looking forward to your updates.

Jennifer, any progress on your quest?

[docrobbysherry]

Gail, I understand your delema about coming out quite well. I travelled to T events far from home and met 100's of folks dressed without anyone knowing.

When I finally had to tell or be caught I told my immediate family only. Youngest daughter was 18 and the only family member living with me. That was 12 years ago and she moved out awhile ago. So, I don't have to hide my gear and continue Sherry's outings in nearby cities and the family doesn't know or care! No one else who knows me knows about Sherry. That's even tho I've met 1000's of folks while dressed and hang out with a group of dressers around the LA/OC area regularly. And, I still consider myself a closet dresser.:battingeyelashes:

Remember, when u tell folks about your dressing u can NEVER undo that!:doh:

[JennniferMcC]

Gail, that's great that your therapist is so eager to learn. What you don't want is some know-it-all who will tell you what's what. Traci, I hope for you to have a positive experience too. Let us know please. As for me, well, my wife and I are...inching toward a conversation. Yesterday I told her the source of my depression but we've left the subject alone since. Suspect more talk tonight. Therapy will be a topic of conversation I'm sure.

[docrobbysherry]

Jenn, I assure u that an experienced counselor will not be a know it all. Especially if he/she deals will T's. Because I've chatted with countless T's in person as well as here. And, the stories I've heard r all over the map as well as incredible and unimaginable!:eek:

[Bea_]

Had my first session today and I thought it went well overall. The therapist was a very nice young lady who I think I will be able to build a rapport with. She admitted I was her first CD client although she has LGBTQ experience.. She actually seemed enthused to learn more herself so I took that as encouraging. I realize this isn't ideal but will give it a try. My immediate goal is to "know thyself"; I told her I wasn't looking for a "cure", just to be at peace internally.

I was happy I ended up dressed for the occasion. I had a real "gulp" moment when the call started but a few minutes in I felt almost comfortable. Next session in a couple of weeks and this time will be in person (and drab).

I hope Jennifer and Traci can find someone for their needs.

I was the first crossdresser my first therapist had dealt with in several years of private practice. The truth is that it worked well for me. After the first several months of dealing with crossdressing issues (along with other issues) she told me outright how much she'd learned from me. She didn't go into detail, but she has an teenage autistic son who seems to be drawn to the feminine. She said it helped her to understand him better and to not project a set viewpoint towards him. I don't think her lack of direct experience was an issue at all for me. The therapist seemed fairly introverted and appropriately detached, but we did have a rapport where I felt comfortable laying it all out. I'm sure I'd still be with her if she hadn't gone to online only sessions. It was in her office that I first came to see that I am likely high-functioning autistic (aspergers) myself.

She was also certified for EMDR therapy for c-PTSD (complex-Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder). EMDR seemed to work to lessen some of the trauma I originally went to her for. I won't try to explain EMDR but anyone interested can look it up.

I'd interacted with my current therapist a few times in the lobby the two therapists shared. When the first therapist went to online-only, it was a seamless move to the new therapist. It's not clear if the current therapist had prior CD experience, although she has had LGBTQ experience. She is more extroverted, cordial and not as detached, and she is more openly complimentary of my style choices. I think she finds it interesting to see how I'll show up session to session. I am strongly introverted, but not in a 'shy' way. Going to therapy dressed has been a great outlet to get a certain amount of exposure therapy and has given me the confidence just to own a little bit at a time...

My main goal is to get to a point where I understand my motivations enough to translate them for my wife. My wife is accepting but not particularly supportive and it's been hard to articulate even the most basic motivations to her. I've come a long way towards the goal of articulating things for myself. It remains to be seen if I will ever be able to express any of it in words.

[Traci H]

I feel an urge to comment on my success or lack there of, in securing a therapist appointment. Despite telling the clinic owner I would see the therapist she felt was a good choice, three days have passed without a call or contact of any kind.

On a separate note, as this lingered, I contacted our local LGTB center for possible help. Their response was that they really don?t have any resources for crossdressers, implying they are not under the flag of such. However she did say that in talking with a few of their clinicians, one expressed an interest in working with me, especially if this was a marriage issue, having experience in this. Of course I was excited that this might happen. I am now waiting for a response back on setting this up. Fingers crossed. Gees. What a process.

[Bea_]

Traci, I hope you find a therapist soon. I will note that my insurance does not cover the cost and I am paying out-of-pocket. I hope it's different for you.

[Traci H]

You know Bea, all the ones I have looked at appeared to take my insurance This unknown one of course is unknown.

I hope my insurance will cover it. If not, I will be super focused on making sure it is of value in my life.