Dealing with the gay stereotype as a CD

[marciegirl777]

I recently came out to my wife after 18 years of marriage. It's been a good marriage overall, so why did I keep my dressing from her so long? Primarily it was because she has always been a bit of a homophobe. She has a hard time accepting that a Crossdresser could actually want to dress like a woman and not be gay. Secondly, we have a wonderful son who is now 11. She is constantly fretting about someone trying to "turn him gay". I try to explain to her that sexuality and gender is programmed in; not a choice. We are what we are. It's been hard for me, but I know it is going to be a slow process of education and overcoming her prejudices and fears. So this begs the question to you GG's; what is the conventional wisdom among GG's when it comes to CDs? Do most GGs still think that CDs are necessarily gay?

[Angel73 GG]

So this begs the question to you GG's; what is the conventional wisdom among GG's when it comes to CDs? Do most GGs still think that CDs are necessarily gay?


Well, I can't speak for other GG's but really, I think of most CDers as being hetero males who just like to dress up in women's clothing to various degrees. Now before I met my dh, my only knowledge of CDers were people like RuPaul and drag queens, so yeah...I suppose I might have thought of CDers as being gay or at least questionable. And one of the very first questions to him when I found out was....Are you gay? But when he said no, I believed him. In the back of my mind I never really believed he was gay anyway because of the nature and closeness of our relationship. Now I suppose he might have fantasies of what it might like to be a woman and have sex with a man, but I'll leave those in his head thankyouverymuch!! In my heart I know fantasy is different from reality and he would never desire to be with a man.

The bottom line I think, is that your wife has just never experienced what it is like to know a hetero male who likes to CD. She has lots of preconceived notions and prejudices because that is all she knows. But give her time. If your relationship is close, and you communicate a lot about this issue, I think her perceptions will change over time. You have the opporunity here to really influence her perception and educate her on what crossdressing is really about for you. But I suggest you just take it slow and let her take the lead with what she is comfortable with. She may never be accepting, but all you can do is try. Good luck!

[A sage GG]

IMHO the whole thing of gender reversal is a staircase. Some men are happy with just wearing a pair of panties and don't need anymore i.e. first step. As some men like to take it further up the stairs clothing but not to be convincing women, others want to be able to pass as a woman but not live their lives as one. Then to the upper end of the staircase where some men feel they would like to be a woman and have the desires sexually and non sexually to be women. And finally the top these are the ones who believe they were meant to be women.
While most men climb the stairs in their life all starting at the bottom most find a comfortable place, others just keep climbing. I cannot tell you which magic step (if there even is one) where the desires become a sexual reversal. I would believe that they start somewhere near the middle of the staircase. But those maybe only desires and not actions.
Honestly I do not know enough transgendered people to know all their desires and whether they would rather be with men or women. I have a CDer in the middle of the staircase for now.
Hope the analogy worked

[Patsy Stone GG]

So this begs the question to you GG's; what is the conventional wisdom among GG's when it comes to CDs? Do most GGs still think that CDs are necessarily gay?

I think the vast majority of GG's on this site would agreee that CD's are heterosexual, however if you stood out on the street and did a research project on the subject, I'm sure you would get some very different answers.

I know that if I went back to the place where I grew up and asked what people (both male and female) thought about CD's, they would immediately talk about Frank 'N' Furter, RuPaul or the guy from Dead or Alive and automatically assume that every person ever to wear "female" clothing is either a) female, or b) gay.

[kathy gg]

HI marcie

What 'we' on this board feel ultimatly is irrelevant.

It is your wife whom you have to live with/be around/ and carry on daily life with. Her feelings are the only guage that matter.

Now please don't take this as a criticism of your wive's intelligence or anything negative...but she obviously has never had to ponder or think about or read up on or educate herself on what does being "homosexual" means or what being "transgender" means. If she had any background on understanding homosexuality she would not think someone could "turn her son" gay.

Until ANY person, male or female takes the time to actually educate themselves all they have to go on is rumor/speculation/ television and their gut. All of which amount to sketchy truths and guess and assumtion.

I think most people draw their conclusions on the only things they can grasp association to crossdressing with.

For example:
guy likes to wear a dress = women like dresses
women like men = crossdresser must be into men
crossdresser = gay

you see what an easy jump this can be for one who knows very little?

Is it any wonder why so many do decide that definition fits?

Also, and I hate to say this, but alot of times on this forum when people start talking about sexuality, the slippery slope of sexual experimentation seems to be "de riguer" for many in our community. And I don't have any issue with that, personally, to each their own desire. But alot of cd's do readily admit when "dressed" en femme their sexual desires seem to become less rigid and less "conventionally hetrosexual". If I was a wife who knew very little ...well again the lines do blur for many. And if I was a wife who already thought one could be "turned" gay...well....do you get the picture.

Don't worry about what other gg's think. You are not married to them. Try to get some educational material for your SO.
Most sincerely




I recently came out to my wife after 18 years of marriage. It's been a good marriage overall, so why did I keep my dressing from her so long? Primarily it was because she has always been a bit of a homophobe. She has a hard time accepting that a Crossdresser could actually want to dress like a woman and not be gay. Secondly, we have a wonderful son who is now 11. She is constantly fretting about someone trying to "turn him gay". I try to explain to her that sexuality and gender is programmed in; not a choice. We are what we are. It's been hard for me, but I know it is going to be a slow process of education and overcoming her prejudices and fears. So this begs the question to you GG's; what is the conventional wisdom among GG's when it comes to CDs? Do most GGs still think that CDs are necessarily gay?

[marciegirl777]

I want to thank all you girls for your honest and thoughtful responses. This is one of the reasons I keep coming back to this site. I really do appreciate all of you for taking the time to share your thoughts. You are like the close sisters that I never had. I love you all.

Hugs,

-Marcie

[Anita Mae GG]

I think they are for the most part hetero BUT prior to me educated myself on crsosdressing I thought otherwise....... So I guess if you are an ignorant person in society with no knowledge of crossdressing etc then I would say the majority of society would think they are gay. But that's just my opinion.

[Tamara Croft]

I'd never heard of a crossdresser till I met my partner 7 years ago, let alone a gay crossdresser. This was one of the things he assured me of 'I'm not gay'. I never thought he was and I still don't understand why many do think they are.

[~Kitty GG~]

I agree that what we all think is irrelevent. The only thing that matters is how your SO sees it and how open she is to learning.

And it doesn't really matter whether other CDs ARE gay.. in this situation only your sexual preference matters.

I have come to realize (tho I was a very niave .. possibly ignorant .. person before ~Dee~ came out to me) through LOTS of research and interaction with CDs, TSs, and even some who consider themselves a mix of both sexes or a third sex, that sexual preference is totally different from gender. And it appears that you'll find a similar mix of hetro/gay/bi in every group of people. So TS's are quite possibly no more gay on average than CDs are.. or steelworkers.. or housewives..

Love & Hugs

[BethGG]

Well people should remember too that there are gay or bi CDs :) I think just as long as you're honest though, if someone asks if you're gay say you're not, besides that whatever, people can think what they want!