How

[buttercup GG]

Okay I was told that I could ask any thing
Do you ever miss your husband? sometimes I feel cheated... do you ever wonder if I drees in this, is he looking at me for me or is he lookinng at this for him or when we shop together is it for me or for her is it okay to be jealous of her?

I want to meet her so bad but I am very afraid, should I be and if not how should I ask to be intruduced to her?
Buttercup

[Tamara Croft]

Hiya and welcome to the forum. I'll try to answer your questions as best as I can.

Do you ever miss your husband? My partner doesn't dress full time, he's more of a fetish CD, so I have my man more than I have her.

do you ever wonder if I drees in this, is he looking at me for me or is he lookinng at this for him This is so very common, my partner often looks at my clothes and comments on them and I just say to him 'you're just wondering what you would look like in it really and not what I look like in it'.. he just laughs...

or when we shop together is it for me or for her is it okay to be jealous of her? I think the question you should ask yourself is 'why' you are jealous of her?

I want to meet her so bad but I am very afraid, should I be and if not how should I ask to be intruduced to her? This is difficult and your husband shouldn't be pushed into showing you 'her'. He will probably find this more difficult than you will. If you want to meet her, let your husband know you are ready and tell him when he's ready to show you her, to let you know.

My partner still feels embarrassed when he is her.. and we've been together 7 years ;)

[dancinginthedark]

Buttercup,
Welcome to the family kiddo.
I will try to answer your questions. I have known for a little over two months now and found out after 17 years of marriage. I know it can be scary and you must have tons of questions.

1)Okay I was told that I could ask any thing: Yep.

1) Do you ever miss your husband? I worried I would at first but as I learned more about his CD-ing I realized he is still the same man I fell for and married. He does not dress 24/7 though. I believe from what I have read that most do not dress 24/7. If you are not sure how your husband sees this going you need to have a talk with him. I have seen DH dressed and it did take some getting used to. Not every day you see your man in a skirt, blouse and heels! :D

2) Sometimes I feel cheated: Not a question but I will respond any way. Me too. I felt cheated at first too. I didn't know about the CD-ing for many years and I felt I had lost my man when I found out. We all have to make mental adjustments on the way to acceptance. In time I hope you see this like I do. A gift. He is happier and so am I. All of those qualites of his that made me fall for him in the first place are magnified now. You see it was the femme inside that was responsible for most if not all of those things I love so much about him.

3) Do you ever wonder if I dress in this, is he looking at me for me or is he looking at this for him? Well, based on my own DH both. He does love to see me dressed to the nines and the male in him shows me he appreciates how I look. Other times the femme inside him does get a bit jealous of my being able to wear what I want when I want to and yes, at those times he might like to have the same outfit or maybe just the opportunity to try it on.

4) When we shop together is it for me or for her? A tough one. I had to put my size 9 up his @ss on this one. I insisted that when we were shopping for me that it be for me. At first he would turn every shopping trip into a buying spree for him/her. Now we have trips to the mall for just me, just him, for us and for “her” Every one is much happier now.

5) is it okay to be jealous of her? Yep. Your husband just brought a strange woman into your marriage, didn’t he? Isn’t that the core of this feeling? Even if the other woman is him/her. If you are like I was you have to be wondering what your role is now if he is the woman. Truth is he isn't. He isn't a woman and he knows that hun. He simply likes to dress like one and enjoys the feel of silks and stuff the same as you and I do. Under that skirt though he is still your man and even as a CD-er he will always be your man--even when he is your girl. :D First and formost that is what helped me move along the road to accpetance. Knowing that I had not lost my man and being reassued ALOT. It is a normal reaction to feel jealous at first and confused too and it will get better as long as he works to reassure you. Time will also help you as you have to get your mind wrapped around the idea in the first place. IMHO here are the answers to a couple you didn't post but may wonder about. What is your role now? The same as it always has been, his wife, his friend and his lover. What does he want you to be now? YOU.

6) I want to meet her so bad but I am very afraid, should I be? I had mixed emotions too. I didn’t know how I would react to seeing my man dressed as a woman. My God what if I laughed? What if I cried? What if I became angry? What if? If you don’t know what your reaction will be, and really how could you know, simply tell him. Explain to him you don’t know how you will feel or act and do like I did. Apologize in advance for any negative behavior you might express. Come on he is a CD and I think God gave them all an extra dose of humor just to deal with it all. I think your husband will appreciate your candor and he will certainly love you for your willingness to even try to accept him.

7) If not how should I ask to be introduced to her? Talk, talk and then talk some more. Are you ready to meet her? Or would you prefer to take baby steps? Maybe just see him in panties first and take it slowly? You are a couple so your comfort level needs to be taken into consideration too. Honest. :o You are just as import as he is and this is a big step for you both. Tamara is right though, he will likely be just as nervous and scared as you are the first several times you see him dressed. It’s okay though, it will get better and it will get easier.

Maybe you could make a list of your concerns, questions, fears etc and share them with your husband. In the mean time read and learn as much as you can. Do a search in the MTF forum for threads using search terms like “just found out” or “husband is CD” or "first time dressing" for example. Heck just reading and posting to the MTF side made it so much easier for me than if I had done it on my own. The "ladies" opened their hearts and arms and made me feel welcomed and offered tons of support and help.
You are on the right track by being here and asking questions. I think your husband is lucky to have you, not all wives would be willing to even try, let alone actively seek out help. Feel free to post any questions here and if you need someone to talk with privately or just vent PM me. Hang in there and good luck on this journey. (hugs)

[Sage GG]

[Okay I was told that I could ask any thing.

You really can ask anything at all.


Do you ever miss your husband?
Only when I'm at work :) now I have another side to him. When I ask him " What are you thinking Honey?, I get a real answer and its OK if its that he would like a new wig

sometimes I feel cheated...

nothing wrong with an honest emotion

do you ever wonder if I drees in this, is he looking at me for me or is he lookinng at this for him or when we shop together is it for me or for her
He probably will do a little of both but haven't you ever looked at a friends new car and wondered if you could drive a ......
As for the shopping its some thing you work out together and its fun and sometimes very funny. We were at Macy's a few weeks ago and he handed me a shirt with some other stuff and I went in to the dressing room tried it on came out and told him it didn't fit he said but it will fit Rena, for a minute I went from mad to annoyed to oh well and bought it for him and yes it fit her very well.


is it okay to be jealous of her?

Once again never a problem to have an honest emotion, think about it, this is someone that is taking his attention from you, sure you will be a little jealous of her, have you ever been a little jealous of his mom? or his hobby? In the end who does he really love? as long as he comes home to your arms thats what counts.

I want to meet her so bad but I am very afraid,
I was scared too mainly what if I some how hurt her feelings? what if I scared her? He has trusted you with his deepest secret, he did this out of love, meet her with love and it will be alright.

should I be and if not how should I ask to be intruduced to her?

Remember he is probably just as nervous as you are. Do it at a time when you are both in a good mood, comfortable and have some time alone. I asked Rena to come over for a cup tea