I wish I was born female

[IWIWAG]

As the name of this thread explains, life (which I enjoy most of the time) did play a cruel trick on me as from a young age I've held a deep rooted emotion that I should have been born as a girl rather than the guy that I am. At about the age of 4ish or 5ish it first dawn on me that I thought I should have been female and I wondered what life as a girl was like. My parents were pretty conservative when it comes to this sort of thing so of course when I was caught wearing my mother's or sister's clothing (in my early teenage years) the proverbial #### hit the fan. I would also like to add though that I am NOT an effeminate person and because I had a slightly older brother to go along with my sister, my brother an I played a lot of sports and I grew up to be a very athletic person. In fact sports has been my one true refuge of this life long emotional struggle of mine (I'm in my early 40s now despite the fact I look and act a lot younger than this).

If I could wake up one day as a person who could pass in this world as a female, I would not hesitate. I would go for it as I said earlier I have been fighting this life long emotional battle that I should have been a girl. But SRS is not an option for me. Testosterone, puberty and my athletic endeavors have give me a very male body and face and dressing up isn't going to change that. I don't think of myself as a crossdresser (even though I do occasionally wear women's clothing) but I'm not quite a transexual either. I'm somewhere in the middle of the two.

I have had relationships in the past (my secret of wishing I was born a female remains a secret to this day) and absolutely adore the good side of women (the part where they don't nag us men) and my life would be so much more easier if I was a normal guy without these emotions. I also haven't given up the hope that maybe one day I will meet the right woman. But I haven't been looking for a relationship now for a few years because genetic females (or normal people in society) just don't understand people like me. From what I understand, women want their men to be men. They want their men to share their emotions but they definitely don't want the whippy "I'm a nice guy" type. Plus now science is starting to tell us that women are better communicators than men because our brains operate differently. Sometimes I do things or think of things like a female would (so maybe I do have a small amount of that female brain), but I'm definitely not the talker women are. I'm not always shy around women, but I'm not a player. How can I possibly be a player when the ultimate goal of a player is to do as many women as they can possible do. I of course have conflicting emotions as while I like sex, I like women, I wish I was the girl and I don't want to be in the wrong relationship and end up ruining two lives. It's bad enough that my life (at times) is ruined.

When I dress up, I dress up because I want to feel like that woman I wish I was. But to me wearing a dress, or a wig, or a bra, etc, etc, etc doesn't automatically make me feel like a woman. I have to do more to transform myself (and hence one of the reasons for starting this thread are finally coming to the surface). This transformation I'm about to tell you about started in my teenage years likely because my male sex organs started to become active. I have been tucking my private parts up under my legs with the help of a woman's bathing suit and some panty hose. My techniques over the years have evolved a little, but for the most part I've been doing this for a long time and it's only then when I've made my transformation (where the male sex organs all of a sudden start emulating a woman's organs), that I feel comfortable wearing women's clothing. In other words you will never catch me wearing a dress when my male organs are just hanging out there. Now tucking things up can be a tad painful at times (I have to make things pretty tight in order to get the effect I desire), but it can also be very sensual at other times and since the head of the penis (pretty much the same nerve ends of a woman's clitoris) is now located in approximately the same location, I have been able to experience certain pleasures as if they were happening to me as a female.

So is this all sick and twisted right? I don't know what normal is, but I assure that whatever it is, I'm not it (I also participate in one of the world's most extreme sports as while I have no desire to die, this sport makes me feel alive and if something bad was to happen to me, then at least this emotional nightmare of wish I was born female would finally be done with and over).

Anyway, what do genetic females thing about males who hold this emotion of thinking that they were born into the wrong sex. It seems most of the male and female people I encounter on a day to day basis hold the feeling that people like me (still behind the closet) are freaks and are gay (I assure you that while I have nothing against homosexuals, I am attracted to women, not men). If I could have SRS and know that I would pass as a woman, I would do it. But I'm 99% certain that I would not pass and life would only be more difficult that it is. Ideally I would wake up one day preferrably as a new born infant girl so that I could go through the whole thing again but this time as the little girl, teenage girl, young woman and ultimately the old woman I would have preferred to be. But we know that that isn't going to happen.

So I don't know where this thread will go, but in closing all I can say is that on the surface I am very very male, I don't act effeminate and I like women a lot and I surely wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I try to dress up with my S/O. When I'm with a woman, I want to do traditonal male and female things. I wouldn't feel comfortable dressing up in front of a S/O. It's just that I have these deep rooted emotions that something tells me that I would have been happier in this world as a female. Oh and I truly believe that there are pros and cons to both sexes, so I'm not naive to think that women have it easy as I know they often don't.

So this is definetely not "normal" behavior. Wishing that you were a female when you're not. Doing things to your sex organs which bring both pleasure and pain (it's usually a case of going through a little pain to experience a lot of pleasure). Pretty twisted? Definitely not normal and it's the type of emotions and/or behavior which will send most potential girlfriends running for the door if I was ever to tell them.

I wouldn't say that I've come out, but at least I've come out to you people. So thanks for the ear. :hugs:

[Julie York]

I'm not allowed to answer you as I am not a GG and this is posted in the GG section.

But sod that.

Given that your post seems sincere and no one was even polite enough to say hello...."Welcome to the forum".

I suggest you post this is either the MtF section or the Transexual Discussion section where you are more likely to get a response from people who have been in a similar situation.

.

[Anita Mae GG]

Welcome,

Julie, not all of us are on all the time to see these threads.

IWIWAG: If you feel trapped in a man's body and wish you were female, we GG's (at least me) feel that you should be who you are. Ultimately you are the one who has to live with it. You should be happy.

Also I agree with Julie, this should be posted in the MtF or TS sections to get better feedback from those who completely understand.

[Sharon]

Anyway, what do genetic females thing about males who hold this emotion of thinking that they were born into the wrong sex.

I think this makes it clear that this thread is in the right section of the forum.

[Tamara Croft]

Anyway, what do genetic females thing about males who hold this emotion of thinking that they were born into the wrong sex. I'm still learning about the TS side of things, but what I have learnt in the last couple of days is pretty heart wrenching. I couldn't possibly imagine what it must be like. My friend says some days, she wants to scream so much it hurts being so trapped. It's not a case of 'thinking' one is trapped inside the wrong sex, TS's 'know' they are trapped. I feel for them, must be awful :(

[kittypw GG]

IWIGAG,
First welcome to the forum. The overall lack of replys are not due to a lack of sympathy for your situation but maybe fear. Fear of what the true answer would be. Fear that our husbands feel the way you do. For a heterosexual woman, although I am not a homophobe, I do struggle with feelings or you might say an internal conflict about my feelings when my husband is dressed up and feminine. We have to ask ourselves about our own sexuality, how can I be with a man who wants to look like a women? The question has been asked many times and maybe at the heart of non acceptance. For me I don't ever want to lose sight of the fact that my husband is a man. I call him Dannielle sometimes when we are together but it is only to please him not because it is natural or pleasing to me. I find that the more he looks like a women the less sexual attraction I have for him. This is something that I have no control over as well. My sexuality is programed into my being. Much like your feelings of wanting to be a women. For me it is much like acting in a play where my husband is the female character. It is a pleasing expirence and sometimes some of the hottest moments sexually that I can remember but you see I never look at him as a women. He is my husband in drag, the clothes, makeup etc are all props in the play. This is how I am able to resolve this internal conflict in my mind and stay married to a cd. Does it really matter if I see him as my husband in drag or a female? It is all fantasy isn't it?
I mean if you are dressed in fem with a gg and you feel like a women and you are treated like one what does it really matter what they are really thinking?

If you were someone seeking friendship I would have no problem befriending you as a male or female. I suppose you would have to meet all of the criteria for friendship that I require of any other person but your dressing would not exclude you from friendship alone.

I hope that I have answered your questions. You were a little vague which is why you might not get a lot of responses also. We are a melting pot of people with different backgrounds and expirences but we have this unique thread in common. We really are here for you when you need it. Sending you :hugs: Kitty

[kathy gg]

Hi and welcome to the forum. You seem to have asked one solid quetsions for us gg's...

"Anyway, what do genetic females thing about males who hold this emotion of thinking that they were born into the wrong sex."

I think that if a person feels that they truly are in the wrong body, who am I to judge how that feels. I won't ever know what that feels like, but I can certainly empathize and this would not make me think less of or badly about a person what so ever.

Although you did not 'ask' about realtionship and such. To be honest you dont' sound like you should be in a relationship. I think you will find many women on this list prefer to have open and communicative conversations and discusions about the dressing side of their partners life. It is not 'easy' for many, but they want to be a part of it either by talking or actively participating. I personally would be hurt and feel left out if I was not part of the dressing part of my husbands life. Unlike you my husband does go out en femme and does dress somewhat feminine at home as well. Most all our friends know about this side of our life and we are very open about this with our child. So far so good. But if he felt this was not something he could share with me , my giving and loving attitude would change.

Anyway, you dont' sound like the kind of person who is ready to be that open and that readily accessible and share their emotions with a partner. Even if a woman is not 'into' this most feel left out of the loop when this is not disclosed.

I posted this because you choose to post this in the gg area. If you had posted this in the transexual area I would not have written. But you asked us ....so there are my thoughts.

I hope you don't take offense to what I have written, just my feelings.









If I could wake up one day as a person who could pass in this world as a female, I would not hesitate. I would go for it as I said earlier I have been fighting this life long emotional battle that I should have been a girl. But SRS is not an option for me. Testosterone, puberty and my athletic endeavors have give me a very male body and face and dressing up isn't going to change that. I don't think of myself as a crossdresser (even though I do occasionally wear women's clothing) but I'm not quite a transexual either. I'm somewhere in the middle of the two.

I have had relationships in the past (my secret of wishing I was born a female remains a secret to this day) and absolutely adore the good side of women (the part where they don't nag us men) and my life would be so much more easier if I was a normal guy without these emotions. I also haven't given up the hope that maybe one day I will meet the right woman. But I haven't been looking for a relationship now for a few years because genetic females (or normal people in society) just don't understand people like me. From what I understand, women want their men to be men. They want their men to share their emotions but they definitely don't want the whippy "I'm a nice guy" type. Plus now science is starting to tell us that women are better communicators than men because our brains operate differently. Sometimes I do things or think of things like a female would (so maybe I do have a small amount of that female brain), but I'm definitely not the talker women are. I'm not always shy around women, but I'm not a player. How can I possibly be a player when the ultimate goal of a player is to do as many women as they can possible do. I of course have conflicting emotions as while I like sex, I like women, I wish I was the girl and I don't want to be in the wrong relationship and end up ruining two lives. It's bad enough that my life (at times) is ruined.

When I dress up, I dress up because I want to feel like that woman I wish I was. But to me wearing a dress, or a wig, or a bra, etc, etc, etc doesn't automatically make me feel like a woman. I have to do more to transform myself (and hence one of the reasons for starting this thread are finally coming to the surface). This transformation I'm about to tell you about started in my teenage years likely because my male sex organs started to become active. .

So is this all sick and twisted right? I don't know what normal is, but I assure that whatever it is, I'm not it (I also participate in one of the world's most extreme sports as while I have no desire to die, this sport makes me feel alive and if something bad was to happen to me, then at least this emotional nightmare of wish I was born female would finally be done with and over).

Anyway, what do genetic females thing about males who hold this emotion of thinking that they were born into the wrong sex. It seems most of the male and female people I encounter on a day to day basis hold the feeling that people like me (still behind the closet) are freaks and are gay (I assure you that while I have nothing against homosexuals, I am attracted to women, not men). If I could have SRS and know that I would pass as a woman, I would do it. But I'm 99% certain that I would not pass and life would only be more difficult that it is. Ideally I would wake up one day preferrably as a new born infant girl so that I could go through the whole thing again but this time as the little girl, teenage girl, young woman and ultimately the old woman I would have preferred to be. But we know that that isn't going to happen.

So I don't know where this thread will go, but in closing all I can say is that on the surface I am very very male, I don't act effeminate and I like women a lot and I surely wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I try to dress up with my S/O. When I'm with a woman, I want to do traditonal male and female things. I wouldn't feel comfortable dressing up in front of a S/O. It's just that I have these deep rooted emotions that something tells me that I would have been happier in this world as a female. Oh and I truly believe that there are pros and cons to both sexes, so I'm not naive to think that women have it easy as I know they often don't.

So this is definetely not "normal" behavior. Wishing that you were a female when you're not. Doing things to your sex organs which bring both pleasure and pain (it's usually a case of going through a little pain to experience a lot of pleasure). Pretty twisted? Definitely not normal and it's the type of emotions and/or behavior which will send most potential girlfriends running for the door if I was ever to tell them.

I wouldn't say that I've come out, but at least I've come out to you people. So thanks for the ear. :hugs:

[Anita Mae GG]

I think this makes it clear that this thread is in the right section of the forum.
I know she asked for our opinion but in dealing with the overall issue she may be better posting in the other forums as well. :D

[IWIWAG]

Hey Folks

Thanks for the replies. I posted in here because I really wanted the genetic female perspective on things and most of what I read was pretty much expected. I do think that it's important for me to point out that right now I don't see SRS is a good option for me. I see society as too judgemental. So I must continue with my internal tormental emotions.

It's not easy seeing a woman I'm attracted to and instead of pursuing them like most men, I sit back and think "now why couldn't that have been me". I will talk to women, but I've often been shy in the bars and other places like that as I look for signs that the girl may be interested in me (which usually doesn't happen). In the past when I've been in a relationship I have put my women's clothing in storage and have lived life as a normal couple would do. But in the past few years I've decided to not pursue "normal" women since not only do I have this secret, but I also participate in a sport most of you would consider as ultra dangerous and most "normal" women aren't interested in a guy who could die tomorrow due to their sport.

We can't choose our sex, we can't choose our parents and we can't choose our nationalities. I am grateful to be given the opportunity of life and while I do some dangerous things recreationally, I have no intentions of voluntarily checking out of this world anytime soon. Most of the time I'm comfortable with who I am, but I just can't shake this internal emotions that "I think I would have been happier as a female". I'm not sure what else I can say right now. I'm obviously not normal and honestly I find normal people to be boring. But life would be so much easier if these internal emotions didn't exist.

Religious people say God made us the way he intended us to be. Hog wash I say. What kind of loving God would play such a cruel trick. There are many other reasons why I'm not religious, but my internal emotions of thinking that I should have been a girl sure doesn't help me believe in the man-made God too many people believe in. But enough of that.

Have a good night. I was hoping to transform tonight, but I was asked to play hockey so I guess I will have to wait for another night. :evil:

[dancinginthedark]

Welcome to the forum,

“What do genetic females thing about males who hold this emotion of thinking that they were born into the wrong sex”

I agree with Kathy, Tamara and Kittypw so I won’t repeat what has been said.

I don’t know many TG folks and since I have a rather limited knowledge my answer wouldn’t be as complete as someone with first hand experience. I do think it must be a living Hell to be trapped in the wrong body. I hate that society as a whole has you feeling you are not “normal” as you phrase it. Also, I think males who have what is judged to be female traits have one up on the several of the males out there. What society deems feminine in most cases I see as simply a wonderful human characteristic[s]. I hate that my spouse does not see this too. So many of the things that make it so easy to love him are things he wishes he did not have within him or do. He says he feels like a woman sometimes because of these feelings he has and how he is. I can't get him to see it as a the good thing I think it is. :( He loves women. And yes he is into some very male sports and hobbies too but he still feels femme inside.