Did you think any less of your SO?

[suanne]

I have a question. When you found out your SO or husband was dressing in womens clothing did you think less of him as a male? I think I need to explain a little better. I believe no, no... I know my wife expects me to be a certain way as a husband. She finds out I dress and that kills her ideas of how her husband should act. Sorry if I am not getting this out exactly the way I feel it. But it's close enough for now. Please no wise cracks. I am at your mercy on this one.

[kittypw GG]

Suanne,
I don't think that I think less of my husband for crossdressing. Most of the time I feel it has added an exciting element to our relationship. The only time I think less of him is when he is being a out right jerk. Kitty

[Anita Mae GG]

Ditto to what kitty said. I actually admire my hubby more now, knowing that he has been living in a closet of fear for all these years breaks my heart. I admire his courage tobe who he is and work out all of his emotions

[cambow GG]

No I didn't and don't. I only found out a week ago after being married for almost 12 years. I feel very strongly about his happiness and what pain this has caused him most of his life. He is still the same person to me but with a little extra I didn't know about. I don't know what is going to happen for us down the road. He still has some major changes to get through and so do I. I wish there were some easy answers because I don't know any now. Much of it depends on him and how or if he can accept himself and me knowing about it after all these years.

[BrendaB GG]

My husband has more courage than all the macho men I know. The things that he has done and faced over the years and even more so since he has come out, I can't think of many other men that could do it.
No i don't think less of him, I wouldn't trade for a single one of any of my friend's SO's. They can keep their beer guzzling, grouchy, football watching, hairy beasts all to themselves.
Brenda

[Sage GG]

I absolutly do not think he is any less of a man, he is still my lover, the father of my children, and when he is in fem and the cats are "playing" with a mouse I go get Rena and she trots out in her crushed brown velvet 4inch heeled boots and "saves" the mouse.


OK she flushes the body down the pot.

[Sandra]

No I didn't thing less of my husband, when I found out and I still don't now. I admire her for being who she is .

[~Kitty GG~]

No, I didn't think less of my husband. BUT I was worried very much for me. I didn't know how i would fit in anymore. I was worried that my husband wanted to be THE girl and so didn't need/want me. I was worried that I wasn't measuring up to my husband's idea of femininity.
I also was very sad for the guilt and shame that my husband had been stuggling with and I hurt very much for her.
I was hurt as well by all the lies and that my husband didn't trust me enough to share her real self with me. That she would think I was too much of a doorknob to understand. How could she?!?! Didn't she know how much i love her? Didn't she see the real me?

For me its simple. you either love the whole person or you don't. And so since ~Dee~ has finally shown me her real self, our relationship has grown SO much. We can now truly share ourselves. We aren't both feeling insecure because deep down we sense that something isn't quite right. We aren't hiding anymore. And its wonderful.

[suanne]

Thanks Kitty, Great reply from your heart. Thanks to all of you. Your replies really makes good sense. I am looking at every angle before I do anything. I don't want to make any more mistakes with the relationship with my wife. We have been married for over 40 years and we both know each other pretty well. As I have stated before my cding is the one thing I have kept from her because of the mess I made years ago when she caught me dressed. I don't want to go through that EVER again. I can't change who I am and I don't feel that I can share this with her at the present. What to do. I feel that I am further along with my feelings then I ever have been. I do appreciate all of your comments and help. Please if you are a GG and can add to the other ladies comments please do so. If you can understand this....it feels like I am at a crossroad in my life and the road to the right and left are blocked and there is only straight ahead. Make sense?

Thanks, Suanne

[Shelley GG]

Hi

I dont think any less of my husband just because he has a chosen 'lifestyle'.

We have been together for many many years and although in the early days it was a little daunting and confusing, over the years our relationship has developed and is even enhanced by his CDing.

If someone asked me if I could press a button and be married to a so called normal man.

Without hesitation I would say forget it. I love him just the way he his.

shelley

[dancinginthedark]

Hi Susanne,
I don’t think you are asking about NOW so much as the time frame when all of this was very new for us. Do I have that right? After all not much help to you if you only know that some of us do come to accept and embrace the CD-ing when you are worried sick about those early days. If I have that wrong then save yourself some time and ignore the rest of this since it covers when I first found out. Alright?

Okay I will bite the bullet and be totally honest. You want my help, you got it. Yeah I did think less of him initially. I was angry for the lies and the fears I had. I was confused and scared. I doubted his sexual origination and wondered just what this all meant. I wondered and worried if he was telling me he was CD to ease me into the knowledge he wanted to be a woman completely [SRS] or living his life as a woman 24/7 or maybe to tell me he wanted to be with a man to experience the ultimate in being a woman. What better accessory for a “girl” than a man to complete the look and the experience. Now this phase did not last long. Less than a month. But I can not say now exactly how long I had these nasty thoughts. Thank goodness for us both it was not months or worse years and years. But it did happen. I believe if my DH had been prepared to answer my questions and had some information ready for me it would not have lasted even that long. As it was I had to search out my own answers and it was here that I fully accepted my husband’s CD-ing. It was posting here and the “ladies” here who helped me over that hurdle. The GG’s here help me with all the stuff I am still learning about CD-ing and living with and loving a CD-er. I have my off days. But that is just me and that is life. Full of ups and downs.
Seeing that my husband is and will always be “my husband” helped ease my mind. Knowing I still got to be the girl too helped. I can share that lime light, but I honestly did not want to give it up. Knowing my husband did enjoy seeing me dressed and it was not just about seeing him dressed and endlessly complimenting “her” made a big difference too. We shop together and sometimes it is just for “her” and sometimes it is just for “me”. This helps too. I don’t have to wonder who we are shopping for or doubt his sincerity now. Before it often did turn into a day of shopping for “her” which is hardly conducive to making me feel very accepting or secure enough to accept the CD-ing completely. His actions matched his words and it eased my mind and made this easier for me to accept. Sound like I was an insecure mess? I was.
Now I had no problem in seeing how hard it was for him to tell me in the first place and how lonely it had to have been for him there in that closet all alone, but knowing that did not stop my mind from spinning out of control for a while. So I would expect your wife to go through some initial doubts and fears and lots of questions. I don’t think it will take her overly long to settle these issues in her mind since you are doing all you can to make this transition as smooth and easy as you can. But are you willing to give her longer than you originally thought she would need, if she needs it, so this can be a part of both your life’s? How your wife reacts and how soon she accepts this is as individual as she is. Don’t expect her to react like one of us, she will react like herself. We can only offer our experiences and our own opinions.
It has been two and a half months or so since I found out about the CD and I think I have moved along fairly quickly but not instantly. You know someone for that many years and find out they kept some really big parts of themselves hidden, well it takes some mental adjustments. I think what you are doing, seeking our some help and advice speaks volumes about your compassion, your character, and your love for your wife. ~ BTW, in case I did not make it clear already, I no longer have all those questions about sexuality and I no longer think less of my husband. Like I said the nastiness didn’t last overly long but it did happen.

[mellisa's wife]

For my husband ( my fiancee at the time) to tell me about his cd'ing - made me do alot of thinking. For him to share something that was so private to him... made me feel closer to him.... definitely did not think less of him. I loved him and still love him for the man that is "under the dress" or under the manly clothes. It's still the same person. I hope he knows that.

He gets the same unconditional love that my son gets... only for different reasons. I chose my husband --- well really he chose me. We do have our hard times but I hope he knows that I love him more each day. He is what he is and I love him.

0.02

[Tamara Croft]

I don't think any less of him at all, but I'll be honest and say that before I had this forum and friends, I absolutely hated him wearing this damn velvet skirt all the time for bed. I used to just lay there thinking *why can't you just come to bed as a sodding guy for a change*. Doesn't bother me now, infact it's weird if he/she doesn't wear it.

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Suanne,
Same as the other girls really. Infact I admire my partner. For a guy to share something so personal and intimate, yet so on the fringes of acceptance in society, really takes some doing. I love him to bits and feel almost honoured in a funny kind of way that he thought enough of me to share it. Please dont take that the wrong way, I know your situation and I am not saying that you dont think enough of your wife, it must be very difficult for you and I know your reasons for protecting her.
Take care Suanne
Love BEVxxxx

[Kerry Owens]

nope I don't think less of him for his crossdressing, this is different but heck, it isn't something painful. I'm not gonna land in a hospital from his being a CD...now, my ex? Yeah, if not the morgue I definitely faced heqq there.

[suanne]

Hi. I just want to say thanks to you all. I am a typical male. I will drive around forever before I would DARE to ask for directions....well until now. I also come from the old school about men and women relationships (don't ask about the school) but I am changing. I am really starting to appreciate my wife for her wisdom and intelligence. I am asking her more about her feelings and what she thinks and wants out of life. It is not because of my "fem side" as some would put it. It's because of my "human side". I still have a long way to go but I am sure that being loving an considerate to her will only help in the long run and I am not doing this because I have to....I want too. I just have to figure out what to do next. Like I have said before we have been married over 40 years and have known each other since we were around 10 years old. (I didn't like her as a kid) We were 15 and she went past me in school one day and I saw her and just couldn't believe how pretty she had become. Well that did it. I was hot after her from that day on. Oops sorry for getting long winded but I think it might help in understanding my starting question to you all in the beginning of this thread. I am afraid she will hate me and think less of me as a husband and a man. It is encouraging to hear so much positive support for your husbands from you girls. Thanks again.

Suanne

[kathy gg]

Have been hesitating to answer this because some might take it as a pesonal attack on their character. ANd that is not my intention. The basic answer to your quetsion: no, I don't think less of him.

If anything I think so highly that he refused to marry someone without coming clean. He sacrificed a love long before me, because he had no idea what it all meant, but he knew without knowing that answer there was no way in hell he was going to marry that girl. So he spent many years alone and working towards figuring it all out.
I admire the courage it took for him to distance himself from a serious committed relationship till he worked out what this all meant.

I do believe because he spent so many years alone and forsaking love God helped me find him.

Because you know I dig this cd stuff big time and with me he can express himself as much as he needs.

I think I am his reward for never lying and for not making any other womans life confusing and sad and that is why my husband is blessed with my love and encouragement and support.

ANd if it sounds like I am tooting my horn..well heck yeah...I rock!:p :cheeky: