latest update..not good..

[Kaitlyn Michele]

:(

and so it goes...been seperated for 4 months..for those who read previous posts thanks for support..

she is basically spitting fireballs at me every time i talk about the future. the writing is on the wall and the latest shot across the bough was that our whole marriage was based on a lie...i am not one to say that as a xdresser i am totally blameless for not telling her...

i should've told her...she wouldnt have married me its clear to see now, and i wouldnt have my wonderful daughters...

at the time i really didnt know as much about this dressing and for me its very sexual and i frequently indulge myself in my own fantasies(ahem)..

my wife was smart and felt less attention over time and drifted away in some way and finally said she was out of love...almost 2 yrs later..still the same...

its funny i should be a dressing maniac but i'm simply not...i'm just very sad for me and for her

thanks for listening

[TGMarla]

It's very sad, Michele. And it's hard for anyone, I know. But the writing, as you said, is on the wall, and it's time to move forward. After my divorce from my first wife (crossdressing had nothing to do with it...she was cheating on me), it took me a year to get beyond it. I started dating again after that, and got on with my life. I hope for you that you can do the same, given the time. My thoughts are with you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

thanks

nice avatar!!!

[Faye Emmette]

Oh Dear Michellle,
I don't wish to take sides but I feel for you and think your wife is just in general "Out of Love".
We don't give our future spouses a complete dossier on ourselves when we are courting and regarding Crossdressing, one might even think it's a passing phase that the Love of a woman will encompass and quash.
I wish I could get her by the shoulders and just say "Wake up !!! Don't throw Love away for poor reasons"..
All the best for you Michelle,
XX
F.

[Tamara Barclay]

Been where you are at...not a happy place to be!!!

Please avoid the temptation to beat yourself up. It can be an easy out for a woman to blame the crossdressing for the end of the marriage.
Fall out of love? Marriage has nothing to do with "being in love", it is about commitment! Half the time I can't decide if I want to kiss my wife or push her down the staris. (just kidding) But the fact remains I am commited to her.....and that commitment is something really lacking in marriages today.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

thnx for replies,,,faye very nice thoughts

tamara..what you are saying is so true...she told me she was "out of love"...after a couple months of back and forth i told her about dressing thinking i was sharing...i felt also that if we were to make it, everything should be on the table...
that was a bit silly in hindsight but now its a great excuse for her and she is giving up a totally committed guy and my kids are now going to have to deal with divorced parents..

it gets me quite angry but my dressing and my guilt feelings about it cause alot of fear in me and i've let this all go to far..her comment about our marriage being a "lie" was in response to me saying that we should be trying to stay committed

[Kaitlyn Michele]

thanx jan for caring to post.. i know time heals...and my daughters are loved to death by me and love me to death so i'll always have that

looking at your age...i am not far from where you were...

and you dont look at day over 49 !!!;)

[uknowhoo]

:hugs: Oh Michelle, I'm so sorry to hear the news of your update :hugs: My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Give yourself a big hug, and know we're all here for you. Best wishes, Tammi

[Danielle]

Loosing someone is very difficult,to this day after 10 years I thought I would be over her(G/F) but am not so am with you girl 110%,Love just dissappears and the best thing to do is to pray,move on and learn from mistakes.I guess is goes for single guys and married ones too lol:wave: take care.

[Dana]

Been where you are at...not a happy place to be!!!


Fall out of love? Marriage has nothing to do with "being in love", it is about commitment!


STAND AND TESTIFY, SISTER, STAND UP AND TESTIFY!!!! DON'T HOLD BACK TELL IT ALL, AND TELL IT LIKE IT IS!!! AND THEN TELL IT AGAIN!

You didn't fall out of love with me when I bought you those cars.

You didn't fall out of love with me when I bought you all that furniture and appliances that you just had to have!

You didn't fall out of love with me when I was buying you all that jewelry, and clothes.

You didn't fall out of love with me when you wanted to quit your job, and stay home with the kids.

You didn't fall out of love with me when I bought you that house!

[Dana]

My divorce of 15 years ago, was one of the most painful, hurtful, and hardest things I've ever had to go through, and I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. My heart truly goes out to you.

But, having crawled out of a financial nightmare, and out of a bottle, having beaten myself up over being a crossdresser, (it really wasn't that big a deal, but she turned it into Hell, Fire, and Damnation as if the sky was falling)

But, I'm here to tell you, there IS life after divorce. Its a new beginning, a fresh start, except this time you smarter, wiser, better edcuated, more experienced for the experience. You have a clearer definition of what kind of woman ~ person you're looking for, needing in your life ~ and what is all the more important ~ what kind YOU DON'T need, nor want in your life.

Once you get pass the shock, denial, anger stages of the grieving process ~ things actually start looking up ~ and looking better. A entire world, .... nay an entire universe of opportunties open up to you. And are open to you. Freedom is never more cherished by those that have never know freedom.

I would strongly caution you to guard your heart, and emotions against re-bounding ~ I would not permitt myself to get serious about anyone for at minimum of one year until the ink is dry on the difforece papers, ~ preferablly two.

Now, is a time of personal ~ and I mean immense personal growth ~ to look back over the past, the present, and the future, and to decide what to leave in and what to leave out. If your having trouble coping ~ I would recommend joining a divorce support group ~ they're around.

I cannot EMPHASIS for the sake of your children ~ your beloved daughters that you PURCHASE and read a book called "Second Chances" by Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakslee.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0395735335/104-8833229-5213529?v=glance&n=283155

They undertook a study 20+ years ago and found that the effects of a divorce reach in children's lives well into their adult life! I highly RECOMMEND THIS BOOK ~ it most definately has news that you can use.

Dr. Phil's books and CD's have helped me tremendously.

http://www.drphil.com/

One of the greatest resources I can recommend is http://www.lightyourfire.com especiall the "Light Your Fire" CD set.

With any divorce, comes money ~ financial issues, just from splitting the rug and going from two incomes to one ~ I cannot recommend this site enough ~ it has made dramatic changes in my life!

http://cheapskatemonthly.com

(And, by the way, I was a recent fiance major in college ~but we never covered the day to day of day to day living!)

Don't hesitate to post ~ there are many veterans here, you can tell you a lot!

Best of luck! We're here for you!

SempeFi!

Dana

[Janelle Young]

Hi Michele,

I have been, in a way, in the same place you are. I got divorced (she knew about my dressing from the start and she was OK with it, so for me it was different than it is for you.) That being said divorce sucks big time. Mine was about as gentle as it gets, and I can still call my ex wife and have a conversation with her. It was still the worst thing I ever went through. It rips you apart and makes you feel like s*&#.

But you will get over it in time, how long that takes depends on the person. For me it took about two years. I feel for you and for your daughters. If this goes on and you do get divorced, remember that you are a good person, father, mate. Both you and your (ex) wife loose, but she will have lost more. Love and support your daughters no matter what, as I am sure you will.

This has happened for a reason, it may be hard to see that now but time will work it all out. As I write this I am trying very hard to believe what I write because it relates to my life right now as well as yours. I believe that life will get better for the both of us.

We are here for you, call on us when ever you need to. Yeah this stinks, and it hurts, but you will get over it and will be in a better place down the road. I know that is true for both you and I.

Stay strong and know a lot of people are wishing you the best.


Janelle

[Kaitlyn Michele]

dana you speak so much truth..

my wife has turned out to be very very selfish and self absorbed and really not on the same page as me about family and committment..

i live in her town, i have none of my old friends, i work, and i'm being really honest when i say i am as much a mother to those kids as her..i am truthfully probably better off without her but i have very strong principles about marriage and family and divorce is not in the mix...of course i really have no choice//

my wife took and took of my generosity and then said she's done ...we are somewhat blessed because we do have good $$ resources(i am in finance well) but that only makes it worse for me.. she's gonna keep taking ..

so i'm going into the black hole of divorce...my eyes are wide open..its gonna be bad..and my wonderful kids are gonna be scarred for life and there's not a damn thing i can do about it...

but i am going to come up and out and we'll have to see what happens next...
and it helps to know i'm not alone in all this
thnx

[Joy Carter]

That says it all I'm in a thirtyseven year commitment with love as a priority. From the start I wanted nothing but to make this work because I was raised by a single parent and it was tough. I shall not go into any details but I read your posts and it sounds like you are commited to thouse girls something that my parents lacked. Just be there for them at all times they are your life now and nothing else matters. :thumbsup: