When did you tell your S/O that you were a CD?

[Talon DeRojo]

I'm curious as to when each of us shared with our wife or girlfriend that we crossdressed. I married late (42), in part because of fears of having to hide or of being rejected due to CDing. By the time I met my wife-to-be, I had decided to share that info early on so that time was not needlessly wasted. Something about her must have made me feel that I would not be rejected since I told her on our first date. While she didn't jump for joy, she accepted me CDing and all. I treasure her and being open certainly paid off for me. I read with sadness about those of us who have been unable to be open with those we love and struggle with what to do.
Talon

[Cherry Lynn]

We had been married 23 years when I told mine. We have a pretty liberal lifestyle and she is pretty accepting of it but is a little uncomfortable about me going out in public dressed. We have attended several parties at some friends house with me dressed and took a 3 hour drive to a friends house with me en femme. She was a bundle of nerves on that trip.

[Billijo49504]

My first wife knew I liked silky panties before she died. Then my second wife, hired as a baby sitter, wondered who's panties those were in the wash? I told her they were mine and that I liked womens clothes. She didn't have a problem with that, so... BJ

[Cherry Lynn]

My first wife knew I liked silky panties before she died. Then my second wife, hired as a baby sitter, wondered who's panties those were in the wash? I told her they were mine and that I liked womens clothes. She didn't have a problem with that, so... BJ

There is a story that touches the heart. Way to go BJ.

[TeriAnn]

I told my wife of six years that I crossdressed after the shock wore off she told me was fine. She helps me buy clothes and now helps me pick out heels I might like. I told her after reading my horoscope It told me now was I a good time to tell a loved one a big secret, so I did. Every thing is doing fine between us. I love my wife and always will.0.02

[Francine]

I told my wife, after she found a box with 'fem things' in it, and was wondering about it. That was 26 years ago...and we've been married for 31 years.

Francine

[Stacy_CD]

I've been going out with my girlfriend for close to a year now.

I've been dreading telling her since about 3 months. It's lead to some tossing and turning at night. Sometimes I just feel like blurting it out.

But, I'll definitely tell her before / if we ever get married. Probably even before.

[Caitlintgsd]

My spouse has known about my dressing since prior to our wedding (17 years) but I never told her about the transgendered part of it until about 2 years ago.

[Caz]

I told my wife, Jackie, that I liked to crossdress, four hours after we met.

Four hours and five minutes after we met, I was wearing her Burgundy coloured
satin panties and matching bra :happy:

We were married 5 months later !

Luv from

Caz xx

[Joy Carter]

Talon you did the right thing we are so proud of you. Wish things could be changed in hine sight but it was the seventies and this CD thing was not heard of in my town. I thought I could forget about it I had not CD ed for over seven years but stress and other factors made it come back and the rest is history.

[angie_pacd]

I dressed in my sisters things while I lived at home, I married my beautiful wife right after high school graduation and thought that MARRIAGE WOULD HELP ME NOT TO DRESS "WRONG"!!! Well after we were married for about 5 years I got up enough nerve to tell her that I wore panties, wow she was ok with it, over the next year or so I made it like an experiment to try different things. She didnt know that I already enjoyed being fully dressed.
Its now 35 years later and I still dress, almost every day at home, I have a nice wardrobe and she is still ok with it. I really love her. Angie

[TGMarla]

I told mine last November. I have been married for nearly 13 years. I was caught dressed up by her late son, who told her and everyone else he knew, found with pantyhose by her on two occasions, and busted having been in her things on a few occasions. It's a textbook example of how not to go about things. I regret not telling her from the get go. She might have left me right then, but I'm not happy about the hurt and pain I caused her. I caused a lot of damage to our relationship by hiding this from her. To this day, it is something she wants nothing to do with, and I am still, for all practical purposes, deeply closeted. I make do with what time I have to myself, and am unable to effectively go out anywhere, or share this with anyone except on this forum.

[Harriet]

I did not actually tell her until many years after we were married. She was upset but reluctantly accepted it. However, after we were married about four months, I put on one of her nighties. She wasn't very happy, so I "went back into the closet."

[DonnaT]

A few months after we were married 30+ yrs ago. She didn't like the way my hairy legs felt at night, and shaved them. That led to donning panties and hose, and then finally telling her. Of course, now that she knows, she won't let me shave the legs.

[Maureen Henley]

A month after we met in 1983, I told my wife that I "had been" (Yeah, right!) a crossdresser, but had stopped (LOL). I started again about 5 years later, dressing in secret when she was away, or when I was home "sick" from work. After 9 years of this, I suffered a mini-breakdown from stress and overwork. At that point, I figured I was at rock-bottom and had nothing to lose by telling her. Her reaction was primarly anger that I had put myself through the stress of hiding all those years. She has been accepting since that day 8 years ago.

[Talon DeRojo]

Danielle, Billijo, TeriAnn, and Francine: Thanks for sharing your stories. I will respond to you individually later.
Talon

[Yes I am]

I told mine at a karaoke bar on our third or fourth date, she had asked me why I shaved my body and I told her it was because I like to crossdress, she's cool with it, especially after I answered a few of her questions about it. She likes body hair on boys though, so I let it grow back out on my chest but I still shave my legs and armpits. So far we've had a lot of fun with it, a lot of fun.

[randi_789]

Thirty five years of marriage and she doesn't know. I will not tell her now because I know her ideas about sex don't include anything out of the ordinary, and through peripheral conversations with her have an inkling of how she would fee. So, no reason to put this burden on her and ruin all these years together and all those to come. I know many will say I am living a lie, but why should I transfer the feelings I have to her, making me feel better about myself and bringing her down. I can deal with it and will.

[Josi]

I was married twice (omg - that sounds awful) before I met My SO and didn’t tell either of my previous
I “hid” it..
Denied it to myself
Went for “treatment”
Went for “healing”
Purged regular and often.
Grew a beard

LOTS of frustration

I vowed to be “open” from the beginning of any possible new relationship and risk not having one, so on 2 dating sites I showed my “Josi” picture and explained I am a hetro cross dresser looking for friendship, hoping for more!
That meant that anyone who “connected” with me knew from the start who I am.

I was so blessed that Annie was brave to say Hi … chat to me .. ask me questions ..and then meet me. I am still in awe at her strength and kindness.

I fell for her .. a beautiful spirit, a kind heart and oozing femininity.

I never had to say “oh by the way there is something you should know … “

We are still on a voyage of discovery … and for me it’s a wonderful journey.

[Andrea]

I told my ex SO when we were talk one evening in a local park.

She was saying what a rotten life she had with certain aspects of it and how I had things so much better. I then told her that she wasnt the only one with emotional baggage. This led to the obvious 'what emotional baggage' and me bursting into rears and telling her straight out.

She thought I was joking at first but did accept it. She was never entirely happy with it though and would often try to make a joke of it, such as holding a dress up in a shop and saying it suited me. :sad: She was responsible for my femme name though.

Think in the end it was partly responsible for us breaking up. Have had girlfriends and a fiance since who I made sure I never told.

Andrea

[ginafaye]

5 years into our relationship .......i teased you always get to wear the sexy stuff.........that was my awaking.......5 more years of dating .......married 5 now its all been great

[michellecd9999]

My wife and I have been married over 26 years. When we were first married, I used to wear her panties as part of foreplay. Told her I liked the feel. She seemed ok with it at first. Then one day I put on her panty hose and hoped in bed. She did NOT like that and let me know it and told me to take them off. Several months later, I put on one of her nightgowns and got into bed (to make love). Again she told me that she did not like it and to take it off. I now know that to introduce it to her that way was the WRONG way. However, I knew and still know she would not like crossdressing, even tough she would not leave me, it would be something that she would not like me doing and would not be supportive of it. I have decided to dress when I can when she is not here (or I can get out for a makeover). IF I am ever in a situation where I have to tell her, I will, but not for now.
Michelle

[Krystenw]

I told my Wife about my "problem" while we were dating. She didn't care for it much at first but then she started helping me with my nails and started picking out clothes for me. That was more then 32 years ago. I have been to several therapist, every one of them have helped me to understand that I am the way I am and will likely never change. My wife still tells me that I am her best friend no matter what I am wearing.
Krysten

[phobsessed]

After 3 yrs. of living together and 8 yrs. of marriage(we are going to be married for 10 yrs. in august) I decided it was time to come clean.
I took her to a motel with a waterbed,jacuzzi,private patio and fireplace(her favorites)about 25 min. from our home for our 8th anniversary telling her I had something I think is good and no it's nothing bad.
She kept asking what I was going to tell her and when we got checked in on fri. around 4:30pm I took a shower and told her to put her phose(she indulges me almost every time we have sex)on and a sexy dressing gown and very high heels and wait for me on the patio.(we were there until sun. morning)I came out with nothing on but my bday suit and sat facing her and just spilled it all to her.Questions galore e.g.When did you start(11 yrs.old)why didn' you tell me sooner(because I thought you would think I was gay(am not)or perverted)etc. etc.Although I did not wear anything but a hardon and a smile all weekend it turned out better than I ever thought.It was about 4 mos. later in the middle of a furious sex session that she said go put some phose on and let's explore this a little bit.I am only allowed to wear phose on occasion with her(she thinks the heels and dresses or skirts will be too much for her to handle).I told her I will always ask and that if she doesn't feel comfortable that night she can say not tonite,but, for the most part she says yes and realizes that I do act alot more appreciative when wearing.

[Miss Vicki]

I first told my wife that I crossdressed right after we were married. This was 30 years ago. At that time she said she understood, but she did not catch me untill a year later in pantyhose and then she blew her top. She then found a stash of mine 3 years later and considered me to be weird. I told her I would stop. But we all know about that.
About a month ago, she was at work and I brought my clothing up from the basement. Had a wonderful day dressed. Took the bag back to it's hiding place and thought I had everything inside. I did not turn around and look back. She discovered my Pals breast enhancers on the bed. She put them neatly at the foot of the bed. When I saw and I knew that she saw them, my heart almost stopped. She has not said a word about it. I think she will one day and I hope that we can go from there.

[racquel]

I told my s.o. very early in the relationship so as to minimize the hurt if she rejected me.She didn't.Our twenty second anniversery is in two weeks.:happy:

[tamyracd]

I told my wife of 23 yrs...before we got married but didn't remember it...did i mention i used to party hard...then i waited about two years after we married and finally worked up the courage taking her out to a nice dinner dancing on the premise i had something to say finally with my voice cracking i told her..she just looks at me and says you've already told me that...duh..i thought...then i'm thinking she still married me...so that's good but she still doens't like to see me dressed or talk about it..i do wear panties most of the time.. so it's kinda a mum's the word kinda of thing i hope i get more freedom when my daughter leaves home...but i'll just play that when it's time..

Tamyra

[michelleD]

I told my wife about my pleasure late one night early on in our mariage. We were having a heart to heart about ourselves, her telling me of her high sexual drive - knew it already, had bought her lots of lingerie and toys - and she was wondering if I was able to keep pace (she's 9 years younger) and I told her I would let her know when I was tired - has not happened yet. She acknowledged it at first but did not say she would accept it until a few days later when I served her morning coffee dressed in a tightly strung black satin boned corset, black nylons and a black sheer thong. This immediately got her attention and interest. We do many things together with a renewed interest -shopping for lingerie for both of us - she knows I only wear thongs - checking out the cosmetic counters, and know she helping me to increase the size of my collection of high heels. I began doing exercise workouts such as pilates with my wife, she's a good coach, and she's helped me with my posture and strut while walking in heels. I'm one lucky CD.;)

[Nastasha]

I told mine when we were dating. We've known each other forever, so her first question was if I had done it in school, and she was shocked when I told her yes. It led to an interesting night of conversation, and she was fine with it. She has even been known to buy me things for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. It's fun, but you have to be sure you and she are ready for it.

[lowenna_k]

I told my wife 16yrs into our relationship (3 yrs ago!). I was at work and I got a phone call from her telling me she had just found a bag of lingerie. 'I was cringing with embarassment' and I didn't know what to say, I told her I would explain it when I got home. She was in tears on the phone & still crying when I returned from work. I expected her to walk out of the door that evening when I told her, but when I did, she was so relieved that I wasn't having an affair, she went from tears to laughter.

We have a lot of fun over it (joking at my expense!!), but she still only half accepts the situation & 99% of this is humouring me on a daily basis!

[sctty22htty4u2]

all my wifes not into it had a couple friends that liked it

[Lisa O]

I am slowly progressing from lingerie to outer wear. After about 12 years married (19 now) I told her I liked pantyhose and panties and that I had worn most of hers over the years. She didn't really seem to care and sometime buys for me. I now have loads of my own (more than she does) and even a summer dress hanging next to my business shirts. No comment. Bras just make her laugh. Actually most of what I do makes her laugh!! If and when I go further, I think she will deal with it in the same grounded way she has to date...with alot of discussion when she is ready.

[Talon DeRojo]

I've been overwhelmed by your many interesting and heartfelt responses.

Stacy CD - If you really care for her, tell her. Sooner, not later.
Caitlintgsd - What's the tg part?
Aleria - Best way to go.
Caz - Wow!
Angie pacd - You are one lucky CD!
TG Marla - Thank God for this forum.

Keep 'em coming!
Talon

[Amanduhrob]

I told my ex 2.5 years before the wedding, and about 14 months after we started dating.

My current Fiancée was told the first week we started dating.

[Clare]

I never told my former wife, but If I had, she would have left me immediately. She was a traditional old fashioned type of woman and men dressing in women's clothing is not acceptable!

Oh well, she left me anyway for other reasons, so perhaps I should have told her!

[Veronica E. Scott]

I told my wife of 40 yrs last year,just got tired of hiding.
Should have stayed in the closet at least she knows and the rest of the world will know soon enought, she couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. I have never told a living soul but everyone that knows she has told them.

[Talon DeRojo]

Yes I am: Wonderful!
Michellecd1999 + Randi 789: One does what one must. Bless you both!
Josi: God bless you and Annie!
ginafaye: I'm happy for you!
Krystenw: If you can take the risk, I think that telling early is the way to go.
phobsessed: I agree with how you've handled things.

Keep those posts coming!

Talon:hugs:

[Shelly Preston]

I managed to tell my wife after 8 years of marriage.

she was upset particularly at the fact, that I waited so long to tell her.

We are still together after more than 25 years.

[Dena]

We've been together going on 6 years. I told her 2-3 months after we started
dating. She wrote me this great letter telling me how she felt, and went out
and bought us matching panties, and a skirt and top for me!

We played dress up quite a bit that first year. I don't really dress up much
anymore, but I do sleep in nylon briefs and nightgown. We like to sleep
snuggled up against each other which really makes the gown feel good!

[Connieminiskirts]

Wish I had been able to tell my wife before we got together. But my dear stepdaughter told here first!!! She was tryiong to get us to break it off, not sure why, But Sue did not react as my daughter thot she would, instead of getting "creeped ouyt" she said, "Really"" Cool!! ya got any pictures?" I am told that my daughter was not at all amused.LOL
Mu sweetheart laughs about ti a lot, still likes to bring it up to my daughter, Its become ajoke between them. At least I hope it is....

[Talon DeRojo]

Thank you all for your posts!

Miss Vicki - Keep us posted on any further developments.
racquel - Congratulations!
tamyracd - Hang in there!
michelle D - You are lucky, indeed!
Heather 1970 & lowenna_k - Thank you for sharing your stories.
Lisa O + Amanduhrob + Clare - Thank you all for sharing!

Talon:)

[ShortSkirt]

My g/f wears g strings almost exclusively. When the subject turned to sex in the beginning, and that little bit about her came out, I just asked her what she would think if I wore one? That was two years ago.

[Nameless For Now]

Talon asked me to add this to this thread, so I have, but have cut bits out to keep only the more relevant...





I don't know if I would be classified as a man-in-a-dress or a (very) partial CD, but wearing women's clothes is something I've enjoyed occasionally over a number of years, though much less so recently, for reasons I will go into.



I was wearing my dress in a busy public, mixed club the night I met my present girlfriend, who after 7 happy years together is very much my life partner, and I know my wearing a dress helped the initial attraction (she could see the open-minded aspects, etc). She has bi-tendencies, but has not had any involvement with women, since we have been together, and finds me very sensitive, and has said that she hadn't imagined finding a man who could fulfil her sensitive female needs.

When I am wearing the dress (I would say I wear a dress and some accessories rather than cross dress per se, there is no attempt to be convincing or rarely to wear a full outfit), she does sometimes call me her 'special girl', and does sometime apply a little bit of make up, and some lipstick and we kiss, which is a very warm experience. I did also have a long blue wig, but I don't feel comfortable going 'half way'.


I don't really desire meeting up with CDs, as it's a personal shared little thing with my girlfriend, and something she knew about from our first meeting, never a secret. I don't feel I have to go anywhere to dress. I could walk around the house in my dress anyday and she wouldn't mind. Although CD is not a large part of my life, I know I am lucky to have her and her support. (I did have a girlfriend in the past who was shocked to see me wearing nail polish).

I had one other dress, and I have some worn my girlfriends underwear and shoes around the house, usually in her presence. Apart from going to clubs and house parties, I feel no desire for public Cding or to walk down the road cross-dressed, but do have admiration for those who do, and those who choose to live cross dressed.

I now really only wear womens clothes when we have returned from going to clubs or parties, unwinding in the comfort of our own home, in tender moments, and moments which can be sexual charged.

My old friends know, because they have seen me wearing dresses, it's no secret to new friends or anyone else really. I tend not to associate with narrow-minded people.

I have also tried on my mother's clothes, without her knowledge, my old bedroom at my parents is full of them so it's very easy to do, and she has some many very nice tasteful dresses that I feel suit my built 'in the female'. I am slim and muscular an am happy with my physique, both 'male' and in the dresses I choose and try on.




In addition, my limited CD involvement, (if you would call it that), is a close personal, shared thing within the relationship...

[aprilgirl]

Over the last twenty years I've had a handful of opportunities to tell girlfriends about my crossdressing.Typically it came after dating to the verge of the relationship becoming serious.My motive was pure,I felt that it was something they should know.Crossdressing is a very small,yet significant part of me and I wanted to be accepted by them having all the knowledge....not just part.

I've also learned that women in general hate secrets and the last thing I wanted was them to find out in another fashion.I wanted it to be on my terms in a relaxed,serious manner.The reactions to my divulgence were as mixed as the personalities of each woman.A couple were cool with it,grateful I had trusted them and felt it made us closer and actually assisted me.Two more were...I suppose... were ambivalent about it...not exactly thrilled with the notion but let me do my thing on my own.One was pretty much put off by the thought of it and the relationship shortly ended.In every case I never regretted the decision in telling each one.

[Jenn2716]

Well I met my sweetie in dec of 95, I moved in with her in Jan of 96 and told her of my cding in Feb 96. It was a surprise for her, but she did her best to deal with it. 3 years later we were married and its' been a give and take process througout the last 7 years. But we are so much in love with each other that we are willing to talk anything through and have reached the point where she is very supportive and active in my cding as part of our marriage and life in general.

[Rikkicn]

I told my sweety on our the first time we met. I answered her online ad for a sex buddy and told her in my response.
That was 4 1/2 years ago and we're getting married this fall.
I have her ad and my answer online at our erotic web site. I'll let those of you who want to read them know the URL if you send me a message.

Love,
Rikki

[Talon DeRojo]

Here are some of my reactions to your posts.

ShortSkirt: Cool!
Nameless For Now: Thank you for posting here.
aprilgirl + jenni2716 + Rikkicn: Thank you for sharing your stories.

Talon:)

[KarenNY]

I told my wife about seven months before we got married... she was hanging out at my apartment while I was at work. Little did I know she was going to do some "cleaning" -- we still had separate places until she moved in with me two months before the wedding. Anyway, she found all of my Karen stuff in my closet (including my two wedding dresses) before I got home. When I got home that evening, she was not happy, sitting on the couch and my Karen stuff was out of my closet on my bed. That's when I looked my most apologetic and said it was all my stuff, that I had been a crossdresser for most of my life. To my surprise, she hugged me and was actually relieved -- she said she thought they were some other woman's, and that I had been seeing someone behind her back! No worries there -- I never had eyes for anyone but her! She even let me try on some clothes for her and she seemed okay with it.

For the next couple of years, she seemed okay with my dressing up, going shopping for clothes for both of us (me in male mode, that is) and occasionally being the housewife when she got home from work. I told her some of my history of how accepting my mother was about my crossdressing and showed her some of my pics... although she was a little weirded out by seeing me dressed up in a prom dress and posing with a boy in a tux. I suppose she wondered how far my dressing might go. The big change came when we had children after a couple of years of marriage -- she wanted me to stop dressing. She stopped being so tolerant of my dressing and definitely didn't want the kids to find out. So I put everything back in the closet, or actually in boxes in the attic, and ever since, I have been dressing only when no one's around the house. But having her as my wife is so much more important than a bunch of clothes or achieving a passable look in the mirror. If that means being stuck in the closet for years, that's okay.

Karen :)

[Billie Jean]

About two weeks into the marraige. At first she seemed intrigued by the idea, but as time went on she lost interest in helping me but never condemned me or told anyone to my knowledge.Billie Jean

[mskilmer]

Wow ... what a great question. My wife and I were married about 7 years I think before we started to experiment with my crossdressing. It's a long story really ... but we had this sudden epiphany about being together always and about truly feeling like we trusted one another. We have grown in incredible ways since then ... that was about 4 years ago. I just told her crossdressing was something I was interested in exploring and she thought it sounded very interesting and fun. She's since told me that she enjoys having a femme friend to talk to ... one she feels so close to. It's difficult to summarize it all in a few words.

[Talon DeRojo]

KarenNY - Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences! Having children around makes a big difference. Like yours, my marriage is more important that the CDing. My kids are grown up and living elsewhere. I treasure my wife and her acceptance of my home dressing.

Billie Jean - Thanks for sharing. Appreciate what you have.

mskilmer - Bless you both!

Talon