Different strokes

[Maria 60]

On Friday we went to a charity function with my sister in laws side of the family. I believe I mentioned before that her nephew came out that he was gay and a few weeks back we meet his boy friend. On Friday night when they entered the venue her nephew was dressed in a male suit but his partner was dressed a little confusing to me. From head to toe, he has short hair and was wearing dangling pearl earrings and matching pearl necklace, a white short sweater dress with no pantyhose and I would say unisex loafers and a beautiful white purse. I was alittle confused as what is this person was trying to present as, the only other person I could mention who would do this is probably Bea on this site who I find so unique.
The biggest part that was my shocker and I mean the biggest part literally was I don't know if they were fooling around in the car before they came in or this kid is blessed with this huge package. I have to respect this "I don't care attitude"of walking into a hall with six hundred people like that.
Afterwards we ended up back at our house because when you attend these charity events the food is lean and they close the bar early. Well my wife's younger sister in law didn't hesitate to ask her sister in law what was the deal with her sons partner, what is he trying to portray a women or a man and what was with his thing between his legs walking in a five minutes before he actually walked in. We laughed at that comment but her sister in law answered they do and wear whatever they feel and that sometimes her son will dress as the women also. All she cares about is that her son is happy but did admit telling her son it wasn't appropriate that his partner walked in like that. The discussion now came to should a man dressed as a women tuck or just let it be. Most of them said if the person doesn't totally transition they shouldn't tuck. I made the comment of it depends on what the person is trying to accomplish, if they want to totally be a women then they should tuck. But in that nights situation it was to me a man who loves to wear a dress and women's accessories, he wasn't trying to pass as women. But I did state if it was up to me I would probably not tuck but wear something under that it wouldn't show as much. I have to admit most of them agreed and said there would be nothing wrong with a man dressed as a women and not tucked but showing in a appreciate way. It was actually nice that we were having a calm and positive conversation about this and no burning of the pride flag or anything negative. Maybe they were just being polite because the parents of the gay son was there but all around truthful or not it was good to hear some different opinions.
In all truth I don't go out in public almost at all but when I did go to a crossdressing store in our city I didn't tuck and even when I do get the courage to put gas I never tuck. But I do wear girdle underwear but it does show it a little but I believe it's presentable.

[CarlaWestin]

I'm sure that Bea will agree that there's a big societal expectation that we present entirely on one side of the gender fence or the other. But, decorum still exists to keep society polite. With the little I know about your story, I believe that being able to present however you feel is a rightful thing but there is still a matter of proper decorum. Was the person wearing to present or just in a comfort zone or is the mix gender an erotic trigger? One thing I do know is being in public with a boner holding up the front of your dress is a bit of a faux pas, even at a charity event.

:straightface:

I do like that a real conversation was started without the usual tranny hate BS.

[char GG]

I've mentioned before that I work at a concert venue. Therefore, I see all modes of dress.

What I found is that the younger generation doesn't usually dress like the older (40 and up) CDers do. The latter like to present as women, be identified as women, and go to great lengths "to pass".

The 18 to maybe 25-ish year-olds wear whatever they want but are not really trying "to pass" as women. They wear heels with menswear, sequin dresses with no make-up or wigs (actually - they rarely wear wigs), pink sparkle nails, long chandelier earrings, or lots of eye makeup - in completely man-mode. I'm not surprised at all, that Maria's nephew's boyfriend was dressed that way. I'm not sure what thought goes into their dressing. Or if they are just like a four-year kid and chooses a bunch of items that "look good" to them at the moment - whether it makes sense or not. They usually are not "trying to pass", but my opinion is that they are trying to "make a statement". The statement that stands out to me, is "I wear whatever I want".


My prediction is that the age of the CDer who tries hard to present (pass) as a woman will eventually fade away and become this new wave of androgynous presentation.

I guess if I had any comment to Maria - it would be "get used to it". This is the wave of the future.

PS: The "Drag Queen Christmas" show is coming up - then the division between the young and old CDers will really stand out!

[docrobbysherry]

I don't dress to pass. Because unless I wear a mask I can't, period!:sad:

So, I basically dress for me. And, I like to look as fem as possible in my mirror. Therefore I tuck whenever I dress!:o

Now, that u mention it Maria? I've seen at least 1000 dressers and met 100's. I can't remember anyone's package showing.:straightface:
Altho, I'm not looking for that. I know a few male Admirers who do, tho!:devil:

[Heather76]

I wear dresses and don't need to tuck. Of course, not needing to tuck is helped by having just an average size package. :GD:

[bridget thronton]

Sounds like an interesting discussion

[jjjjohanne]

I'm over 50. I have seen a few years go by. In the old days, I think that guys felt like they had to be one thing or another and fit a label/description. So you had gay and straight. You had to present male or female. Crossdressers would say, "I am 100% straight, but I like to wear..." I guess it was the lack of understanding that made people feel like they had to fit into compartments or explain that they did not fit into assumed compartments.

These days, we live in a less ignorant world. People know of these things. People even know people who do these things. There is less hiding. I think that there is less need to "fit a description". It was quite a novel epiphany for me when I realized that I could just wear a skirt as a guy (~2006). That changed my life. I've never felt like a girl, but I thought that I HAD to present female if I wanted to dress in public.

(This should be heard as humorous, but sincere.) Now, concerning the perceptible willy situation.... I feel like sporting a very conspicuous "thing" adds a sexually shocking aspect to the dressing. It seems pornographic to me. Some people probably are attracted to exhibiting themselves like that. That is not my attraction. I want to look as smooth as I can. Not because I want to look like a woman. I just don't want to be flashing it at people. Even in menswear, I try to avoid presenting a bulge when sitting, etc. But concerning crossdressing, I feel like it hurts "the cause" for a man in a dress to be showing off his privates. Instead of "He made an unusual, but acceptable clothing choice," it creates a situation, like "Hide the kids, Maude! Don't let them see!" These are all half-baked thoughts, though... I have not reasoned out everything. I am probably still using my childhood notion of "keep it a secret that men and women are different down there."

[Nic J]

It really doesn't matter whether people are fully trans, non-binary, gender-nonconforming, whatever. There is no right and wrong way to present. There is however, an issue about what is considered in good taste. In the UK at least, there is probably a consensus that presentation should be modest, wrt to tucking issues etc.

Ultimately, this is a great situation for you to be forthright in your support of your relatives/in-laws who are part of the LGBT community. This may gently challenge/question the homophobic and transphobic opinions of some of your relatives that you have mentioned in recent posts.
Best wishes. :thumbsup:

[DianeT]

I don't know about showing a boner, it's rubbing your intimacy in the face of people who don't necessarily want to share it.
But about not tucking, yes, a hundred times yes. Most men in men's clothes have a bulge, and everyone expects that, it's socially accepted. By the same token, men in dresses can have one too. I can tell you that when my wife lets me do a Man-In-A-Dress session, she'd be very annoyed if I tucked (she's already annoyed enough that I do tuck in full nines).

[Natalie5004]

I do not have to tuck anyway. Small package. I mean almost flat.

[Dutchess]

It never fails to astound me the amount of judgement and strange confusion that so many older cders have to a presentation they don't think it's"proper"

A agree with char and doc completely on what young people are doing. No one really passes. I can tell a 21 ye old lady boy at 1000 yards just as easy as a 75 yr old in a wig, pads and dress. The young people know this and wear what they want to wear and still maintain the identity they were born with.
Like we did in the 70s .
And we had allot of fun.

[Terrihoney]

I've never seen a man in proper fitting formal clothing showing a bulge. Sure, dress as you like, but what washroom do you use? Present as a man or a woman, not a hard decision. A gay man with a hard on? Not appropriate at any non-sexual venue.

[Di]

I've mentioned before that I work at a concert venue. Therefore, I see all modes of dress.

What I found is that the younger generation doesn't usually dress like the older (40 and up) CDers do. The latter like to present as women, be identified as women, and go to great lengths "to pass".

The 18 to maybe 25-ish year-olds wear whatever they want but are not really trying "to pass" as women. They wear heels with menswear, sequin dresses with no make-up or wigs (actually - they rarely wear wigs), pink sparkle nails, long chandelier earrings, or lots of eye makeup - in completely man-mode. I'm not surprised at all, that Maria's nephew's boyfriend was dressed that way. I'm not sure what thought goes into their dressing. Or if they are just like a four-year kid and chooses a bunch of items that "look good" to them at the moment - whether it makes sense or not. They usually are not "trying to pass", but my opinion is that they are trying to "make a statement". The statement that stands out to me, is "I wear whatever I want".


My prediction is that the age of the CDer who tries hard to present (pass) as a woman will eventually fade away and become this new wave of androgynous presentation.

I guess if I had any comment to Maria - it would be "get used to it". This is the wave of the future.

!

Agree the older generation CDs dress differently than nowadays ….i also have grands and it’s totally different.

Why should they tuck? They wouldn’t in any clothing .
He wasn’t exposing himself ( naked)
It always bothers me……especially in here- CDs putting down ( or looking down )how others dress to express themselves…….when many would give anything for acceptance.
Be yourself and let others express themselves.

[docrobbysherry]

Di, I'll never forget a CD.comer I met on here wanting to come to a Hamburger Mary's T Girl nite event. I invited her to join us at a dinner before hand that about a dozen of us attended back then.
She was younger, maybe 40's, very large dresser. No make up, wig, forms, etc. Just pulled on a large dress and showed up. Many, including my good T buddy were appalled! They weren't openly rude but ignored her. I think I was the only one who spoke with her. It was a shock for me to realize how unaccepting dressers can be!:sad:

Altho, because of my masks I experience that all the time!

She didn't go to Mary's that nite and I never saw or heard from her again!:straightface:

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

As to the MAID look, I wish it was more widespread, to the point where I'd feel comfortable wearing a skirt to the sports bar. John H and Joey are my heroes!

As to the bulge/boner look: I put the bulge in the same category as women's boobs, the anatomy is there and we all know it. But a boner??? Poor taste to say the least. If you can't help the boner and can't sit out for a while, carry someone's jacket in front of you til it goes away. (Even nudist resorts discourage the display of such!)

(I went into a truck stop last night in plain black leggings, which don't conceal as much as printed leggings, and I was commando. I imagine there might have been a little more visible detail then I would have liked, but it was late, I was tired, and there was no boner!!)

[BLUE ORCHID]

At my age Nothing suprises me any more.

[Di]

Di,
She was younger, maybe 40's, very large dresser. No make up, wig, forms, etc. Just pulled on a large dress and showed up. Many, including my good T buddy were appalled! They weren't openly rude but ignored her. I think I was the only one who spoke with her. It was a shock for me to realize how unaccepting dressers can be!:sad:

!:straightface:

Docrobbysherry,I am glad you were nice to her. It blows my mind when some are so unaccepting of others, It hurts my heart . Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are .No one wants to feel less than ??I bet she was so excited and probably traumatized over it.
Thanks for sharing?..big hug.

[ellbee]

I kinda don't really care how one may or may not present themselves.

However, I've come to learn that others may or may not view & treat you differently, because of it. But as long as you're okay with a potential range of such? Then go for it.


Heck, some here would probably chastise me for the way I present sometimes, ha!

Then again, real-life experiences have taught me what I need to know when doing this. And I feel like it's been paying off over time.

Of course, one's mileage may vary. :)



Anyway, back to the topic...?


Sorry, but I have to draw the line at the male frontal thing. At some club a bit on the raunchy side? Sure, why not, if that's your jam.


IOW? There's a time & place for everything. ;)

[Bea_]

I am unique I guess. The "not knowing what this person is trying to present as" question wouldn't cross my mind. I'd have opinions about the specific outfit, but not that the person was wearing it. Depending on the style, I would probably look on with a bit of admiration and jealousy at the ability to just own one's own style. Freestyle/hybrid/androgynous/whatever. It's not so much presenting "as" something other than "this is what I chose today". I guess if the person's style was dog ugly, I'd be bothered by the representation by association.

The fact that he was gay doesn't help my particular case since I'm not gay and it just supports a stereotype. But it's none of my business.

The anatomical faux pas kinda falls in the same realm. I don't tuck but i tend to corral things a bit. I'm thinking back to my twenties and how quickly (and spontaneously) things could get out of hand back then. I'm thinking getting out in public in a dress might have been enough inspiration in itself for a spontaneous reaction . I didn't do femme back then so pup-tenting a dress just wouldn't have happened. It would be a fairly small pup tent in my case anyway. Pure exhibitionism is a bit more of an issue, but not mine so much...

[Michelle_G]

Wear what you like, but no one wants to see your junk!

[Lucy Long Legs]

I do not have to tuck anyway. Small package. I mean almost flat.

Me too! In fact I'm convinced that's why I started dressing in the first place. It has turned into a celebration of my inadequacy in that department!

[Genifer Teal]

It would be an interesting analysis if older c d dress to fit in mostly for acceptance, where as younger people have more acceptance so they don't need to fit in, they can follow whatever path they wish and dress however they want. It would be curious to see if there's a correlation between acceptance and how you dress.

[Bea_]

Genifer, I am sure that there's some generational bias but there is still a fairly strong male/female distinction for young people in my limited world. Some of us went through the fairly wild changes of the seventies, and then the backlash that seemed to reel back in a lot of those changes since, I had waist length hair in the seventies and now it's back. My wife and I could share jeans, and did. It was about that time that 'women's jeans' were becoming a thing, designed to fit the female physique. She wore my shirts without looking masculine in the least. It seems like since those days, women's clothes have become more and more liberated and 'normal' men's clothes have become more and more conformitive. It seems like the average male has become more and more invisible as a person. That seems to be my motivation.

[Jasmine23]

It's great that they had the confidence to wear what they want and were accepted, but, show some respect to the other guests too, while a slight bulge is acceptable, and possibly unavoidable for them, actively flaunting their bulge is in poor taste. There is a middle ground between expressing yourself and being vulgar, the fact that other people clearly picked up on this suggests they overstepped the mark, probably knowingly and revelled in other people's reactions. It's one problem I don't have to worry about anyway!