Saw a CD in my local grocery store...

[Monica55cd]

Well i saw another Cd for the first time....she and her SO were ordering a cake in the bakery...It was pretty noticible that she was a CD she didnt seem to be uncomfortable about being there... after i noticed them i started noticing others and there reactions to noticing them...most people didnt give a second look but there was a store employee that made a noticable gawking expression like(oh my god!!)...I had mixed feeling about seeing her... it made me feel more scared about going out in public myself which I have been really close to doing....I felt that it would be nice if I could feel as confident as she semed to be.. and not worry what others think...and i ended up noticing things that might have made her more passable too..like ( shoes that fit..here sandels were too small... maybe some fem padding under her clothes..) maybe I'm just thinking about what I would try to do when I go out...any comments???

[GypsyKaren]

If you're going to go out, you're going to get read, it's a fact of life you have to get used to. There are some out there who are 100% passable, but the vast majority of us aren't, and someone's gonna notice you. So what? I go about my business, I'm polite to everyone I encounter, so if I'm being read I don't care, it doesn't bother me the least. So far I've never had any problems, and I do so enjoy my time out dressed.

Karen

[Phoebe Reece]

Same as what Karen said.

[sparro]

Haha! That's so cool. Just the other day, I think I saw an FtM wandering the streets myself.. It was kind of surreal.

Karen and Pheobe are right. It is likely while out, that someone will notice you.
The important thing, I think, is to not let it phase you. If you look uncomfortable, you'll be more noticable. People are silly animals. If you act cool, people are more likely to pass over you, not notice, or give it less thought. You don't act like it matters, they, for the most part, anyway, won't.

[Denise01]

I do go out femme as often as I can, and If i have been read i have not noticed it. Have had not bad reactions from any of the staff in the stores or customers alike.
I was out to-night to the local sears store, ( about 70 miles from home ) they were having a spring blossom sale, of cosmetics, jewellry and fragrances. There were a lot of ladies and girls there and the whole time i was in the store, never felt one awkward reaction.
Later went into an Addition-elle store, similar to Dress Barn in the US, tried on a couple of skirts and dresses. The sales girl there treated me like she would any other lady, and quicky asked if i would like to try them on when i told her what i was looking for. Again in Wal-mart no reaction other than any other lady would get.
I have found, be confident, act like it is the most normal thing you do to go out shopping femme, and for most part most people will not notice or even care that you are TG.

Denise

[Anita Mae GG]

I think that if you act normal and and comfortable, like you belong and are not out of place (like the woman you saw) I think you are LESS noticed.

Of course running tinto a CD'er that is acting all nervous etc.....draws attention......

I hope you do venture out someday...I'm still trying to get myhubby to feel comfy enough to do that.....soon I hope :D

[Lawren]

[quote=Tammy Marie GG]I think that if you act normal and and comfortable, like you belong and are not out of place (like the woman you saw) I think you are LESS noticed.


I think part of acting normal involves not noticing other people. I am quite introverted, (just not a people person), so I tend to ignore other people unless they address me. I do not look for their reactions to me. The upside of that is that I hardly ever notice people's reaction to me. I know this is a very difficult thing to practice, (it comes natural to me), but it may help to adopt this kind of attitude when out enfemme.
Well, right or wrong, that's my opinion. :cheeky:

[Sharon_Rose]

Remember - no fear! You will do fine. The biggest issue with going out is getting over the nervousness. It causes you to do things you normally wouldn't.

Now, from my picture, you can see that a pretty girl I am not. I had realtors coming to my present apartment at 3 yesterday. I straightened up things and decided that I would have an afternoon drink to kill time. I went to a restaurant where I have been accepted. I took pictures of my friends there and had a couple taken of me. I have been there when it is packed. I have heard whispers but NO ONE has said anything. In fact, yesterday, two guys came in and there was the stare, the snicker, and guess what? The bartender, Kathy, stood up for me. I could only hear snippets of what was being said but I did hear her say that "she is a very nice lady and a good person." Kind of made my day.

[sharifemme]

CDLIB...

As you become more attuned to seeing transgenders in public you will be able to spot more and more of them. Some you will be so sure about will be genetic women who do not pass as your ideal of women. However, there are more of us going out all the time so you will notice us more. This is a good thing because if we want to be accepted, we have to be visable.

If we go out in public, we WILL be spotted for what we are, I don't care how femme we look. Somebody will always be able to tell. Don't worry about it though because odds are pretty slim that anybody really cares as long as you don't impact their lives in a negative manner. If you act like you belong there, are polite, and act like a woman, very few people will bother you. If you get clocked, be prepared to go with the flow. Usually if someone wants to find out if I am transgender, they ask me for the correct time even though they have a watch that works perfectly. I just tell them the time and then go about my business. This happens quite often like it must be the politically correct way to ask about gender. If you have a femme voice, you might pass or you ARE a genetic woman - if a male voice, you are transgender.

I don't try to make people believe I AM a woman. If they DO, that's OK and if they DON'T, that's OK too. Once you get this kind of attitude about going out dressed as a woman, you will find yourself relaxing and more able to enjoy the experience. Most people will respect you as a human being or avoid you. Some will actually enjoy having you around.

Sharifemme



Well i saw another Cd for the first time....she and her SO were ordering a cake in the bakery...It was pretty noticible that she was a CD she didnt seem to be uncomfortable about being there... after i noticed them i started noticing others and there reactions to noticing them...most people didnt give a second look but there was a store employee that made a noticable gawking expression like(oh my god!!)...I had mixed feeling about seeing her... it made me feel more scared about going out in public myself which I have been really close to doing....I felt that it would be nice if I could feel as confident as she semed to be.. and not worry what others think...and i ended up noticing things that might have made her more passable too..like ( shoes that fit..here sandels were too small... maybe some fem padding under her clothes..) maybe I'm just thinking about what I would try to do when I go out...any comments???

[Deidra Cowen]

You are getting lots of great advice...just get out there and give it a chance. It's a huge rush going out in public as a Tgirl. And yes upon close inspection hardly any of us 'pass.' But 99% of the people out there are not paying attention to us anyway. You will be surprised at how few are the times that people react to ya.

Well unless you are running with a pack of Tgirls...then all bets are off. LOL

[MsJanessa]

If you're going to go out, you're going to get read, it's a fact of life you have to get used to. There are some out there who are 100% passable, but the vast majority of us aren't, and someone's gonna notice you. So what? I go about my business, I'm polite to everyone I encounter, so if I'm being read I don't care, it doesn't bother me the least. So far I've never had any problems, and I do so enjoy my time out dressed.

Karen
Ditto---even the prettiest most petitit CDs occasionally get read---just get used to it----999 out of 1000 people won't say anything or have an adverse reaction even if they do read you.

[Josi]

I have been "out" to the theatre, cinema, shopping, retaurant, for a walk, clubs and pubs.
I reckon EVERY time I am seen by some for what I am .. "a geezer in a dress".

HOWEVER .. I must say this, I have been spoken to and served politely and even warmly by shop assistants, cinema ushers, waitresses (and gay waiters!) .. in fact many women who have a "professional" encounter with me rather than just pass by .. are awsomely kind. Some men "pretend" not to notice - but on one occasion the restauaranteur couldnt serve me and ordered one of his female staff to see to me. I giggled for ages at his discomfort - but behaved with dignity!!!

Have to say, I ALWAYS go out accompanied when I do go out.

Apart from those who need to engage with me, the rest of the world seem to pass by getting on with their lives - not paying any heed to me at all (I like that!).

Being "out in the world" is just so "right".

RULES FOR ME:

Be brave
be sensible
dress appropriately for the occasion
BE ACCOMPANIED
Go to the loo twice before going out ;) and check your skirt isnt caught in your knickers ...

Kind regards

[kathy gg]

To add further comment to what some people think of "geting read"...I think as "men" guys are not used to eyes focusing on them. Where as people always notice women more, then add more eyes to that if you are dressed nicely or appear a bit attractive. Men are not used to be looked at and scutinized nearly as much as females are. So with all that extra attention it is easy to think "oh I am getting clocked" and get even more nervous.

Have to get over that new feeling of people looking your direction. And trust me, even non-make up, non-high heel, hair in a ponytail gg's get attention. It does not matter how dressed down you are, people always look at women more than males.

[JoAnnDallas]

Always remember the "Duck Syndrome". If your dressed as a woman, you walk like a woman, you look like women(makeup, wig), then chances are that 95% of the people you meet will think you are a woman and treat you as one. 4% will notice your a man, but will still treat you as a woman. It's the last 1% that will give you trouble.

[Caitlintgsd]

I'm sure I get read a lot. I'm 6'2" tall. I don't really care though. It's seldom that I hear any negative comments. But I believe that one's attitude and self assurance really does reflect to some degree. If you don't believe in yourself, other people probably won't either.

[Julie York]

Always remember the "Duck Syndrome".


LOL

"O.K. Come on Julie you can do this.......Deep breath.....walk right into that store, head held high, and remember what JoannDallas said......I'm a duck...I'm a duck...I'm a duck."

:D

[Josi]

Are you Quackers or something ;)

[CaptLex]

I saw a woman on the subway a few days ago that I'm sure is MtF. When I saw her I did an "is she, or isn't she?" double-take. A few minutes later I glanced in her direction again and she gave me a double-take. I gave her a smile and she nodded and smiled back. It's cool to "spot" each other, but I still think we need a secret signal or handshake. :D

[Julie York]

Kathy gg has a good point. There was some thing on Oprah (not that I would ever watch it you understand) and women dressed as men to see what it is like and how they were treated. Their main point of utter amazement was that hardly anyone ever made eye contact with them...and in fact women actively avoided eye contact. Yet as women they were being looked at and exchanging looks all the time....with women...but not with men!.

[Sherrie]

There are a few times I know I have been read when out, and am sure there are several other times I didnt know about. So far I have had no adverse comments, but have heard the comments of some teanagers about "that's a guy" type stuff. Although that has only happened a couple of times.
If you dont act like you are doing something wrong, no one will hardly notice you. My only problem with being out is if I have to talk to someone. My wife beeps me on my nextel at the worst times when I am out sometimes, but I answer and dont let it bother me anymore. My advise is go out have fun and enjoy yourself. It is very exhilerating. I just love it when an associate asks, "May I help you miss" or when I am with my gg friend, "come back soon ladies". Oh that feels sooooooooooo good.

[Kristen Kelly]

Always remember the "Duck Syndrome". If your dressed as a woman, you walk like a woman, you look like women(makeup, wig), then chances are that 95% of the people you meet will think you are a woman and treat you as one. 4% will notice your a man, but will still treat you as a woman. It's the last 1% that will give you trouble.

On a reasent trip to Atlantic City I was playing a slot machine enfem when the guy next to me "started to check me out". After afew minutes he said, "Hello are you a guy"? To which I answered, "Why yes and thank you that you had to ask!",as I gave him a big smile and we just went on playing our machines. Im waiting for the day I hat a jackpot and have to show ID for tax reasons Im expecting to hear thats not you.

[Dianne_mn]

To add further comment to what some people think of "geting read"...I think as "men" guys are not used to eyes focusing on them. Where as people always notice women more, then add more eyes to that if you are dressed nicely or appear a bit attractive. Men are not used to be looked at and scutinized nearly as much as females are. So with all that extra attention it is easy to think "oh I am getting clocked" and get even more nervous.

Have to get over that new feeling of people looking your direction. And trust me, even non-make up, non-high heel, hair in a ponytail gg's get attention. It does not matter how dressed down you are, people always look at women more than males.

Kathy, this is so true (at least in my experience). When I first started venturing out into the real world, I was totally unprepared for all of the glances directed at me. It never occured to me that men would check me out from head to toe. And I was also surprised by how much women seem to scrutinize one another. It made me feel like I was on stage. :eek:

I'd also also say that people tend to smile at me more when I'm out en femme. Why are so many people so happy to see me? Is the world full of tranny lovers?

I also seem to get far better service when I venture into a store. And they seem to try harder to sell me more stuff. Who'd a thunk?

I guess I never realized how much gender (or perceived gender) can effect ordinary, everyday social interactions. And this seems to be the case even in situations where the other person clearly knows I'm not a gg. They've got to assign a social role to me in order to interact with me. It certainly is food for thought.

~Dianne~

[tvgirl4fun]

Can't really add anything new that hasn't been said here already. Just go out, be yourself and have fun. I even go to my PO quite regularly.

And Tammy, if you two girls would like to make a trip to the casino sometime let me know. Or I come to MA now and then to candlepin bowl among other things.

And Kristen, if someone asked me the question you were asked, I think I would have responded with, "Why, are you flirting with me?"

Jaie

[CDVeronica2]

Sunday I saw 3 women that sure looked like crossdrssers to me. They were in the parking lot of a restaurant. If they were not CD's then they were quite masculine looking women.

It made me think that maybe I could go out in public someday.

Veronica

[Rachel Morley]

Men are not used to be looked at and scutinized nearly as much as females are. So with all that extra attention it is easy to think "oh I am getting clocked" and get even more nervous.
This is me :) I'm a tiny bit nervous when I go out but become more so when I think I've been clocked. Next time I'll remember your words Kathy and tell myself it's all in my head.....I'm not a GG so I'm just not used to being looked at :)

[Danielle]

My straight friend and I went to target and we were by the detergents aisle when I had her in front of me a CD:shocked: and I looked at her and she looked at me and I knew she was having a good time,all along the little shopping we did with my friend he kept asking me if I had seen a ghost but actually I was excited to see it for my first time:cheer:

[Monica55cd]

Sorry I haven't been on line for several days....thank you all for your comments...it's so encouraging to hear so many good reasons to enjoy going out and how to look at it myself....and to feel good about myself while I'm out....actually since i first posted this..I dressed after work on the drive home and stopped at a wig store i had been to a while ago in drab...it was close to closing time and the owner was the only one there i ventured out of the car and walked in with my purse( first time for that!)she was so kind a helpful ..had me try on a few styles and told me how much she liked my pretty toenails..(pink)...I have notice others say this here...going out is addictive... or is it just the feeling of venturing just a little further than the time before that keeps you wanting to go further....thanks again for all the wonderful comments ... I feel quite lucky to have this group of ladies for support....

[Kate Simmons]

I go out in femme a lot. Usually wave at the neighbors when I'm leaving. Most people have enough of their own problems to really notice and don't have "gaydar" or in this case "CDar" to pick us out. You do get the occassional moron who tries to make a scene but I usually just smile, swing my hips a little and go on about my business. They usually get uncomfortable at that point and shut up (I like watching these guys squirm!). Women are usually more tolerant if they "make" you and just smile or say hello. I get a sense of accomplishment when I have one of those experiences. Kind of makes my day. Take care, Ericka

[Nlenro-nu2]

You're one of the lucky ones. Whenever I go out dressed up as female people notice no matter how well I dress up. But I don't have a partner to go out with so I go out on my own. Walk about by myself. I do notice that where ever I go that if I see a female she is with someone. Is it my being alone that cause me to be noticed? I just haven't found someone that I can trust to be with and not blab all over town about me and my crossdressing. It does somewhat bother me when some jerk says: He ain't a woman", however I don't let it get me down like I use to. I'm Nlenro-nu2

[Laura C]

I just went out yesterday, went to target the post office and other stores. I found that you girls are right on if you act natural know one seems to care . The only uncomfortable time was when I went into Mcdonalds the young counter person read me and seemed to tell everyone behind the counter. I tried to act like every one else and got thru it. I think it would be easier if you had someone with you to.

[Denise01]

I have been out fully femme a couple of times this week. On Tues night went to sears, a dress store, wal-mart and to Dennys for supper. No one appeared to even take a second look at me, and if i were read not one person showed any incling they did.
Wed Night again went to Wal-mart, sears and for dinner,in a different town and again with no reactions at all from the store personnel or other customers.
The big thing i find, is act like it is the most normal thing you do, have confidence and most important dress for the occasion, If going to a place like Wal-mart or sears, do not over dress. This time of the year a nice denim skirt, slacks or skirt suit is fine, but do not dress as you are going to a party, as you do not want people staring at you.
Most important be yourself and everything will be fine.

Denise

[Womanatheart1]

Monica,
Great advice by all.
Like Karen: Everyone will be read. Us Cders have bigger bones, noses, chins, cheeks, legs, hibs hands, arms. We just dont have identical equipment as gg's.
Like Tamm: Confidence is 50+% of passing. Looking down, shoulders slouched, purse not on shoulder, no bounce in the walk, swag in the step, avoiding eye contact are all given aways in my experience. (I am guilty of all)
Like Deidra: Most won't notice. It is that small 10% will notice and that 1% that will make it obvious. I will take those odds.
Like Kathy: Great point that men are not used to being noticed from head to toe by every swining d--- we pass. It is odd being on the other side of the gender fence!
Monica - do go out. I have been read 100's of times but has it stopped me? That one great time out, feeling like a woman, and a chance to be a woman -even for a short time - is worth it to me.
Love, Stephanie

[Maria-Christina]

When I'm out there I am not a geezer in a skirt. I am a woman!

I walk tall and confident and don't sneak around corners looking guilty and obvious. I give off an air of confidence that any other woman would have. If on the very rare occasion a youth calls out some obscenity I just ignore it as if he were saying it to someone else. Not easy but it pays off.

Maria

[sherri]

It's cool to "spot" each other, but I still think we need a secret signal or handshake. :D
The secret signal idea has been bandied about numerous times, and yes it would be fun, but seriously, why the secrecy? Why not just say hi, chat them up a bit, give them positive reinforcement? As someone who goes out frequently, I can testify that it is always a pleasure to interact with other people on a positive note. I love it when people go out of their way to share a kind word.

[Joy Carter]

A woman who I have been friends with for some time was talking about the time she saw a CD in a 5 & 10 (1970's) she worked a the lunch counter and this cd came in often but always had some sort of male attire on as well as female. One time it would blown full drab and womens shoes then next full blown womans attire and a mans watch. She told me that they knew that if she (cd) dressed totaly female that she would be some how be unable to turn back into a male ??? I didn't question her thoughts on this of how she was so sure about it but she sead she almost lost her lunch becaue the cd was putting lipstick on after she ate. It was her first expierence with a cd so what could you expect. Love her to death !

[Andrea]

I wonder if as CD'ers we tend to notice those who are or could be CD'ers more ?

For example I've seen a very tall girl who was really just dressed in jeans, a top and knee boots in a local town. No she was over 6 feet tall and I think a GG (unless a very good CD'er). The thing was my attention was drawn to her because she Might have been a Cd'er. Others seemed to totally ignore her.

I've see a CD'er at a local supermarket near me who regularly goes in on a Saturday. He wears a 'gothic' sort of look and very short skirts etc. Now from the back he looks very female fut facially not. She's not bothered at all but gets some stares and she certainly raised a few eyebrows from a group of builders in the supermarket coffee shop when she turned round. They had been oggleing her up to that point. I guess though if she's happy, confident and doesnt mind the (sometimes very obvious) stares then good luck to her.

[Mitzi]

The other day I went to Target en femme (crops, blouse, kitten heels) and saw this guy (en drab) looking through femme wear, once holding up a skirt to his waist. Figuring he was a "sister", I said something like, "don't worry about me..." thinking he would respond and chat, but instead he disppeared en haste. Wonder what he thought...

Mitzi

[VanessaC]

Hi everyone this is my first post after several months of watching on and largely enjoying the conversations and information that flows.

I think Kathy GG made an excellent point regarding the fact that women get far more attention / stares etc than men. I too also remember walking the streets as Vanessa and being totally unprepared for the amount of attention and stares from men (and from many women too) whether they had read me or not. When dressed, I became much more aware of the presence of men and this to me was a daunting prospect (not to mention I already felt like I was walking around with two heads with a large spotlight trained on me). As a male I would not come close to getting the same amount of attention. We can’t escape the fact that, for a majority of us, we have lived most of our lives and experiences as males and, when dressed, we still take this maleness with us when out and about. Therefore what may be a somewhat common experience for most women to deal with will, because of our maleness, be magnified 10 fold. I ask my girlfriend how she deals with it and she just shrugs her shoulders and says that you just get used to it and ignore it.

To deal with this you will notice that many GG's aren't furtively looking around to see who's looking at them. Quiet the contrary, many women, it seems to me, have their gaze fixed forward and slightly downwards or just straight ahead and are just getting on with their business. In that way they don't have to deal with the mass of attention that most males (and some females) will send their way. It’s a case of out-of-sight out-of-mind. Thus if women are not aware of people staring at them they can't feel as uncomfortable. I have also studied women driving in cars and found that when stopped at a set of lights women aren't by and large aren’t looking around to see who's looking at them, they either have found something to do (checking makeup, hair, nails, contents of purse etc) or they keep their gaze straight ahead waiting patiently for the lights to change.

Also, on the concept of passing, I have noticed over the years studying/admiring women that for many of us CDer’s (although not all) there is a female doppelganger or female equivalent out there. I have seen many women who I would swear were CDer’s who I realized on closer inspection were GG’s. I have seen women who are 6’2” with broad shoulders and beer bellies that have real hair resembling a bad wig and hands that look like they have just laid 1000 bricks. On the television my girlfriend and I often see women who, when the sound is on mute, could have easily been mistaken as male. Although I don’t go out as much as I’d like knowing or believing that there may be a women out there who closely resembles me gives me more confidence.

Vanessa

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Vanessa, I found your comments on not being sure about if some folks were CD's or really women who look like men. There are men out there as well with soft features and very ligh facial hair who could pass as women with no problem. I found this all very interesting. Me being who I am and given my attitude towards debunking stereotypes, and reading about the problems F T M CD's have brings me to my next project. Now that I'm comfortable being my femme self, I'm gonna try one step beyond that. I'm going to try being Ericka in drag(or drab whatever) and see what kind of reaction I get. Sort of a double cross dresser as it were. Not my guy self but my girl self dressing in guys clothes. I'm comfortable enough at this point to try that. I'm not trying to make fun of anyone or anything. It's just an experiment to see what happens and how I am treated. I've read of some of the reactions F t M CD's get from people when they dress as guys. The challenge I will have is to conceal my masculinity just enough, so that I look like a woman trying to dress like a man. Make sense? I know I'm confused but I'll give it a shot. Who knows, maybe I'll like it. Take care, Ericka