Wife risks me being outed?

[JesseVF]

Something happened a couple days ago that I would like to share as this really took me by surprise.
As background I often dress in the evenings with shapewear but never with wig or makeup as this is kind of a line my wife and I don?t cross.
I was dressed head to toe the other day, purse and all, ready to head out to my therapy meeting, which is the only time I fully dress - unless she is away. I always just say good bye on my way out from another room so that she doesn?t see me. So I say see ya and I hear - can you come look at this? I think - seriously - you know how I?m dressed right now.I cautiously approach and see she is outside on our patio, and she thinks there is a watering issue with garden. Again she says can you come look at this? So I?m thinking ok I guess you realize what you?re getting into here. So now I?m on the patio fully dressed which I never even do by myself for obvious reasons, and we just start having this garden discussion like it?s perfectly normal! While it felt nice in a way of course but mostly my mind is racing thinking why is she doing this, and also kind of panicky about how risky this is to be seen by neighbors - which is usually a big concern of hers - and mine. After a while i said ok I have to go.
When I returned home instead of going straight upstairs to change i thought well, seeing as happened earlier, maybe it would be ok to hang out in our living room for a while. We talked about plans for the rest of the day and she said well we can go whenever you want to change. Or she offered to go by herself if I didn?t want to change for the day.
I?m not rushing to see this as any grand new super high level of acceptance or anything but it does give me a sense that maybe I?m underestimating her tolerance to my cding, at least at times.
Anyway sorry I know this is not the most exciting experience compared to others but it was kind of a shocker to me.

[Traci H]

Jesse, if that happened to me, I too would be trying to process the events. I?m sure you are hopeful things have become more accepting or normal so to speak, yet trying not to read too much into it. Many of us have been lead down that path with mixed results.

A spouses fear of us being seen is high on their lust if fears. Makes you wonder what msyboy may not have changed. I hope for your sake it is indeed a new level of acceptance or say less fear on her part.

Not exciting news? I would beg to differ.

- - - Updated - - -

Also curious about how you were dressed. Dress, skirt, pants. Curious about how you present at your therapist and what the neighbors would see.

[Cheryl T]

That kind of happened to me too.
Although she wasn't opposed to me dressing fully in the house we'd never done anything outside at home. Then one nice Saturday I was taking some photos and she said "i'll take them for you". She took the camera and started walking outside. I was surprised and she just said "C'mon, you can pose by the flower bed. You're outfit will look nice with the background." I followed and we did some shots in different areas and then we went to the patio and sat and talked like it was all normal. She told me she didn't care about the neighbors anymore and if I was comfortable then she was too.
It took a bit to get used to it, but it was such a wonderful moment with her showing her acceptance.

[Heather76]

My wife also prefers not to see me with makeup and a wig. Although she has on a few occasions seen me like that, I try to honor her request by waiting until after she goes to bed to "finish getting dressed." If she suggested I go outside with her while fully dressed, that would be a BIG deal to me. And, yes, I would be excited having that experience.

[BustyOlivia]

Wow! Congrats on taking such big risks! Sounds like you might have made it unseen by your neighbors too! The whole after session when you came home and stayed dressed sounds like a dream come true! Also didn?t know therapists would want to see you dressed, I always wished I could have therapy as Olivia too. Hope your future times dressed are accepted more and more. Maybe your wife can be more comfortable than you think at times huh? Either way, good luck and congrats on your night

[kimdl93]

As I read these comments, I thought of my ex. She had no problems with me underdressing or wearing lingerie, but was (silently) and deeply troubled by seeing me dressed completely. On my part, I have to acknowledge a desire to be seen?and ideally, accepted by the person I was closest to. It was the definition of irreconcilable differences.

[Jillcder]

Jesse, stories like this make me smile I think its wonderful that your wife is accepting of your Crossdressing. I also agree with you this is a very exciting experience with your sweet wife.

[Terrihoney]

Jesse, it seems your wife has become more acceptable to your dressing. A more honest and open discussion should happen between you two. Maybe she did some research on her own? Accepting that your need to dress is what destroys many relationships.
She having an interest in how you look should be a major topic in further discussions.

Hugs, Terri

[Stephanie47]

I am envious of all of you who have an accepting wife. I can understand a newly married couple may have a wife wondering, "What the heck is going on?" I would think after some period of time she would realize cross dressing is just part of her guy. My wife knows, but does not know the extent of my wardrobe. I respect her declination, so I do not "rub it in her face." Keep the stories coming.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I'm in the go slowly and don't make assumptions crowd.

Yes, she may have come to feel that this isn't something to worry about and damn what the neighbors see.

However; it could be something else. Maybe she just didn't think about it.

Don't assume anything and ASK HER. Communication is key here. The last thing you want to do is assume she's more accepting and cross a line that she never meant to erase. She may feel it's fine for "her" to do it but NOT YOU.

Tread slowly and carefully.

Good Luck

[Jenn A116]

Isn't it great when there is progress in your relationship! Now, just because you've moved a bit, be sure you don't over do it. Small steps will get you to more complete acceptance. Big steps may actually stop you.

[JesseVF]

Traci - I was wearing black tights with a mid thigh denim skirt, brown top, and black flats with wig shapewear and makeup. Clearly feminine look if a neighbor had passed by. I typically wear fairly conservative and hoping to blend outfits to therapy as I usually go to a goodwill next door after my meeting. Although once in a while I will wear something a bit more risqu? for fun but then I skip goodwill.
CheryT - your experience is much more authentic regarding acceptance - wow that?s an another level! Mine was more spur of the moment as she was concerned about the garden issue and wanted to talk to me about it. Still I think a change has occurred in that she chose to not worry about how I was dressed. So happy for your situation!
Heather - glad you have space and time to enjoy your dressing and hoping for even more for you.
BustyOlivia - both therapists I have had totally support dressing while seeing them. I even send them pictures sometimes which they also accept easily. I hope you get to do that someday if that?s what you want. Love your name by the way.
Kim - I?m sorry about the differences you had and hope you are in your best place now. Believe me I know how lucky I am to have the amount of acceptance I do have at this point.
Thank you Jill I?m glad you had a smile going.
Stephanie - yes I think my wife fairly quickly came to the conclusion that I?m still the same person and that this is just an unusual component of who I am. Not that it?s easy and my marriage hasn?t changed, but again I?m lucky.
Terri, Linda and Jenn - I figured one response who be regarding to communicate. I had thought about that and I?m hoping when the time is right I can ask - so what did you think about the way I was dressed the other day when the garden issue came up - or something like that. I agree with all your comments about that and going slowly.

I really appreciate all the feedback. My personality makes me hesitant to opine too much or start threads etc? but I?m glad I did this time. Really appreciate all the participants and mods on the forum- it?s been very helpful to me.

[docrobbysherry]

In my experience with wives and women, Jesse? Whenever I've assumed what they were thinking I've been invariably wrong!:doh:

I think the best way to find out what they r thinking is to ask! Then, at least I have 50% chance of understanding them!:thumbsup:

[alwayshave]

Jesse, That is a step in the right direction. I'm happy for you.

[Traci H]

Jesse, I had to quickly go and look where you were located again. Why? Because you commented that you often go to Goodwill after your therapy, which is right next door.

In another thread about counseling, I am waiting for a call back about seeing a therapist. This location is right next door to the Goodwill I frequent often. Made my head spin for a moment, but you are far away from me. I could see myself going to therapy dressed someday and then hitting Goodwill. Good for you!

[JesseVF]

That would have been quite the coincidence Traci but yes unfortunately we?re nowhere near each other.
Hope you find someone soon and enjoy your goodwill shopping. They are great not only for prices but I love the individual fitting rooms.

[Raychel]

I remember one time a very similar thing happened to me.

When I was married in the beginning we were about as DADT as possible.
As time went on she became more accepting and I was able to dress around the house.
Well this one day she was sitting on the deck, Which faced the road.
With full view of anyone that may drive by and definitely in full view of the neighbors.
My brother lived down the same road, so It was entirely possibly that he could drive by as well.
I was talking to her thru the screen door and she said "why don't you just come out here"
I did for a short while, but I was so nervous I went back inside very soon after I went out.

She apparently got to the point that she did not care who saw me. Seemed like she was more accepting than
I was at that point.

[Mercedes]

Thanks for sharing Jesse. Seems like we are in a similar place but I cannot see my spouse inviting me out of the house, even to the backyard as it is very exposed to several neighbours. I am even a little nervous being seen through the windows.

[JesseVF]

Rachel - I love that your wife is so accepting and hope you are able to be secure and enjoy that.
My wife is definitely not at the stage where she doesn?t care who sees me - but for this event that happened I think she for once overlooked how I looked and didn?t focus on it, which I?m taking as a small way of accepting who I am.
Mercedes it?s such a shame that we can?t present how we want even inside our own house! I used to feel that way - also when first started driving while as Jesse. Over time I was able to get over those fears and I hope you can also if that?s your wish.
Doc - still hoping to discuss with her at some point, and Alwayshave thank you.

[Rochal Tukque]

I am curious how these agreements get started. DADT, dressed but not seen, half way ok all the way not ok, kinda sorta but don?t let me see you. On and on. Not being critical just don?t know. My first wife was absolutely no way don?t even think of even talking about it absolutely a clear cut line. My wife now of 20 plus years would rather me being dressed up and inviting friends over for a nice dinner than a bunch of obnoxious grubby dudes for a game on TV. So I?ve never been in the halfway house. I have some friends that are living that type of lifestyle have yet to help me get my brain around how that works. The only thing I seem to walk away with in our discussions it?s pretty miserable. As I said curious. Hugs Rochal