My wife's real fears

[Maria 60]

Tonight I got home from work and my wife questioned why I haven't been dressing much. After last week I felt like my fem side was in the spot light so I decided to take some advice from some of you here and lay low. I told my wife I believe I've been coming on strong lately, since the time change and with the colder weather and getting darker earlier I feel like I'm dressing more. I get home from work and dress up and then sleep in a nightie or full slip and it feels like it's maybe getting to much for her. I asked her if she thinks I should seek some therapy or counselling to control it a little. She told me I'm having these thoughts about what happened last week and she only told me to be more careful with my stuff. She explained that her fear is what would happen if our family found out, if they see stuff that they know doesn't belong to her. She said if they caught me dressed that's one thing that can be dealt with but she doesn't want people assuming things is worse for her. We never locked doors and we never restricted anyone from being comfortable in our home and she doesn't want to be on pins and needles when someone goes into a room. She asked me if I felt comfortable telling the children she would stand by me but for me to be prepared and it could be life changing. Our son-in laws and daughter in laws are very verbal on how they feel about cross gender. They could limit me to our grandchildren or maybe even distance themselves from us and is this a roll of the dice I'm willing to take.
She answered my question and told me I don't need counselling and she has no problem how much I dress and we are in our 60s now that we worked very hard all our lifes to educate our children and marry them off and help them financial whenever we can and that it's our time to do what we enjoy now and she knows I enjoy dressing. She tells me that's why she wants me to be careful because she can't afford to lose anyone in our family and especially now at her age. Wow! My heart was weighing very heavy that I'm putting her though this and I apologized and asked her what I could do to make this easier for her. She told me if I could be more careful with my stuff and I could dress as much as I want in our home and take my drive once and while and that she loves having a father to our children, husband and friend. She knows I already went through my stuff and put it all in one area and I gave her a heart felt hug and told her I will be more careful and relieved her and told her I'm not willing to roll the dice and that I'm very happy where I am and for her to tell me when she sees I'm out of line.
She reinsured me that she is fine with everything and for me to go get dressed up and just enjoy it.
My dads last words to me before he passed away were "my son if you do nothing else right in your life, at least you married an amazing women". I know he was right but I feel bad for putting her though this even though she says it doesn't bother her.
I believe dinner reservations at her favourite restaurant is in the making. I thought I had to share the day to day challenges of our beautiful hobbies.

[JennniferMcC]

You take that wonderful woman to anyplace she wants to go! Restaurant or Rome...wherever! You got a good one there. You're blessed.

[JesseVF]

Maria I can sense your relief after having this conversation with your wife, and glad you will feel good about getting back to your usual dressing times. My wife actually has a very similar attitude about my dressing as yours. I still worry about it being too much for her at times much like yourself, so it?s an internal struggle for me.

[docrobbysherry]

I think I can save u some time and money, Maria. I've had help from professional counselors for over 50 years. Any qualified therapist would kick u out and send u home to talk with your wife.
It's nice that u post your adventures here for our edification and entertainment. But, when u need help or answers? Don't expect it from us when u can get the best advice in the next room!:thumbsup:

[Bea_]

It's great that the air is cleared. I have the same issues with grandkids. I would never want to make my son or daughter or in-laws distance themselves. Grandkids are my favorite blessing. I also don't want to influence my grandson's in any way. Life is complicated enough for kids these days. I'm less careful than my wife would like me to be. i'm just trying to find a sweet spot.

[Sandi Beech]

It sounds as if you handled it the best way possible given the situation. All good.

I can tell you that if my fem clothing items were out for people to find, they would immediately know the items did not belong to my wife as she would not get caught dead wearing some of the things I like ; )

Sandi

[Helen_Highwater]

Maria,

You, like many here, have been dressing for years and have a comfortable and understanding relationship with your SO. The problem is that we become a little complacent, lackadaisical in our housekeeping when it comes to our femme things. I looked back and re-read your post about the sister's unannounced visit and finding knickers in your sock drawer.

Things left out, not put away. I'm in a DADT relationship and am as guilty of this as anyone. "Well, she knows so..." but I know that misses the point. I should do all I can to keep my dressing out of sight but when I wear femme items virtually everyday it becomes too easy to think "I'll put that away later".

Perhaps the mantra, a place for something and everything in it's place should be the guiding light for both of us going forward. Demarcation lines set and observed, drab in there, femme elsewhere. Neat and tidy, things put away.

You had a close call and we all know you don't want to do anything to jeopardise the wonderful relationship you have with your SO or both your relationships with family. Learn and move on.

[Jillcder]

Maria, you and your wife are such sensible/intelligent people the word needs more like you two. Like Sandi said if someone finds my wardrobe they will know its not my lovely wifes too many little dresses and frilly skirts I guess maybe its time I start dressing my age.

[DianeT]

It's nice that you keep the lines of communication open and listen to each other's concerns and needs.

[alwayshave]

Maria, I think taking your wife to her favorite restaurant is the right move. I'm glad you cleared the air.

[Heather76]

My situation is very much like your situation. My wife does not want family and friends to know I CD. I am careful in that regard. One advantage I do have is our family is all over 900 miles away. Thus, that's not really an issue. I can dress, sans makeup and wig, as much as I want at home. When not dressed, I am always underdressed in various degrees. But, I am careful that friends won't see or know. I wish I could be more open, but there is no need to be unless my wife gave me the go ahead to dress in public at will. I figure my true friends will remain friends and those "friends" who are really just acquaintances will be former friends. Fortunately, I'm very much a loner and don't need the approval of others (except my wife) in my life.

The fact you and your wife can talk about your cross dressing and you both agree on boundaries is important.

[Mercedes]

Maria, having open conversations about your crossdressing with your spouse like that is wonderful, even more than the crossdressing I feel. I would love to be able to talk about Mercedes with my spouse but I know she is would rather not. But she is generally OK with my dressing in front of her, no make up or wigs though.

A lovely dinner is order. Dessert is on me.